Broken (5)

*Jonathan*

I understood that the only friend I had here might not talk to me ever again. I was a total jerk. I should've never gotten her phone like that, and I should've known something was wrong by the tone of her voice.

"He died." Her voice kept ringing in my ears.

He died, he died, he died: that voice in my head was making me feel like it was my fault.

I couldn't concentrate during the English lesson at all, neither in Biology or History. It was my heart that started aching after I broke hers. Her mood wasn't the same at all, and she was just staring at the book, but she wasn't even looking at it. Her eyes had no light, like she was reexperiencing her ex-s death in her mind. All I wanted to do was to wake her up from this depressional vision she was having in the middle of the day, but I couldn't. After all, it was my fault that she was like that. The least that I could do, was to leave her alone, for as long as she needed to. Even if that time was going to be months or years. On this first day of school, I created and ended an friendship, I broke a heart, and I made a girl cry. And all I wanted to do was to fix everything. Because I made the mess, and I had to clean it myself. I was going to show her that I actually cared.

At night I couldn't sleep. I tried of thinking a plan, but I had nothing in my mind. What could I even tell her to show I was sorry? I couldn't just walk to her and pretend nothing happened. But talking to her about the situation would make the situation even worse.

I must've thought over 1 million scenarios in my head, but none of them seemed to make me a better person in front of her.

I remembered her cute chuckle and dimples and then her eyes full of tears. How could I even do that to her in the very first day of school? What was wrong with me?

Then I remembered her words: "Try hearing some pop, hip hop music, or even rap."

I quickly opened my phone, opened her Instagram and saw some of her music recommendations. The sad playlist was all I needed to hear at the moment. The songs she chose were making me cry, and slowly the new music got my heart. I understood that I couldn't let her down. Because even though it was only a day since I met her, she had a special place in my heart (as a friend) .

I quickly dressed up, even though it was 3am and went for a run outside. Running in the quiet dark nights, always brightened up my mind in the moments I needed the most. All the roads were empty, it was just me and my self-anger in a race. And I had to beat it up.

I ran till 9 o'clock, when school always started. Even after all that running, nothing came into my mind. I had just one simple plan. I'd apologize. And I would accept every answer of hers even if she never forgave me for what I did. I just hoped she could understand.

I waited for Alexis at the school entrance.

As soon as she was there, I stopped her and said.

"Alexis, I'm sorry. I'm really really sorry. Words cannot describe how I feel right now, and I just wanted to say, sorry. Sorry for being such a bad friend, for ruining your first day of school, for taking your phone away and being inappropriate with my jokes. Even if you never forgive me, I want you to know that I'll be there for you if you need me. I want to have another chance of being your friend, even though I don't deserve it."