Back to school

So that is was a nice trip down memory lane. As I was saying I am fat, and I have been a target for bullies my whole life. I do not fit in anywhere literally and figuratively; I am a Venda girl who is better at English than her mother tongue. Why do I suck at Venda because my parents had me while they were still studying in University so I was shipped off to day care as soon as I was 3 months old could have been a month but I came early while they were on one of their trips (they love travelling). Even though they knew I was escaping the womb early what they did not know is that I refused to cooperate for anyone other than my Aunt who is the nurse that birthed me. 3 days in and out of hospitals mum was tired but they could not help, 1 hour at my aunt's clinic and I practically ran out to meet her. I was raised by my Ghanaian day-care teacher and she spoke English. Dad had tasks for me at home to keep me occupied while they studied, literacy, numeracy, religion, Venda, Tsonga, Afrikaans and memorize 10 words from the dictionary each day. I had an hour of free time to fit in supper, bath time and playtime or tv time then sleep at 8pm. I am used to smiling even when I need comfort or needing attention and being rejected, I learnt early from my parents. Things changed when my brother was born and my sister/cousin came to live with us and we spent some more time together but the years prior taught me not to relay too much on them and learn to take care of myself. I do not trust my parents at all, and they know, I have said it to their faces. I was kept on my schedule while the other kids got to play. Feeling unwanted is not new same thing when I was bullied at school or by neighbourhood kids for my weight, I used to cry but that made them happy, so I learnt to smile and keep it in. I hold a lot of anger inside. I have long relaxed black hair with a gradient of brown to gold towards the ends with strands of grey all, my hair hangs past my shoulder blades. My eyes are brown, and my skin is also a gradient of dark and light brown in some places. I do not think my genes knew what colour to make me, so they said grab a sponge and pick a brown, stay in your area (they were not organized at all)

Back to school

I did not think the crying to sleep part through I have swollen red eyes this morning its 3am and I need to do my homework for the day. I wash up and use some eye drops, if I still have bags under my eyes, I will use makeup after mum leaves at 5am. By the time we leave for school at 7 I have makeup over my eyebags and a throbbing headache, so I carry painkillers in case drinking water does not work after break. Today is Wednesday so we have service argh I hate that Grandpa (the co-principal, founder and priest at our Christian school) makes me help out with service. I know the bible and I have been leading bible quiz teams to victory since grade 1, so he thought he would groom me into a priest with my knowledge. I got to school just in time to get my bag to class and fall in line for the assembly.