Chp.4: Lesson about apologies

Haku stood still to think for a while, then came down to the hill to go and have a little water from the pond. He continued to rethink what Kotaru had told him.

Had he really behaved so badly? Had he been so aggressive and stubborn that even his own family was afraid of him? Even Darbi, the brother he had promised solemnly that he would protect him forever? Even Kotaru, the sister who had never had the slightest rowing in scolding him when he was wrong? Now everyone feared him?

Haku was very difficult to understand the thoughts of others. It had always been his biggest flaw. It was strange: when it came to manipulating and using the newcomers to his advantage, he knew how to predict their actions and reactions of anyone with absolute precision, while instead when it was to relate to his own blood he often made enormous gaffes. It was as if his brain stops working when he was his brothers or sisters.

Maybe it was because he took for granted that they would always be on his side...

That thought hit him like an arrow. Could it be for that? Did he get used to giving his family for granted? Was it why he had remained so upset to the thought that they could abandoned him and he ended up remaining alone?

Haku didn't know. He wasn't good with these things. The more he thought about it, the more he convinced himself that perhaps he should have listened to Kotaru. He didn't know how, but maybe apologizing he would manage to fix things. He doubted he could solve everything in one day, but maybe if he had shown his sincerity Rhaegal and the others would have been willing to give him another possibility.

The problem was that he had no idea how to do it. Dragons weren't used to apologize. It wasn't in their blood. Dragons were selfish, stubborn, arrogant and narcissistic, and even if Haku tried to be different, these characteristics were still rooted within him. Admitting that he was wrong would have been a horrible affront to his pride.

Haku had never apologized to his life. He had never needed to do it: everything he thought, said and did was perfectly logical, and consequently everyone had always supported him. But now the situation had changed, and he had to at least try to repair the mess that he caused.

What did he have to say? 'Rhaegal, sorry, wouldn't I have to hide my plans, kill our mother and talk to you in that way'? In doing so he would have only started a quarrel. 'Rhaegal, I'm really sorry, even if I don't think I have done anything wrong'? No, maybe it was better to cut the last part. But this wouldn't have been sincere... the apologies should have been sincere, but how could he do it if he didn't think he had done something wrong?

While he thought, he reached the pond and he started to drink. Maybe he would have had the clearest mind after quenching. The water of the pond wasn't as good and fresh like the one of the rivers that flowed in the forest, but it was still drinkable. It had a grassy aftertaste, perhaps due to the numerous reeds that emerged from the pond.

While he drunk, Haku perceived vibrations in the water. He immediately raised his muzzle and put himself in an attack position, but he didn't perceive any extraneous smell in the air. On the contrary, he smelled the scent of one of his sisters. This calmed him down. Intrigued, he turned around the reeds and saw Tikka immersed in the water halfway, completely immobile except for the fact that she shaken the tail sometimes.

Initially Haku thought she was fishing something, but then seeing that she didn't move he understood that shouldn't have been the case. "What are you doing?" he asked while he came out of the open.

"Don't you see it? I'm taking a bath" Tikka replied without even opening her eyes.

The dragons, especially the females, were very vain; they would never have approved that their scales were dirty with dust or mud. Therefore, they washed every time they found a fairly large water basin. It didn't matter that it was a puddle, a pond, a river or a lake: if their bodies entered in it, they wouldn't hesitate to wet with water. Haku wouldn't have found that strange behavior, if it weren't for the fact that Tikka didn't seem that was cleaning herself. "It doesn't seem to me that you are washing"

"I didn't say I'm washing, I said I'm taking a bath. They are two different things" Tikka replied. "I like to stay immersed in the water. It gives a feeling of tranquility. You should try, it helps to calm the nerves"

"Uh... thanks. Maybe one day I will try" Haku replied. Indeed, he had never stayed near a source of water more than necessary to drink, wash or, in the case of the springs, load his runes. After all, the water attracted other animals, including other predators, and among them there could also be newcomers. It was very difficult to hide in a river, therefore he had always avoided doing it. But now that he had the invisibility rune perhaps he could have made a try...

He looked at his sister. Like Kotaru, Tikka had always been one of his weaker and fragile siblings: she had been among the first to be excluded from meals and if it hadn't been for Haku she probably would have died of hunger. However, now she seemed to have become a little stronger: her legs, albeit still thin (at least for the dragons' standards), had become much more robust. Now she no longer struggled to keep up with others, even if when she went to fight or hunt she still had to always do the simplest roles. Her horns had grown a little, a sign of good health: even if the horns of female dragons were much smaller than the males, they were still very showy and the more they became large, the more they were a sign that the dragon was healthy and well nourished.

Haku was happy to see that his sister was physically improving. He filled him with joy to know that their efforts to be able to protect and feed everyone were not in vain, and that indeed they would really have allowed them to survive. One day, when they would become the strongest predators in the world, they would be all together.

Yeah, together...

Haku remembered what Kotaru had told him. Maybe Tikka was afraid of him too? He thought he could have started apologizing to her. After all, Tikka had been the very first sister with whom he had linked after Kotaru: perhaps she would have been more inclined to forgive him, and therefore he could have made 'practice' with her. "Um... Tikka, listen... since we are here alone, there would be something that I would like to talk to you"

Tikka raised her head from the water and looked at him. "Okay. What is it?"

Haku thought about what to say. "Well... I would like to apologize to you for how I behaved" he said, swallowing his pride as much as possible. "In short, for keeping up things to you, for not having said..."

"You talked to Kotaru, right?" Tikka immediately stopped him.

Haku blocked himself displaced. "How did you understand it?"

"Because she is the only one who manages to put some common sense in your head" Tikka replied. "And because it is impossible that you understood that you were a real asshole"

Haku was somewhat surprised by his sister's intuition. "Am I really so bad in understanding the emotions of the others in your eyes?" he asked.

Tikka snorted. "Do you really want me to answer you?"

No, rethinking about it Haku preferred that question remained unanswered. "Well, if you know, then know that I'm really sorry. I needed Kotaru who explained to me that I was wrong, but I realized I scared you"

Tikka remained for a second in silence, then sighed. "You know, brother, you are really bad at apologize" she said. "But I accept your apologies... even if I don't forgive you so easily"

Well, it was a beginning. "I assure you that I didn't want to scare anyone. I just wanted to protect you"

"I know, Haku, and it's the only reason I'm still talking to you" Tikka replied. "But this doesn't justify your actions. And I'm still very angry with you"

The silence fell between the two. Haku didn't know what else to say. "I know an apology won't be enough, so... could you tell me how to make it up to you?"

Tikka shook her head. "Ah, you're terrible" she grumbled. "It's lucky you came to me before going to the others... because you came to me first, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did"

"Good, because then I'll be able to give you some advice. For the sake of this family, I'll give you some lessons on apologizing to the others"

Tikka stood up slightly. The water flowed from her body like a waterfall. His sister's head lifted up and she met Haku's gaze directly. "First of all, you must know that it is immediately evident that your apologies are not sincere. It is very clear that you do not believe you have done something wrong"

Haku bit his lip. He too had noticed that problem, the trouble was that he didn't know how to solve it.

"My advice is not to apologize for the things Kotaru said to you, but for what you really think you did wrong" Tikka continued. "Try to be honest with me now. Why do you think you have to apologize?"

Haku thought better of it. Why did he want to apologize? Certainly not for what he had done. He didn't think there was anything wrong with that. So why did he want to do it? "Because I hurt you" he finally responded. "I don't regret what I did, because it was necessary for our survival. But I shouldn't have played with your emotions like that, and I shouldn't have expected you to agree, and I shouldn't have ignored your anger and disappointment. I may have done what I had to do for our survival, but as your brother I screwed up. This is why I want to apologize to you, and I promise you that I will try to be better in the future"

Tikka listened to him without saying a word, then she nodded. "This is a sincere apology" she said. "And I accept it much more willingly than the one that you said before. Tell this to Rhaegal and the others, and you will certainly achieve more success than you did with me before"

Haku was happy to hear her say those words. "Thank you" he told her. "Um... are we okay now?"

"Of course not. An apology certainly isn't enough to make it up to you" Tikka replied. "This apology just convinced me to give you a second chance. Now what you have to do is exactly what you promised me, which is to work hard not to make the same mistakes in the future. If I see that you will try seriously, I will consider forgiving you"

Haku was satisfied by those words. It seemed that at least Tikka was sympathetic towards him. "Well... thanks again then. For trusting me again"

"Don't forget. Think about what you're going to tell Rhagel… and everyone else" Tikka answered. "Do you want my advice? Take a bath like me. Keeping your body immersed in water helps to free your mind". Having said that, his sister got completely out of the water and after she dried off she walked to the top of the hill, leaving him alone again.

Haku watched Tikka walk away, then decided to give it a try. He plunged into the water keeping only his head out of it to breathe. At first he didn't feel any different from when he washed normally, but after a while he actually felt more relaxed. It was as if the water had a calming effect on him. And it was really enjoyable.

He didn't know exactly how long he remained immersed in the water, letting the precious liquid wash away his stress, but when he finally came out the first stars had already appeared in the sky. When he returned to the hilltop most of his siblings were already asleep. Haku went to his bed and fell asleep as well. Now, he had a clearer idea of ​​what he was going to do the next day.