Chapter 39

Micah whisks me off to god knows where. I'm just glad to be out of the house. Keeping this giant secret to myself was starting to become too much for me. I feel so guilty for not sharing this with Foster. I just want to figure out what I need first. I want to know how I feel about it all. Once I know what I want to do, then I will talk to him. For now, I will just keep riding the waves. I can't do much of anything else anyway.

Micah and I stop at the store and get tons of baking supplies before heading back to her house. She chatters nonstop about how she is doing at school, and how much class isn't the same without me there. I haven't been back since the end of last semester. Micah has been bringing my assignments to me. Foster has tried going back a few times but ended up deciding to stick with me at home. I guess being away from me for an eight-hour day is tough. I get it. I am pretty cool.

We lug the groceries inside. We put away the things that need to be frozen or chilled and leave out all the other ingredients. We don't necessarily have a plan, but who needs one. Just being away from everything, and spending time with my best friend is already helping bring me back to life.

"Sooooo, cookies, brownies, cake, banana bread, what are you feeling?" I just shrug my shoulders. "Banana bread it is!" I just laugh at her enthusiasm. I missed her.

"So, anything crazy happening at school or just a giant pity party for me?" I question.

"Honestly, it was pretty quiet for the first month or so. It still feels empty at times, but things are shifting back into some type of normal. Without you there I've basically been forced to befriend Julia. Initially, I wasn't a fan of her, but she's growing on me. We are on the volleyball team together and she is in quite a few of my classes. We don't really have anything in common though. I guess no one can live up to your legacy miss thing," Micah nudges me with her shoulder. I just smile. I'm glad that she isn't lonely. I think back to that conversation we had on our first night at the lodge. I'm happy we decided to figure out our schedules to have some kind of interaction. If it weren't for Micah's silly shenanigans and loud opinions, I'd probably still be sulking in bed at home. Not that spending time with Foster isn't great, it's just nice to have more than one friend.

"So Julia? How is she doing? I can't imagine how stressed she has been. I just hope she doesn't feel guilty about losing me on the slopes. It was just some fluke but I know sometimes people internalize things."

"Yeah, she is hesitant to talk about the skiing trip at all. I think she is still having a hard time processing everything. She basically glosses over any mention of the trip in favor of some juicy gossip about whatever popular kid is at the height of discussion for the moment. It's kind of gross honestly. Can no one just talk about the spicy memes that are floating around? Does everything in this cold bitter world revolve around whatever the fuck some kyle is sticking his dick in?" She lightly pounds her fist against the counter, pretending to be passionate about whatever is going on.

"Calm down SJW. Sometimes it's important to know where kyle is sticking his dick," I joke. She turns around to preheat the oven and I grab a small handful of flour. The second she turns back around, POOF! The stuff flies around in every direction.

"You did not just do that. You are going to regret that," I just smirk and prepare myself for battle. It's going to be a messy one I'm sure.

Instead of making banana bread, we ended up just wrecking the kitchen. Flour, eggs, and oil coat every inch of that space and ourselves. We end up on the floor, laughing our lungs out, absolutely drenched in whatever ingredients we were supposed to be using to bake something delicious. I get up from the ground and try to dust myself off but it's no use.

"Time for a shower huh?" I nod and after cleaning up as much of our mess as we can, we jog upstairs to clean ourselves up. Micah showers first, leaving me on her bedroom floor. I try not to touch anything. After what feels like a million years, she exits the bathroom, no longer looking like an uncooked gingerbread man. My turn.

After my shower, I wrap myself in a towel and walk back into Micah's room. As soon as I peer around the door, Micah jumps out and scares the shit out of me. I almost drop my towel. I guess almost sending me to my grave is hilarious to her. What a turd.

Still feeling some energy from our food war, we decide to goof off. We have the time. My clothes are in her dryer right now anyway so it's not like I can go anywhere. Some awkward dancing around, singing, and genuinely enjoying our time is a great way to relieve stress.

I lay down on her bedroom floor naked. I lost my towel sometime along the way when we were screaming along to some song by Paramore.

"Hey C. Are you really doing alright? Like everything is okay?"

"What do you mean?" I roll over onto my side to look at her. I can see the worry lines creasing her tanned forehead.

"Well you have been through a lot and we were all so scared for you. For a few weeks there you were almost like a zombie. Just walking around, going through the motions of the day, not really existing in your own body. I know you perked up but then Foster said you started struggling again after your most recent appointment with your doctor. If anything is going on at all, you know you can tell me, right? You know I won't judge you or leave you alone? We are all here for you, Foster, Joe, your mom, and your stinky cats." My heart warms at how incredibly lucky I am to have people like this in my corner. I take a deep breath, preparing to share what I've been dealing with on my own these last couple of days.

"I'm pregnant." The words spill out of me before I can fully articulate any other thoughts. I look up to Micah. At first, she seems shocked. Then that shock slowly turns into something joyful. She hops up, yanking me from my spot on her carpet.

"Are you serious right now? Like pregnant pregnant? Does Foster know?" I can see a million other questions surfacing behind her eyes, thankful that she pauses to let me speak.

"He doesn't know. I haven't told him yet because I don't know what I should do. We are both barely legal adults and still in high school. Both of our moms are super busy and I just don't want to stress anyone out by bringing a whole new human into the mix."

"Okay. I'm hearing a lot of talk about other people, but what do you want to do? What feels right in your heart? I will support you no matter what path you take. I just want you to stop worrying about everyone else and think about yourself."

I take a few minutes to collect myself. 'What do I want? Do I want to be a mom right now? Do I want to be a mom at all? Does Foster want to be a dad? Are we even ready for that?' Thinking about Foster reminds me of just how attentive and sweet he has been throughout my recovery. Even if I felt hopeless or stuck, he was always right behind me giving me whatever push I needed to keep going.

Some part of him is inside me right now. It may not be a person just yet, but I imagine just how sweet and kind that clump of cells could be if given the chance to become someone. Would they have thick curly hair like me? Would it be more wild and wavy like Foster? I hope they would take his beautiful crystal clear eyes. Imagining a mini Foster makes me feel so warm. I know I would love them with every fiber of my being, just like how I love Foster. I can imagine my mom immediately taking on the role of grandma and spoiling this child like it's nobody's business. Micah as an aunt? Yeah, she'd be the cool aunt. The kind that you tell all your secrets to. A child growing up in a family like that, imagine how much good they would bring to the world.

"I think . . . I think I am going to keep it. I want to keep it." Micah jumps and cheers.

"That's so awesome! I can't wait. I just hope your kid takes after you. Having another snarky asshole running around might make me lose my hair," Micah falls over in dramatic fashion.

"Hey, you know you'd love having a little asshole to talk shit with. You've got me of course, but someone that you can freely speak to about how annoying their parents are, you know you'd like that."

"You're right. But still. They might drive me nuts. Anyway, when do you think you are going to tell him?"

"I don't know. He has been so worried about me and my recovery. I don't want to freak him out or make him worry even more than he is already. I might give it a few months. Let the waters calm before sending out another storm."

"That makes sense. A few months is a long time though. Aren't you supposed to do like baby check-ups and stuff? Do you want me to go with you to those? I don't want you to do stuff like that entirely by yourself."

"Yeah. I think I'd like that. Thanks, Micah." She grabs my arms and jumps up and down again like a madwoman. Shouting something about being the greatest aunt of all time. It's going to be okay. I'm scared out of my mind, but I know I am going to be alright. I feel excited. It's been such a long time since I've felt excited about the future.