Daddy is No more in my life

On his way, Tito asks himself a thousand questions before he arrives at the office,

'What is it this time? What have I done wrong? 'Why me out of all the students?

More questions than answers occupy his head yet the dining hall is 50 metres away from the school head's office. Tito has a nervous breakdown.

Everybody knows very well that to be called to that office, one may have crossed the rules of law.

It is in the early morning of Saturday, 16, April 1994. On his way to the dining hall for some breakfast, Tito is called to the school-head's office, Brother Donacan.

It is in rare occasions that one would visit the school head's office without being voluntarily going there to enquire on something. There is the secretary's office which every student should visit. For letters, school fee arrangements, or any question relating to school activities. The office attends to all these students' queries. Even if you pose any question to the school head, he refers you to the school secretary.

The previous year two of Tito's colleagues and him were brought before the school disciplinary hearing. They were accused of breaking the school rules. They were nearly expelled from school only to be given final written warnings.

This was as a result of being accused of smoking cigarettes in the school dormitories during the early days of the second school term – although Tito did not smoke tobacco at that time. He denied the accusation and refused to come up with the name of the offender in protection and fear of being bullied.

'Can this be the reason for being called to the school head's office this time?'

He asks this question to himself and prepares for it.

'Knock, knock,'

Nervously knocking with a weak finger knock; Tito stands upright at the door with his heart pounding very high.

'Come in, sit down, we don't have much time,' says the school head, Brother Donacan. He can see right through Tito's eyes that he has many questions to be answered before Brother Donacan can even explain why Tito was at his office.

'Your mom just called and wants you to come home for Easter Holidays,' says Brother Donacan, with a low-slung voice repeatedly clearing his throat.

'Go and prepare yourself and I'll give you money for transport, Sister Ruth is leaving for the town of Bulawayo. She will leave you at the border post to catch a taxi to Francistown. Later you will catch the train to the city of Gaborone.' Am I clear?'

With a big sigh of relief, from his head, Tito clears all previous questions about this call to the office. Now a different turn of the situation; this also needs explanations. 'But I don't want to go home during Easter holidays, more so that, school holidays are just in a few weeks' time.' Tito responds with a lot of surprise in his head as to why a sudden request to visit by mommy. 'Well that's your mom's wish, just go; you'll come back when school reopens in the following school term.' Brother Donacan insists.

Tito starts to be concerned with this insisting from Brother Donacan without revealing why he agreed to mommy's request. In his first day at school mommy made it clear that she wants him to stay at school. She wants him to study until school closes for holidays. That is when he can be allowed to come home.

'But I still have school tests to write,' counter-responds Tito with his eyebrows up full of surprise.

'Don't worry about that, I will talk to your teachers about it, go and get yourself ready, Sister Ruth is leaving any minute, go.' Brother Donacan concludes the discussion.

Tito leaves the office still surprised at what could be going on. He wishes someone would explain to him this puzzle.

'Tito, Tito, Sister Ruth is waiting by the gate in her van,' everybody shouts while Tito is busy getting his clothes inside his small brown suitcase.

He has to rush inside the van without having taken a morning bath. He has not eaten his breakfast. Inside the back of the white Toyota Hilux, he moves his tiny body to the corner and wonders all the way why mommy wants him to come home. Sister Ruth diverts her way. She takes the road to the south direction instead of the north which she has to take to Bulawayo – another town of Zimbabwe. She leaves Tito at the borderpost and has to travel back to drive through Plumtree to her destination.

Revving the accelerator of the van, Sister Ruth waves her hand as she says 'Bye, Tito, have a safe journey home, God bless you.'

Tito waves back and moves to the borderpost cubicles to get his passport stamped and take a taxi to the second city of Botswana, Francistown. He waits for the train for nine and half hours.

The 9 o'clock evening train gives a huge hooter as it arrives in the city of Francistown from Zimbabwe. He joins the queue inside the train. This train takes the whole night to arrive in the city of Gaborone. It is a very long journey for him since he has many unanswered questions. Catching some sleep seems far from reach for him.

How he fell into some deep sleep, he cannot tell. All Tito can hear is a loud voice of a man shouting; 'wake up, wake up! We are in the city of Gaborone and the train will be leaving for the next town in 20 minutes.'

Stretching his arms and yawning deeply in the early hours of the morning –it is around 6 o'clock. Tito's eyes are on a taxi of his route to home in Gaborone west Phase 2.

Immediately as he steps out of the train he hears someone shouting his name, ' Tito, eh! my nephew, eh! Tito.'

This is his uncle Moses. He works in the security services at Botswana Housing Corporation which is located 100 metres from the railway station. Uncle Moses is on a night shift and it is clear that he knows of Tito's coming to Gaborone. Uncle Moses says something that catches Tito's attention.

'Let's go to my office, we will go home as soon as I knock off from work. Your other uncle, Spencer, will come and pick us up there.' Tito wonders why uncle Moses prefers to go with him to his workplace. He wonders why they have to wait for uncle Spencer. From the railway station to home is just five minutes' drive using a taxi. Tito has taxi money for that matter.

'But uncle I have taxi money to go home and I'm tired. I didn't get any comfy sleep inside the train.' Tito kindly requests, but his attempt is to no avail. His uncle Moses insists that they should wait for uncle Spencer.

The shiny cream white sporty Toyota skyline car arrives. Uncle Spencer greets Tito and opens the boot of the car for him to put his brown old looking suitcase.

Tito is jam-packed with surprises. 'Why uncle Spencer is allowed to drive this car? 'Daddy' does not allow anyone to drive his sporty car. What catches Tito's eye is the front number plate of daddy's Toyota Hilux van inside the car boot. He looks at it for some split seconds before throwing his luggage inside.

'Hurry, put your luggage inside we have to go,' says uncle Moses realizing Tito's shock.

He does this to avoid any possible questions that will be directed to the van's number plate – as to why they are inside the boot of the car. The number plate looks as if it has dented and the dents mended. The puzzle increases in Tito's mind.

They drive to a village 100km away from the city of Gaborone. They are going for some spiritual session. They are visiting the prophets of a different church from the one mommy and 'daddy' are members of. More questions occupy his mind as to why spiritual consultation before they arrive at home.

This is different. Tito always goes straight home from school before any other trips. He is not baptized in his mommy and daddy's church orientation. Despite that, whichever church Tito visits is of no concern to him. But why consulting a different church denomination, he wonders to himself! He is bathed by the prophets with no explanations. Him and his uncles drive back home.

With the three of them in the car, the uncles chat about their own stories as if there is nothing to explain to Tito. He also keeps the questions to himself to get the answers at home when they arrive.

At the gate of their home, in front of the house, fire ashes which indicate that they are of the previous night. This brings some shock to his eyes.

'Fire is made at the back of our house. We have some fireplace walls constructed for this purpose, but why in front of the house this time? An old woman, the younger sister to my grandmother is present. She will not just leave her home to stay at our place just like that, what is going on? Tito's heart beat is not getting normal. He has more questions than answers. He arrives home and more questions spring into his mind!

Inside the house mommy is surrounded by people, other old women. All these people are gathered in a different bedroom, not mommy and daddy's usual bedroom.

He walks in. Mommy raises her head. She looks at him. With very deep countless breaths, tears drop down mommy's cheeks.

Tito greets and puts down his bag to wait for explanations. Silence! Total silence! Nobody says anything.

After some few minutes his aunt, Osa, the younger sister to mommy, comes to him and says, 'Tito, the old woman outside is calling you.' He follows his aunt to the old woman and sits next to the old woman. With a very low and slow voice the old woman begins to talk.

'Tito my son, your 'daddy' was rushed to the hospital after a car accident, he later died.'

This is all I called you for, my son,' the old woman ends her speech and becomes silent for a few seconds. Tito takes a deep breath and just keeps silent also. At this point in time he is putting bits and pieces of the puzzle together.

Early school holidays for me! No school test writing for me! Sister Ruth taking all her time to take me to the borderpost! The dented number plate of the van! Unusual fireplaces around the yard! Now the puzzle is complete, Tito talks to his inner self.

He stands up and silently with no word to say, goes to his own bedroom which he shares with his young brothers. He lays on the bed without any tears on his face. His aunt, Osa, follows him.

She stands next to him for some minutes until she finally has to take out the burning question from her mind.

'Tito, why are you not crying or showing any form of grief? I thought you would burst into tears when you heard of your daddy's death.

That is why I am always following you to comfort you in case you burst into tears.' Tito silently looks at Osa and does not say a word.

Mommy calls him and asks him if he has been told what has happened in the family. He replies looking at her mommy's face. Streams of tears never stop dripping down her cheeks,

'Yes mom, ' they told me. '

Sucking her two little right hand fingers is Tito's younger sister, Queen. She is sitting next to mommy; she is only two years old.

She is the last born in the family after the fourth born. They are five in the family of mommy – Tito being the first born, three brothers and fifth is Queen, she is the only girl amongst the boys.

After a few days, Tito realizes that his mommy is getting weak. She is sick with unending coughs day and night – some disease diagnosed in the previous year.

Sitting alone in his room Tito begins to burst into tears. Much depression approaches him.

His deep concern goes to mommy as to how she will survive without 'daddy'. She placed all of her life onto 'daddy'. Mommy has a driver's license which she took eight years back, but she never wanted to drive. She wanted 'daddy' to always drive no matter how much 'daddy' insists that she drives. 'Daddy' always took the kids to school and school reports collected by him. Mommy was very reluctant to do these and those – as she seemed always busy with government work.

Mommy always wanted to go to church with 'daddy', she hardly went alone. Tito's grieving is much with mommy. 'How she will survive without 'daddy', is what Tito asks himself painfully. Schools reopen and Tito goes back to school.

The school-head, Brother Donacan asks him how his trip was, and if he finally understood why he had to go home.

Every teacher and school mate grieves for Tito; for the loss of his father. At times he sits alone and becomes frustrated with the fact that his father is alive. Although he failed to see him with his own eye, at least he was told that he was alive when he tried to go and find him some time back.

Some months pass. Towards the end of the final school term of the year 1994, Tito approaches the school head, Brother Donacan.

'Brother Donacan, there is something that I want you to know, it is burning my soul a lot,' Tito looks down as he starts narrating the story.

'The man who just died is not my real father; my real father is alive but not living with mommy. He disappeared while I was still young. I tried to find him but I failed several times.' Tito picks up his eyes as he quietly waits for Brother Donacan's comment.

He looks at Tito for a few seconds.'Did you love your father, I mean the one who has just died,' Brother Donacan poses this question to Tito, curiously encouraging him to open up. 'Yes I did,' Tito answers. Brother Donacan gives him some brief Christian preaching, but Tito's mind wanders away.

'Brother Donacan concludes by saying let us pray the Lord's prayer.'

'I don't like this part of the prayer which says forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us!' Tito says this to himself during this prayer.

Deep down in his heart, he is not sure if he did like this man; the man he was forced to call 'daddy'.

Brother Donacan later releases him.

'What a relief,' he says this to himself as he leaves Brother Donacan's office.

He breathes a big outbreath of relief!

Tito completes his studies in Zimbabwe after four years with everybody knowing that his father is alive; the man who died is his stepfather.

After completion of his studies in Zimbabwe, in one of the happier moments with his aunt, Osa; she has a shocking conversation with Tito.

Osa is two years older than Tito. She is the younger sister to mommy. She asks him if he knows the reason Tito had to study in Zimbabwe as opposed to his own country, Botswana.'Zimbabwe has the best education,' Tito snobbishly replies. 'Any other reason,' Osa continues the conversation.

'No, this is the only reason I have, why asking?' Tito responds with some curiosity.

'Your mommy and 'daddy' wanted you to be far away from your father, Solman. Far away from all the influences you got from people about Solman being your father. Far away! Very Far away!

This is the most important reason.

She replies as if she has a lot of information reserved in her mind. But she warns that Tito should not ask mommy any day.

She fears that mommy can be mad at her for telling him this truth. He enjoyed studying in a foreign country – and passed his studies with a second class pass rate.

But more confusion comes into Tito's head when he hears this from his aunt.