Chapter 2

Nyazepetrovsk, Chelyabinsk Oblast, Russia - 16:44 – Past

The day had finally come, it was my second year at the new high school, the end of semester dance was today. Although I didn't know how to dance and I didn't want to, I wanted to see Alexey, I just wanted to see him, he was the first person who had noticed me, who had made me feel something I didn't know exactly what it was, maybe it was love?, no I knew it, it was hard to know something I had never felt before, but it did make me want to see him, to hug him, to tell him that he was special to me. Mom came to my room, she seemed excited, she met my dad that way, maybe she thought history would repeat itself. She helped me with my makeup, she did it and I looked good, I felt pretty, I felt special, I felt happy.

I didn't wear dresses, I wasn't interested in them, just jeans, although I was wearing leggings under them, the night would be freezing, it had snowed three days ago. Mom gave me two bracelets, they were red, she told me that she would give one to someone special.

I wanted to give it to her, for me she was the person I loved the most, but she didn't want to, she said it had to be someone who wasn't from my family. She left my room, she had to start the car, sometimes it wouldn't work because of the cold.

I took my bag, I kept the things that she had given me, I also had a letter that she had written, it was to read it to him, they had some feelings that she made me feel when she spoke to me. She once held my hand, she told me that she was pretty, she told me that my brown eyes were much prettier than the others. Even when theirs were colored, did he really love me?

I preferred to keep the bracelets in my pockets, I was wearing a coat and before leaving my room; I put on an ushanka, it would help me with the cold that could reach my head. I was ready to go, maybe he was my great love, I would know that when I saw him, I hope he finds me beautiful again, I hope he loves me as he has shown several months ago.

I just hope he looks at me with those bright eyes you see when he looks at me. Maybe he'll hold my hand, maybe he'll give me a kiss, I'm nervous, so many things can happen. Maybe he will tell me if I want to be his girlfriend.

I left my room, I took an Alenka chocolate from the refrigerator, the almond one was his favorite, a few weeks ago I had spent part of my savings to buy ten bars, maybe I was exaggerating, but I knew he liked them; life is sweeter with a chocolate bar.

I left my house and got into my mom's car, I was ready, I would finally go to Ozyorsk, maybe tonight would be the best night of my life.

Trud Stadium, Ozyorsk, Russia 19:24 - Past

—Are you sure you want to stay here, Marina? It's cold, the benches are barely dry.

—Yes, mom, don't worry, I'll wait for Alexey.

She had doubts, but even so, she left me in that place, it was full of people from my high school, we were several grades, everyone danced in the stadium that was normally used for ice skating. This time they had set up a complete stage, where everyone was.

Mom said goodbye to me, she kissed my forehead, hugged me, mom loved me so much that sometimes she felt that she didn't deserve her. She left and I started looking for food, I liked to eat, even in these situations, she always tried to eat a lot.

I was also nervous, I hadn't realized it, but my watch didn't show the time. I hope it wasn't too late.

I sat on some benches that were, they were made of wood, I had brought enough food for two, but only one plate, so we could put our hands together and maybe they would touch each other. People kept coming, they all seemed to know each other, they were together, they talked. I was far away, I didn't know anyone, just one person, who hadn't arrived yet.

This situation happened many times, especially in high school, my classroom was on the third floor, I leaned on the railing and looked at them from there, they all looked so happy, so smiling.

However, I didn't feel that way, before I met Alexey, I spent my time looking at everyone from above, watching them be happy, just being them.

Perhaps how many times have they said something to me for being alone, for looking at them from above, but I always wanted to be like them, with someone to talk to, with someone with whom I could smile. I looked at the clock, it still didn't work, only seconds passed, even though it felt like hours. I wanted to have him close, I wanted him to tell me that I was special, I wanted him to see how pretty I was today, but he didn't come.

We were a strange generation, we like attention, we always want someone to look at us, we don't want to be forgotten, even knowing that one day we will all be forgotten. But that's how we are, addicted to attention, eager to be hugged, to be loved, even when we don't know how to do it. We are that generation addicted to sex, to hugs, to someone looking at us as if we were the most important thing in the world. I wanted him to tell me that he was, that he couldn't live without me, which was his last thought as he slept.

I took more food, I was still nervous, I was feeling cold, I hadn't moved since I sat down. People were still there, being loved, being what I wanted. I put my hands together, leaned against the back of the bench and closed my eyes, if I saw him like that, I could see his face shine the moment he opened them.

Maybe he would come giving me a big hug or maybe he would touch my back and play a prank on me. It didn't matter how it got there, as long as it got there.

23:34

I felt a strange sensation in my body, it was a chill, I woke up with a jump. I almost always fell asleep without realizing it. I opened my eyes, there was no one, the people from my high school were not there, although in the distance I saw some, I think they were the cleaners. What time was it, I didn't know, where are you Alexey?

The moon was above me, its light reflecting off the snow, its white light meeting my skin. Had he really left me? Maybe it was just a nightmare, he pinched my arm, it hurt.

I need you, why haven't you arrived? I thought about getting up, but what if he came? I didn't want to lose him.

Small flakes of snow started to fall all around the place, the wind was calm, it didn't look like there was going to be a storm.

1:19

I waited for it, I waited for it even when I barely felt my body, when I wanted to cry and couldn't. I waited for him, thinking that he would arrive, thinking that he had remembered me, but he did not arrive.

There was a big difference between his mind and mine, for me he was my first love, but me? What was I exactly for him? Maybe nothing, that's why he didn't remember me.

The night was freezing, I barely felt my body, even when I was very well wrapped, there was no one anymore, everyone had gone. I looked at the ground, my feet were getting buried in the snow, I climbed them up and lay down on the bench, curled up between the wooden poles and closed my eyes.

That night, for the first time, I felt the Russian cold everywhere, I was shivering, I was scared. I wanted to go back to mom, but it was so far, even if I walked all night, I couldn't get there.

I'm sorry mom, my heart has been broken at my young age. I really felt love for him and he didn't deserve it, yet even so, I kept thinking that I could reach far, believing that a shadow would come, believing that he would hug me like he did before.

And that he would say sorry for being late and I would forgive him, because I didn't care that the snow was burying me alive, that the Russian night was killing me.

Nothing mattered more than him, if he came to sit next to me and told me that life hurt less by my side; I would forgive him and tell him I love you...

There were many ways to feel a broken heart, some scream, hit things or think about what they did wrong, but I, I stayed silent, without saying a word.

Lyceum №39, Ozyorsk, Chelyabinsk region, Russia - 9:01 - Present

—Miss Marina!

I felt a knock on the table.

—Is my class boring you, Marina?

I had fallen asleep again, but this time on the table in my living room.

—I hope you understood my explanation Marina, take your literature guide.

She left it on the table for me, she didn't feel like anything, she was really tired. Today had not been a good day, maybe I should have stayed at home.

The bell that started recess rang, I had slept through the entire first class, Irina hadn't come today or maybe she changed courses, I didn't know.

Also, my hair was disheveled, I didn't comb it when I came in the car, I forgot.

Most came out of the room, including me, it was cold outside. I stood on the railing, I would do the same as always, look down, watching the people, watching them smile, walking together.

I sighed, it's just one more day, I told myself. Not every day will be like today, just one day and maybe tomorrow will be different, however, how many times have I said that?

Oh Marina, life is shit, neither life nor men deserve you.

—Rina!

—Ahhhh, — I yelled.

It was Irina, she always did the same.

—I've missed you so much, my little snowflake.

He began to hug me too tightly, his build was different from mine, he was bigger on all sides, he beat me by approximately thirteen centimeters.

I didn't care about the scare, right now I wanted a hug, so I turned around and hugged her very tight, like those first times I met her.

She snuggled me between her breasts, I wanted affection, I didn't like expressing it to almost anyone, but she, she had saved me so many times from loneliness.

She cupped my face and lifted it up with her hand so she could see me better.

—Why do you have teary eyes, Marina?

—Nothing, I just needed you, I thought you wouldn't come today.

—Never doubt my arrival, if you come I'll come, if you don't come; also.

She got a laugh.

—You already know that if I don't come to high school I have to accompany my father at his work, so it's difficult for him not to come.

—Right, I had forgotten that you help your dad.

She was staring at my hair, why?

—You didn't take a bath today, did you?

Why did he say that?! Maybe he smelled bad, oh what a shame.

—Yes, of course, I took a bath for three hours, in fact mom went to ask me why it took me so long.

—First day of school and you lie to me.

She looked at me suspiciously.

—But I did bathe, I'm not lying.

—Your eyebrows tremble when you lie, I was just saying it because of your hair, in the back you have a lock up.

—Oh, I thought it smelled bad.

—And you smell bad, it shows that you haven't bathed.

—Oops!, you're annoying.

—I always will be, worry when I'm not, —she winked at me.

I remembered mom's chocolate, I had it in my backpack. I looked for it, I also had my ushanka, it would help me with how disheveled she was, I put it on and took out the chocolate.

—Mom gave me this, she wanted to eat it with you.

—Your mom will always be my favorite, but come on, we'll eat it on the way, we have to go down.

—Sure, do you want to go to the bathroom?

—No, it's that we have physical education class, they set up the indoor gym.

She hadn't noticed, she was wearing a diver.

Wait a moment!

Today is not Monday, it is Thursday, she had confused the entrance to classes. We always went in on a Monday, but this time it was because of the snow so the recess had nothing to do with the first day of school every year, stupid Marina.

—I forgot to come with a diver.

—Professor Mareva will leave you in the stands, don't worry.

—Has Mareva touched us with this new part of the year?

—Of course, there was a paper on the door with our schedule and the teachers, haven't you seen it?

—The truth is, no.

—Are you confused today or is it my idea?

—Maybe, it could be, I don't know, I really don't want to think about it, we'd better go buy a coffee.

—Okay, come on Snowflake.

Trud Stadium, Ozyorsk, Russia - 3:27 - Past

—Hello?, hey!, she wakes up.

I felt hands on my back, they were touching me, they wanted to wake me up.

Was it Alexey? Was it him?!

Suddenly open my eyes.

—Alexey!

—Huh? Alex what?

Who was this young woman who was in front of me.

—Are you okay? Everyone has already left, in fact my father and I are the last to leave the stadium.

I got up with what little strength she had, she helped me sit up.

—What time is it?

—Exactly 3:27, are you waiting for someone?

—No, I fell asleep.

—It's very dangerous, especially with the snow that has fallen in the last hour, you're full of it, you should drink something warm before you go into hypothermia.

She looked at my plate, she still had it to the side,

—Will you feed me what you have there?

—It will hurt you, it's full of snow and I don't think it tastes good.

—Don't worry, I worked all night today.

She sat next to me, she seemed to be my age. She took her jacket off of hers and passed it to me.

—A little more warmth will do you good, little snowflake.

—Snowflake?

—Don't you like the nickname? It suits you very well, this isn't so bad, even with the snow on it.

She kept eating what she had on her plate, I don't think it tasted good. I took the chocolate from my backpack.

—Here, I'll give it to you.

—Everything?, but it's a lot, this is expensive.

—Just take it, it's a simple chocolate bar, what are you working on at this hour?

—I help my father with the cleaning, he's from the gardening and cleaning team, I like to help him so he doesn't do so much work.

—Did you rather help him than be at the dance?

—Obvious, please, it's just a stupid dance, most of the couples that have met today, the other year will have broken up.

—You don't know anyone do you? —she laughed.

—That may be another factor, —she elicited more of a laugh from her.

The moon was still above me, well, now above us.

—I haven't asked your name, mine is Marina.

She got up and stood in front of me, she made that movement that Asians did, she had so much imagination, she showed her joy.

—A pleasure to meet you dear ice goddess, that she was among the snow waiting for the dawn, —we both laughed.

—So? Your name is?

—Oh, oh, sure, sure. My name is Irina, a lover of chocolate and beautiful women, like you for example, my goddess Marina.

She behaved like a happy girl, she really looked happy.

—Sit down better, before you fall.

She sat down next to me again, she was still eating chocolate.

—It's a great coincidence that I found you, Marina.

—You are the one who has come from nowhere, I should even say that you have arrived at the moment when I needed someone the most.

—I was hungry, I think that fate wanted us to unite.

I gave her a smile and shared the red bracelet with her, she didn't quite understand, but she accepted it.

—By the coincidence of having found each other, this bracelet will remind us of when our worlds met.

Lyceum №39, Ozyorsk, Chelyabinsk region, Russia 11:20 – Present

At that moment when I met her I didn't cry, I was completely broken, even when she was by my side, after that, she took me to her home, it was a house about 40 kilometers from the high school, we arrived late at night, they made me bathe with hot water, Irina lived only with her father.

Almost at five in the morning I went to bed, slept in her bed with her, hugged her as tight as if all the pain in the world was in me. She was drenched in tears, she just hugged me, she didn't ask anything.

Irina apparently knew what pain was and that the world breaks in the middle of the night.

Our worlds really collided, but I think it was the best coincidence I've ever had, even better than Alexey's, he never went back to high school.

He disappeared and his family moved to Moscow from what I heard in the corridors, what happened to him was a mystery.

My dear Alexey, you still hurt, even when I see happy couples, I curse them a little, because they smile, while I can't.

While Irina and my classmates were doing physical exercises, I was in the stands studying, I was reading "The Sorrows of Young Werther", I needed to read it for literature class.

Although they were already finishing, in fact Irina was waving to me, I didn't quite understand her, but when I went downstairs, she had left with the other girls from my class.

Where did she go? It doesn't matter, I would meet her after her, I would go to the bathroom to look at her hair in front of her mirror.

—Marina!

She called me Mareva, my teacher, I went to where she was.

—Don't forget to come with the diver for the next class, remember that if you don't do the exercises, I'll have to lower your grade.

—I know, I know, today I just really forgot what day it was, but don't worry teacher, Mareva.

She said goodbye and I continued on my way to the bathroom, the infrastructure of my high school was very nice, especially because of the roof.

Mom had to pay a lot to have me study in this place. My mom and Irina's dad, they both did everything to have us here, what would we do without them?

I'm really scared to know what will happen when mom is gone, it would be horrible to stay with stupid Pavel, I would surely bring in a different woman every day.

I got to the bathroom, no one was there.

She was disheveled when I took off my ushanka, she had one hair up, another lock to the other side and the other and all chaos. I thought having short hair would be easier to style.

I turned my gaze to the right, observing something in the reflection, no, it wasn't something; it was someone!

What is a boy doing in the girls' bathroom!

I covered my eyes with my hands, I could barely see between my fingers.

—What are you doing here?!

—What? Rather, what are you doing here?

—This is the women's bathroom, you stupid pervert!

—I think you're wrong, the men's room that was next to the library suffered snow damage. They moved us here and left the teachers' bathroom for you.

Did the teacher say so many things when I fell asleep?

God, I need to get out of here, what would people think if they find me here with this guy? He's naked on top of that, I don't think he's wearing anything other than that towel around his waist.

—You can take your hands off your face, I'm not a monster, it's not like I have something you haven't seen at your age.

—Shut up!

—But what happens?, don't exaggerate, take your hands off.

I try to get my hands off my face, stupid sexy blue eyes. He couldn't deny that they were very striking.

—No! Get your dirty hands off me!

—Dirty?, but if I just took a bath, actually look.

He has taken off the towel! God what is happening to this man!

I only put one hand on my face, with the other I was trying to slap it to make it move. I accidentally touched something. Ahhhhhhhh!, what did I just touch?! He told me internally; It can't be what I'm thinking, no, it can't be.

—I didn't think you wanted to touch me so fast, you've skipped like nine phases before you got there, I'll call you fast hands.

—Ahhhhhhh.

I ran out no matter what I saw, collided with the door and slipped on the wet floor. I got a little dizzy, he loomed over my head.

—You are well?

—Idiot! Put on clothes!

I got up quickly and ran out of the bathroom, though I stopped to walk normally towards the cafeteria. Very good, very good, it's over, all that will remain between him and me. You have to walk slowly, nothing has happened.

Everything is fine, breathe Marina, breathe. Inhale, exhale, where is stupid Irina! I'm fine, I'm fine, very good, not at all nervous or something. I opened my backpack and took out my money to buy something while I waited for Irina.

Okay, when I get to the cafeteria, I'll buy some cookies and maybe a coffee; I won't see him anymore, I don't know his name, stupid Marina! Stop thinking about it.

I stopped in the middle of the hall, I was a little rushed.

—Boo!

—Ahhhhhhh, —I yelled more out of nerves than out of fear.

—Finally I find you, you had lost me.

—I'm saying the same thing, —I replied with an annoyed tone.

—Where were you? I thought you would come with me, I made signs for you to follow me.

—I went to the bathroom, —I said after giving my answer some thought.

—I come from the Marina bathroom, which bathroom are you referring to?

—To a bathroom, from there, there are many in the high school, did you know?

Why am I lying to you?!

—Marina, tell me, where were you?

I felt that voice again, behind me.

— She was with me in the bathroom, in fact I came to leave this for her, she stayed there.

Irina widened her eyes in surprise, as if she couldn't believe what she had said that guy.

—What!, what were you doing with him in the bathroom?!

I turned to the guy and took my ushanka from him.

I looked at him with a face of hate and annoyance.

Stupid blue eyes!, I didn't notice that he was following me.

—Irina is nothing like what you think.

That guy interrupted.

—Of course, that's what you think. Is your name Irina? In fact, I put quick hands on your friend.

—Silence! Get out of here! —I pushed him and kicked him.

He left laughing, Irina caught my attention again, with those Asian eyes that she had.

—I need an explanation and if he has something sexual, you tell me.

—It's nothing! I just confused the bathrooms, that's all.

—Why did you just lie to me and that about fast hands?

God couldn't tell what he had touched, he would really believe something else happened.

—Irina! Let's eat, I'm hungry.

—But, no, no, no.

-I'm going to scream!

—Please, you are 17 years old, are you going to throw a tantrum?

—Look at my mouth, I'll do it, I'm done, I'm going to scream!

—Marina, you are spoiled!

Irina accepted my threat, she knew that she would do it, she really loved her, she was like a sister. That's why she sometimes she behaved like a little girl to me, she took care of me as much as mom did.