Franz Lorraine (4)

"..."

"Mhm... Mhmhmmhm..."

"What's the point of this?"

*SMACK*

"Do not interrupt me, child."

"W-why?! What was the point of hitting-"

*SMACK*

"Don't you see?"

"...see what?"

"The beauty in nature. Feel it."

"I can't feel anything other than the pain you inflicted- WAIT, I feel it! I feel it, okay?!"

"Hmm, I thought so."

"...So, why are we out here again, fishing nonetheless?"

"Child, do you feel at ease?"

"...in a way, yeah?"

"How so?"

"Well... because we're not train *Cough* I mean because you're here?"

"...That's unusually sweet of you, considering what comes out of your mouth on a daily basis."

*GASP*

"S-sweet?!"

*SMACK*

"Anyhow, the point I was trying to make is that we're here to be free in both body and mind."

"Free?"

"The human body and mind are incredibly tough to the point where some of the impossible become possible."

The child, seemingly understanding her point, spoke out.

"...Then the reason why we're here is to take a break from everything else? Like taking a chill pill?"

*Nod*

"In other words, we're enjoying ourselves. And what better way to take a break, than fishing?"

"Was there any reason why you chose fishing in particular?"

"Fishing heals the mind and body. To a certain extent, it's another way of meditation as well, since it requires focus and awareness to be in the present, taking your mind off of things that would otherwise make you fret the whole day."

*Pat*

"Heh, besides. I'm glad we can enjoy ourselves once in a while, don't you agree, child?"

"Zzzzzz... Zzzzzz....."

"..."

"Zzzzzz... Zzzzzz....."

"I guess you can be at ease just this once."

*Pat*Pat*

"Mhmm... Mmhmm...."

-------------------------------

The idea of never giving up has always been a concept that's been nudging me like an annoying pest.

At some point, I've come to hate it. I despised it, and would have the urge to vomit whenever some motivational speakers would utter those words.

The whole idea of never giving up has never rang within me, especially considering the circumstances I was in.

So, out of spite I would constantly and blatantly insult people who came to visit me for the sole purpose of them uttering the word I hated most.

"I believe in you! You can do this!"

"Don't let this hinder you from doing something else!"

"Don't give up!"

I despise it.

It's easy to say those words, not knowing just what kind of mental battle the victim is going through.

It's easy to say this with a smile, not knowing just how much it really hurts for the victim and their family.

It's legitimately difficult to feel and know what kind of daily hardships the victim is going through.

I didn't notice it at that time, but I've come to realize that I became incredibly toxic out of pure spite.

In a sense, it could be understandable why one would think and behave that way because of the events prior, but looking back on it...

Maybe I was wrong.

Maybe, I could've done something, but just didn't do it because I was too focused on the negative aspect instead of finding actual solutions.

To some extent, I was acting too much of a victim.

Pretending like I was the only suffering this bad, when there are countless others out there who have it worse than me. So much worse, that I cannot simply imagine what kind of agony they're going through.

Yet, I was too confined in my little bubble.

Mr. Lorraine is a prime example of how unfavorable the odds were against him from the very beginning.

He was lied to for his entire childhood. His father had left him the moment he was conceived. At the age of 5, his mother was bedridden because of the amount of stress she undertook due to politics and greedy royals seeking to take their territory.

Not only that, he was born in a world that required one to be strong to basically protect themselves and their precious family.

Several months after he was told that he was nothing more than canon fodder, he took immediate responsibility and went into brutal training that no child should ever go through in their lifetime.

10 years of nothing but training, suffering, fighting his own mental demons, and receiving looks of pity.

The moment I took over his body due to his unfortunate death, I realized just how lucky I was.

Comparing our circumstances is a disrespect to his efforts.

I'm nothing more than a victim who sought too much attention from the world, wishing it would recognize me.

So, I made a promise. A promise to the previous owner of this body, myself, and my loveable parents.

From now on, I'll try my best.

And that's it.

"...z!"

Huh?

Wait, how long has this been going on?

"...anz!"

And who's calling my name...?

"FRANZ!"

A yell completely woke me up from my sleep... sleep? Why did I sleep in the first place?

Shouldn't I be on the cold ground crawling my way to the mansion?

Ah....

I died again?

"Franz..."

No, don't be stupid. I'm still alive. This woman who is obviously concerned for my well being is calling me by my name.

I look towards the source of the noise and realize it's someone who Mr. Lorraine was once extremely close to.

"Senna?"

It's the head maid of Lorraine.

This is... getting quite complicated.

Their relationship started off well with Mr. Lorraine looking up to her as a sister figure, but the event that took place when he was 9 scarred him mentally and lessened his trust in everybody around him including Senna who was the one who told him.

That specific event, even to the day he dug his own grave, still has not healed no matter how much time has passed.

This kind of wound that scarred him, hurt him more than any of the pain he went through when he was torturing himself amidst his training sessions.

Even now, I can feel some kind of instinct, a sudden impulse of absolute repulsion against this woman.

Quite frankly, this is something I do not have complete control over yet. Some residue of certain emotions were inevitable during transmigration it seems. However, I can start by understanding why this is the case.

And I do, I really do... but if it were me, I think would be more forgiving towards her than anybody else. After all, she was the one who spilled the milk first, and still has not asked for forgiveness.

However, at the same time, I cannot and have no way of knowing how it really was for Mr. Lorraine so I don't see myself forming an opinion on a matter I have not really experienced.

Yes, I have his memories, and experience relating to what he physically experienced. But things correlating with emotions, and mental aspects... that is something I don't have a clue of. What I have is his memories to help me understand everything around me better.

In other words, his memories is my crutch in this god forsaken world.

It would be stupid of me not to utilize this crutch that I have to my advantage.

"..."

"Franz... you've been awfully quiet. Is there perhaps something on your mind that... y-you would like to vent out?"

Senna, who has been observing me since the moment I woke up, worriedly asked while stuttering mid-sentence.

I quietly looked at her.

She's.... pitiful.

That's my first impression of her as 'me'.

If it was a decade ago, that would have not been the case at all, but now... it's saddening.

Rather, everyone seems to have changed a lot during this one decade and I'm starting to see how drastic this is. Of course, in a bad way.

"I'm fine."

I answered in a monotone voice, before trying to stand up.

"No! You... you have to stay..."

"...?"

This body... has repaired itself extremely fast. My muscle fibers, the stress fractures, my tendons and everything else has more or less recovered to an extent I can move normally.

And why does she want me to stay?

"Please... just stay for a bit. You still need to rest."

"I don't see any point in resting, when I've already recovered, Senna."

"..."

This woman is mentally unstable.

In fact, it's me who should be saying that she needs to rest.

"Have you been feeling unwell lately?"

Maybe I should've been outright about my question but what wouldn't sit well with Mr. Lorraine's personality. In fact, me asking about her well-being is already something that he wouldn't do. Had she remained head strong like she was a decade ago, the very act of me breathing differently would've caught her eyes, but now...

"Ah..! I'm doing fine... I think."

Absolute bullshit.

"...I'm sorry for lying."

Looks like even she knows how absurd it is.

"Franz... please stay here."

"..."

Is this her own way of coping? With what she has done in the past, and Mr. Lorraine's memories assmiliating , he would completely ignore her and walk away, but this isn't him anymore, but me...

At the same time, acting out on pure emotions is something I dare not attempt.

So what's the best solution? Mr. Lorraine was already quite aware of her mental breakdowns during the night, yet he still slept through it without an issue. I mean their rooms really weren't far away, and his senses were abnormally sharp as well thus explaining why he knows more than she has let on.

Alright.

"I'm tired."

"Y-yes?"

"So, let me sleep."

"..."

"You... may stay."

"...!"

For some reason, I feel like that worked.

*Sigh*

I internally sighed to myself, as I wondered how I should deal with future occurrences like this one.

Besides... there's still that recommendation letter that Mr. Lorraine had sent out a few months ago.

Maybe it has already arrived, but the news may have yet to be delivered to me.

I'll have to see tomorrow, and ask the butler about it.

...

...

...

I'm actually sleepy.