1. i don't like it

Just last week she was living her best life. Waking up early to walk to school with her friends, laughing because of whatever funny videos that they had saved, gossiping about their peers, trying not to get caught passing notes during math, and even giggling quietly about their crushes. Then she would leave school and the four of them would go get pizza nearby. They would say that they were going to do homework and be the ideal high school student, though, it was all lies as they would sit there and eat two slices of pizza each and laugh loudly about the things that happened during class. Then when it hit five, they would head to their respective homes, finally do homework, have dinner with their families, and then FaceTime until late at night. It was perfect, nothing could ruin it.

Until it did.

"Welcome to our new home!" Her dad steps into the house first, smile big and wide. It's the same smile that he wears when they go on family vacations. You know, the type of family vacation where your dad forces everyone to partake in, the vacation that he plans out himself. It's a genuine smile as he's proud of his decision. Seeing that smile always makes her want to gag, throw up whatever is in her stomach. "Nice right?"

Her mom steps in second, her little brother in her arms as she looks around. There's already furniture inside and a few of their family pictures on the walls, though it's still empty. They're still waiting for the rest of their belongings to get to the island. "You know, I was nervous about seeing the house in person. I thought that it was going to be smaller," she says. "But now that we're here, I'm actually really happy with it!" Not her too...

Her dad is smiling brighter than before, his eyes now on her. "What about you Nova? Do you like it?"

Nova Simmons does not like it. At all. "It's... okay." But Nova Simmons is a good daughter and she can't be honest with her parents.

Honestly, this is the part of the story where she should be a brat. Where she refuses to talk to anyone, lips in a thin line, arms crossed, and refusing to help with anything. And when she does talk, it'll be with her friends as she complains about their new house and how she misses them. That's the type of teenager she should be, a bratty and selfish one. But she's not like that, no matter how much she wants to be. All she can do is give a weak smile and a good enough answer that'll make her family happy.

"Okay? We can take okay!" He pats her shoulder before he points to the stairs. "Why don't you check out your new room? It'll be the first room on your right. Leave your luggage, I'll bring it up for you."

She tightens her grip on the handle. "No, it's fine. I can do it."

"If you say so. We're gonna look around down here some more, okay?"

"I'll check on you when we're done, okay, Vee?"

Nova nods her head. She watches as her parents leave their luggage in the living room and head into the kitchen, her little brother waves bye to her as they disappear. Nova only smiles before she looks at the staircase. Not as many of the ones leading up to their old apartment but still very overwhelming. With a grunt, she pulls her suitcase behind her and carries it up the stairs. She has to stop every two steps just to tighten her grip and make sure she doesn't drop the darn thing. It's so heavy from her clothes and hair products that she starts to regret telling her dad no. It would've taken him a singular minute to carry the suitcase up without falling backwards, it takes Nova about three just to make it half way.

But when she does make it to the top, it feels like she just won a marathon. "Never doing that again," she tells herself, lightly kicking the suitcase in frustration. But not hard enough for it to topple down the stairs, God, she would seriously cry if it fell down!

Turning away from her suitcase and staircase, she looks around at the second floor hallway. It's a lot more spacious compared to their apartment, of course, because this is an actual house. There's five doors, four bedrooms and one bathroom she remembers her dad explaining to her. There's another bathroom but it's connected to the master bedroom aka her parents personal bathroom. Which isn't a big deal, she'll just treat the hallway bathroom as her personal one. It's not like her little brother is going to use it anytime soon.

Nate is only six months old, he's still wearing diapers and requires someone to carry him at all times. He won't be using the bathroom anytime soon, well, he'll use it for the bathtub but thats it! So technically, the bathroom is hers and she can decorate however she wants. And that's honestly a big win for her.

Nova doesn't try to look at the other rooms, she's more focused on her bedroom. Opening the door of the first bedroom on her right, she's met with four boxes, a vanity, a bed, and a large window that let's in so much sunlight that she won't have to rely on her room lights. Pulling her suitcase behind her, she stands just a few steps inside to really get a feel of her new room. It's bigger than her other bedroom, actual sunlight fills the space, and there's enough room for both a nice size bed and vanity. She could have her dream room, ask her parents to buy her a mini bookshelf, seats for guests, and even a desk! It's perfect but... it's not her old room back home. She doesn't have her girls to invite over, she can't have sleepovers with them every Friday, she can't invite them over to just do homework for a few hours while eating junk food. It's everything she's ever wanted but the location isn't right, it's a mess.

Her eyes sting, she wants to cry.

But she doesn't. Nova wipes away signs of pre-tears, not wanting to worry her parents. She's not happy about moving here but she can't bring herself to ruin the mood in the house. Her parents were so excited for this move. Apparently it was always their plan to move out here, her grandmother and uncle on her dad's side live on this island and he did enjoy the island life growing up. He wanted his kids to experience the same thing. Then why did he wait until now to move? Did he really have to move the entire family while I was in high school? Nova thought to herself, lips tight as she places the suitcase on its back and unzips it.

The move was only possible because her father's job allowed him to start working from home with a higher pay, it was a sign from God he said. Nova told her friends that it was probably the Devil disguising himself in order to punish Nova specifically. Why? She doesn't know but she feels like it's true!

She takes out her clothes and shoes one by one. She still doesn't know where she's going to put everything but she'll figure that out when the time comes. Though, that time will come in a few minutes but that's, like, a problem for future Nova. She places all her shirts in one pile, pants in another, dresses in a third for shoes, and finally her old school uniform. A white button down, plaid skirt, and cardigan to match. There'll be no need to wear this ever again but... she can't bring herself to throw it away. Not now, not ever.

Standing up, she goes through the four boxes in her room. She packed her hangers in one of these boxes, she just doesn't remember which one. Maybe I should've labeled these with more than just my name, she thinks. She finally finds the hangers and pulls one out. One at a time, she puts her uniform onto the hanger and puts it inside her closet. While she doesn't know how she'll sort everything, her old uniform will go into her closet.

She goes through the boxes completely. There's more clothes, hangers, framed pictures, and more decorative items. Instead of just adding everything to her piles, she starts hanging clothes up and putting them into her drawers. It's an easy system: all dresses and jackets go into the closet, all shirts, pants, and undergarments into the drawers. She debates for a bit on whether to put her shoes inside her closet or keep them near her bedroom door-- she still hasn't came up with a good look as her mom knocks on the door. The older woman smiles at her, nodding her head as she looks around at the room.

"It's nice! Bigger than your old one," she says. "Do you need any help?"

Nova shakes her head. "No, I got it."

Her mom stares at her before nodding her head. "Okay, well, I'm gonna go unpack Nate's room." She takes a step back, ready to leave before stopping once again. "Oh, we're going to your granny's house for dinner! Sounds good?"

"Sounds perfect."

"Alright! Call me if you need anything." And to give her daughter some privacy, she closes the door softly.

Alone once again, Nova sighs as she reaches for her phone. There's still some time before dinner so she might as well just unpack everything now rather than later. She clicks on her Spotify app and turns on the playlist she made with her friends. Within seconds her new room is filled with songs that her and her friends used to sing and dance to everyday.

Now it's just her singing and dancing.

She works nonstop. All of her clothes are put away, she puts a clean sheet onto her bed, puts down the cover and pillows, and adds her jewelry and little bit of makeup to the top of her vanity. There's still pictures and other decorations to put up, old Christmas lights and origami butterflies she made bored one summer day. Just the little things that are left and yet she has no energy to put them up. Instead, she falls back onto her new bed, breathing in the odorless cover and hugging her pillow close to her body. It's in this moment of quietness and stillness that her emotions hit her. Anger, sadness, fear; it hits her one by one and strangles her all at once.

Does she cry? Scream? Take her emotions out on her pillow? She doesn't know so she does none of them. She just lays there, sinking deeper and deeper into both her bed and her overwhelming emotions. Hopefully she'll fine comfort with one of them.

☆ ☆ ☆

It's been years since she visited her grandmother and uncle. The duo would always fly out to New York to see Nova and her family, rarely was it the other way around. The last time it was the other way around, Nova was too young to even remember coming to the island. The house may be familiar with her but Nova is not familiar with it.

As her parents laugh and talk loudly with the other two adults, she steps out of the dining room and into the living room. It's overflowing with plants, pictures, random nick nacks, and a couch that takes up too much space. It's congested and yet it feels like home, the energy matches her grandmother which brings her comfort in such an unknown place. Nova doesn't stay in the living room for long as she steps outside. The sun is still beating down on her, just being out there for too long grosses her out, she almost runs back inside. But she stays out there, as if to prove to the island, which she already hates, that she won't back down. That she could sit out here all day like anyone else.

That she can withstand the thousands of mosquitoes, how sticky her skin felt, and the annoyance of not having a hair tie to pull up her box braids. She can get through it, this is nothing for her.

"You doing alright?" She looks up, her uncle smiles down at her before sitting down on the porch beside her. "Had to get away from the adults huh? Sorry that we're boring company."

She snorts. "You guys should be, I almost fell asleep while listening to your conversation!" Her uncle laughs loudly, hand raised to gently push her head. The gesture makes Nova smile.

"But seriously, Vee... you doing alright? With the whole moving to the island?"

She looks away as her smile drops. She shrugs. "I'm alright." Nova lies. "It's a huge change and will take time to adjust but... I'll be alright. I am alright, no need to worry."

"I'm always going to worry about you, kid," he says. "And I know you're just saying all that to make me happy, I'm not your parents, you don't have to do that." He sets something down beside her, it sounds like a cup. Nova still doesn't turn her head to see what it is. "If you ever need someone to talk to or to listen to you rant... just find me and I'll be there for you. Alright?"

She's silent at first nor does she budge, but when she does, there's the faintest that's spread across her lips. "Alright, thanks, Uncle Mack."

"Of course kid."

He sits there with her, at first talking about the shop he runs and a bit on the school she'll be going to, until he falls silent. There's nothing but the birds that caw around them and the buzzing of bugs. Soon enough, her uncle stands up and goes back into the house. He asks Nova if she wants to go inside too but she declines the offer. She's grown used to the heat and mosquitoes, also the glass of water he brought her was also helping. When the door closes behind him, Nova sighs deeply. She's alone again and this time because she wants to be. She's not fully ready to be with her family right now, she needs the time to prepare herself for the questions, the island tours, people badgering her about how she feels-- she has to mentally prepare herself for all of it.

But she also just wants to see the island alone like this. Take in the sun, the clear sky, how muggy it is, and how peaceful it all is. She wonders if the island will ever grow on her. It's said that these things take time, though she wonders how much time will be needed. Will it be days, weeks, months, years? Or perhaps never? Will her heart never love this type of seclusion and peace? Will it only race for terrible traffic, greasy pizza, and an unkpet train station? Nova wonders and wants to know.

But she'll have to wait. Wait to see if her heart will skip a beat or if she'll forever long for her old life.

It's a waiting game and she's not looking forward to it.