26. Stars in the Cave

"To a good place," he answered ambiguously. 'What an obscure creature!' I grumbled to myself. I couldn't say 'no', I was just imagining that if I didn't follow him and I was left here, what could I do? I would be lost—of course. It was because I didn't know my way home.

Shashin stopped just as we reached the mouth of a very large cave. "We buy oil here?" I didn't think this was where the oil peddler lived. The big cave could not be entered, unless by taking a small canoe, because the bottom of the river was narrow and rocky with the water partly frozen.

"If we fall in there, we can become ice cubes in instantly," I said as I dipped my hand in the icy cold river water, and it was so cold it made me my skin feel sore

He ignored my words, asked me to get into the canoe, and again I just followed him. He rowed slowly, following the current of the river.

As we started to enter the mouth of the cave, the air seemed to change. It's warmer than outside. The smell of wet rocks, mixed with the strong mud of earth, immediately wafted up. But that did not surprise me, but I could still see the conditions in the cave even though Shashin didn't bring any light.

We went deeper and I thought it was much better being here than being frozen outside. "It's light in here?" I was still confused and wondered if my eyes had turned super from being in this place for too long.

Shahin stopped rowing. He touched my cheek and then pointed up, asking me to look at the ceiling of the cave. "The most beautiful magic I've ever seen," He said.

Again, I followed where his finger pointed, looking up to find dots of neon blue light twinkling above us, which occasionally twitched with translucent tufts resembling root fibers. There were so many of them that they almost filled the roof of the cave, turning the black ceiling of the cave into a night sky full of stars. "Glow worms" The most amazing things of any kind of bioluminescence I had probably read about in a book, and today they were creeping slowly on the roof of the cave above my head.

"Glow worms?" I laughed softly at Shashin's question. "They're not magic?" I looked at his innocent face when he said that.

"No," I said, still laughing. "They're insect larvae." Shashin looked very disappointed when he heard it. It seemed he didn't know that this wasn't magic. "Has anyone told you that this was magic?" I wondered who told him.

"Yoru."

I laughed out loud at his sad expression. He was completely fooled by that perfectionist. "Alright, alright" I couldn't tell him he had been fooled, but maybe I'd rather say that it was not magic at all.

"They are small insects. Larva" now, his face looked shocked. "It's okay," I said, trying to comfort him.

"I wanted you to be amazed, but it turned out to be I was the one who had been fooled. So stupid." His expression was sad and disappointed.

"I am amazed." I smiled reassuringly. "You know what? I've never even seen it in person, and today you made that wish come true. You brought me here, and believe me, I'm so happy" Shashin looked better after I said that. "This is one of the best days I've had."

I still couldn't take my eyes off the twinkling lights above me. They were so amazing. Yes, Shashin was right, it was like magic, my feelings immediately changed when I saw them. I felt very happy. It was as if what was in a book came into reality.

"They are like stars, aren't they?" He said, and I nodded in agreement.

"Beautiful. They turn this dark cave into a paradise. Their blue light makes me calm." Suddenly I felt so calm, forgetting the problems and the burdens I was facing at the moment.

"Tha, do you like it?"

"A lot!" I was worried that if my eyes drifted away from them, all the happy moments would also vanish. I continued to observe them one by one, and no matter how long I looked at them, my amazement didn't lessen in the slightest.

"Why are you afraid of having a relationship?" I immediately averted my eyes when hearing this question.

Honestly, I was really shocked. "What do you mean?," I asked to be sure.

"Tha, you are like running away and I think, the reason you want to become Azalea's subordinate, is to avoid this. You know if you work for her, you won't be allowed to be in a relationship—like me, and you want to make use of it for your fears. Tell me, what is the main reason for that?" He looked at me, hoping that I would say it all, the thing I feared the most and I kept struggling to hide it.

I was silent for some time, thinking and struggling so hard just to say, "Trauma."

"Trauma?" He looked very surprised. "Why? Has anyone ever hurt you?"

I laughed at his words. It's like a joke. I had never been in a relationship even once, but I was already very traumatized and afraid to be in a relationship with someone. Perhaps it was time that at least one person knew my reason for my trauma. "I wasn't born into a good family," I finally managed to say it.

I took a deep breath, then added, "Dad left us when my brother and I were little. Mom sent my brother to the academy and left me with my neighbor who took care of me, Nana. She saw me once a few months or once a year. Perhaps she wanted to see if we were still alive or not." I didn't like this part of the story. Although it had been years behind me, talking about it brought all the pain and bad memories to the surface again.