chapter 1

Bianca Halsall

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1: If this is love, why does it break me down? Why do you break me down?

"You're crazy, you know that B?"

"Shut up and just do it. You're being too much of a pussy." She huffed, moving to throw me her middle finger.

"I am a pussy you bitch. Do I look like a Dick?" Fiona grunted sarcastically, she flipped her hair behind her ear. "Now, where were we?"

"You were just about to walk up to Derek?"

She hummed, tsked and then sighed. "Let's just leave it B."

"No, F. Go up to him and show him what he messed with." Her eyes moved all the way to Derek who had another girl on his lap. I frowned, shaking my head.

I still didn't get what he saw in her.

"Hailey Storm. That bitch better watch were she's going coz' imma' give it to her real good."

Fiona turned sharply to me, she grinned. "I love you and all, bestie, but please don't start any drama now?"

My brows raised. "She started it, Fi. Can't you see the ugly smirks she's sending to our table?"

"I don't care. She wants him, so she got him. I can't do anything about that."

"He's your boyfriend."

"Was." She corrected me. "We're done."

I watched her suspiciously. "For real? Like seriously done this time?"

"Yeah, yeah. We're done for good. I never really liked him anyway." Fiona tried.

I snorted. "Sure." I said sarcastically. "I remember you expressing how crazy in love you are with him."

She grumbles something to herself. Combing her fingers through her black locks. "Can we forget I ever dated him."

I shrugged, my eyes moving to their table once again. "Sure." I watched Hailey smirk up at Fiona, sending her the middle finger. My hands clenched. "After I punch her on the face."

"Shit, B. You wouldn't-" but I was already half way to their table, my fist clenching and un-clenching.

Fiona walked rapidly behind me, trying to reach up to me but it was too late.

Hailey and Derek both snapped their eyes on us as they heard us approaching. Derek tossed Hailey to her own seat immediately and she scowled.

He smiled at me, then turned her eyes to Fiona behind me. Derek suddenly looked pale. He was on his feet before I was in front of him. "Direk." I spat his name wrongly on purpose.

Derek paid no attention to me, his eyes on Fiona. "Baby-"  and I punched him.

I slammed my knuckles on his nose just as that word left his mouth. Hailey screamed in fright and soon stood to hold Derek who had his face in his hands, groaning in pain.

"What's fucking wrong with you, bitch!" Hailey shouted, and I smirked.

"Oh hi there, Hailey. Didn't see you there." Haileys' face went bit red, she dropped her hold on Derek and moved to stand in front of me.

She looked up at me, and I wanted to laugh at how hard she tried to intimidate me. "You sick, bitch! What's your problem!" She snapped.

"My problem?" I laughed, shaking my head. "My problem is you and fucking you."

I took a step forward to slam my fist on her face but Fiona grabbed on my arm before I could lift my fist in the air. She stood in front of me, looking me straight in the eyes. "We're not getting ourselves in any trouble, B. Let it go."

"I don't care if I do, Fi. Can't I just punch her an-"

"No." She said sharply, daring me with her eyes to disobey. Grunting, I stepped back.

"Fine." Haileys' shoulders dropped as tension soon left her body. She then smirked. And there it was, I need to smash her face on the wall.

Fiona sadly could read my mind, and already had me dragged to the door. I turned just in time to send Hailey Fucking Storm my middle finger. She glared at me but her smirk didn't drop.

And poor Derek, he watched us leave with a bleeding nose.

As we got back in the busy streets. Out of the café we once were in,  Fiona started speed walking in front of me before letting go of my arm.

Her legs carried her quickly, and I followed with confusion at her sudden behaviour. We both crossed the road, moving down the street to our apartment.

"Are you okay?"

"Are you stupid?!" Fiona snapped after my own words, she slammed the door behind her. Walking up to me once we were in our apartment.

"What?" I frowned, confused.

Laughing, she shook her head and made it for our shared bedroom. "What did I do now?" I whined.

"You shouldn't get yourself involved, B. What if Derek has his whole gang of friends known about this events?" She exclaims, roughly opening the bathroom door and walking in.

I sighed, flopping on the bed, facing the ceiling. " ...and so what?" I heard Fiona release one of her sarcastic gasp. Being the dramatic queen she always is.

"Excuse me miss?!" She shouted from all the way in the bathroom. "Did I perhaps hear you right?"

"I'm serious, Fi. We can't keep up with his acts. He isn't only bad for you but dangerous."

"I don't need to be told that, B."

"Maybe you do, you never listen anyway." I gringed, remembering the constant 'I told you so' I had thrown to her face when every thing I said about Derek Styles was true.

"Oh shush." I heard something falling from the bathroom. It was silent for a while.

"You okay in there?" I waited, watching mindlessly at our light bulb that had stopped working a week ago.

There weren't any response from her and I sighed. "Fi? What's up?" Still, she didn't reply directly.

I stood up immediately and rushed to the bathroom, smacking the door open. My shoulders dropped in relief. "Fuck, Fi. You scared the shit outta me." I pouted.

Fiona had her back to me. She sat in the bathroom floor, with her suitcase in front of her. Few dresses were on the floor surrounding her.

Fiona stood rigid and cold. "Fi?" I called to her, her head didn't turn, and so I walked forward.

Once I stood close enough to see what she held in her hands, I resited the urge to freeze up. "Fuck, Fi. You still have his darn pictures?"

"He's my brother, B. I miss him." She confessed.

"Well, you shouldn't. He's not worth your time." I scolded, making sure to not gaze at the handsome young teenage boy who was nearly hitting his adulthood.

"Come. Let's get something to eat, yeah?" I asked her, grabbing the picture and shoving it in my back pocket. I grabbed onto her shoulders. "Come. Come."

We walked out the bathroom and in our room. "I'm sorry." She suddenly said, and I sighed, moving towards the door.

Fiona stopped me by grabbing on my wrist. "Wait, B. I'm really sorry. I-I should be the one helping you get over him but...I-I keep, I-"

"It's okay, Fi."

"No." She insisted. Shaking her head, she pulled me in for a hug. "It's not okay, B. I'm making this so hard for you. I should be by your side and helping you forget him, but..." She inhales shakily. "I just miss him so much. All five of them."

My heart started beating wildly, but I skillfully blanked my expression. "It's fine, really. He's you're brother, Fi. I can't blame you for feeling this way."

Fiona nodded, tightening her hold on me. She sighed, moving away. "You know, you're so strong and kind hearted. I think that's why I'm so in love with you."

I grinned widely and she smirked. "Who can resist me." I faked a snort, rolling my eyes. "I'm just amazing aren't I?"

Pouting, she flipped me the finger, pushing me away. "Sure." She pointed her tongue at me, walking out the room door. "I'll make lunch for us!" She called before disappearing.

I stood there, grinning painfully for a while. Then my eyes dropped to my feet. I felt that same ache in my chest return. My throat felt heavy and closed off.

My vision blurred for a second or two before I cleared it. "Fuck. Snapped outta it Bianca." I scolded myself, my fingers moving to my back pocket.

His handsome face came to my view once again. It's been three years. Three damn long years. I feel so empty without him, but he left. Fiona who reminds me so much of him, was now who I was glad to have in my life.

I miss him terribly. His curly brown hair, soft in between my fingers. His rough skin tracing every inch of my skin. His cool minty breath on my neck and breasts.

My eyes shut tightly. I miss his stupid Italian nicknames for me. His stupid ascent, and the deepness of his voice every time he'd get mad at every little thing I did. I miss the long talks and nights we'd share.

I...I miss how he'd whisper 'I love you, bella' every night before I'd fall asleep. His sense of humour, sarcastic side. Straight away answers when he got jealous. His brown eyes.

I miss cheering him on in every matches. When he'd walk up in that ring. Kissing him passionately before a match. How he'd hug me tightly and tell me to cheer him on, to be in the front where he'd be able to see me.

I miss how stubborn he was, and overprotective of me and Fiona. I miss his possessive side, how he'd snap if even a man or boy would look at me for too long.

Fuck. Why can't I get him out of my head, my soul, heart and life? What drug had he forced down my throat before he took his leave. And broke my heart...?

Why exactly did he leave?

"If you don't get your ass here soon, B. I promise you'll go without food until Dinner later tonight!" I heard Fiona shout over from the little kitchen that somehow fits in this little apartment.

I sighed, wiping invisible dust on the picture, I shoved it back in my pocket. Smiling weakly and made my way to the kitchen and my best friend. "I'll probably eat you if you dare!"

"Ewww, B!" She exclaims, gasping at me when I came in view. She had her nose crunched up. "That was so dirty, you bitch."

"Thanks." I crackled and she flipped me her middle finger.

I love this girl.

And I'm still in fucking love with her stupid ass brother....

.....

K~☺