THREE YEARS AGO

Three years ago... How did this happen?

What happened three years ago? My mind can't take it. How come that we didn't know it?

"Do you know my mother?" She innocently asked

I slowly nodded "Yes, I knew her… and I knew everything she likes and doesn't like, I also know her personality, I know everything about her… except this," I took a deep breath. I can't breathe properly, my heart is full of questions, I want to get mad at her

"How did you end up with your nanny only?" Did she give this little kid to that nanny? Or did she put her on the orphanage

"An old man gave me to her," she gave me a sad smile that broke my heart. How did she end up with an old man though?

Out of nowhere I hugged her. She's not a stranger at all though. So many complications and so many questions that need an answer.

"I really want to find my mommy, in this picture I thought she was my sister but my nanny said that she was my mother," I wrinkled my forehead when she bowed her head and became silent. Seconds after I heard her sobbing

"W-Why?" I don't know how to comfort "Why are you crying?"

"I want my mommy, please lead me to her, if she doesn't want me it's okay. I just want to hug her," she's sobbing. I can't take my niece crying.

"Don't worry, I'll lead you to her," I assured her

We both stand up. I'll accompany her to my school. I can't take her to our house. We all know that it's hell

I looked around to search for her. While we were walking I asked her "What is your name?"

"My name is Astrid Solely," I think I saw that name on Aella's wall. It is written on the paper and it has a name for a boy. If I am not mistaken it was Phoenix

"Who gave that name to you?"

"The old man said that my mom wants to name her daughter Astrid Solely, and I am her daughter so… yeah,"

"You're so little," her height is 2ft?. Hoping that we found her right away, and I'll ask her a non stop question

After about 1 hour we found her.

"Hey! Who's with you? Hello little cutie," Aella immediately walk to us. She like kids

"Let's talk," I seriously said to her and gave her a no emotions look

"About what?" And she started to be confuse but she force to chuckled

"About this little girl,"

We're here where I was earlier. In the place full of trees

"So, what is up? And why are you so serious?" She's trying to avoid the tension

"How come that you get pregnant?" I don't want an introduction. It's better to be straight forward

"H-How did-"

"How did I know? It's because to the little girl, how could you hide this from us? For three years you kept this?! You're unbelievable!" I shouted at her

"I-I was s-so scared that time! I-I didn't know how to tell you -back then- I was about to tell you. Do you remember what I told you that I will tell something to you? . One of our father's men raped me! And my baby died-" she started to cry

"Died?" I cut her off. Her baby is with me, how come that Aella said that her child died?

"The old man- no the doctor said that my baby died in my tummy so they need to get out the baby," she looked up

"What do you mean? I-I can't understand… Can you tell me what really happened three years ago?"

"This is what happened three years ago,"

FLASHBACK

I'm looking for my sisters, today is my mother's birthday but eventually I can't attend because of my father. I want them to help me flee

"What are you doing here?" My father's men ask me

"Oh, I'm looking for my sisters," he's only 17 years old like me. I don't know why he end up here

"They go to that room," he pointed the basement

"Why did they go there?" I'm confused. So to know what they were doing there I went in. It's so new that they went there

"They are not here-" I stopped from talking when he locked the door and started to undress

"W-What are you doing?" I got scared… I tried to scream but he covered my mouth, I kicked him and everything but he's stronger than me

"This is just a minute, just say yes," he insisted

"No! What are you doing?! Let go of me you b*stard" I'm trying to scream. He covered his handkerchief in my nose and I felt dizzy and everything went black…

When I woke up he's not here anymore… My 'down there' hurts so bad. I hugged myself and cried. He raped me… I'm so dirty!

I dressed and fixed myself after that I went to my room immediately.

Three months later

It's been three month and I have become so moody, I crave a lot of weird combinations of foods. What is happening to me?

I got depressed, everytime I cried and cried.

Why am I bloated? I'm not eating that much so why?

The doctor and nurse are always visiting me. I wanted to tell my sisters but I don't know how and they aren't here, dad took them for a missions

Someone knocked on my door. "Who is that?" I loudly ask

"Doctor and Nurse,"

I immediately stand up and opened the door for them

"What is the result?" My hands were shaking. I'm worrying about the result

"You are three months pregnant,"

I froze where I stood "C-Come again? Are you sure? Maybe you're mistaken, " I tried not to cry. No! This can't be!

They went out after they gave me medicines and so on. I slowly sat down to the floor

How can I raise her/him when my life is like this? I don't want her/him to suffer to this hell

I'M NOW 8 months pregnant and my sisters weren't still here. They're not coming home yet. I am so happy when the doctor said that my baby is doing well and she/ he is healthy, I'm wondering why the doctor didn't tell me what is the gender.

"I love you, my baby. Mommy will do anything for you, I promise to take care myself for you, stay healthy, okay?" I talked to my baby. And she kicked!

Lately I'm having pain in my stomach. And the doctor said that I need to be careful

But I don't think that my baby or I is at risk. I've been healthy since they told me that I'm pregnant and every time the doctor or nurse is checking me they always said that my baby is healthy.

And now they will come here at our house to check me again and my baby. The man who raped me was not here anymore, I don't know where he is. But I don't want my baby have him as his or her. dad

I leave the door open, and when the doctor and nurse came in, I excitedly looked at the screen although all I can see is black and white

"Can you point for me where is my baby's feet?" I said to the doctor. I can't wait to see my baby and introduce her or him to my sisters "What is my baby's gender? I want to know and I have rights," I got mad

They are not answering me! And they look nervous.

"The baby is dead and we need to get your baby to your tummy," I touch my tummy "N-No… you said last month that my baby is doing well…"

"We need to perform a cesarean, " and three to five doctors arrived

"No! I will not let you! My baby kicked earlier. My baby is alive!"

They injected me something that will made me sleepy, but it's so good to know that the nurse injected me a water only.

They perform a cesarean. I don't feel that my baby is dead, my baby kicking earlier! I told the doctor that my baby kicked but he didn't hear me out

And they still got my baby out...

After a month. I got more depressed than ever, I didn't sleep, I didn't eat and I wanted to die. They didn't even let me see my baby.

Before I got unconscious I heard my baby cry… I heard my baby. They said it was because of my depression and they said that I didn't cooperate and that is the cause why my baby died. I can't understand, I don't know if they're just making a fake diagnosis. When I know that I'm pregnant I eat, I take care of myself and I avoid stress… so why?

end of flashback

I immediately hugged my sister and we're now both crying "I'm sorry, we are not there when you need us, I don't know that you suffered that much," I sob

I was on a mission at that time. Blair and I.

"Your daughter didn't die, she's looking for you," I said to her.

Her forehead wrinkled "B-But are you sure that she is mine?"

I wasn't. I wasn't sure.