finally meeting mom

Audrey woke up with the most terrible headache, she wished she could take her head off to let it cool but she knew it wasn't possible.

She didn't have the energy to lift herself up, so she rolled her body till she reached the wall. Her body felt as tho it was being weighed down by an anchor, to her - her body felt like a boulder. She took in a deep breath, gathering all the strength she could get then pulled herself up to rest her back against the wall.

She sat there staring at the dried blood that stained the ground. My blood never seems to finish, she thought waiting for the pain in her head to subside.

The blood had already completely dried leaving a dark brown stain on the floor and had a really bad smell. Audrey sat there staring at nothing in particular, hoping for the pain to subside. She wanted to mop up the stain on the floor before the smell becomes worse and the house start smelling like someone died in it.

When she was able to get herself together, using the wall as support she lifted herself off the ground. She dragged her self to get the mop and a bucket of water filled with strong bleach and cleaning agent.

She first of all turned some water on the stain, letting it Soak for a while. When the foam of the water changed color, she began mopping. It made it much easier to mop with out using force to scrub, she barely had energy to keep herself up.

When she was done finally getting the stain out, she aired the mop thenshe crawled to her room.

Immediately she got in she fell to the bed, her chest pressing the bed laying on the right side of her face.

She took in deep breath, trying to get her breath stable.

The only thing fueling Audrey's urges for suicide is Dean, the desperation of wanting to see him so terribly or listen to his voice ate away her sense of reasoning.

Nothing weight heavy in her mind than the memories she tried so hard to suppress, her head felt so heavy, so was body.

Audrey didn't bother struggling to keep her eyes open, 'just a few minutes'. A few minutes after closing her eyes shut, she fell unconscious. Her body had been through to much, if not because of all the times she had survived those attempts, she'd either be mentally disabled or dead.

Audrey opened her eyes to see nothing but darkness, her position just the way she slept. She already knew where she was, so she didn't even bother.

"Audrey", she heard her name. Her name was called In a faint voice it seemed as tho she was just hearing things.

"Audrey", this time much audible and louder. "Hmm", she answered still laying in her current position. She already knew who the voice belonged to, and standing up would be of no use because everywhere was pitch black.

Her mom's smell was something she could never forget, so calm. In truth it was the smell of Caramel, but when she was younger she thought it was vanilla. She could always recognize the scents of her parents because, they smelt like ice cream. They were made for each other.

Audrey felt someone sit besides her, then began to stroke her hair ever so gently.

"Mom?".

"Yes my love", she replied. " I really missed you", Audrey said pulling herself up to sit properly.

"I missed you too...so much", she said huggingAudrey tight and so close, it felt nice. "I thought you didn't want to see me because of the state I am in",she said still in her mom's embrace.

"I do want to see you, I just couldn't bare to see you in so much pain and the way you looked made my heart sink even further" she replied sadness so clear in her voice.

I could understand how she felt, her only daughter in such a miserable state.

Audrey sat still letting her mom hold her, she didn't hear her dad's voice, that was a first.

Audrey was thinking of all the possibilities why her dad decided not to show today, when her mom called breaking her from her thoughts. "Baby?".

"Yes mom".

"Why are doing this to yourself?", she asked in a sad tone, her voice breaking as tho she was about to cry.

Audrey pulled away, and held her mom's hand. She wish she could see her mom, and wipe away those tears that threatened to pour down her mom's eyes.

"i don't know".

"Nothing in my life seem to have purpose anymore".

"They has always been a reason to live. You're going to far with this, I can't take it. It's just to hard for me to watch, how do you expect to feel. Watching my only daughter trying to kill herself every chance she get, worse part is I can't even stop you or comfort you when you're hurting",she said, Audrey could feel her tear drops that fell on her hand.

How is it possible she could feel her mom's tears on her hand, it felt so real. But what hurt most was making her mom cry.

"Mom please don't cry, I'm really sorry", Audrey didn't know how, but she was able to reach out and hug her mom. She could feel her silent sobs, this was the first time her mom has ever cried this much in front of her. Her Mom was always smiling, that's what she could remember of her. So for her to cry this time, it really hurt her.

" Baby you have a life filled with wonderful things, you have so much potential. Don't try to end all that. Didn't your dad and I love you enough?". Audrey's mom asked, pulling away.

"How can you ask that? Of course you both loved me a lot. That's why I'm broken, it ended so quick. I can't have or feel your love physically anymore, I want to come join you guys", Audrey said.

"and you felt hurting yourself will bring you to us? Baby you don't need to do that. Your dad and I are always with you, we'll always be with you. Baby please stop this for my sake".

"Go out take fresh air, meet new people", Audrey's mom said placing her hand on her lap, this time her voice much clear.

"Fine mom for you, I'll stop. But I don't know about making new friends, and look at me mom, I look terrible how can I go out?".

"I haven't stepped out in a long while", Audrey said looking down.

Audrey still couldn't figure out how she was able to speak with her parents, or even feel them. Was it normal to speak to the dead, and also feel their touches. Why could she only feel and hear them when she's either sleeping or unconscious and not when she's awake. To think of it, she hasn't seen them, only hear them.

"Hmm. I really need you to be alright", her mom said. "Mom I give you my word, I won't try to kill myself anymore", Audrey said.

"When you wake up, I need you to take a long cold shower and dress up", her mom said.

"Why am I dressing up? Where am I going?", Audrey asked. "I don't know. I just want you to step out side, get natural fresh air",her mom replied.

"But mom, how can I step out looking like this. Mom I look dead", Audrey whine. Audrey didn't need to see the mirror she knew she had lost a lot of weight, her skin shrunk to her bone. Her once pumped self, now looked shriveled and pale.

"Well I'm sure you have some over sized clothing, you wear those. I really need you to step out for once ",her mom tried to convince her

"Mmmm",Audrey hummed thinking it through. Audrey never felt the need to go out, she had everything she needed. Not that she ate or drank anything on a normal day, her plates and other eating utensils must have collected dust.

"Please... for me..",her mom pleaded, she couldn't say no to her mom's wishes so she agreed "Fine".

"But where will I go?".

"Em.. You remember when you were little they was a stream in the village side where i always took you too every Saturday evening. You always loved playing in the water and dancing in it with your shoes off",her mom said, as tho recalling distant memory. Audrey too remembered them vividly, even tho she was still very little. She remembered the big water, her wet clothes and little feet. "I'm not sure if you'd still remember, you were so little".

"i remember.... but I have faint memory of the directions, but don't worry I'll find it. Just for you", Audrey said with a big warm smile, hopefully even if she couldn't see her mom, surely her mom could see her. "it's time for me to go, hope to see you in a better state my sweet little girl", her mom spoke. "i hope so to", Audrey replied.