Chp.11: After the news

Darbi was leaning against the edge of the railing staring at the river in front of him. Or rather, rather than leaning he was literally lying on the rail and on a good part of the deck, and his head lolled over the side of the ship as if it were an accessory.

After Sisna told him that Rhaegal had been captured, Darbi was overcome with despondency. After those initial words his sister had dragged him away and explained what exactly had happened, and the more he continued the more worried Darbi became. Very soon he started to panic and asked her to tell him what was the plan to retrieve it, but Sisna replied that Haku was still working on it; to reassure him, she had explained that Rhaegal was most likely safe at the moment and that he would soon be freed one way or another, whether it was through a prison break or the payment of a ransom. This had calmed Darbi a bit, who indeed after a while had started to see the logic behind such words, but hadn't been able to completely erase his concern. And also a long series of other unpleasant sensations.

Darbi hated feeling so helpless. He hated knowing that there was nothing he could do but sit and wait. For the second time a brother had been taken from him and he could do nothing about it. And just like when they tried to save Haku he had been left behind until the last moment, even now his siblings had told him to step aside. But the worst part was that he couldn't help but agree with them, because he knew that this situation was largely his fault. He'd been the one who'd first wanted to go on a mission in his real body, he'd been the one who set the example, and Rhaegal had followed suit. And he had done it at a time when the relationship between Rhaegal and Haku was particularly tense, and therefore the latter would not have seriously tried to dissuade his brother while realizing that his mission was much more difficult and dangerous than that of Darbi. While Rhaegal had ultimately made that choice, it was Darbi that inspired him.

Again he had tried to help and he had only made it worse. It was the same situation that had happened with the hydra: he had tried to attack her and as a result he was knocked out and two of his sisters had to carry him off the battlefield, making the fight more difficult for the others. This time the circumstances were a bit different, but still he was again the main culprit: he had tried to help his siblings by showing a closer relationship with the newcomers, and as a result one of his brothers had been kidnapped.

He wasn't surprised that Sisna sounded particularly angry when she spoke to him and that by the way she looked at him she seemed ready to pounce on him and tear him apart. He was pretty sure that if it weren't for the fact that they didn't have time to waste she would have lectured him for at least three quarters of an hour. Even while describing the facts to him, she had made not exactly veiled allegories that she believed that much of the fault lay with Darbi. The young dragon hoped that at least his other siblings didn't think so, but he knew their temperament well and therefore doubted that such an eventuality would come true. He could only hope that by the time it took for them to get together their anger would have cooled down and that by the time they met he would have got away with an apology and some reproaches.

After their argument was over, Sisna immediately dropped her avatar and quickly returned to her real body. Darbi remembered having seen his sister so agitated a few times, demonstrating how risky that situation was. And he could understand why: even if Rhaegal's life wasn't in danger, since he was too important as a bargaining chip, it was possible that the demands for his release would be too onerous. In the worst case, the entire family could have been at risk. Darbi couldn't blame his sister for running off so quickly… although he suspected it was also because she didn't want to spend time with him, otherwise she wouldn't have resisted the urge to yell at him. Fortunately for Darbi, the tigermen had understood that the situation wasn't exactly the best and, also thanks to Gord's mediation, they had decided to postpone their conversation to another day (Tzegorn had left stating that they would have returned very soon), and so the young dragon could have been alone and calmed down, even if he had only managed to get even more depressed.

Suddenly he heard footsteps behind him, and he recognized them by the frequency and intensity of the noise. "I don't feel like talking right now, Misune" he grumbled.

"Did you recognize me by the smell?" the ex-slave asked as she approached the balustrade.

"In part. But mostly because beastmen, regardless of race, weigh more than the average human woman. In your case you are also excessively thin. It was enough for me to listen to the frequency with which the steps were repeated to understand the length of the legs of the one who was emitting them, and from there I understood that it was you" the dragon replied.

Misune looked at him strangely, then shrugged. "I'll never understand how you dragons can handle such refined senses without going crazy. I couldn't live with that"

"Your brain and body aren't built to handle sounds above a certain frequency, or lights that are too bright. If you heard them, you'd probably give yourself a brain clot... of course assuming that your ears or your eyes aren't exploded before. But a dragon is different. My body is perfectly designed to handle these incredibly acute senses" Darbi explained. "If you took your senses and gave them to an ant, the ant would go crazy and then die from sensory excess. Likewise, if I gave my senses to you, you wouldn't stand it. We have different bodies, is this the key"

"So I'm an ant from your perspective?" Misune asked in a slightly offended tone.

The sincere answer was 'yes': from a dragon's point of view, Misune was literally an ant. Even though Darbi was still very young he was already so tall that she didn't even reach the base of his neck. When he was an adult, the perspective between them would be no different than that of any newcomer to a bug. But Darbi obviously couldn't say certain things out loud. "No, that certainly wasn't what I meant, I..."

"Don't excuse yourself, I'm just kidding" Misune stopped him with a smile, then she turned serious. "Gord asked me to see how you were. He's worried about you after what happened. He would have come, but he was in conversation with that tigerman, Tzegorn. He's trying to soften his spirits to make your future second conversation more friendly"

Darbi smiled slightly. He was happy to know that the lizardman was trying so hard to help him. "Did he ask you? Really?"

Misune bit her tongue. "Well, you know how it is... more than a request it was him crossing me in the corridor of the ship while talking to that tigerman about something, noticing it was me and ordering me to come and talk to you while he tried to... well, something to make things better"

Darbi let out a snort. Misune's situation improved slightly after her contribution to the liberation of lizardman children was disclosed, but many still didn't see her any differently than trash. However, she didn't seem to care: by now her main objective seemed to be to cure the sick and take care of orphaned children. He seemed to have truly embraced the philosophy of 'doing everything to save others from suffering'. This seemed to make her happy: even if only to a small extent, Darbi had noticed that the light in her eyes seemed to have started to shine brighter, even though it was still very dim. It was like a little sun that was slowly learning how to illuminate the world with its rays.

Misune sat leaning against the railing. "So, since we're here, can you tell me why you spread yourself on the deck like a beached fish?"

Darbi chuckled at that metaphor, if only a little. "How much did Gord tell you?"

"Something about the fact that the discussion with the tigermen was pretty intense and that your brother was kidnapped" Misune replied. "Is that true, by the way?"

Darbi nodded. "Yes. They took Rhaegal. But it doesn't matter, it seems they only want to use him as a bargaining chip. Even if we won't be able to let him escape, we'll get him back if we pay the ransom"

Misune was silent for almost a minute, not knowing what to say. She'd never had much interaction with Rhaegal, but she knew how much Haku and Darbi cared about all their siblings. She hoped he hadn't been hurt too much, but above all that nothing was done to him. After all, since he was part of that large family that had participated in the liberation of Haku, Rhaegal was also responsible for her current freedom. "I'm sure everything will be fine" she tried to say. "You don't have to worry about him. And above all you don't have to get depressed. Rhaegal would like you to stay strong"

"I already know. I already addressed this when Haku was captured over a year ago" Darbi replied turning onto his stomach and stretching. The movement caused the ship's deck to shake slightly and Misune instinctively grabbed the rail even though the chances of falling were low. "But repeating certain things doesn't help you forget the problem. And I hate being here and not having the chance to do anything. Again"

"You don't stay here and do nothing. You're doing so much for all of us" Misune reminded him. "You are the one who freed all these people, don't forget that. And even now it is you who manage the distribution of food, medicines, potions and in general any resource available to us, and who organize teams to explore the territory and obtain additional sources of food and medicinal herbs, and finally you are also our direct contact to our main armada. Without you, this fleet would face considerable difficulties and many would be in danger. There are over fifteen thousand people who are free only because to the preparatory work you've done these four months and to the fleet you're commanding. So... don't think you're doing nothing here. You are important to us"

"If I didn't do it, Gord could do it, or Brenno, or anyone else for me. These aren't such difficult things" Darbi snapped. "On the contrary, my family is over there, and I can do nothing to help them. My brother is a prisoner and here I am, sitting on this ship doing what I have always done: nothing! I am here waiting for my other siblings fix a mess I helped to provoke. I'm not contributing anything to our cause!"

Misune wanted to tell him that wasn't true, that he was doing so much for their cause, that his job wasn't something anyone could do, that he was the one who kept the fleet going, that much of the credit for their victory it was his, and that he was not to blame for what had happened to his brother; she wanted to say these and many other things, but only one sentence came out of her mouth: "Darbi, do you really consider yourself an idiot?"

Darbi seemed to freeze at those words. "What?"

"A few weeks ago you told me you were an idiot" Misune said. "I thought you were joking, but… I'm not so sure anymore. So tell me, do you think you're an idiot?"

Darbi was silent for a moment. His normally jovial eyes filled for a moment with sadness, a sadness Misune had never expected to associate with Darbi. He had always been a smiling dragon, playful, sociable and eager to relate and talk to others. She couldn't remember ever seeing him sad, or at least not completely. She wondered if she had made a mistake and hit a nerve that she shouldn't have hit. "Darbi...?"

"I don't believe it, Misune. I know it" Darbi said, looking away, as if he didn't want to see her. "I know I'm an idiot. It's who I am... someone has to be it after all"