Chapter 10 - Fortune In The Midst Of Doom

Despite his young age, Pan has already suffered enough loss for a lifetime and learned early on that regretting would only make matters worse.

 As Nanna used to tell him. 'Always has doom in fortune Pan, as well as fortune in the midst of doom.'

 'There really is fortune.' He thought.

 Pan was grinning like a fool, for as he recalled the events of the past battle he realized one crucial detail, he hadn't become sensory, the screams the carnage the battle… Everything. It wasn't him who was feeling it, it was nature!

 When remembering how he smelled blood, it didn't just seem to be his nostrils, it was as if the blood itself was running down all over him, as if he were the grass! The wind came from many places and many ways to be just his body, it was the trees! Now he understood! He wasn't "slowly" because his perceptions increased, he was "slowly" simply because that's how green is.

 Nature grows slowly and slowly, lasts for centuries or maybe millennia, Pan saw the passage of time from a nature point of view that was lethargic and almost static.

 'An arm is starting to pay off.' Thought Pan.

 He couldn't imagine the possibilities that this power could bring, now it wasn't much as he was weak, but when he had enough strength he would be able to analyze everything several times before making a decision, that was simply...

 'Absurd, unreal so powerful.' Pan thought, smiling so much that his jaw hurt. Which in turn only brought terror to the crusader.

 'He's definitely gone mad, oh poor guy.' Thought the crusader.

 "How did it all end yesterday?" Pan asked the crusader when he finally managed to stop smiling.

 "Aham," coughed the crusader trying to get his thoughts in order at Pan's sudden change.

 'Crazy... He went crazy.' He thought.

 "Yesterday… You mean the battle?" Asked Thorin.

 "Yes, how did it end?" Answered Pan anxiously.

 He remembered seeing Ava collapse from exhaustion and he was worried.

 "The battle was three days ago, we won, Master Leopold killed the fallen lord and the band fled," replied the crusader.

Pan already expected this, after all, they were alive, but in this miserable world you never know. Perhaps the crusader in front of him was one of the few survivors who barely managed to get away while carrying him.

 Hearing the good news, Pan stood up, ignoring the Crusader's pleas that he thought it best that he rest until they reached the Order.  He then jumped out of the carriage but nearly fell over in pain as he tried to use his lost arm to balance his weight.

 'Getting used to this is going to suck.' Thought Pan.

 Pan soon gave up walking around the caravan when he noticed that without the white man by his side to relieve his, the phantom pain was unbearable.

 'I need to sort this out.' Pan thought as he returned to the carriage and leaned his back against a sack of rice.

"The Order is very rich, isn't it?" Pan asked the crusader.

 "Yes?" Replied the crusader hesitantly, trying to think about what was going on in the head of the young green in front of him.

 'First he is silent even with a severed arm, then he screams in pain through his arm and then smiles like a sadist and then goes back to acting like he never lost his arm to begin with, what a weird guy.' Thought the crusader.

 "Then why make us walk to the Order?" Asked Pan.

 Pan looked at him and then at the young survivors who couldn't afford to buy horses or carriages, some walked alone further back, some walked in pairs and chatted, Pan expected the mood to be darker considering the losses, after all, from the brief glance he gave, he noticed that at least half of them were now dead.

 But the youth seem to have found some inner glory in the victory, and they felt good about themselves, even though they didn't do anything to help.

 It would be a common sight to see young people walking around without a horse, for a good horse was sometimes worth more than a person.

 But they weren't just ordinary kids and they weren't just walking around, they were chosen and only now did Pan stop to think about the absurdity of walking around.

 'Is being a crusader a shit job? Yes, but it also has a lot of benefits, that and if you survive to reap them.' Thought Pan.

 "I shouldn't tell you this, but considering your situation and the fact that you'll know when we get there anyway, I'll tell you," declared the crusader approaching Pan to speak quietly. "We are all crusaders or in your case apprentices, but it's not that simple, even the Order has castes, normally a master brings a carriage for all the apprentices to go comfortably, but Mr Leopold is different."