Daddy is playing Double standard

'Look at his head;

It's full of blisters and scars like an old punctured football,' 'Close that door young boy and stop peeping at us,'

A loud voice from daddy as Tito tries to quietly open the door to grasp bits and pieces of the conversation. Daddy is talking about his other children and how much he misses them.

'I swear to the gods, in one of the good or bad days, I'll ask this man if his kids get the same treatment as mine.'

Daddy is always harsh on Tito in the presence and silence of mommy. This stress strains Tito so much.

'Whenever I ask the question; 'mommy where is my father? Or I ask who Solman is? I am wrestled to the ground.'

Daddy has children from his previous family. 'I wonder if they get hit hard to the floor –

when they ask their mother the same question I ask mommy.'

'I am sick and tired of this torturing.' These are the thoughts in Tito's mind. He cries day after day whenever his mind resurfaces his father's name.

Before daddy met with Tito's mommy, he had a wife. They are in a divorce battle.

Their divorce dispute is still at the high court of law. This means that daddy and his wife are not officially divorced.

Tito's mommy is not married to daddy due to daddy's marriage dispute. He has to settle his divorce before he can marry Tito's mommy.

'Those are still my children. I have to visit them whenever I want,' slightly opening the bedroom door to see the reaction on mommy's face, these are the words Tito can hear from daddy being exchanged with mommy in the living room.

Daddy often quarrels with mommy - whenever daddy had visited his former family.

Daddy has two children with his wife, a girl and a boy. He is still connected to his children.

He does visit them and brings them candies and clothes. But he does not want Tito to connect with his father.

Daddy wants his children to grow knowing that he is their father – even if he has separated with his wife. He wants to be connected to his children. On the other hand, he restricts Tito from knowing his father.

He is still a young boy. But he is tired of being shouted at every time he asks where his father is.

Tito tells himself that when he is grown up being able to go in and out of mommy's home without mommy's permission, he will then have the chance of finding his father.

'When I finish my standard 7 class, when I am 13 years of age, I will be grown up to move around. I will find where my father is,' Tito tells himself as he watches his older cousins as they are easily allowed home to home visits by their parents.

Because of his situation, he lives with 'purposes' in life. Tito becomes a patient person – this quality develops because of his dependence on anticipations.

Due to conflicts as a result of the question, 'mommy where is my father,' Tito does not regard his mother the effective symbol of his life. This conflict pulls them apart, rather than forming close relations of mommy and son.

During lunch or supper, as a young boy, Tito gets his dish and eats in the boys' bedroom.

He does not go to the living room where the rest of the family gathers. This is not due to frustrations he has in life.

In his family's customs, mommy and daddy do not allow children, especially Tito to sit with adults in the sitting room whenever mommy and daddy are having conversations.

Only Tito is not allowed to sit and listen to elderly conversations. The reason is that he is prohibited from hearing anything that will relate to his father.

Tito is the only one yelled at when he sits around the elders. He realizes this when the others sit with elders and listen to the elders' conversations.

When Tito meets people whose family life and customs are different from his, he finds them very strange indeed.

Daddy is a businessman and the managing director of his painting and decorating building construction company. He sometimes runs out of cash. In some good days he can have huge amounts of money. His business depends on government business offers.

Whenever he has money, daddy comes home every day with plastic bags full of grocery for the family and snacks for the third born child.

This child never wants to share any snack he puts his hands on. This brings discomfort to Tito. This discomfort can also be reflected on mommy. Mommy always has to convince this third born child to share with his brothers.

Whenever Tito's mommy brings snacks home, she shares them amongst the kids. She avoids giving only one child the whole pack.

Daddy never bothers to do the same thing which mommy does.

Additionally, with daddy's customs and belief, children are not supposed to eat eggs. The reasons are only known to him.

On the other hand, when scrambled eggs are on daddy's dish the third born child cries for some. Daddy does not consider his customs and belief, he just gives this child. He does this while Tito looks on like a dog sticking its tongue out while patiently waits for its master to drop anything to the ground.

'But daddy why is this child eating eggs?' Tito keenly asks, only to be replied with a short answer, 'You ask too much.'

Daddy never allows Tito to eat eggs, only mommy gives him in the absence of daddy.

This is a painful period in which Tito has to live. Much change is also taking place in the family. It is speeded up. This rapid change brings confusion and questioning.

Tito welcomes part of the change: new big house, new neighbourhoods, cars, television set, in-house toilet and drainage systems. The lifestyle he did not have before daddy came into their life.

On the other hand, Tito does not welcome some of the change – his movements are much restricted by mommy and daddy. His younger brother is allowed to go and play on other streets of the neighbourhood. As a way to restrict his movements, it is said that Tito is the eldest in the family; therefore he has to look after the home in the absence of mommy and daddy. He has to wash the dishes. He has to look after the third born child not to play in the streets to avoid being hit by passing cars.

This third born child is the biological child of daddy.

This situation disables Tito from forming lasting relationships.

Despite his inability to form lasting relationships and offer friendship to others, it does not mean that Tito prefers not to be with people. He loves people. He shares life with others. He enjoys the company of others. He likes get-togethers and discussions. He gives himself to anyone who approaches him. He is a loving person who treats each individual as unique and worthy of respect and love. It does not matter what gender the person is, what religion, what colour, what nationality, what level of education or even what economic status the person would be.

Tito's family is allowed to visit mommy's family during Christmas holidays only – and this means once in a year. Whenever the family goes to mommy's village, Tito and his young brothers are taken straight to the ploughing fields where the grandmother is.

From the months of September through to March, it is the rainy season in Botswana. It is during these months that it is the normal practice in

Botswana that ploughing of fields and good agricultural produce takes place.

Taking the kids to the ploughing fields does not give Tito the chance to ask his relatives where his father could be. The ploughing fields are 30km away from the village. When left at the ploughing fields, there is no chance to interact with relatives. The kids only interact with Tito's grandmother. She also never answers the question: 'where is my father?

At least grandmother always responds softly to the question, she always says; 'mommy is the only one who can answer this question, grandson.'

At the ploughing fields, the kids are picked up on the last day of the holidays and driven straight to the city where the family lives.