No pity please
Whole day ended yet Dominic didn't paid a single visit to me.
What might have happened ?
Did I scared him with my words ?
Usually he spends his most time with me.
But today ?
The nurse came to give me my dose.
When I asked her about him, she said he was busy.
I got used to be with him so much that, now that he didn't spent time with me today, I am not feeling like the day has ended !
Not only Dominic didn't visited me again but, Derek too behaved very weird today when he came.
And even Jules or Lauren too didn't came to meet me today.
Their office time has ended, at least they should have visited me.
And Cole ?
God, I haven't seen him in past two days.
My guilt is increasing with the passing time.
He should at least listen to me once.
What is wrong with me ?
I shouldn't feel this way for them !
They aren't my friends or my lovers !
Are you listening to what you are thinking ?
It's sick !
How could you think about all of them at once ? Are you becoming something like bitch ?
Like have many guys around her all the time ? Sleeping with more than one guy ?
Stop, stop, STOP !
What are you thinking ?
Sleeping ?
I haven't even touched anyone of them !
And you are talking about sleeping with them ?
It would be fun if, I get to know all of them...
Shut the fuck up, Ashley !
You dirty, slutty, pervert teen !
How could you even think about sleeping with all of them ?
But, why not ?
If, by any chance they don't have any problem with it, then why not ?
Because you AREN'T a SLUT !
Wanting more than one guy doesn't makes me slut !
No ?
Then what does it makes you ?
Hungry for love ?
Love or lust ?
Lust IS a part of love !
No matter how pure your love is, at some point the lust enters in your relationship.
And that is important too !
Lust ?
Love ?
Relationship ?
What are you thinking about ?
Are you sure, anyone among them wants you ?
Or it's just your brain ?
May be they are being nice to you, because they hit you and don't want you to file complaint against them, can't it be ?
May be.
It may be possible.
It sounds possible.
Even they have talked like, I can file complaint against them if, I want to, but I haven't and they want to keep me happy so that, I forget about it.
God, my brain is about to explode !
Please god help me...
Oh thank god.
If, I knew you would help me this instant, I would have asked it earlier !
Here come my knights in the white, blue and brown armor !
" Hie, Cole. "
I greeted him.
" Hm. "
Cole mumbled nodding once.
Oh god, he is still mad at me !
" Hey love, how are you feeling now ? "
Derek asked with his normal tone.
" Good.
But I am mad at you guys ! "
I said crossing my arms and looking away from them.
" What did we do to get you mad at us ? "
Dominic asked.
" Shut up !
Particularly YOU shut up.
Why didn't you came to visit me even once in the whole day ? "
I asked grumply.
" I am so sorry, baby.
I was very busy today.
Didn't the nurse told you about it ? "
Dominic said caressing my head.
" Yeah, she told me.
But I would have felt better if, it was you telling me that you would be busy the whole day !
Didn't I deserve even that much ?
I mean, you guys told me that we are friends and when I finally accepted you guys as my friends then, you guys... "
I said feeling hurt.
And the very next moment I regretted it !
Oh !
What was that ?
Why in the hell have I done that ?
I shouldn't have...
I mustn't have done that !
God, what would they think about me ?
Some kind of stupid teen ?
Senti shit, who can't handle her emotions and tears ?
Yup, my eyes are wet, thank god they haven't left the eyes.
Who am I fooling ?
Are Derek or Dominic really not gonna notice them ?
Yup, I am right...
Though, I turned my face to hide them, Derek's fingers brushed my eyes ever so softly, and wiped the wetness in my eyes.
" Hey, love.
Don't cry.
We are extremely sorry for what we did to you. We know we should have behaved ourselves, but for some reasons we couldn't !
We are extremely sorry, sugar.
Please, forgive us.
We know it's very hard for you to trust us after whatever you have been through yet, you decided to trust us; and we let you down !
We really shouldn't have done that to you.
Trust us, we won't ever do that to you.
Like never ever.
And if we did it again...
You can always break my jaw !
I will save it for you, ok ? "
Derek said caressing my cheek.
Though I wasn't in the mood of even smiling, Derek made me laugh !
What is this guy ?
I adore him so much.
Yes he is flirt but, he never troubled me.
If anything, he always made me laugh and helped reducing my pain.
I punched him on his shoulder playfully and my dumbass used the already fractured arm !
How dumb anyone could be ?
" Ouch !
Oh god.
I am dying, I am dying.
Oh oh oh god... "
I yelped in pain.
Dominic ran towards me and took my arm in his hand and tried to soothe it by caressing and patting it.
" How careless you could be Ash ?
How many days would you need to get used to not use that hand ?
Nurse ?
Get the painkiller here.
Our stupid girl has decided to make the fracture severe and break her arm completely, haven't you girl ? "
Dominic said with fake anger.
" Shut up, I am in pain here and you want to crack jokes ?
Heartless beast ! "
I said wincing at the pain.
" Have you forgotten, how heartless I can get, huh ? "
Dominic wispered in my ear.
Oh god !
He is not serious, is he ?
Is he going to tell that to everyone ?
Oh god, no !
Please, no.
Why is he being like that ?
My face must have shown him that I am scared. He brushed his fingers over my hair adorably.
I felt like I am a little girl and he is adoring a kid.
" Don't worry, honey.
I am not that heartless.
Here, time for the syringe !
You ready, baby ? "
Dominic said sweetly.
" Um...
I guess... "
I was still scared of the syringe.
" Come on now, you know I don't let you feel the pain, now do I ?
You still don't trust me ? "
Dominic asked.
" Ok, ok.
I trust you.
Go ahead. "
I said.
I then turn towards Cole...
" Can I hold your hand, Cole ?
Last time I held Derek's hand but, he can't take the pressure.
Please ? "
I asked him and pleaded Derek to help me out there.
" Um...
I don't.... "
Cole was surprised by my sudden request and couldn't answer right away.
" Oh, come on Cole.
She is really strong, I really felt the sprain in my wrist for very long time.
I mean, it's ok if you are afraid of the pain...
I'll complete the task myself. "
Derek said provoking Cole.
" Shut the fuck up !
I am not afraid of pain.
And she is so small, she can't hurt me even a bit.
You can hold my hand and squeez it as strongly as you want and as hard as you can.
I won't mind. "
Cole said softly and trying not to show his emotions.
Oh, did he really said it ?
I can't believe my ears.
He said it ?
I mean...
" Ouchhh ! "
I hissed.
Yup, he really did said it !
As if guessing my dilemma, Derek pinched me to make me believe it.
When I looked at him, he winked at me and gave me the evil smirk !
And I couldn't help but smile along with the anger on my face.
" What ?
He didn't even injected the syringe yet.
Why are you yelling ?
Are you... "
Cole asked.
Though he was concerned about my sudden reaction, he maintained his cold behavior.
" I accidentally put my weight over her leg that's why she shouted.
I am so sorry, Ashley. "
Derek said handling the situation.
" It's alright.
Next time, be careful, ok ? "
I said joining hands with him.
" Sure thing. "
Derek said showing thumbs up.
" Can't you do even a single thing carefully ?
She is already in so much pain and you are increasing it.
Stay away from her bed ! "
Cole said yelling at Derek.
What ?
Did he just...
So he does care for me !
" Chill, chill He-Man !
I'll be more careful next time. "
Derek said putting his hands infront in defeat.
" You better be !
Don't you dare hurt her ever again...
Um...
I mean, she is already in so much pain because of us and...
We shouldn't increase that for her. "
Cole said trying to cover up his concerns.
He took my hand in his very lovingly and softly and started caressing it very slowly and lightly, raising goosebumps all over my hand.
And I started shivering with his soft touch.
My hand looks very very small in his.
Like someone holding a drop in their hand; yup I know I've exghaggrated it a bit there, but yes my hand really looks so so small in his !
As he continued to caress it softly, my breath caught and it became very hard for me to breathe.
My heart started racing like crazy and my body temperature started to increase.
" Um...
Are you alright, Ashley ?
I mean... "
Cole asked sensing my changed body language.
I could barely talk.
Whatever I was saying was coming out as wispers...
" Huh ?
Yes...
I am fine.
Just don't leave my hand ! "
Even he couldn't speak normally.
He wasn't actually wispering, but his voice was feeling heavy.
And there was something in his eyes which I couldn't tell what exactly was but, it soothed me a lot.
" I won't...
Ever !
Trust me.
You are safe with me. "
Cole said softly.
His words and his eyes made me trust him blindly that, he would protect me and keep me safe.
His eyes were saying so many things to me without actually saying it.
Whole picture changed.
When Dominic injected me the dose, I was so lost in Cole's eyes, I didn't felt the mosquito bite this time.
I couldn't see anything except him.
I forgot that we were present in the hospital where there was a large staff and Dominic and Derek just beside us.
I was only able to see the eyes of Cole, which were talking to me a lot of things and weren't allowing me to take my eyes off him !
My hand was in his and it felt so right.
Like, nothing was more right than that in the whole world.
Slowly my heart started to calm down and let me breath a bit easier; but his eyes still haven't gave me the permission to look away.
Our breathing eventually matched.
I was feeling very safe and secure with him so close to me.
I need to apologise to him.
Before I could say anything,
" Ahem.
I guess Dominic, we should leave now.
Huh ? "
Derek said clearing his throat.
" I guess yes, we should leave.
Shall we, Ashley ? "
Dominic asked me.
" Yes !
Um...
I mean no....
I mean wait ! "
My brain wasn't working properly.
" You got your shot, I guess my part is finished.
So, we will take your leave now.
Let's go guys ! "
Cole said trying to take his hand off.
I grabbed his hand firmly in mine.
" Please Cole, could you wait for few moments ? Please ? "
I pleaded him.
" I don't see any need of it !
You wanted a hand to grab while you take the shot and it's done.
I should leave now. "
Cole said heartlessly.
" Please, just a few moments.
I won't take too long.
Please, please !
Just few moments, please ? "
I pleaded again.
" I need to be somewhere... "
Cole said without looking at me.
" Come on, Cole.
You can take few moments off, I am sure. "
Derek said asking him him to stop.
" I don't think so. "
Cole said dismissing him.
" Don't go so hard on her, Cole.
She is pleading you.
She is asking for a few moments only, and you definitely can give her that ! "
Dominic said taking Derek's side.
" Fine !
What is it ? "
Cole said almost irritated.
" Um... "
I looked at Derek and Dominic.
And thank god they got what I wanted to tell them.
" We'll see you at the cafeteria, Cole.
See you tomorrow, love.
Wait for me. "
Derek said.
They left and we were all alone in my room.
And once again, my stupid heart started racing and I could hear it beating in my ears.
My breathing became fast.
" What do you want to say ?
Hurry up. "
Cole said coldly.
" Um...
I...
I want to... "
I couldn't say what I wanted to.
Oh come on dude, calm down !
Let me talk to him.
Bloody heart won't slow down.
I could only listen to my heart beating in my ears and nothing else.
I am sure, Cole too can listen to my beating heart.
" Are you ever gonna say anything ?
Anything at all ? "
Cole said impatiently.
He was facing towards the wall away from me and my eyes were glued to his back.
I have a habit to run my tongue over my lips when I am nervous !
I was gathering my words to form a sentence...
" I want to...
Oh god ! "
I gasped.
He suddenly turned towards me, put his hands on either side of head and leaned in towards me.
So close that, I could feel his breath over my wet lips, making me shiver all over and I could feel goosebumps all over my body.
" What do you want to say, Ashley ?
Just say it ! "
Cole almost wispered in my ears.
" I am...
I am so sorry about the other day.
I mustn't have said anything from what I have said.
I am so sorry, I didn't meant to hurt you.
I didn't know about you guys.
I was so mad that, I couldn't think straight and I blabbered some shit without thinking about it.
Please, forgive me.
I am really ashamed of myself.
Please, Cole ?
Please forgive me ? "
I wispered back.
" Done ? "
He said.
" Now get one thing clear kitten, just because I gave you my hand to grab while you got a shot, doesn't mean I've forgiven you.
I won't forgive you for that !
I don't care if you were mad or not, what you said have awoke so brutal and bitter memories I had buried in the past.
You don't deserve forgiveness !
Yes, I feel guilty for hitting you and getting you in this situation kitten but, I can't forgive you for what you are making me go through !
I promise you that, I will protect you no matter what.
I won't let anyone hurt you ever... "
Cole said coldly and I didn't let him finish.
" What about you then ? "
I asked.
" Huh ?
Sorry ?
What do you mean by that ? "
Cole asked confused.
" What about YOU hurting me ?
You just promised me that you won't let anyone hurt me; but what about you hurting me ? "
I said making myself clear.
" Do you really think, the intensity of me hurting you is more than you hurting me ? "
Cole asked raising his eyebrows.
His words bleed my heart !
They were like a sharp dagger tearing my heart inside out.
I didn't do it on purpose and he is...
I couldn't really control my tears this time and they left my eyes without any prior notice.
His face softened and there was a hint of pain on his face too but, he didn't expressed it !
He reached out his hand and cupped my face.
He very lovingly wiped my tears with his thumbs. His hands are unbelievably soft and completely contrasting to his huge and rough appearance !
" Don't cry, lill kitten.
I can't see you cry; but your tears won't melt my heart either !
I am not Derek or Dominic or Jules or Lauren ! May be you have THEM wrapped around your fingers, but not me !
I won't forgive you; but I won't let any bastard hurt you either !
You are under our protection, no one would be able to hurt you.
You may find my words cold, but they are true ! "
Cole said.
His words are unbelievably cold yet, his face or his tone isn't matching his words even a bit.
His face have expressions trapped between hurt and cold.
Like he want to be cold but he is feeling guilty for saying those cold words to me.
I can't read his face accurately.
I can still feel his thumbs haven't stopped caressing my face after wiping out my tears.
" But...
I didn't...
Do it on... Purpose.
I am... Sorry.
I didn't meant to hurt you...
It was so stupid of me to...
Do that.
Please... "
I spoke in between my sniffs.
And with my sniffs his face was softening.
His face have expressions like he is struggling between giving in and staying strong.
Why is he struggling ?
Why is he fighting me ?
He shouldn't be this stubborn without any reason.
" May be you haven't done it on purpose, but it have hurted me way too much.
I can't forget it that easily.
Because, that isn't letting me forget what I have burried long ago ! "
He said sighing.
" Anything else you wanna say ?
Or shall I go ?
My friends are waiting for me and we have a case to solve. "
Cole said softly.
Ouch, that hurts !
" Yeah, you must be very busy.
No, I don't have anything else to say.
If you ever thought about forgiving me, just remember I am more than sorry and ashamed for what I said to you ! "
I said trying hard not to cry anymore.
" Yeah sure.
But it's not possible to happen.
Still if, you want me to remember that, I will !
Now, have your dinner and medicine and get some sleep, you need rest.
The early you get fit, the early I would be free from the guilt of hitting you ! "
Cole said without any emotions.
" You don't need to feel guilty about anything. Just think about it as you returned me the favour !
I won't say, I returned your favour because that won't free you from the guilt ! "
I said wiping my tears.
" You don't need to think about me that much.
I can handle myself, I don't need your advice. Thank you very much for your concern.
Take care.
Bye.
By the way, if you want, I can visit you everyday; only if YOU want me to do that ! "
Cole said.
" Do YOU want to do it ? "
I asked him.
He stared into my eyes for a while and again he was fighting between two emotions.
He looked away from me and...
I regretted asking it !
" No !
I don't want to.
But I will, if you want me to. "
Cole said as if he was gonna do me a favour by doing that and I didn't wanted him to !
" It's alright Cole.
I won't ask you to do anything you don't want to.
I don't want to hurt you more by making you see my face, which will remind you everyday, what have I done !
You don't have to visit me, if you don't want to !
If you feel better by not visiting me and not looking at me; you don't have to, only because you feel...
Guilty for hurting me ! "
I said swallowing hard.
" And I don't want you to do anything out of guilt and nothing else.
I am not that heartless...
Bye Cole.
I wish, you could forgive me.
But it's ok if you don't want to.
I can't make you do something against your will.
And I don't want you to do anything for me merely... out of guilt and nothing else !
Just keep it mind that, you weren't the one driving the car so, you shouldn't be the one to feel guilty about it !
And so, you mustn't do anything for me just because...
You...
Feel... "
I said trying hard not to cry but my emotions betrayed me !
I couldn't say anything anymore.
I turned my face away from him and started crying.
He waited for me to turn towards him but, I didn't had the courage to look him in the eyes when, he only had pity for me and was doing everything just out of guilt !
I never wanted anyone to do anything for me because they feel pity for me.
I don't want anyone's pity !
I want love, care, intimacy, possessiveness and everything in this world but, pity !
He waited and then left me alone in my room.
After sometime, Jules and Lauren came to visit me.
" Hey, Ash.
How are you feeling now ? "
Jules asked with a bright smile of his.
" Look I got you flowers ! "
Lauren said smiling.
" Hey, what...
Are you ?
Oh, god, were you crying ?
Dominic ? "
Jules noticed I was crying.
He called for Dominic in anger like he was gonna accuse him.
" Hey, he didn't do anything ! "
I said stopping Jules.
" That's exactly why I am calling him for !
He should have done something !
Are you in pain ?
Does it hurt that bad ?
Where the fuck is he ?
Dominic ? "
Jules called for him again.
" Hey, relax.
He isn't here.
And no it isn't hurting that bad. "
I said.
" Then why were you crying ?
Who made you cry ?
Just give me the name and I'll bloody... "
Lauren said dramatically.
" Cole ! "
I said knowing how would he react at his name.
" Yeah, right, Cole.
Wait, what ?
Cole ?
God, Cole made you cry ?
What did he... "
Jules said in disbelief.
" Oh, I am so sorry Ash, but I'll take my words back ! "
Lauren said without disappointing me.
" Yeah, I can understand. "
I said weakly.
" Wow, great !
He-Man, done bragging his strength ?
What did he do ?
Why were you crying ? "
Jules asked concerned.
" I mean he didn't made me cry...
I mean yes he did but he didn't... "
I said trying to tell them what I felt.
" Girl, you can listen what you are saying, right ? "
Lauren said after listening to me blabbering.
" Yes, I can !
And I know how does it sounds.
What I mean is...
I tried to apologise to him but he... "
I tried to explain the situation.
" He said very mean and cold words to you ! "
Jules said getting what had happened.
" May be we can call them, the pain in his heart. "
I said trying to defend him.
" Bullshit !
He shouldn't have done that ! "
Lauren said.
" I don't think he have done anything out of the box with me.
I mean, he IS cold right ? "
I said trying to justify his behavior.
" Yeah, but... "
Lauren said disagreeing with me.
" What did he said to you ? "
Jules asked.
" I asked him to forgive me but, he said he can't because, I have dug the bitter memories of his long forgotten past.
He promised to protect me, no matter what.
And he said he is doing just because...
He feels guilty that...
I am here because of him.
And he feels responsible for it and that's the only reason...
He will be protecting me... "
I said trying hard not to let my emotions get the better of me.
Fuck !
Why can't I control my tears ?
Why you guys can't stay inside ?
" God !
He is very cold, man !
I never thought he could be this bad.
I mean yes, he is cold with us too but we know he isn't serious !
But what he did to you... "
Lauren said in disbelief.
" Yes, you are right.
Even I didn't thought he would go to this level.
I would... "
Jules too was shocked.
" I mean, I never wanted anyone to show pity on me !
I would have loved if, he had hated me rather than showing pity on me.
I am not someone who is so helpless or someone without any slef-respect that I won't feel anything if, someone showed pity on me !
I've got a very sensitive heart which gets hurt very easily.
I am so... sorry.
I couldn't... "
I said crying out loud.
" Hey, hey love.
Please don't cry.
We know you aren't helpless !
You don't deserve to be treated like that.
But, we are extremely sorry love, we can't make him apologise.
He doesn't do that.
I'll make sure he won't talk to you again ! "
Lauren said caressing my head.
" Yeah, me too.
Now, stop crying honey.
And look, we've got you your favourite lasagna from the Peter's.
You love that, right ? "
Jules said cheering me up.
" Oh, you guys remembered ?
That's so sweet of you guys.
But, I am in the hospital now and I am not allowed to eat outside food ! "
I said sadly.
" It's alright.
I'll take care of it.
You go ahead and enjoy ! "
Lauren said winking at me.
" Thank you guys, I am fade up of hospital's tasteless food.
I'll feast upon it now.
Love you guys, muha.
Come on, eat with me. "
I asked them to join me.
" We bought it for you.
Go ahead and finish it before your nurse comes here. "
Jules said smiling.
" Ok.
Thank you guys for this.
Finally I'll eat something tasty after a long time.
It feels like I am eating that tasteless food since forever ! "
I said and feasted on it.