Chapter Fifty-One: The Music Returns

Celeste:

Sex, I wanted sex. I couldn't explain it but I needed him. Novi slumbered peacefully next to me, his muscular body tempting me. I would have to jump into the water at some point, my mental state proving to be okay. Dr. Benston suggested I take it slow by doing small acts at first, then dipping my toe in slowly. Crawling underneath the blankets, a long sigh escaped my lips. You can do this. Taking him all in, it felt amazing. Groaning awake, his eyes fell on me. Continuing to suck with a renewed vigor, guilt mixed with pleasure. Licking the length, gruff groans poured from his lips. Unable to speak from all the ecstasy coursing through his body, his hand grabbed the top of my head. Moving my head up and down, tears welled up in my eyes. Pushing past the increasing anxiety, I needed to please him. I can do this, I told myself. Pausing for a moment, he pulled me up. Cupping my face, his lips kissed mine sensually. Melting into his arms, a nasty voice nagged at me. Shutting it down, I was going to associate this with good things. Turning around, I sank onto his thick girth. Bouncing up and down, an inky eyed version of me shook her head in the corner. Closing my eyes, my heart rate was picking up. Clammy sweat drenched my skin, my face paling. Gritting my teeth, this was something I could do. Tucking a piece of hair behind my ear, he sat up on his haunches. Sliding his hands down to my hips, he lifted me up and down. Tracing his fangs along the nape of my neck, his next words made me feel worse.

"Are you having fun?" He asked cautiously, my head nodding. "I can st-" Forcing him to bite me, it took away some of the pain. Basking in the warmth of his embrace, the inky eyed version of me glitched. Biting me all over, he bent me over. My inner wolf howled with joy, the discomfort fading slightly. My claws dug into the bed, my toes curling with every wild buck of his hips. My dripping turned into a flood, my mind not connecting with the pleasure. Wishing that I could enjoy it, he flipped me underneath him. Wiping away my tears, he ran his hands up my thigh as he placed my heels on my shoulders. Smiling sadly at me, guilt burned in his eyes. Guilt wasn't necessary, my heart desiring this.

"I need this." I assured him with a bright smile, his palms rubbing my legs. "I don't feel the pleasure but I am not that scared." Lining himself up, his name bounced off the wall as his tip brushed against my g-spot. Groaning gruffly, my fingers gripped the sheets. This position has always been my favorite, a tender blush rising on my cheeks. Forgetting my stress for a moment, a goofy grin dawned on my lips. Moving his hips faster, a satisfied sigh poured from his lips the moment his hot seed filled me up. Lowering my legs, he collapsed next to me. Pulling me onto his chest, unnecessary tears flooded silently from my eyes. Three quarters of me enjoyed it while the other quarter hated me for it, my mind feeling like a three ring circus. Wiping away my tears, he kissed my forehead.

"Thank you." He whispered lovingly into my ear, playing with a piece of my hair. "I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did." Saying nothing, we let the gentle snores of our twins fill the silence. Gazing up at him lovingly, his fingers intertwined with mine. Half of my anxiety and stress had been relieved, Novi's had been as well. However, he didn't have to know how I really felt. Holding his other hand in the air, his crooked grin melted my heart. How had this man taken over my heart?

"I had fun. The hallucination of the dark version of me glitched so I can safely conclude some progress was made." I assured him with my real smile, hoping I could keep going in the right direction. "At least your mother is at peace now." Pulling me on top of him, his strong hands cupped my face. Kissing my lips feverishly, scarlet colored my cheeks. My heart fluttered with each kiss, Heaven seemed a bit closer. The twins wailed, Novi leaping out of bed to scoop them up. Coming over with them, he had a couple of diapers under his arm. Changing them like a pro, he passed them to me to feed them. Resting against the headboard, their tiny mouths latched on. Smiling softly to myself, Novi rested his head on my shoulder. Wishing moments like this could last an eternity, my heart fluttered as his lips brushed against the bare skin on my shoulders.

"You are such a good mother." He sighed sweetly, kissing the nape of my neck. "Do you need anything?" Ever the adoring husband, I shook my head. Having him by me was all I needed, the twins finishing up. Taking Darwin, he burped while Susie took a bit longer. Kissing my cheek, his usual worried look bore into my soul for a quick second. He wasn't wrong, I had nearly jumped off a roof after all. Alas, he didn't have to treat me like a damn glass doll.

"I am not going to jump off a roof anytime soon." I retorted bitterly, hurt dimming his eyes. "I am doing better, I promise. You can stop looking at me like I am a glass doll. I may have cracks but I am mostly whole. I am over this." Swinging my feet over the edge of the bed, I set Susie on the bed. Tugging on a violet lace bra and underwear, my fingers settled on a dark gray sweater and black and green plaid skirt. Tugging them on as Novi placed the twins in their playpen, he pinned me to the wall. Low growls rumbled in his throat, my face paling. Dark tension burned between us, his limit clearing having been met. So many words rested on the tip of his tongue, frustration brewed in his eyes.

"Jesus Christ! Don't you ever understand what it was like to catch you from a certain death!" He roared thunderously, silent tears staining his cheeks. "Do you know what it is like to watch you get torn apart from the inside and not being able to help! You wouldn't get it because you had a horrible childhood! I try and try to understand you but I can't! I only feel what you feel and it is torturing me. You don't ever stop worrying or yelling at yourself! I am freaking trying!" Shoving him off of me, the intensity in his voice reminded me of my stepfather's. Stand up or cower, my mind flitting frantically between the two options.

"Screw you!" I returned vehemently, wanting to run away. "I am trying to be better for everyone and my mind screams at me all the time. I wake up thinking how I can shake everything off to feel it later! You are only getting the surface! I hate myself for not fighting back and letting another man touch me! I hate me way more than you ever could!" Trembling in my spot, he pulled me into a desperate embrace. Sobbing into his shoulder, he kissed the top of my head. Apologizing profusely, he lifted up my chin with his finger. How did he know how to diffuse me so effortlessly?

"I know you are trying." He wept with an exhausted smile, pressing his against my lips sweetly. "I will try harder too. We might as well get the day going. I like the outfit by the way." Stepping back, he began to pull on one of his navy suits. Fixing his hair, the cross on his ear glittered in the early sunrise. Buttoning up his last button, he pulled me into a playful embrace. Snuggling into his chest, the twins looked like they had grown considerably. Releasing me from his warm spell, I didn't want him to let me go. As if he heard me, he pulled me into one of his bear hugs. Taking in his scent, my muscles relaxed.

"You don't have to ask for a hug. Did you want to get your piano today?" He offered with a Cheshire Cat grin, spinning me around. "Did you think I forgot about your request?" A deeper scarlet burned my cheeks, my fingers playing with the necklace he had given me. Dancing around the room with me, our twin's laughter twinkled in the air. His real smile never left his face, one tug had us chest to chest. Kissing lips with me hungrily, my body arched towards him. Time stopped, our heartbeats were all I could hear. A knock interrupted me as his father walked in. Hugging me first, a bit of jealousy burned in Novi's eyes, he walked right over to the babbling twins.

"You two can take off. I am getting in some grandfather time today." He chirped cheerfully, scooping them up. "You have the defrosted breast milk in the fridge, right?" Looking in Novi's direction, Novi shot him a thumbs up. Hooking his elbow in mine before I could protest, he had me sliding on my boots and out the door. Typing in an address, he opened the passenger door for me. Clipping my seat belt into place, my hair blew back the moment the door slammed shut. Getting into his seat, the engine roared to life. Peeling onto the road, he popped open the glove box. A new book fell out, a blanket waited on the back of the seat. Grinning proudly, he really knew me. Opening up the first page, the binding cracking for the first time sent chills up my spine. Getting lost in my book, he made sure to check up on me as hard rock blasted in the car. Pulling up to a piano store, excitement bubbled in my gut. Letting myself out of the car, the bell rang as I ran in. A sour woman blocked my pathway, her short petite body oozed a cold aura. Icy blue eyes shot daggers into mine. Her blonde bun must have been pulled so tight for her mouth to look in such a manner. Clearing her throat, a flirtatious glow came over her eyes. Ignoring me, Novi yanked me closer to his hips.

"My wife would like to buy a piano." He growled irritably, kissing my forehead. "Do I need to repeat myself? Better yet we will find it ourselves." Shaking her head, her boring black heels clicked out of the way. Shrinking back, his iciness froze her aura. Scanning the room, my eyes fell on the used room. Tears welled up in my eyes, my father's white piano sat underneath the only yellow light. Walking up to it, I lifted up the key covers. Our initials confirmed it, my fingers tracing the letters. Playing a C note, the piano screamed out a shrill note. Passing Novi my purse, I lifted up the back. Fiddling around, the sour woman rushed in with panic on her face. Putting my hand up before she could speak, I cleared my throat.

"I used to play this piano with my father and it is a bitch to tune properly." I snapped hotly, teardrops crashing the worn wooden inside. "He taught me how to play since I was old enough to speak. Do you mind hitting the C for me?" Her lips pressed into a thin line, knowing that the truth had been spoken. Hitting the C for me, the crisp ring told me that it was in the right spot. Setting the back down, I sat on the bench. Cracking my fingers, she stood back. Playing one of his songs, my fingers bounced on the ivory keys. Happy notes filled the room, tears flowing from the woman's eyes. Rising to my feet, I examined the price tag. Time to exercise my silver tongue, I straightened up. Let's bargain my way to a lower price.

"You will take ten percent off and deliver it for no cost." I demanded with a pleasant smile. "I did have to tune it after all. Does the sign not say that they all come properly tuned?" Pointing to the sign next to me, she tore up the price tag. Wiping away her tears, her hands rested on her hips. Offering me her hand, she coughed into her hand. What was up with this strange lady, her youth coming back with her relaxed expression.

"My father said to sell an old instrument back to the family at half off. How does that sound?" She said jovially, my hand shaking hers. "Do you mind playing another piece? Only my father could play as well as you. He said a white haired man taught him everything he knew. If I am being honest, you played better than my father. That piano was sold to him. I am happy it is going back home." Sitting back down on the bench, my eager eyes met hers.

"Do you have a specific song?" I inquired serenely, happy to play my wonderful piano again. Running out of the room, Novi gripped my shoulder. Apparently, he had been driven to tears himself. Coming back in with a beat up piece of music, the papers shook in her hands as she passed them to me. Setting them up, it was an original piece. Tears blurred my vision, my father's handwriting greeting me. Cracking my hands, I fought back the tears. Clearing my throat, it was time. The light notes reminded me of our spring picnics, the long chords reminding me of the wind. The pace picked up, the quick notes created the image of a younger me dancing in the field with him. Slowing down, the moment I met Novi caught me off guard. Finishing up, her bangs hid her eyes. Teardrops crashed to the floor, her hands wiping the tears away.

"I am Tory Musica, hopefully your new friend." She sobbed happily, her wet eyes meeting my concerned face. "I have a favor to ask you. Can you tune the other pianos for me? My father had the talent, not me. I can't play at all." Covering the keys, I raised my fingers in the air. Let's see if she would take the bait.

"I could teach you how to play in exchange for the piano and I will tune any piano that comes your way. That way it doesn't cost you." I offered kindly, her face lighting up. "You will have to come to my home though. As for the tuning, I will come by once a month." The bench groaned as I rose to my feet, her body smashing into mine. Sobbing into my shoulder, my face fell at the sea of pianos. Stepping back, she pressed her palms together. Her smile did make her look more approachable, her next request didn't need to be spoken. Rolling up my sleeves, this was going to take a hot minute. Moving from piano to piano, some were better than others. After tuning up my father's piano, those poor things were a piece of cake. Checking the time, four hours had passed, an exhausted Novi slumbered in the chair in the office. Bouncing up to me, she cupped my hands.

"Thank you so much." She exclaimed with a new warmth, her crooked grin never leaving her face. Undoing her bun, golden waves cascaded down her back. Holding the elastic in my teeth, I twisted it into an intricate side bun. Stepping back, the look in her eyes reminded me of a child's.

"That feels so much better." She cried out in disbelief, my brows raising in response. "My mother used to do the same things. Oh, silly me. I am sorry for prattling on. I suspect you want to have some of your day to yourselves. Can we do our lessons on Wednesday night from seven to eight. Sor-" Poking her nose, the stunned woman paused mid-sentence.

"Works for me. See you then." I returned with my genuine smile, throwing a spare key in Novi's direction. Catching it in his palm, daggers could have shot from his eyes. My thighs rubbed together, each slow step towards me turned me on more. What was going on with me? Placing me on his back, his stern look told me not to complain. Kissing the top of his head, crimson colored his cheeks. Walking to the car, he sat me down on the passenger seat, his lips locking with mine hungrily. Tracing his love bites, his wolf wanted me. Arching my body towards him, his hand slipped underneath the small of my waist.

"We can't do this here." I gasped between kisses, his other hand sliding up my shirt. "I want you too but you need to find somewhere else." Growling huskily in my ear, he nibbled on my ear. Something woke up in me, my lips pressing against his lustfully. The pent up sexual tension burst, every cell in me wanting him. Clipping in my seat belt, he couldn't shut my door fast enough. Climbing in, he drove for quite a bit. Chewing on his lips, the anxiety wasn't with me at the moment. Pulling into his gallery, he snatched me from the car. Carrying me to his office, he locked the door behind him. Peeling off my sweater, an extended claw tore my bra off. Sitting me on his desk, his shaking hands shimmied my skirt off. Dancing his claws up my leg, the underwear never stood a chance. Stepping back, a devilish grin danced across his lips. Taking his buttons off one by one, his clothes fluttered to the floor. Gulping once, this was a new side of him. Getting on his knees, the tip of his tongue grazed my clit. Gripping his desk, the anxiety hadn't come back yet. Basking in the moment, this felt so amazing. Short gasps bounced off the wall, his fingers sliding in. Syncing the rhythm, my gasps turned into lust filled moans. Goosebumps popped up on my body, the familiar feeling of ecstasy returning. Pulling him up, he dragged me to the edge of the desk, his strong hands forcing my legs apart. Lining himself up, his name burst from my lips the moment he jammed himself in. Snaking my arms around his neck, this position unlocked a whole new level of paradise.

"Feel good, Cell?" He groaned huskily in my ear, his hips spinning to their own miraculous rhythm. "I can tell by the way your wolf is craving me more. I bet I can make you h-" A howl reverberated from the glass, my body craving more. Lifting me up, he bent me over the desk. Extending his claws, he traced them along my back. Gripping the other side of the desk, every breath grew shorter. Images of the warehouse flashed in my mind, my heart began to beat a mile a minute. My claws shattered the wood, a scream of terror bursting from my lips. Awkward silence hung in the air, Novi clutching me close to his chest. Sobbing into his chest, he kissed the top of my head. Taking me under the desk, his strong arms felt like home.

"I am so sorry." I apologized profusely, his finger tracing my cheek. "I ruin everything." Holding me like his life depended on it. Breathing grew harder, my face paled. Clammy sweat drenched his skin, my wet eyes falling on his guilty expression. Small, I felt small. A black iron door formed in front of us, a storm raged inside his office. Shivering underneath his desk, I couldn't get out of this panic attack.

"Hey, hey, hey." He panicked with chattering teeth, his hands cupping my face. "It's okay. I told you that I would wait for you. Let's not do that position again until you are ready. Take a deep breath. Remember my smile on a nice summer day, or how we used to sit in that tree together." Sinking into the happy places of my mind, my childhood with him played out. Hiding in the attic with him, his big eyes watched me paint. A kiss on my forehead snapped me back to reality, my breathing had slowed down. The metal door crumbled, the wind died down. I was that broken doll he kept looking at, my amazing husband refused to let me go. Scanning the disaster of his office, I squirmed out of his arms. Tugging on my clothes, I got down on my hands and knees. Picking up the papers scattered across the floor, Novi got dressed in seconds. Attempting to stop me, I had to fix my mess. Slapping his hand away, a second panic attack was seconds from starting. Arranging them into a neat pile, sharp pain jolted my palm. Shards of broken glass stuck out of the skin, blood pooling around the glass. Scooping me up, he sat me down on his desk. Pulling out a first aid kit, a pair of tweezers glistened in his hand.

"This is going to sting." He warned me lovingly, plucking out every piece of glass. "I was going to have my janitor pick all of this up. Hell, I would do it before you." Cleaning up the blood, he wrapped my hand up. Cupping my hands together, his kind eyes made me feel worse. Bowing my head in shame, I didn't deserve him.

"I don't deserve you." I mumbled under my breath, ripping my hands out of his. "I make a mess of everything." My bangs hid my eyes, his finger lifting up my chin with his finger. Kissing my lips gently, the shame wouldn't leave my watering eyes.

"Yes, you do." He returned warmly, cupping my face. "You are an amazing woman who experienced a traumatic event. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Not to mention the smartest and strongest. Do you want to get lunch or whatever meal it is?" Waiting patiently for my answer, his eager grin placed more pressure on me.

"Okay." I stammered nervously, choking on my one word. Placing me on his back, he carried me to the car. Buckling me up, he closed the door for me. Sliding into his seat, the engine roared to life. Picking up my new book, I buried myself into a plot that wasn't too far from mine. Glancing out the window, the afternoon sun bathed the trees. Trees turned to buildings, an Italian restaurant caught my eyes. Pulling up, he turned the engine off. My stomach was hungry, the anxiety coursing through me threatening to rob me of any appetite I had. Sighing deeply, this was going to be difficult.