Siblings .

Anastasia Anderson, Michael's younger sister, she is a bright child , an academic one as well , knew right from wrong , and a highly good observer .

She knew she and her brother where different early on in her younger years , knew they didn't care for each other as many others did , he was cold and distant , they rarely talked , It felt weird growing up with a brother like that for Anastasia but she didn't know any better , she thought every brother and sister acted in that absent way , she couldn't talk for same sex siblings , how could she when her brother was all she knew about sibling hood ,sisters and brothers looked happy together , they just looked right .

But they weren't them, they didn't look or feel like them and that made Anastasia dismiss them ,They carved this hatred in her bones, they made her question her choices about her so called friendship with her brother , looking happy and even what they call chipper to be around each other , not like us , miters away from each other and mere eye contact can send him into a frenzy .

She looks at them wondering where she messed up , where did it all go wrong and she can't quite put a finger on it , supporting her financially was not the start in there crumpling sibling ship , it was what pushed it to its limits and made it never turn back to the state where he would sit and speak to her for five minutes at the bare minimum and that fact on its own carved a bigger hole in her heart than any knife could .

His phone rings, again, again, and again, Michael can't take it , he's on his break on a Saturday night , co-workers swarming the place , moving where the naked eye would find impossible to see , he picks up the phone ready to call whoever it was on the other line every curse word he has learn since he was nine .

"hello Mike, um..it's me Anna "

He gets up from his chair and holds onto the nearest counter for support after hearing her voice on the other line, Mike opens his mouth to utter something but the only thing he can say in the moment is his sisters name .

"Anna?"

"I wanted to ask you if it was ok if we hung out tomorrow, you know Trever's café?"

Silence feels the line, Michael waiting for his brain to form a sentence and Anna waiting for it .

"Su-sure, and yeah I know it, it's down the road from here "

"3 in the afternoon works for you? "

"I-ah, yeah I think is does "

"ok then see you tomorrow "

"See you" and as he spoke the last letter in the short sentence the line went out and he sat back in his chair , the shock and confusion of the situation taking over his mind and body , sitting still in his chair and wondering if she called the wrong number perhaps , but that made little to no sense in Mikes mind , maybe she needed some cash , that is the only answer that made Mikes nerve calm down .

Anna never called Mike, just for the simple reason of why bother, living and the same apartment, rarely talked and there was never any reason too in Mikes opinion but she called seamlessly out of the blue, it could be urgent Mike thought so he didn't have to question the integrity of the call, it was nothing more than a financial need and he would be happy to help his little sister out, isn't that what brothers are for after all.

Its 3 in the afternoon on a Tuesday and today is a day mike can't explain his feelings about, he knows this meeting is about money but he feels his stomach turning upside down, his head is pounding and he just wants all this to be over even before it even started, the café has a cold feeling to it, it was a modest place, small but welcoming in size. its dark brown wooden walls and floors gave it a feeling like home but that didn't help the pit in Michaels stomach in getting any smaller, as he walked thought the door Anna spotted him and got up all nervously to say her greetings, and as they sat down Michael suddenly found even the smallest amount of dust on their chosen table the most interesting thing in that moment .

"I wonder how much he pays every month you know with prizes and eve-" , cut of suddenly by Anna's out of the box question in a dire attempt to shift a meaning less conversation to something they both related to .

"How's-how's Jonathan doing?"

"Why is she stuttering?, did I go out of line and make her uncomfortable ? ", Mike wondered

"he's good, he's working at the public library where I work now , ever..went there ?" , I try to make conversation as this is what I sense is being approached , Anna knows Jonathan as someone I mention to our mother a lot , and with me working a lot more recently his name has come up even more often .

We talked for about half an hour, steadily running out of topics to fill the air with , many silent pauses later and shallow topics with an intend to keep a conversation going , I brought up what all this was about as I wanted this nightmare to be over already .

"How much do you need?", I looked up upon her after digging into my pockets to fetch the money I had neatly folded for this exact moment.

She looked at me puzzled, her eyebrows frowning in confusion but as she did a sense of understanding flesh over her when she spoke again.

"what ?"

Said so simply one would think this was a foreign conversation to us," The money…how much do you need?".

"I-I don't want money, I just wanted to talk to you , you know " , her eyes didn't meet mine as I sat in my chair, we never sit and talk , why now ? , my mind is puzzled and I don't speak and Anna takes that as I clue to continue her sentence , playing with her hands as a mere distraction to a situation that escalated to a place that was truly foreign .

"We never talk and I just wanted to do it " , she motioned to the place we were seated in and looked back to the untouched coffee mug in front of her ,"but I guess you thought it was about money , and you even bought some…god " , she reached with her hands to her face , weeping them across it in a fit of realization and disappointment ,"I don't want any money , thank you Mike ,I'll-I'll leave now " ,Anna got up thanking her brother for his time and put some of her own money on the table as payment for what she ordered and then left, Michael put his head on the dining table and groaned in his foolishness.

We never did that sort of thing, how could I predict that's what she intended with this sit down?.

Going out for a smoke might clear my mind again but I can't do that here, it's a coffee shop first of all, a public place that I would be definitely kicked out of if I did decide to smoke in and people would talk about that , they would talk and talk till my ears bled and I don't want to be a part of that, word would reach my mother that her perfect son is a smoker and I just refuse to deal with that right now .

It was late in the afternoon when I left Trever's and headed to Johns place, I don't know what came other me but I needed to go somewhere other than home and going to him was the best option right now.

Johns house was huge, modeled after the perfect modern home, hesitating to knock the door, standing there my hands in fists at my sides and my gaze to the ground .

But before I could even think about if I should intrude or not the door opens.

Its Ophelia , Johns older sister , she's surprised I'm here and tells me Johns in his room doing god knows what , its awkward between us , we never really spoke before if I can be so bold to state ,Ophelia is three years older than john so we never had anything in common to bond other so to speak so we never interacted much and that didn't bother me , we were from different worlds and mixing such worlds would always end in disaster , she pointed me to Johns room and left me to stand in front of his door until I gathered my courage to nock , god this is pathetic .

The door opens and Michael could hear the annoyance in his friends voice thinking it was his sister again trying to nag him to do something again for her but when he heard Michaels voice he scrambled to his feet in happy and confused greetings to see an old friend again , John sat on his bed on the side of the room and Michael on the opposite end of the same bed , Michael had to say something , explain himself at least for this sudden visit or John would believe he was kicked out or something outrages like that , he played with the loose fabrics of the blanket underneath him , dark black threads twirling around his finger , he could almost count him if he focused enough , looking up to John ,the man in front of his is silent , he didn't speak a word since they sat down , waiting for his friend to talk first .

"I'm sorry I barged in like that " , Mike said still playing with the threads of the cotton blanket

"Don't apologize Mike , your welcome here whenever you like , you know that right ? " , his words didn't sound unsure , they sounded true and gentle , he didn't mean any harm , how could I think such thing ?

"Still I'm sorry "

"Don't mention it " , he looked at Mike with a small smile on his face that made Mikes tense body relax .

" Me and Anastasia got into a fight " he blurs out , exhaling air he didn't know he was holding in

"What happened ?" , a normal question asked but I struggle to answer simple questions sometimes .

"She got mad at me and I didn't understand why "

I'm positive John wants more information about what's upsetting me , but I don't budge and keep everything a mile away from reach .

"Is that why you're here?"

I look up again and meet Johns frame, when I thought he would be enraged with so little information given to him, he looked unbothered by that fact and was just willing to listen, so I let him hear what I believe would give him the answers he wanted for his unspoken questions.

"You were the first person I thought of after the fight with Anna, I didn't want to go home and face her again and I didn't want to stay out in the dark "

"I understand, stay as long as you want Mike, I have no problems with that "

He told Mike as he got up from his side of the bed, but before he could fully get up Michael griped his forearm and promised to leave as soon as the coast was clear, John didn't want his friend to feel like a nuisance but If he assured on leaving he could do nothing but nod his head in understanding.

I stayed at Johns until midnight and then left when he was dead asleep with a note on his night stand thanking him for everything, from the housing to the snacks to playing video games together to the awkward conversation starters, that I appreciate his efforts into them.

The apartment is quiet , no sounds of the television blasting in the corridor and no sign of mom in the house , Anna's bedroom door is closed which means one thing , that she went to sleep , I sneak on to the balcony , it's a tight space ,not that much space to move in but its spotless , no spec of dirt to be seen , the wind is hot and clingy to my body , I feel my clothes sticking to it as I try to pull the packet of cigars out of my back pocket , damn this weather is shit, my mind tells me as I turn on my lighter and grasped at the first cigar of many for this long night , they keep me calm, I say trying to excuse my behavior ,they keep me sane and afloat and that's what's important now .

After a while of gazing at the black sky I look into my hand at the packet of cigars and my hand feels lighter than it did when I can out here, much lighter, fearing the worst , having not been keeping up with the time , it could have been that five hours have passed and I would have no idea , the packet in my hand is half empty , I drop the packet on the floor , not because I'm taken aback by how much nicotine my body has consumed but by how numb my hand and mouth feel , I can't feel my hand as I try to flex it , my mouth hurts and I don't feel my tongue in it , fuck , I say in a low voice that I couldn't even hear .

Sitting down , laying my back on the hot concrete wall behind me, pulling my knees closer to my chest , the black sky high above doesn't look so scary anymore in my fucked up state of mind after one to many cigars , my hand tries to reach for such sky but it's hard to lift it up , it hurts and it feels like it's about to be dislocated from my body if I push it too hard , maybe this is your punishment for being such a shitty brother , you deserve this , my mind tells me when I try to get back on my feet again but my legs give out and fall again to the comfort of the now dirty , unclean floor , my head is pounding in my head and I give up the idea of leaving this balcony anytime soon ,god..how could I do that to her ? , she was upset with me and I didn't understand , I'm so fucking stupid , she's a good kid..she doesn't deserve a brother like me .Sometimes my mind tells me things , ideas and believes and sometimes I tell it things as well , but right now , at this exact moment I don't know who is telling who , I feel hopeless sitting here , my body is desensitized to its surroundings and I feel horrible , I should be protecting her , making her happy , not this , I haven't cared about anyone more than my little sister and I feel like I failed her , god my head hurts .

But before I knew it, my vision became dark and black, matching the sky I admired for this night, I can feel myself on the verge of passing out and I couldn't do anything about it, I just hoped that mom doesn't get too upset with me for ruining the cleaned balcony she worked so hard on when she comes home and finds it filled with cigarette butts and ash.

The night I indulged of half a packet of cigarettes was a school night and I didn't take that into consideration when I woke up to Anna violently shaking me awake, she looked disgusted with me as she spoke with heavy tones.

"Do you know what time it is ??"

I shake my head from left to right in a slow motion as to not provoke my body to throw up.

"its three in the afternoon, how long have you been out there ??, its hot as hell too, I thought you were at school when I didn't see you in the morning, not at the balcony passed out ", Anna is talking to me and I desperately want to converse with her, she's talking to me, she's not shutting me out, she's even worried about me.

"I'm ok, I promise ", words are hard to spell out in this state, fumbling on them even when they are so simple a child can say them, but Anna doesn't look convinced, she pulls me up and makes me lean onto her for support, everything around me is clouded but I can feel my body landing on a soft surface, much better than the floor of the now dirty balcony.

I can't feel anything and my body is hot, my eyes hurt and I can feel Anna helping me change out of my filthy clothes and into new ones, she shouldn't be doing this, she should be out with her friends not doing this, I always smoke why did this happen now?, maybe it was too hot or I smoked too much , I don't really have an idea .

The fresh scent of clean clothes hits me and my body relaxes, my forehead is cold and when I reach to investigate what's the source of the foreign sensation a wet cloth met my sweating fingers.

"Stay still Mike, I don't want you getting worse ", it was Anna's voice making Michael pause mid motion to figure where her voice was coming from, he could spot her coming from the kitchen with a small bucket of water in her hands and as she got seated on the opposite end of where Michael was laying down after changing his wet cloth even when it was still ice cold. Anna was infuriated with her brother's behavior, or that's what he could tell after his body calmed down and his vision became much clearer than it was merely minutes ago.

"What were you thinking smoking most of the cigarette pack? and in this weather? , do you know what could have happened to you ?" , anger is deep in her voice ,she looked at Michael , waiting for an answer, something that would explain his Ludacris behavior but he had nothing to say .

I say silent, having no idea what to say, laying my head back on the soft pillow, my eyes meet the roof of our apartment , its old and breaking off , bits and pieces on the floor around us , I disappointed my sister again and I have nothing to say for it .

"I'm not mad at you for yesterday "Anna didn't look in Michaels direction as she spoke, substituting it with gazing into the bucket of ice cold water she brought earlier, as if looking at her own reflection can ease her nerves rather than looking into her brothers eyes ever could.

"I'm sorry " , those were the only words that I was able to think of and speak out loud for her to hear , I wanted her to feel better , to tell her I felt horrible for what I said and did , it was not for my own satisfactions and self pity that I said those words , maybe a small part of me would argue the opposite but right now I want her to be the winner .

She looked up, a mix of emotion rushing through her, Anna didn't expect him to apologize, Michael was not that type of person, he didn't give in so easily, it took days for him to even admit his wrongs and hearing him apologize like that was fairly new to her.

"You missed school you know that right?, Anna said after a second of silence ,"take a shower and clean up if you don't want your smell to be the talk of your class tomorrow , you're going tomorrow right ? ", she held onto the bucket with firm hands waiting for a response.

"Of course I'm going don't worry about me "

God I totally forgot about school, I try to cover my eyes with a forearm, the light is too strong and my body reeks of the smell of cigarettes, its known that I smoke in school and there was no need for hiding it from them but the smell is never this strong , word leaving high school grounds that I smoke will bring nothing but bad reactions from people speaking to would the death of me right now , a shower for starters like sis said would be a smart move right now to get .