Chapter 9

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I couldn't sleep a wink. I couldn't stop thinking about Kieran's story and how I could feel every bit of his pain like it was my own. Everything about this was new to me, a new place, new people and these feelings. I wanted them to go away, but they stubbornly stayed right where they were causing all sorts of chaos in my head. I didn't want this, and if Kieran would just take a few minutes and get a good look at things he wouldn't want it either. I was sure of it.

Speaking of Kieran, he had left the room what felt like ages ago, we were both unable to sleep and I just hoped he was okay, I knew that keeping all of that pain locked away could be damaging and letting it all out like that wasn't easy for anyone.

I sighed and sat up in bed looking out the window smiling at the snow falling outside. We lived in Maine, so I saw a lot of it every winter and sometimes in early spring, but I was never tired of it, every year I looked forward to it, I just loved how quiet it was at night when the snow would fall and waking up in the morning to a blanket of pure white sparkling powder on the ground was always mesmerising to me. I hopped out of bed and slipped on my boots over my purple plaid sleep pants before I left the room and crept down the stairs, most of the pack was sleeping so I was careful not to wake them as I snuck to the front door and opened it slowly and stepped out into the cold night air closing the door quietly behind me.

I walked to the steps on the porch to go down into the yard and just before I stepped onto the bottom step a voice came from somewhere behind me.

"Watch that last step, it's icy."

I made a sound that I could only describe as a mouse with a hiccup, so startled that despite the warning, I slipped and fell right on my ass.

"Ow..." I groaned and stood up and turned to look at Kieran sitting on the porch swing.

"What are you doing out here?" I asked.

"Couldn't sleep. You?" He asked.

"Same." I sighed and walked into the yard watching the snow starting to dust the trees. I crossed my arms, shivering. I had been so excited to come out and see the snow that I forgot my hoodie. I felt Kieran standing behind me before my shoulders were covered with his leather jacket.

"You didn't have to do that." I said.

"I don't have to do a lot of the things that I do, but I still do them. Besides, I have a lot more meat on my bones than you do pup."

And we're back to him calling me pup. Great.

I slipped my arms through the jacket sleeves and went back to watching the sky.

"You look like you've never seen snow before." Kieran scoffed.

"I just like it." I said and shrugged. "Don't you?"

"It's wet, and it's cold." Kieran said flatly. I sighed and shook my head.

"I guess it just depends on how you look at it. I think it's beautiful, and peaceful. It's fun." I smiled and stuck my tongue out to catch snowflakes on it. I glanced sideways at Kieran who was looking at me like I was insane.

"Don't tell me you never did that." I said turning to face him.

"Oh, I did that...when I was a child." Kieran muttered.

"What 100 years ago?" I sassed.

"I'm not that old!" He fired back.

"Could have fooled me." I smirked and walked towards the trees.

"Where are you going?" He asked, walking after me. I quickly grabbed a low hanging branch that had snow on it and pulled it back, before letting it go and laughing as Kieran got hit in the face with the snow.

"See? Snow is fun." I smiled. He ran his hand over his face and glared at me.

"Is that so?" He asked, walking towards me. My eyes widened and I took off into the woods.

"Oh no you don't!" I heard Kieran yell from behind me. I ran as fast as I could between the trees laughing while he was hot on my heels.

"Mara!" Kieran hissed suddenly and tackled me to the ground.

"Hey!" I spat but he covered my mouth and used his other hand to put his finger to his lips telling me to be quiet. His body was pressed as close to mine as it could be as he tried to keep us hidden, and then I heard the sounds of a gun being loaded and boots crunching in the thin layer of snow on the ground. My eyes widened as the boots got closer and closer to us before stopping for a few minutes. My heart thundered in my chest. My hands curled into fists pulling Kieran closer to me by his shirt for comfort. I could feel his heart pounding away too, and then suddenly the sound of footsteps was getting further away. Kieran rolled off of me.

"I want you to stay right here. I'm going after him."

"Kieran no!" I said.

"That is the hunter who went after Nicolas, I'm not letting him get away!" Kieran spat. "Stay here, I will come back for you when it's safe." He turned away from me.

"Kieran!" I hissed but it was too late he had already shifted and ran off.

I sat against a tree, waiting, keeping my eyes and ears open. About 30 minutes into my wait, I heard a wolf snarl, and a shotgun being cocked. I squeezed my eyes shut and put my hands over my ears. My whole body jolted when I heard the blast from the shotgun. My heart dropped into my stomach and hot tears rolled out of my eyes. I was too afraid to move and now I was out here, alone. At least I thought I was.

I felt something cold, and wet nudge my cheek. My senses were shot as my emotions were all over the place, so I didn't even hear or smell anyone come towards me. I opened my eyes and was met by Kieran's bright blue eyes. I gasped.

"You... but I heard the-"

He grunted cutting me off and nodded his head for me to follow him. I stood up, my legs were shaking with every step I took as I followed him back to his house.

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When we got inside a few members of the pack were in the living room clearly woken up after hearing the gun shot. Kieran looked back at me and nodded to one of the couches in the den. I sat down as Kieran went up the stairs to the room to most likely shift and put clothes on and the second, he was out of the room, I was bombarded with questions.

"What happened out there?"

"Did you see it?"

"What were you doing out there?"

I couldn't even think straight. I was so overwhelmed from the chain of events unfolding before me, I just shook my head.

"I don't know." Was all I could say.

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"How could you not?"

"Our Alpha could have been killed and you don't know anything??"

"Enough!" Kieran boomed as he entered the room. "The only thing you need to know is that I am fine. Go back to bed the lot of you and leave her alone. She had nothing to do with it."

Everyone retreated up the stairs, leaving me sitting on the couch. Kieran walked over to the fireplace and started it up. He looked back up at me noticing I was shaking, I looked down at my hands, they were red and raw from the cold air, and I could feel my nose and cheeks were as well.

"Come here." Kieran said. I stood up and walked over to the fireplace, he pulled a fluffy throw blanket from the back of one of the couches and wrapped it around my shoulders.

"Sit here, I'll be right back." He said and walked towards the kitchen. I sat down in front of the fire warming my hands and snuggling into the blanket. It had a very comforting smell, of spiced rum, coffee, and a hint of leather and then it dawned on me, that, that was Kieran's scent that was bringing me comfort. I felt panic bubbling in my chest, and I didn't know whether to run, or cry, maybe laugh? What was wrong with me these days?

I felt tears stinging at my eyes as Kieran returned to the den with a couple mugs of hot chocolate. He sat down beside me and passed me one.

"Thank you." I sniffled and sipped at the hot chocolate.

"Why are you crying?" He asked.

I laughed, as tears fell out of my eyes.

"I don't even know." I said and set my hot chocolate down and wiped my eyes. He set his hot chocolate down.

"Just a moment." He said and got up again and walked over to a cabinet and opened it looking in it, before picking up a bottle and shutting the cabinet walking back over to me and sitting back down.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Something for your nerves." He said and opened the bottle pouring a generous amount into my hot chocolate. I raised my eyebrow and picked up the mug and took another sip and gasped as it felt like I would breathe fire when it went down my throat and settled in my chest.

"The burn is a bit of a bitch at first, but it grows on you." He chuckled. Once the burn stopped, it wasn't so bad, and it actually didn't taste so bad.

"First rum?" He asked.

"My mother always said it was poison."

"Well, she wasn't wrong." Kieran shrugged. "Now, why are you crying?" He asked again

I crossed my legs and looked down at the hot chocolate while taking another sip.

"I thought... When I heard the gunshot..." I started.

"You thought I was shot." Kieran finished for me.

"I was scared. Because I thought I was alone in the woods with the hunter...and then when we got back here the pack...they thought it was my fault..." I said.

"Don't mind them, they were just as scared as you were. But the important thing you need to know about me is I'm a survivor. Always have been, always will be. Can't say the same for the hunter..." He said.

"You killed him?" I asked.

"Aye. The shot you heard was him firing in the air after I attacked him. I can't have a hunter lurking that close to my home, especially one who targets children."

"I understand." I nodded and drank down the rest of my hot chocolate, my shoulders felt like they were tingling, and everything felt lighter.

Kieran brushed one of my curls out of my face and rested his hand on my cheek, thumbing away another tear. I quickly looked away.

"What are you so afraid of Amara?" He asked. "Every time I think I'm one step closer to you, you knock me three steps back."

"I don't want anyone hurting because of me." I said softly.

"What do you mean?" Kieran asked.

"What I felt... In the woods when I thought you were shot, I wouldn't wish on anyone." I said and picked up the bottle of rum and opened it taking a long pull.

"Easy love, a little goes a long way with someone your size." Kieran said "and it doesn't taste quite as nice when it comes back up. Trust me."

"The way you looked at me, before I blacked out when Jake was treating my stab wound... It was the look my father had in his eyes when my mother passed. She was taken from us. So suddenly, and out of nowhere we hardly had time to prepare. I don't want to be the cause of pain like that."

"Mara... life happens. People die and it's bloody awful, but we get through it, we move on, if you are so afraid to let someone love you because you are afraid of the effect you will leave on them when you leave this world you are in for a world of hurt and loneliness."

"Maybe that's not such a bad thing."

"It's a terrible thing. You think I regret the love I had with Micheala? Not for a second. I was bitter for a long while but while she was alive my heart was full and until you know that feeling you won't ever understand." Kieran sighed.

"Don't you think Michaela would be upset you've moved on? Our kind...we mate for life."

"Honestly, I believe Mickie is probably up there screaming "Kiss her already, you bleeding idiot!" Kieran chuckled.

I shook my head and stood up, perhaps too fast and the rum went straight to my head, the room went sideways, and I sat back down.

"I think you need to take a closer look at things..." I said. "Maybe you'll see I'm not the one for you."

"Maybe you should let me decide that for myself." Kieran shrugged.

"I'm a flight risk Kieran." I sighed and took another pull from the rum making it a long one before Kieran took the bottle from me.

"You just need someone to keep you grounded."

"I don't like the sounds of that. I don't like being tied down. I like my freedom."

"There is freedom in love, Mara. I promise you." Kieran said leaning close to me. "I would never keep you in chains. You have a wild heart and you're a runner. I just ask that you give me the opportunity to show you, you don't have to run from me. I'd quite like it for you to run to me instead."

"I'm scared." I whispered as I leaned closer to him.

"Don't be." Kieran said and suddenly his lips were on mine. My heart was beating so hard I could hear my blood roaring in my ears. His lips were softer than I imagined them being as they glided over mine perfectly and he tasted chocolate and marshmallow from the hot chocolate he had been drinking.  He pulled back briefly, but my hands tangled in his dark locks bringing him straight back, our noses bumped, our teeth clacked, as we damn near devoured each other. My lips began to tingle and burn from his scruff, but I wasn't bothered by the sensation in the slightest. He pulled back, nipping my lower lip gently with his teeth.

Between the rum, and that intoxicating kiss, my head was spinning. My vision was hazy but the only thing I wanted at that moment was him.

"What are you feeling?" Kieran asked.

"You're blurry and I like you a lot." I replied and leaned forward, attacking the buttons on his shirt with my fingers. He chuckled and took my hands in his.

"Aye, that would be the rum kicking in and as much as I would love for this to continue darling, I feel I'd be taking advantage of you so... I think we take ourselves to bed and we have plenty to talk about in the morning over breakfast."

Kieran stood up and helped me to my feet.

"I want waffles." I slurred and leaned against him.

"We'll see. I imagine come morning your breakfast will be less waffles, more Gatorade and aspirin." Kieran said and scooped me into his arms to carry me up the stairs to the room. He laid me gently on his bed on my side and pulled my boots off, tossing them to the side. I could barely keep my eyes open as I felt him climb in bed next to me. He put his arm over me, and I laced my fingers with his before closing my eyes and letting sleep take me.