Sixty-five: Satiation

"Wait," he said, finding my hands and holding them down in my lap. "I'm going to feed you," he told me, letting go and wagging his finger at me. "Uh-uh," he said when I tried to reach for my cutlery and I dropped my hands back in my lap, feeling a bit like a little child. "I can't trust you not to wolf your food down. Remember, fifty chews per mouthful. Don't try to trick me. I'll be counting."

It was humiliating, but he was right. It was hard not to swallow the food without chewing and if he didn't blow on the food to cool it down for me, I probably would have burnt my mouth and not cared. He made me wait for the next mouthful if I swallowed before he counted to fifty. I pouted.

"You wouldn't have to wait if you did as you were told," Kiran told me, grinning at my dissatisfaction. "Here, ahhhh."

By the time I was full, there was still at least half the tray left. I tried to keep eating, but the feeling of having a full tummy again had for some reason made me feel sleepy again. My eyelids were heavy and I blinked and swayed, determined to finish the food.

Kiran wiped my lips with a napkin.

"That'll do for now, Jean," he told me, allowing me to lean against him. With his other hand, he moved the food away, before laying me gently down and covering me up again with my blanket. "You can finish it when you wake up."

The tray was moved to the Boss's desk in the corner of the room. I more heard and smelt than saw him open his own food and start to eat. It was heavenly to be wrapped about with the smell of food. It made me smile. Having a full tummy again was a wonderful feeling. Soft lips brushed my forehead.

When next I woke, it was dark. Someone lay snoring quietly beside me and I crawled around them. I tried my feet gingerly and found them too sore to walk on yet, so crawling it was. At the desk, I found my unfinished tray and tried to be good. I only lasted fifteen chews before swallowing. With my tummy happy and full again, I crawled to the toilet and back again, before snuggling back under my blanket. Why Kiran was sleeping next to me, I wasn't sure. Maybe he felt I needed protecting, even here. But if he was protecting me, shouldn't he have woken up with all the noise I made?

A heavy arm draped itself over me and pulled me close. I couldn't break free, but since the night was cool, he was warm and it wasn't all that uncomfortable, I managed to fall asleep soon after.

It was nice to have company after feeling alone for so long. At the same time, I found it a bit suffocating. I didn't know what I wanted instead though. Having someone there who loved and cared for me was a very nice feeling. Even if he was just pretending and it was all a ruse, I didn't mind too much.

At least I was getting food to eat. Being able to eat to satiation or fullness was wonderful. Being able to taste different flavours other than dry, muddy bread was addictive.

Kiran spent a few days mostly keeping me company. It was as if he didn't dare or want to let me out of his sight. I was reliant on him to help me to the toilet and to keep me occupied. At meal times, I needed his help to open the packets and prepare the food. I didn't have the strength. At night, his body heat kept me warm.

Sometimes I wondered. What man would still take such careful care of his girl if she had become temporarily disabled, slightly crazy and ugly unless he truly loved her? Was I lucky or was this just another nightmare in disguise? Because I still had no freedom but didn't seem to care much. I had been trained into being a good prisoner. I didn't really remember how to be anything beside a prisoner anymore.