Chapter three

Nesrin Lopes

"No. no. No. She'll come back"

I muttered to myself staring blankly at the wall before me.

My voice, a broken piece of audibility.

My arms hugged my knees as I rocked myself back and forth on the cold floor.

"I'm not alone. I'm not alone. I'm not alone"

I recited, trying to shield myself from the wave of incessant emptiness crashing over me.

My eyes bulged from their sockets as I focused on my only savior.

My mother.

She'll come back.

She'll take out the bad men and rescue me again.

I know she hasn't abandoned me.

At least not at this point.

"I'm not alone. No. I'm not alone"

The door flings open with a kick from the other side and it bangs against the wall.

"Nesrin!" 

I hear my name ring out from my brother's unmistakable vocal chords, dripping with heated sparks of indignation.

My low mutterings let him know I'm at the back of the bed and he charged right over to me.

"You fool!" he spat with explicable hate, his tone entwined with laces of abounding disgust.

"Shall I continue to remind you to obey me?!" 

He questioned as he successively threw his palm across my injury inflicted face with beastly effort.

The hard slash of his fingers awakens the old aches from their slumber and my head collides with the wall opposite me.

A scream dragged up my throat from the unexpected impact and harrowing pain raked through my skull.

My eyes accidentally zapped up and met his deadly eyes but looked down immediately.

Too late.

His face absorbs scarlet and he jars his ringed knuckles into my face.

Everything goes pitch black for a second before the burrowing pain jeers me back to reality. 

He reaches for me and takes a hold on my white dress and I quickly tear away from his grip and rouslte to my feet. 

With a powerful kick from his boot I crashed back to the ground and he charged towards me and grabbed a fitful of hair until a few strands ripped from the very root.

He started pulling me out of the room back to the nightmare I ran away from.

No. I kicked and trashed under his agile grip behind him.

"Let go of me! I don't want to do it" I protested. My voice, a hoarse breath.

He ignored my cries as he approached the door and flinged it open.

"Let me go! let me go please!"

I said through raspy breaths.

"Nesrin behave yourself!" he snapped and he kicked me into the dark room again.

His boot collided with my ribs and I crashed onto the hard floor, screaming with fright.

My hand flew to my side and I winced, feeling the aching spot.

"I've got her like i assured you, and my most sincere apologies for that stunt she pulled off earlier" My brother said satisfyingly to the man from the doorstep.

The man shifted off the wall to where the light from the open door poured on his face and my mind absorbed his image like a camera.

Oblong, rough and unshaven, so were his facial features.

"Why apologize when you did nothing wrong Darius?" he said, narrowing his left eye to a slit. 

My brother didn't speak.

"I don't need your apology. You've done well bringing her." he said, sparing me a death glance.

My guts twitched and I swallowed hard.

Mother, where on earth are you?

"Okay. I'll be leaving now" my brother said as he stepped out and banged the door shut.

Darkness surrounds me again.

Oh no. I heard my brother's footsteps pad past the door.

He really left me here.

My heart feels like it's gripped in a fist and my breath comes in fast.

The dark terrifies me.

Not only am I in darkness, I have a deadly man in here that's waiting to attack me at any moment.

Just any moment.

Every panic button in me is being pushed every passing second.

I hear light footsteps in the room and I lose sight of where he is.

Oh God.

Suddenly I hear a short snicker coming from the end of the room.

My heart leaps into my throat and my pupils dilate recognizing the person it came from in spite of the void darkness hovering in the room.

It's the same man I kicked his nuts and escaped the first time when he wanted to drag me in here.

No. no. no. 

My body quivers as I look into utter blackness, trying my hardest to decipher where he is.

My efforts boil down to waste and I hear heavy footsteps advancing from the opposite side of the room.

"Are you done running?" his undisputed voice hollows in the darkness.

Shivers run down my spine and my palm falls over my mouth to prevent my weak whimpers from being heard.

He takes more advansive steps and I instinctively back up against the wall.

Mother, where are you?

"You shouldn't have ran"

I hear him say and I sense another presence in the room.

A cold shiver runs through me.

"You should have obliged when i asked nicely" 

I hear him say padding emphasis on his last word as though it tasted bitter on his tongue.

A fearful impulsive gasp escapes my lips when I feel a presence before me.

"No. Leave me alone! Let go of me"

I scream and struggle as a huge hand lifts me from the floor with no effort and suspends me into the air.

My whole frame crashes into the floor and a hot wave of pain bores deep into my fragile bones.

The room goes dead silent and the only audible thing I hear is my own heart banging frantically against my ribs.

I back up against the wall behind me.

My breath comes out as short spurts of rushed expelled air.

"You shouldn't have done this, but I'll make you regret it. Surely"

I hear his thick voice echo in the room.

His words and tone, heavy with underlying promise.

I hear steps approach closer to me and cowardly whimperings crawl up my throat and fall from my lips.

"I Gale Kinder assures you"

He promises, the danger in it hardly altered.

My heart jumps aggressively in my chest as cold sweat beads down my face.

"Mother, where are you?"

 I whimper against my palm as my eyes wait for the door to open any moment.

A loud short chuckle reverbs in the shady room.

"I think someone misses her mommy dearest"

A different voice says decisively and both men laugh.

"Listen little one. You're mommy's gone now"

 I hear him say impassively, but I still hold on to the few strings of hope I have left.

She has never left me and won't.

 I hear his steps pad closer and I feel his presence before me.

Fear swells in my chest and my muscles tighten with the agonizing expectation of what lies in dangerous wait against me.

I feel his fingers brush against my legs and I instinctively pull them up to my chest.

"Why are you doing this?" 

I ask, utterly petrified, pressing my hands together.

He chuckles lightly.

"The innocent ones are the best target" 

The innocent ones are the best target.

I repeat silently trying to make meaning out of it.

"We could do this the easy way,"

I feel his touch lingering on my collar bone.

I retreat backwards.

His face saunters close to mine with a slick movement.

My chest makes successive rises and falls and my pulse speeds up.

"Or the hard way" 

 I feel his lips brush against my ear.

I jerk back and the back of my head meets the wall.

"Leave me alone!" I fretfully vocalize as I attempt to push his silhouette away from me.

He grabs my hands and yanks me forward.

I hit his hard chest and a convulsive gasp leaves my lips.

His fingers wrap around my neck and he tightens them with a devilish grunt.

Tear drops speedily form in my eyes.

I choke violently against his palm, hitting and pounding on him to be free. 

My face goes blue and I start feeling light headed as the tightens get intense.

He releases his dense grip on me and I hit my back against the wall, gasping for breath through raspy and throaty coughs.

"Looks like the little one wants it rough"

His deep drawl reverbs into my petrified soul and my skin breaks out in goose bombs.

His belt buckle jiggles vigorously as he roughly unbuckles it.

Good Lord no.

"Jag! Make her hold still!"

He commands the other figure in the room.

"Please just let me go! Please please"

I scream, struggling with the huge arms dragging me up.

He pulls me to my feet and pins against the wall, trying to straddle my hands behind me.

"Little one…It's obvious you're innocent"

He says in a shady whisper and I feel his touch at the side of my stomach, sliding down the fabric of my skirt.

I expel an impulsive sharp breath as I feel his cold hands contact my bare skin.

My world tilts to the side and my last thread of hope snaps.

Survival instincts kick in inside of me.

Run.

Run Nesrin.

I heed to the voice and break free from his hold and blindly seek the door in complete darkness.

I crash back to the floor as a push from behind causes me to lose balance.

A terrified scream drags up my burning throat as I land flat on a cold metal.

"Let me go! Let me go!"

I struggle with the hands trying to hold me from behind.

"Ma'm stop stop"

A female voice pleads and my eyes snap open.

"Ma'am what's the problem?!"

Amelia questions trying to hold my convulsing body in place but the force driving me is overpowering.

"Ahhh!....urgh!...urgh!..."

I bawl, clamping both sides of my head with my trembling palms.

My nerves vibrate as an active powering machine would as I maneuver out of the grip of Amelia and the man struggling to keep my legs together.

Air flares out of my nostrils as it would from an untamed bear.

"He..he came..he came again..i..i couldn't fight him off"

I quiver as I sprawl out as a shaking mess on the floor. My eyes clad shut as my heart slams hard inside my chest.

"Ma'am no one came here. It was only but a dream"

Amelia cries out, fear deeply seated in her little voice.

"Ma'am please"

She says pulling me into her arms and I feel her hot tears on my shoulders.

"I was too weak...and..i just couldn't escape" 

I say through loud convulsive gasps and I shiver as the wind from the ajar window hits my sweat covered skin.

"I understand madame"

She comforts me, tapping on my back gently.

Another dream.

Another reminder.

Another knife, digged through my scar-littered heart.

"Why does it always come back?"

The question left my lips in a breath before I could re-think.

It must be confusing for her.

I won't blame her, no one ever understands.

"To make you think they never left" 

She says honestly and I feel an edge of pain in her voice.

My head lifts from her chest and my blue eyes meet hers.

She nods silently in agreement to my thoughts.

"It's all okay madame"

She assures and her gray eyes bubble with unsaid compassion.

A sliver of lost warmth skitters into my veins and I rest back on her chest to absorb it while it lasts.

"What's with all those screaming?"

A voice questions from the door.

My eyelids flutter open and I meet his pissed eyes.

"I think madame Nesrin was having a bad dream"

Answered the man that helped me earlier.

He goes silent and speaks after a short while.

"Amelia come here now" he orders.

 Amelia's chest vibrates lightly against my face as a gasp leaves her. 

I quickly shift off her body and she stands up.

A shiver runs through my body as another slash of wind hits me.

I struggle up from the floor and hurry into the bathroom.

My lower abdomen relaxes as I empty my bladder into the toilet.

I avoid my own reflection in the mirror as I scurry out.

"Madame?" 

I hear Amelia call out from my room.

"Master wants me to help you get ready for your welcoming feast today"

A wave of electricity shoots through my veins at what she just said.

Oh no. 

What if it happens again?

I look at Amelia's happy expression and butterflies stream down my back.

"Oh is that today?"

"You forgot so quickly? Master Laurel must have mentioned it to you. It must have slipped your mind"

She attests, accessing my features.

"What's wrong? You look tense. Are you okay?"

I heave a sigh, not having in me to pretend anymore.

After all, I'm just a weak, broken doll.

"You saw right through me. Didn't you?"

"What's the matter? We still have plenty of time to get ready. We can start now if you want. The feast is not until evening" 

Her attitude reminds me of my mother and the luxury life of care I was once showered with.

A sense of belonging that lasted for only but a short time.

All that's left of me now is a weak and fragmented piece of my former self.

"It's not about getting ready. I know we have time to do that. It's just..

Her eyes are glued to my lips as I explain but it's hard for the words  to flow out.

I've  never  admitted it to anyone else since college.

And of course yes, it didn't go without me being mocked and laughed at.

Ridiculed each time it happens.

Who knew it could take just one event to ruin my social life?

"Amelia don't you worry. I'm fine"

Her face melts with worry and her forehead is marked with creases with compassion.

"But you don't look like you're okay."

I heave a sigh and turn slightly from her.

"Listen. I know I'm just an ordinary maid and my life will probably end serving here. But I still know when something's not right"

Her eyes locating my uneasiness in visible features of the worry muscle jumping aggressively in my cheek, my bottom lip sucked into my mouth with my teeth grinding down on it and my hightened breathing.

It's good she can sense an abnormal behavior in a person. But never again.

Never again will I tell.

Never again will I grant access to another into my hidden side.

No matter what.

"Amelia I said I'm fine"

My tone was rather harsh but luckily it didn't suprise her.

She reminds me of Cassandra Lopes - my late mother.

That was exactly how she would have reacted.

Calm and tolerant.

She got comfortable with my constant mood changes and emotional instability, irrational biting out over the slightest things.

Even when i sank into chronic depression and mood boxes were always staked high and would topple over the tiniest push.

That was when I was still getting to know the background I was brought out from.

I saw the way young girls in my neighborhood and school were allowed to go wherever and whenever.

In my own side, I was in a cage.

Restricted and monitored.

Every step and every inch, surrounded by guards.

It was just too much to cup as a teenager.

"Okay, if you insist then it's fine"

She gives me a  warm smile and goes over to my bed.

I watch her fold the clothes I scattered on it last night, into neat and tidy heaps.

She tucks the bed in a new bedding and heaps the old ones up for laundry.

She gets the room in shape and adds a relaxing finish off of a peach scented spray to the air and we settle down to prepare myself for the feast.

A deep breath and out.

Everything will go fine Nesrin.

Just calm your wits and be focused.