Scared

When I got in the house, Billie was getting ready to go out.

"Hey stranger." She greets me as she walks to the living room.

"Hi." I give her a small smile. "It's been long." I sit down on the couch with a huff.

"Yeah." She nods. She was placing her books in her bag.

"Going to class?" I ask her and she nods.

"My classes start at twelve till six."

"Mine's three." I tease her and she glares at me.

"One day, you'd have an extremely busy day and I'd remember today." She stands up.

I laugh. "Yeah yeah." I sighed.

"One of these days I'm going to kill Christian." She walks to her room.

"What did he do wrong again?" I shout from the couch and she walks out.

"I told him to drop off my books yesterday but he didn't." She walks to the kitchen. "He said he was busy last night so he forgot."

He was really busy.

"You called him?"

"He called." She picks up her bag from the couch beside me. "Now I have to stop by his place first because I'd need those books today."

I was starting to get sleepy. "Sorry." I give her a small smile.

"What are you doing after your class?" She asks me.

"I have dinner with a friend, but after that I'm free."

"Michael?" She wriggles her eyebrows.

I roll my eyes. "No. It's Christian."

She frowns. "Christian?"

I nod.

"That sounds weird." She states. "Anyway, after your weird dinner with my douchebag of a brother, come back home. Let's have a girls night today. It's been so long since I've been with my girlfriend." She whines and I laugh.

"Sure." I agree.

"I have so many things to tell you." She sighs. "So don't forget and don't go off with my brother okay? We're both having girls night from eight." She says sternly.

"Yes ma'am." I chuckle and she smiles.

"I have to go now. I'll see you tonight." She says and walks to the door

"Bye."

I sighed when the door closed. Now I have all the time to think.

I got up from the couch and walked to my room. Took my clothes off and got into the shower and stayed there for as long as my thoughts could allow me.

When I got out, I dressed in shorts and a big shirt and got in my bed.

For the next four hours, I'm going to be alone. So, the only thing I could do was either read, or sleep. My brain isn't equipped to read right now, so sleep it is.

I tucked myself in and closed my eyes but not before setting an alarm to wake me up by 2:30.

.....

My class went by in a blur and to make it worse, the class dragged longer than it should have. But by six thirty, we were done.

"Hey you." Micheal sits beside me.

"Hi."

"Wanna grab coffee? I need you to explain some materials to me."

"I'm sorry." I give him a small smile. "I have plans. We can do it tomorrow if you like."

"Oh." His smile dies down. "It's alright. I'm sure I can go around it." He stands.

"You sure?" I ask. "I can totally make plans for you tomorrow."

"It's fine." He insists. "I have to go. But I'll see you later."

"Bye." I wave at him.

Christian was waiting for me by the time I got outside.

"Stranger!" He shouts from his car, waving at me.

I rolled my eyes and walked to his car. "You know, for a person who considers himself popular, should you be embarrassing yourself?" I asked when I got in the car.

He chuckles. "There's nothing I do that's embarrassing darling."

"Of course there isn't." I roll my eyes.

"Believe whatever you want to." He states. "Your class took longer than I thought." Christian changes the subject.

"Yeah." I sighed. "The professor came late so he decided to use extra time." I closed my eyes. I was really tired.

"For a second I thought you had left." He mutters and I opened an eye.

"Aww. Were you scared that I had stood you up?" I teased him.

"Yes." He said so seriously, the smile left my face.

I expected a silly answer, not a truthful one.

He smiles at me. "I'm starving. What do you want to eat?"

"Anything would do." I answered. "But just know I have to be home before eight."

"Curfew?" He chuckles.

"As if. I have plans with Billie."

"If that's the case, consider yourself on time." He starts the car. "Should we eat expensive?" He asks as he drives.

"It's your choice." He glances at me before looking back at the road. "I'm not sure if I should eat heavy though. I'd have a lot to eat later tonight." I turned to him. "Why don't we just go have a burger instead."

He glances at me again. "Burger?"

I nod. "Yeah. That should do."

"Alright."

After eating, I had a cup of iced tea and he drove me home.

"Thanks for the dinner today Christian."

"Sure." He nods and I reach to open the door. "Lesley?" I turned to him.

"Yeah?"

"Are you mad at me?" He asks and my hands fall to my lap.

"What?"

He leans on the steering wheel and stares at me. "Did I do something wrong?" He asks again.

"What makes you think that?"

He shrugs. "Well, you've been a little distant."

"Christian, I'm just tired."

"You sure it isn't because we had sex?" He sat up and I was left speechless.

I won't deny part of it is because we had sex. I have been battling with choices for the past few weeks. Choices I shouldn't even have to make.

"I'm sorry." He apologizes when I don't answer. He scratches the back of his head and sighs. "I keep messing up. I keep messing up and-"

Why was he even apologizing? It isn't his fault we had sex. It wasn't a one man thing. So why was he apologizing?

I wanted to have sex with him and I did. I wanted to kiss him, and I did. Even now, I still do. So why do I keep making him feel like it's his fault? Why?

It's not like I'm a child, but why do I keep acting immature?

Before I knew what I was doing, my hands went around his neck and I pulled him in for a kiss. It didn't last for three seconds but it explained a lot.

"I'm not mad at you." I explained.

Truthfully, I was sad about what he said this morning. About not being after my heart.

"I enjoyed the sex. I had sex with you, and yes I beat myself up after, but I don't regret it." I continued. "You didn't force me to sleep with you so there's no reason to be mad at you."

"But I-"

"Christian." I interrupted him. "Everything's just new to me. I've never slept with my best friend's brother before." I chuckle. "I just need sometime to adjust and to let it sink that each time we have sex, I always leave craving for more."

"I just have to accept the fact that each time I see you, I picture us in bed. Each time you talk, I just want to kiss the hell out of you."

What's happening? Why am I this bold?

"I'm just scared, that's all. That's just it. Scared of what would be the outcome if I should commit to this." I gesture to the both of us. "Because I know there'd be no turning back." I pause.

His face said nothing. I could read what he was thinking and that put me off a little.

"So stop beating yourself up thinking you've done something wrong. I'm just the one who isn't ready to give into her cravings yet." I chuckled.

Before he could say anything, I gave him a quick kiss and opened the door.

"I'll see you later." I give him a small smile and got out of the car.

By the time I got into the elevator, my confidence had vanished and I was stuck with the realization that I just confessed to Christian I wanted him.

Great.

My phone buzzed when I reached the door. I brought it out and it was a message from Christian and I read it. My heart did a little flip, I wouldn't lie. Because it may have gotten just too excited for its own good.

'Just so you know, I'm scared too. You're much more than I wished for and that scares me. It scares because with any little mistake, I could lose you. And losing you feels like losing my will to live.'