#8

MEDDIE'S POV

It is now 12:00 a.m. at night. Stuti and I have just arrived back to Delhi, India. Awaiting our parents to pick us up from the airport. I've removed the engagement ring and the wedding band from my finger. It would be too suspicious and raise several questions. And right now, I cannot deal with them.

It feels good to be back home. The familiar air of my country. The hustle and bustle of people even at twelve at night.

My last night in US wasn't awful but it also wasn't pleasant. After I'd eaten my delicious Mac and Tea, Stu and I were hauled back to Damiano's room. We talked the rest of the day. And when night fell, I was afraid and anxious. I didn't want to do anything sexual with him. This isn't the way I hoped I would marry. I'd thought of finding love and giving my all to my lover. Just like every other fantasy. But this is what I got.

Given that Damiano is the most handsome man I've seen, apart from all the reel life hotness there is in the world, still if the circumstances in which we met were different, it would've been better. I was on a 2 week trip to another country, I didn't really plan on coming back home married.

But for now I wanted to worry about getting into college and nothing more. And after that, I can find the right moment to tell my friends and parents.

It's not really a great conversation starter you know. Going up to my parents and telling them, 'Oh guys I got married in the two week trip. You know what they say, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. The only exception is the staying in Vegas part. Couldn't actually leave my marriage behind.'

"Khushi!! Kaisi hai beta? Aur Stuti kaisi rahi tum logon ki trip?" My mom asked Stuti and I. It was hard faking emotions of happiness and joy. My mind still remembering the events from just a day ago. (Khushi is Meddie's name that her parents call her at home, it means happiness. How are you? And Stuti how was the trip?)

"Sab sahi tha mummy. Abhi main thaki hui hun aur Stuti bhi. Main kal bataungi sab." I gave her a big smile. I don't think she understood that it's fake. My parents always had trouble understanding me and my emotions. I was always a difficult person to read. Even for my parents. Always very sensitive. Especially to little things. They hurt me more than anything. (Everything was good mummy. Right now both Stuti and I are tired. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow.)

In a way, to understand better, you can say that I experienced heartbreak without ever being in a relationship.

Like right now I can see that Stuti's parents, her aunt, her cousin sister all came to welcome her back. But only mom and dad came for me. I always felt hurt when my brother refused to go places for me. Getting him to go to my birthday parties was always a hard job. And I never celebrated big. Just mom, dad and Vasu, my brother. I tried to make myself immune to all this shit. But I'm only human. I could never protect myself from the hurt. Always felt bereft. My brother was the elder child. The eldest child of the whole family. So he was showered with a lot of love from my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, the whole shindig. I was always in a way neglected. Well one reason is because he won many international medals for the country. He was into martial arts from a young age. It grew into a passion for him. And that led him to winning many gold medals, nationally and internationally both. While on the other hand, I have always been useless when it comes to winning medals or awards of any kind. Just your average kid at studies. I understood the reasons very well. But as a saying in my country goes, "dil to bachcha hai ji" roughly translated to "the heart is a kid". And my heart is still pining over these things. I never could get myself to not overthink these small things. One little catalyst and I'm thrown into a whirlwind of emotions. Remembering every little thing that has ever hurt me.

"Khushi kya hua?" Mom asks. (What happened Khushi?)

"Kuch nahi." I give a little smile. (Nothing.)

"Vasu ghar par hai?" (Is Vasu at home?)

"Haan." Mom replies yes. I knew it. He's always there. Always talking to his girlfriend. He has two personalities, figuratively. One reserved just for his girlfriend, his baby. And the other one for his family. And let me tell you the latter one is not very good. He's a little selfish, in the sense that when he wants something and it's not given to him, he becomes angry with everyone in the family, and creates a bit of a fight until he's given what he was asking for. And when you ask for something from him, he will flat out deny you. No guilt. No regrets.

This personality of his has always been an issue in my eyes. But my parents would just tell me to ignore it whenever I would point it out.

And these things hurt me. Because if I was in my brother's shoes, I would be scolded for my behaviour by all three of them. Told how much attitude I have, or how rashly I talk with them, or how I'm more happy while being with my friends and show my family attitude all the time.

There's many points I can pinpoint that are wrong in this. Like how I'm always the one being berated for my behaviour, while everyone blindly ignores Vasu's. Like how I only show some kind of attitude towards the trio when I've been seriously hurt but they are too busy being condescending towards me to notice it. Like how I'm more happy being with my friends because they understand me. My best friend can understand my state of emotions just by how I reply to her texts. And my parents can't understand me even after being the ones to give birth to me, how they can't understand me even after I live with them, how they can't understand me even after being brought up by them. And this FUCKING hurts me!

And I also understand that my brother is given leeway because he suffered in his childhood. My paternal grandparents weren't the best to him in his childhood. Or dad. Dad learnt parenting much...very much later. And till then, the damage was already done to my brother and his mental health. I get it. Totally and absolutely. But I can't be the one who always understands others when no one understands me. Apart from my friends that is. But I don't live with them, do I?

And that's the most hurtful part.

I chuckle. They'll never understand me. Secretly wiping the stray tears from my cheeks I pay attention to the empty roads of the capital city.

After a 45 minute ride home, I enter my room and it's the same as I left it two weeks ago. At least my family knows one thing about me. I hate it when someone touches my room, or moves my stuff around. And don't get me wrong, I love my family. And I know they love me too. Very much. Even my brother. But they lack the expression of said love. That's all. I hope one day they'll understand.

But I fear it might be too late then.

••••••••••

It's been 2 months since Stuti and I's return from our holiday. All of us are in college. Stuti, the most hardworking person ever, is enrolled in Economics, Sanjana is pursuing engineering the most determined girl I know, Yashika is enrolled in CA being the intelligent person she is, Megha is in English along with her passion for writing, Pragya is enrolled in Political Science the brightest person I know. I am pursuing Political Science as well.

All my friends are intelligent, bright, and very knowledgeable about their fields of study. They obviously have their own quirks that make them the best version of themselves.

Onto more serious matters, I still haven't told my family about the fiasco that changed my life in the US.

Can you believe it? Married before even enrolling into college.

One of the biggest joke life can play on you.

••••••••••

It's now been 2 years since I got into college. My grades are still average. And I still haven't told my parents about my forced marriage at gunpoint.

I also haven't told my friends about it. Not even Pragya. And I tell her everything. Every dream, every fantasy I've ever had, I've told her about it. But I just couldn't bring myself to tell her about this. I could never gather enough courage.

Stuti has been asking me why he let us leave since we came back to India. I didn't tell her. I don't want her worrying about it. She's already been at gunpoint twice, because of me.

••••••••••

It's now been 2 years and 6 months and I haven't said anything about anything that occurred in the USA to anyone.

It's my birthday tomorrow. 25th September. I have received yet another expensive present from someone who shan't be named. He's sent me gifts for the last two birthdays too. My parents would ask me who sent it, but I would just shrug and say a friend I made on the trip. They never believed me. I could sense it. But that's all the answer they were getting out of me.

Tomorrow, I'm gonna tell Pragya about what happened two and a half years ago. I hope I can gather enough courage to do it. And I'm also going to tell Stuti why he let us leave two and a half years ago.

I was deceiving myself for the past two and a half years, thinking I could think of a way to get out of this sham of a marriage. But I'm not that stupid. I signed a marriage contract for fuck's sake. I'm legally married to Damiano.

The only way I can think of, to stay away from him, is to keep delaying him.

We'll see what happens. And seeing my luck, it's not gonna be in my favour most probably.