Chapter 20 : You won’t leave, right ? (1)
Xin Jian's point of view :
I sat on a bench and sighed.
At my left, there was a little crow sitting there.
Above the gray fog, Mr. Fool blanked out.
I reached out my hand to it.
« Were you abandoned too ? » I said.
(I am fine.)
There was no answer.
I looked at the night sky.
« You are sad, right ? You are all alone, right ? »
(I am fine.)
The little crow listened but still didn't answer.
I shook my head and touched it. It was soft.
« No, you're probably just enjoying the show. I bet right now you're trying to steal my connection to Sefirah Castle. »
I chuckled and continued to pat it.
The little crow titled its head.
« But it's true that it should be the first time we are meeting. My name is Xin Jian, what is yours ? »
It kept silent.
I sighed.
« You know, it's impolite to ignore others. Could you stop trying to send avatars to invade the gray fog ? Mr. Fool is someone I care for very much. »
(I tell you, I am really fine…)
The little crow I was now holding in my arms just looked at me silently.
I suddenly snapped its neck and took the worm of time that was left.
I always wanted to try this.
My physical body disappeared from the bench and rematerialized above the gray fog.
Meanwhile, Mr. Fool who was watching : Sometimes, I find you scarier than Amon.
I sat on the chair at the lower-end of the long mottled table, as usual.
Mr. Fool opened his mouth.
« Why aren't you angry ? »
Huh ?
I searched but I really didn't see any reason to be angry.
I blinked.
« Why should I be angry ? Isn't it my fault that I had to leave ? »
Mr. Fool didn't seem convinced.
I chuckled.
« I know but he- » He began.
I cut Him off.
« Honestly, isn't anger the most useless feeling ? »
Mr. Fool shut up.
I looked ahead.
« You see, joy gives you a goal in life, sadness tells you what you're lacking, fear makes you aware of danger… But what is anger for ? »
Mr. Fool had nothing to say to that.
« When you're angry, you can't be clear-headed and you can often do or say things you'd regret. What's more, life is unfair anyway and that won't change. Anger is totally useless. »
That's why I was not angry when you gave up your memories of me.
I tilted my head.
« Isn't it… the feeling that's the easiest to give up on ? »
Mr. Fool seemed to realize something.
I heard his thoughts.
"I knew someone else that was also never angry."
Right, I think you already talked to me about it before.
It seemed to be a person that marked you quite a bit.
« What's more, I'm not alone since you're here, right ? »
Mr. Fool lowered his gaze but nodded nonetheless.
Maybe I was becoming even more dependent on Him.
I remembered something.
« But why do even the gods think that I'm really an angel ? »
At that moment, I felt that Mr. Fool was surprised.
Why are you surprised ?
Mr. Fool put down His teacup. He chuckled.
« What made you think that you were not an angel ? »
Sorry ? There must be something wrong with my ears…
I'm beginning to doubt my existence now.
« Maybe because I'm not a Beyonder~? »
Mr. Fool shook His head.
« You wouldn't be able to use the three pathways with the gray fog if you were only an ordinary person. »
Well, I thought so too.
So what is it ?
« Do you know why me, Klein and you can have the authority of the gray fog at the same time ? Also, you said we went through many rounds of regression together before, right ? Do you know why your soul would follow me through time ? »
Well, you and Klein are the same person but for the rest, no I don't know.
« No, why is that ? »
Mr. Fool answered.
« You are the uniqueness of the Error pathway. »
I spew out the orange juice I was drinking.
Why are you making me experience existential crisis at my age ?
He continued to explain.
« I think the Error Uniqueness I accommodated created an error and fused with a soul (yours) so you became its living characteristics. That's how our two souls became tied together. Right now, your "real" body (the Error Uniqueness) is in the abandoned land of the gods. Since you're a Uniqueness, it's somehow equivalent to you having a sequence 1 Beyonder characteristics of the Error pathway so you're somehow a sequence 1 angel. »
I tried to digest the information that I was "somehow" an angel. (More like a grade 0 sealed artifact…)
So that's why nobody refuted me…
I'm sure Medici knew it all along and made fun of me in His head…
« Since I'm tied to you, I'm considered to be the same person as you and also have authority above the gray fog… » I completed.
Mr. Fool nodded.
« Maybe your soul originally came from one of those cocoons since you're also from before the First Epoch. »
I narrowed my eyes.
« How are you so sure that I came from your Era ? »
Mr. Fool deadpanned.
« You have European features. (And your behavior…) Even Klein noticed. »
Was my face sufficient to know that ?
(And what's wrong with my behavior ?!)
I realized something.
« Ah, so that was why you told me to stay away from Amon. »
Mr. Fool nodded.
I made a mischievous smile.
« Usually, it's the angels who accommodate the Uniqueness, but what if the Uniqueness accommodated the angels~? »
Mr. Fool had a bad feeling.
He felt like, if it was me, that could be possible.
That would really be a bug. As expected from the Error Uniqueness.
I like to give chills to Mr. Fool. It's fun.
« You really look like Amon in many ways… » He muttered.
I don't know if it's a compliment to compare me with someone that gave you ptsd.
« Wait, with all the time we spent together, why did you never tell me that I was the Error Uniqueness ? »
Mr. Fool replied perfunctorily.
« You never asked. »
How could I ask something I didn't even know existed ?!
So, to resume, my existence is an error and my presence by your side is an error. Nice.
Nice error !!
« Calm down. Calm down. » Said Mr. Fool.
« I am perfectly calm… »
You did not just change my worldview in a few sentences…
Well, there is still something I have to do.
« Mr. Fool, I have something to ask you. »
—————— I am the dividing line~
Mr. Fool showed me the reason why Klein doubted me.
Medici, you scumbag, I will take revenge.
And after talking with Mr. Fool all night long, I went down the gray fog.
I had asked for his help to tell me the way to 7 Pinster Street.
Since I went by foot, it was aIready afternoon when I finally arrived in front of our old home.
Before, I left Leonard without a word and now that I'm alone I'm trying to return to him. Am I not a hypocrite ?
I arrived in front of the door and hesitantly knocked.
A stranger opened the door.
I had a bad feeling.
« Hmm… Could I know if Leonard Mitchell is here ? »
The stranger frowned.
« I do not know of any Leonard Mitchell. I only moved in recently. »
« What…? »
After Amon's attack, Leonard moved out. However, I didn't know that at the time.
« I… I see. »
I tried to use the abilities of sequence 9 Seer to find Leonard. However, the divination failed.
(Pallez stole the information because he was wary of Amon and Chanis gate has anti-divination abilities since the goddess has the secret authority.)
Does this mean that I wouldn't be able to see Leonard either ? I wouldn't see him ever again ?
And Klein probably hates me now…
I have lost Arrodes so I can't find Leonard.
I realized that I really had nowhere to return to.
I lowered my head.
I am fine.
I am perfectly fine…
I will just… have to do everything alone, like before.
I am used to it anyway…
Let's see things positively !
I… I will be able to do more funny things !
Right, it isn't a big deal ! I don't need anyone ! I can do it !
…Right ?
I'm tired.
I want to sleep for eternity and never wake up again. Like that, I wouldn't have to face this reality.
I returned to above the gray fog.
« Sorry, Mr. Fool. I will have to sleep here from now on… »
Why would I need to go down to the real world ?
I just have to sleep and talk to Mr. Fool while being a spectator like before.
Why would I need to mess up the timeline…
I've already arranged things for Klein to do the rituals until Sequence 1 without me anyway… Adam will take care of it.
I'm tired.
So tired of everything.
(Why do I always end up alone ?)
My eyes closed.
Before falling asleep, I murmured :
« Mr. Fool, you won't ever leave me, right ? »
Mr. Fool stayed silent.
—————— I am dividing line~
I opened my eyes and found myself in a familiar room.
I pulled up the blanket and frowned because there was still too much light then finally gave up.
I stood up and went out of my door.
I rubbed my eyes as a familiar voice entered my ears.
« Xin Jian ? You're up early today. I was making breakfast, do you want to eat together ? »
I turned around to see Klein's smiling face and nodded.
Wait, it won't be something strange again, right ?
Klein always cooks strange things…
After a while, he put two plates on the table.
I knew it ! It's something strange again !
But something's weird, is this a dream ?
I thought about it.
No, it doesn't seem so.
I picked up my fork and tested Klein's new dish.
Not bad.
I gave him a thumbs up.
We chatted casually while eating then I helped Klein do the dishes.
He turned to me.
« Do you want to go out today ? »
I nodded.
We chatted, joked, took our coats and went to the door.
While we were going out, I turned back a last time to look at the empty house.
…And woke up.
I opened my eyes and found myself above the gray fog.
Damn. So it was a dream.
Annoyed, I sat up.
This really left a bitter aftertaste…
Anyway, there were too many loopholes. I was too OOC, I never wake up at the same time as Klein (he always got up before me)… Oh, and Klein would usually wait for missions at home…
I covered my face.
Great. Now I don't want to sleep ever again.
This dream was just so much better than reality…
I'm scared of dreaming now. And here I wanted to continue to sleep for eternity, it seems it won't be possible.
I stood up.
Well, if I ever collapse from fatigue, the probability of dreaming should be reduced.
Yeah, right. Let's do this.
I sighed and sat at my usual seat.
Why can't I rest even while sleeping ?
Well, I should think about the future now.
It's not like I can really stay as a spectator all my life. (I have to take revenge on Medici !)
I formulated a plan (both for my revenge and for the future) and realized that I may have planned too much things.
That will be bad if I forget some of them. Should I write them ? But I shouldn't spoil Mr. Fool either… Hmm…
Mr. Fool's voice pulled me out of my thoughts.
« Hello, Amanises. »
I stood up and ran to Amanises' arms.
Mr. Fool deadpanned.
« Xin Jian, don't go around hugging gods casually. (That's blasphemous…) »
I turned my head to Him.
You're just saying that because you're jealous.
Amanises wrapped Her arm around me before I could speak up.
« Don't say this, people could misunderstand. »
Mr. Fool's lips twitched.
« Misunderstanding what ? »
Amanises made a playful smile and answered in a mysterious tone.
« That I'm not Xin Jian's favorite. »
Mr. Fool's brain stopped working.
Gasp. Amanises, you learned how to talk !
« You're so cool ! »
*thumbs up*
Wait, I think I've just exchanged what I was thinking and what I wanted to say.
Er… Anyway, it's true ! Amanises is cool !
The goddess of sleepy flowers patted my head.
« Amanises, Amanises, did you know that I was really an angel ?! »
(Mr. Fool, being ignored : I always feel like there's a sense of discordance between the audio and the visual…
Visual : Xin Jian acting like a child and sticking to Amanises.
Audio : A monotone voice. The "?!" just equals to a slight raise at the end.
Xin Jian : What are you talking about ? Am I not saying childish things ?)
The goddess nodded.
« Yes, I know. »
Huh ?
I raised my head to look at Her.
« Then why did you not tell me ? »
Amanises answered calmly.
« You came to my church claiming to be an angel at our first meeting so I thought you knew. »
Ugh. Right, that happened…
No, let's deny it.
« I don't remember so it didn't happen~. »
The advantage of having a bad memory is that you can always claim to have forgotten things and others will believe it. (That may be the only advantage…)
I recalled something.
« Oh, right. Amanises, I need your help with something. »
She released me and took a seat.
« What is it ? »
I began.
« Can't you take you the Death Uniqueness earlier ? »
She didn't ask why but retorted :
« I don't know where it is. »
« Me neither, but I know who does. »
Afterwards, Mr. Fool made a divination.
It was early morning but, since He divined that it wasn't an appropriate day to go to Mr. Azik's place, we decided to carry out our plan the next day.
That's the reason why, one day later, I went to Mr. Azik's house (that I had not seen since Klein's "death").
Of course, I used my new GPS to go there.
(New GPS = Mr. Fool)
Amanises also stayed on the gray fog to observe.
When I knocked on the door, it was already evening.
I rubbed my eyes.
It had been 37 hours since I had not slept.
(Author : Imagine she woke up at around 7 a.m. the day before and now it's around 20 o'clock.)
Mr. Azik opened the door.
He seemed surprised.
« Xin Jian ? What are you doing here ? »
I put on a smile.
« Hello, Mr. Azik. Can I enter ? »
He looked at the dark circles under my eyes and nodded.
(Author : This body is more and more realistic, there are even dark circles now…
Xin Jian : Well, it's more difficult mentally.)
« You seem to be quite tired, is there something wrong ? »
I blinked.
« Huh ? Ah, no~. I just didn't want to dream. »
I chuckled.
Mr. Azik gave me a concerned look and closed the door behind me.
He led me to the sofa.
« So, I came here because I have a way, no, a clue to recover your memories. »
I organized my words.
« Like, there is a mausoleum where there's the… missing half of your soul ? And you lose your memories every time because your soul isn't complete. So, do you want to go there ? »
Mr. Azik nodded solemnly.
I stood up.
« Okay so it should be in the Berserk Sea where Death died. We should be able to find it with your intuition, the ring left by Death (that we don't have) and the copper whistle (that I don't know whether Klein has it or not)… » (So we don't even have the objects needed to go there…)
Mr. Azik took out a copper whistle.
« I have the copper whistle. »
So Klein can't communicate with you, okay… Right, since he learnt information about his past through other channels, he shouldn't have any reasons to give the copper whistle to Klein. At least that saves us time, we don't need to search for it.
I continued.
« So now only the ring left by Death is left. We have two choices. One, let's find the boat of the pirate who should have it. Two, let's pray to an unknown secret existence to pull out an historical projection of it~. »
Except that Ludwell doesn't necessarily have it yet and the unknown secret existence is Klein~.
Above the gray fog, Mr. Fool sighed at my wording and threw something in my crimson star while Mr. Azik's expression became complicated.
I felt something in my hand.
« Huh ? Ah, no. It's right there, we can go right away. »
Hey, Mr. Fool ! You just ruined all the fun !
(That day, Ludwell's fate changed. He wouldn't be transformed into a marionette in the future.)
I handed him the ring and he grabbed my shoulder.
Colors flashed by quickly as Azik brought me to the mausoleum.
At this moment, the dark square ring and the exquisite ancient brass whistle shimmered slightly, illuminating Azik's face.
This Death Consul who had lived through the Fourth Epoch closed his eyes as he silently listened to a shout that came from an unknown location. Then, he suddenly clenched his right hand.
All the scenery from the nearby spirit world was imploding, turning into a slowly-spinning black vortex whose borders couldn't be seen.
The vortex suddenly burgeoned, devouring us and we ended up inside a dark, cold mausoleum. Around us were open coffins, and inside them were rotting corpses with white feathers on their backs.
I turned my head to look at Azik. He was staring intently at the flights of stairs that led deep into the mausoleum.
There was a thick black gas emanating in the area.
« What you told me before has allowed me to recall many more things. I saw myself seated on a bone throne, and I saw Beyonders and ordinary people lying dead in front of the throne. They hadn't done anything wrong, but they died sudden deaths all the same. One by one, they got up, turning into ghastly undead creatures, undead creatures that pledged allegiance to me.
And I was just coldly watching them without any emotional fluctuations. I allowed the disaster to spread through the village and into the city.
This made me feel unlike myself. However, I also knew very well that this might be the real me. »
Azik rubbed his temples and continued in an unperturbed tone.
« I sense myself returning to that past. »
Without waiting for my reply, Azik, who was staring intently deep into the mausoleum, said :
« I still remember my resurrection after my first death. I was lying in a pale-white coffin, and I staggered to my feet. I was feeling horrified, having no idea what was happening. Nor did I know where I was.
Before the clergymen collected my corpse for purification, I escaped, stumbling along the way like a wandering ghost. I crossed grasslands, villagers, and cities. I couldn't recall who I was or where I came from.
No matter where I went back then, I would hear all kinds of sobbing. When I watched priests presiding over mass burials, I felt sorrow in every corner.
Later, I happened to rescue a noble lady and entered her manor. She was a bright and lively girl, and I was like a feral beast from the jungle. I was sensitive, suspicious, self-abased, afraid ; and I often showed a cold, indifferent, cruel side that didn't match the morality of a human.
She was very curious about me. No matter how I avoided her or what terrible things I did, she would approach me, infecting me with her smile. She would use interesting matters to influence me, and without realizing it, I got used to her pranks and her existence.
We secretly got together. She was very worried that her father wouldn't agree to her marriage to a former tramp and present servant.
Seeing her melancholic smile, I had the feeling of blood gushing through me for the first time. I rashly told her that I was leaving, but I would return with an aristocratic title and a bridal garland.
I joined the army, becoming a knight. I raised a three-meter lance and charged at enemies. Thanks to the chaos of the Fourth Epoch's wake in the Northern Continent, I became a baron and obtained a fief I could call my own.
I abided by my promise, and with the king's conferment letter, family emblem, a knight's medal ribbon, and my self-made garland, I married my bride. »
Upon saying this, Azik's expression gradually turned gentle. as though he was reminiscing and recalling something. The corners of his mouth curled up without him realizing it.
I listened to the familiar story silently. In the previous timelines, it was Klein who heard this.