Chp.34: Sharing points of view

The three dragons looked at Sarah rather confused. They didn't expect that, of all the words the woman could use to describe how she was feeling, she would use 'disappointed'. What exactly did he mean? Disappointed that they didn't trust them, or something else? "Ehm... could you explain more in detail...?" Rhaegal asked uncertainly.

Sarah shook her head. "I can't speak for everyone because these are my personal thoughts… but I'm not angry or irritated or distressed or upset or whatever term you want to use, I'm just disappointed" she answered. "We've lived together for almost two years now. Sure, we didn't get off to the best start…bbut think about what we've done since. We've had countless adventures together. We've become outlaws together. We've joined a group of rioters together. We've freed countless people who were wrongfully taken prisoner together. We've fought together, played together, laughed together, even cried together sometimes. Yet you didn't trust us… and that disappointed me. It disappointed me because it was you who taught us that if we wanted something, instead to be afraid and feel sorry for ourselves, we had to act to obtain it. This is what moved us, this is what allowed us to become who we are today. Yet you have not followed your own advice. You speak of peace and coexistence between our two peoples, yet you are afraid even to open up to us, your most trusted friends"

"We never told you not to be afraid!" Serengal exclaimed. "What we, or better, what I told you that evening, was that if you wanted to help someone or you thought something was wrong then you had to step forward instead of backing down! I never advised you to act rashly and stupidly, and above all without fear! Fear is what keeps you alive in this world!"

"But you still advised us to come forward. Which you didn't do!" Martha intervened. "I agree with Sarah. What is the purpose of this whole community? You've told us that too many times. You've explained very well that Haku, your intelligent brother to whom we owe practically all of our military and strategic planning, doesn't care about us or everyone else here. Haku is protecting this place for you, because he wants you to live a normal life, and he's doing everything to make it happen. But you're doing nothing. You backed out instead of opening up to us. If you are unable to be honest with us, how do you hope to be able to integrate into this community?"

In one sense this was true. They were working to get the dragons accepted in the community...but they weren't doing anything to accept the newcomers. "Now you are ridiculous" Corgorin growled. "We didn't back out..."

"Well, technically you did..." Carlos muttered, and as a result Corgorin gave him a glare that froze him. "Okay, I understand, I'll shut up"

"But I'm not!" Lisah interjected. "You can't pretend something didn't happen! You were afraid! Yours wasn't prudence, you knew very well we wouldn't betray you! You just didn't have the courage to trust us completely! You didn't until you had to choose whether to give us your blood or risk letting us die! This isn't prudence or caution or risk assessment, it's just fear!"

"ALRIGHT THEN!" Corgorin screamed, so suddenly that even Rhaegal and Serengal jumped at their sister's unexpected outburst. "We were scared, alright? Yes, we were scared of you! Go tell it to everyone if you want: three dragons were scared of you! Because you're literally what we've always had to hide from! You don't know what that's like, so stop judging us!"

The adventurers looked at each other confused and even a little worried; they had never seen Corgorin snap like that. Among their dragon friends she was the one constantly amused and who often reiterated the reality without too many words; the one who lost control was usually Serengal. "O-Ok, I admit that maybe we don't know exactly how it is from your point of view" Sarah tried to say. "But don't exaggerate now. I doubt it's that terrible..."

"Have you ever had to be afraid to even walk outdoors in the daytime without the protection of trees, rocks, or a spell? Have you ever had to keep your eyes, ears, and nose on alert even when the nearest population center was miles away? Have you ever had to move flat on the ground to hide in vegetation? Have you ever had to stand still and motionless as a group of ogres, fairies, humans, beastmen, or anyone else passed you, knowing that if they saw you, it would be the end of your life and all of your family? Were you by any chance born having to watch your back from everything that walks this world!?" Corgorin seemed really furious. "If you don't, then don't try to pretend you know what that means! Because that's what we felt every day! Every fucking day, from the moment we left our mother's protection! 'Don't show yourself, Corgorin, if they see you, you're dead'! These were the words that rang in my head every single second, even when the closest newcomer was still too far away to even notice me! It was what we all told ourselves over and over again! We spent our entire lives sleeping with one eye half open to stand guard, aware that a moment of distraction was enough to condemn us! How many times have you seen us take real risks? How many times have you seen us show ourselves to newcomers? And when we did, even if they were allies, how many times did you see us calm in their presence? That didn't make you have any questions? Or do you really believe that we have no enemies? That we have to fear no one? Why do you think we used deceit to defeat you when we met, even though you were only level silver ? Is it possible that after all you have seen you still think that we fear no one and that we can crush anyone with our paws?"

Sarah, Lisah, Martha and Carlos gulped slightly at seeing Corgorin so angry; it almost looked like a rabid beast. Dyana and Atelas also felt uneasy in her presence. And Rhaegal and Serengal looked somewhat concerned too. "Um… sister, please, calm down. That's enough" Serengal tried to put a paw on her shoulder in an attempt to calm her, but Corgorin jerked her away.

"We thought about it" she continued as she shivered slightly. "We thought about giving you our blood, before you went on that damned expedition where Rhaegal was taken prisoner. And even after, when we were about to leave for the desert. And on many other occasions. We really wanted to give it to you, because we cared about you and thought it was our duty to do everything to protect you... but we couldn't. We couldn't because every time thousands of questions crowded in our heads. What if they betray us? What if they are just using us? If one day we become enemies We didn't want to believe they were possibilities, but we couldn't help but think about it. Because that's how we haven't lived our whole damn life: any person we met, we either had to kill them or we had to blackmail them! You were the first people we had a relationship with that wasn't based on mutual benefit, threats, harassment or anything else, and that scared us! It scared us because it meant that there was nothing really connecting you to us, that the only thing we could rely on was the trust we had in you! And we had never trusted anyone except our family! And even our family has hurt us in the past! Our father, our mother, even Haku even if he regretted it! This was our life experience! Do you think it was easy for us to trust you, the creatures who are technically supposed to be our sworn enemies, to the point of increasing your strength? Force that you could have used against us? Offering your trust to someone for a dragon is not as simple as for you newcomers! For you, two years of living together may seem enough to confer all your trust, but they are not for us! Damn, we dragons can't even trust our own kind, how do you expect us to trust those who under different circumstances wouldn't hesitate to kill us? We've given you our blood now, expecting nothing in return, which is a bigger pledge of trust than any newcomer we've ever met has ever received, so why aren't you just grateful like you should be!?"

Corgorin stopped talking and gasped as hard as if she had been running for hours. Her eyes had wide pupils and darted from one member of the group to another, as if trying to read their reactions. Rhaegal and Serengal didn't know what to say, so they remained silent, but they nodded their heads and made such an expression as to make it clear that they too didn't think so much differently from her. The rest of the group had remained silent; Dyana and Atelas had moved away slightly and were now watching the scene as if they were two spectators waiting to know what would happen next, Carlos was playing with his thumbs and seemed to want to say something but unable to express himself properly, and Sarah, Martha and Lisah had a look of understanding and concern in their eyes, but their expressions remained calm and impassive.

That moment of silence seemed to last an eternity, then finally Sarah spoke up. "You told us how you see us... well, we'll tell you too" he said. "It's true, we haven't experienced what you've experienced. We weren't born into a world that hates us and has always tried to kill us. Our problems have always been the problems of any ordinary person... but everything changed when we met you. And while we're grateful for that... we're also afraid of you. In fact, it would be more accurate to say that we're terrified of you. We were the day we met, we were even after our relationship stopped being based on blackmail, and we partly are even now. Because you, even now that we have drunk your blood, can destroy us"

The three dragons looked surprised at the woman, and seemed willing to say something, but Sarah didn't give them time. "We know you would never do it, but you can do it. You could kill us right now. You can devour us, crush our bones, crack our skulls, break our necks, bite off our limbs, slash our chests with your claws, feast on our intestines, grind our bones into a pile of dust. An instant, one tail swipe, one claw, one bite, that's all it takes from you to annihilate us. And even without counting your physical strength, you are on a level that is incomparable to us. You know very powerful runes that you can activate in seconds by simply drawing them on your scales and making a small cut on your finger. You have thousands of magical items that you've stolen from who knows how many people. You can become invisible. You can maneuver other bodies without even trying. You have access to power and magic that we can only dream of… and sooner or later, when you will be old enough, you will have access to power and magic that will be literally unimaginable for us"

Sarah clutched the edges of her dress as if those words were costing her a great deal of effort. Martha and Lisah were silent, but they nodded slightly, implying that they thought so too, and even Carlos sometimes nodded his head that he wasn't against what his friend was saying. "You can make us nothing at any moment. And it's terrifying. For us, for all of us, it's terrifying. It doesn't matter that you never will…because we know you might. Every time we are next to you, we can't help but wonder what would be the least painful way you could kill us. And the scariest part..." Sarah bit her lip. "... the scariest part is that every time we think about it... we realize that if you wanted to do it... we wouldn't oppose you"

The three dragons' eyes widened in amazement, but Sarah continued again. "We won't stand up to you, not because we know we wouldn't stand a chance… but because after all we've been through together… after all the flings, after all the laughs, after all we've shared… and after you've had such a huge impact on our lives… none of us could bear to hurt you"

For the second time the oppressive silence returned, even heavier than before.