34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

Charlotte left with her father and Mr. Bennet the next morning, and in the ensuing days, Lizzy felt her absence exceedingly. She managed to find some equanimity in perusing her uncle's library, amusing her young cousins, and assisting her aunt. Evenings after the children retired were more difficult, especially when she withdrew to her room, alone with her own troubling thoughts. Her father's parting words continued to echo through her mind, voicing his opinion at the most unsettling of moments. Each time she considered the possibility of not being needed, a suffocating unease wrapped around her, smothering and torturing her. She clawed through it, gasping for air, desperate. To be wanted rather that needed? How is that possible? Why would someone want me if they did not need me? The question tormented her, followed her from corner to corner as she paced the room. Who would want me? Jane, I understand why Mr. Bingley would want her. She is beautiful, and a lady, and not…damaged goods. The thought gripped her throat, tightening until she could not breathe. She dashed to the window and threw it open, gasping in the sharp breeze. No, if Papa…if Mr. Darcy only knew, they would understand it cannot be.

At the end of the week, Miss Darcy's note arrived, bring with it new levels of excitement and dread. Both fluttered through her stomach as she boarded the carriage bound for Darcy's townhouse, where she would take tea with Miss Darcy. She tried to gather her thoughts on the ride. What would she say? Would Miss Darcy be uneasy knowing Lizzy was privy to her ruination? How did one handle such a thing in polite company? I have known so little of it, I cannot fathom how to proceed in a way that is not offensive. Papa always tackles a matter head on, and somehow that makes it easier. I wonder if the same approach would be correct here?

Too soon, the driver handed her from the carriage. She felt his eyes on her as she mounted the short flight of steps to the door. Did she look unworthy to visit such a stylish home? No doubt she would have lost her courage to knock had he not been there to witness her cowardice. The brass knocker clanked with a penetrating sharpness that stabbed her chest. She held her breath, heart thundering in her ears, and waited. When the manservant opened the door, she found she had no voice.

"Miss Elizabeth Bennet?" he asked somberly. The brass buttons of his dark jacket glittered in the sunlight.

His buttons must require constant polishing. Papa has never used any buttons that needed to be polished—

"Madam?"

"Yes," she squeaked, blinking rapidly. "Miss Darcy –"

"Is expecting you. Please come in." He swung the door open and gestured for her to enter.

A deep breath straightened her spine, and she crossed the threshold. Immediately the understated elegance of the décor, a vivid contrast to Rosings Park, struck her. Before she could continue her discreet observations, the butler stopped so abruptly she nearly ran into him. He stepped aside, and a striking young woman in a white muslin gown stood before her.

"Miss Elizabeth Bennet, madam." He gestured toward Elizabeth.

Elizabeth dropped into a curtsey before she realized what she was doing, and nearly lost her balance. "It is a pleasure to meet you, Miss Darcy."

"I am so glad you have come." Miss Darcy curtsied, neatly and elegantly. "Would you join me in the parlor, Miss Bennet?"

The butler disappeared, and Lizzy followed Miss Darcy a short distance into a bright and cheerful room. Miss Darcy closed the door softly. Lizzy watched a mantle of formality slip from her shoulders.

Miss Darcy turned, wearing a smile that made her bright blue eyes positively twinkle. "Truly I am so glad you are come. My brother has written me of you several times now. I feel as though I half know you already."

Lizzy blushed brightly. "I had no idea."

"I am not surprised." Miss Darcy laughed softly and strode toward her guest. "He is so reserved; I am almost in shock he would have told you of me at all." She gestured toward a pair of chairs. They sat near the window, a tea service already set out on a nearby table.

"I believe he values his privacy." Lizzy glanced through the window, finding it somehow difficult to meet Miss Darcy's artless gaze.

"Indeed, he does, and I am grateful for it. He is the best of men—but you know that already; you would not have agreed to marry him if you did not." She opened the tea caddy and set about making tea.

Lizzy swallowed hard. "He has not told you—"

"Well, no, not in so many words, but he has never before spoken to me of any woman other than you. I can see on your face that I am correct." She cocked her head and leaned a little closer. "You esteem him very much indeed."

"I…that is not…I…" Lizzy groaned at the thickness of her tongue.

Lizzy would not have thought it possible, but Miss Darcy's smile broadened. "I am so excited to know he has finally found someone. He always takes so much upon himself and so rarely allows. for his own pleasure. From what he has told me, I am certain you will be quite good for him. Thank you for seeing how dear he really is beneath that cloak of stiffness and reserve. He has done so much for me, and now the rest of the family, with this trip to the continent. On top of it all, he is giving me a much wished for sister as well." She paused to catch her breath.

A wry smile finally lifted Lizzy's lips. "He did at one time tell me you were a shy and quiet young lady—"

Miss Darcy laughed— a light, contagious sound. "I am sorry, you must forgive my exuberance. It is too much to share with a mere acquaintance, I know. But you are nearly family now, and that makes it different, I believe."

Fingers lacing and unlacing, Lizzy chuckled. "I seem to have this effect on your family. First your brother found unexpected words tumbling from his lips in my presence. Then your cousin, Miss de Bourgh, shared a great deal with me."

Miss Darcy groaned and ran her hand down her face. "I am so sorry she and Aunt Catherine were the first of my relatives you met." Tears welled and her brow knit furrows into her forehead. "I am certain you learned of my circumstances in the most unflattering light." A sob escaped, and Lizzy rushed to her side.

She embraced Miss Darcy in a sisterly hug. "Do not think for a moment that I agree with anything your cousin may have said. Perhaps I should not say this, but I think it best you know that the same man who hurt you, attempted to do the same to my youngest sister. It was by the hand of Providence alone that I happened to find them before he could carry out his intentions."

Miss Darcy gasped. "You saved her? How?"

"I would not go so far as to say that I saved her. I was on horseback at the time, and put my riding whip to good use." Lizzy flicked an imaginary whip with relish.

"My gracious!"

"But alas, my horse reared, and I lost my seat. I hit my head on the cobblestones, and I do not recall what happened after that. It happened near my uncle's house, and I am told that he heard my scream and came to our rescue." Lizzy cocked her head and shrugged.

Miss Darcy hung her head and wrung her hands. "I did not fight him. I did not want him…to do what he did… but I did not fight as you did. Perhaps I should have—"

Lizzy placed her hand over Miss Darcy's and squeezed. "No, stop; do not go there. You cannot blame yourself. Regardless of what Miss de Bourgh would say, I know you are not to blame for what happened."

"I have wondered that many times. Anne is not the only one who told me it was my own fault. You see, at one time, when I was younger, I was enamored of him. I supposed the memory of those days made me trust him just enough to accomplish—"

"Stop. I will hear no more of it. If you had fought, you would only have sustained further injury. He was not a man to be discouraged. My sister protested and tried to fend him off. She was seriously injured, and has not yet fully recovered. You could not have stopped him."

Miss Darcy swallowed back several sobs before she met Lizzy's eyes again. "Thank you, Miss Bennet. I must admit, my brother told me the same thing, but I could not believe it. Hearing it from you and knowing what happened to you and your sister… well, it is different. You give me hope that perhaps it might be true."

"That is a good start!" Lizzy patted her hand. "I know Miss de Bourgh could not have been kind to you. She told me that after your aunt discovered your condition, she offered you all manner of assistance in the wake of it." Lizzy struck a pose characteristic of the great lady herself.

Miss Darcy's eyes grew wide. She held her breath and shuddered until her control shattered with at first a titter, then a giggle, then rolling peals of laughter that drove the last of the tears from her eyes. "I suppose I should not laugh. It is not becoming to speak so of the dead, but you did so look like her." She giggled again.

Lizzy covered her mouth with her fingertips, unsuccessfully stilling her own gales of merriment. "I think perhaps your aunt might have been able to enjoy the joke herself. For all her bluster, she had the best of intentions."

"My aunt was much kinder than Anne when the truth came out." Miss Darcy produced a handkerchief and blotted her eyes. "That is not to say my aunt was gentle, but she did have some mercy on me. Anne…"

Lizzy lifted her open hand. "Say no more, Miss Darcy. I have encountered Miss de Bourgh's waspish tongue quite enough to be certain of what she must have been like with you."

"Please, Miss Bennet, you know so many of my secrets, it seems a bit absurd for you to call me 'Miss' Darcy. Would you call me Georgiana?"

"Only if I am Lizzy to you."

"So this is what it is like to have a sister?" Georgiana beamed. "With four of your own, I do believe you must be quite an expert on the topic."

Lizzy winked. "I suppose I am, and in that case, I can assure you, yes, this is what it is like." Why was it now that her conscience prickled, reminding her of her heated words with Mr. Darcy?

"Then I shall like it very much indeed. I never understood how…calming it could be to share one's secrets with a sympathetic listener." Georgiana handed her a teacup. "Anne tried to take credit for sending me off with Andrew and Amelia, but it was Amelia who suggested it. They both knew Mr. Wickham, and were very supportive of me. We all agreed to allow Anne to bask in her glory just to satisfy her and gain some peace."

"I understand why you would do that." Lizzy nodded.

They sipped their tea and glanced through the window at the passing carriages.

Georgiana worried her thumbnail before she caught herself and forced her hands into her lap. "Would you like to come upstairs and see the babies? They are so big now! They are both crawling and starting to pull up."

"I would be honored to meet them," Lizzy replied, though searing pangs stabbed her heart.

Georgiana took her hand and led her upstairs to the nursery. The nursery maid's surprise was clear, but she soon recovered her composure as she began to gush over the two little girls who crawled about her feet.

Georgiana expertly scooped up the girls and balanced one on each hip. "This is Daphne," she bounced the baby on her right hip, "and this is Sophia." She bounced the other girl.

Lizzy leaned closed and smiled broadly at the children. They both shared the same blue eyes and dark blonde hair with a dainty cleft in their chins. "They are lovely." Her heart ached with longing so loud, she was certain Georgiana and the nursemaid could both hear.

Georgiana handed Daphne to her.

Lizzy cuddled the baby, who giggled in her arms and pulled one of Lizzy's curls loose from its pins and immediately shoved it in her mouth, pudgy fist and all.

"Oh, do be careful; she has a penchant for pulling hair!" Georgia reached for Daphne's hand.

"Do not worry; my cousins used to do the same thing." Lizzy pried the little girl's fingers from her hair. "Let me see, what is there in here more interesting than my hair?" She took the baby on a quick tour of the nursery and returned with a small wooden toy in hand.

"Can you tell which one is mine?" Georgiana whispered in her ear.

Lizzy leaned close. "They both are." She landed a quick kiss on Sophia's cheek, then Daphne's.

Georgiana's eyes welled with tears. "No wonder my brother feels as he does about you."

They played with the babies until the little ones began to fuss for their naps. Lizzy reluctantly returned them to their nursery maid and followed Georgiana down the steps.

Back in the parlor, Lizzy asked, "Might I ask you a personal question?"

"Certainly. With all you already know, I can hardly fathom your asking anything I would not care to answer."

"Your brother has asked me to help in planning your wedding to your cousin. Anne informed me that this wedding was her idea as well, and she seemed to think your feelings on the matter were irrelevant. But I do not share that opinion. How do you feel about it?"

"You are a dear for asking. You know my brother is really the only other one who has considered the question." Georgiana played with the loose ribbon on her bodice. "I do not object, if that is what you are asking."

"I know Mr. Darcy would not force you if you did have objections." Lizzy rubbed her knuckles along her chin. "He told me you were content."

"I know he would not force marriage upon me, regardless of the situation. The truth is, I suppose I am relieved. As you can imagine, it was not Anne who actually came up with the suggestion; it was Andrew. After Amelia died, he knew that all our plans were in danger. But even worse, he knew his daughter needed a mother. He wanted his daughter to have more than what most society mothers were willing to give their children. That was a large part of the reason he married Amelia. She shared his view. Knowing that I did, as well, made him consider me. We always got along as children and were good friends, despite the fact he is quite a bit older than I. We like many of the same things, and I can honestly say I enjoy his company."

"You are not disappointed?"

"I suppose I had a romantic notion or two, but," Georgiana looked away for a moment, "I lost all of that with Mr. Wickham. Now, more than anything, I want someone I can trust, and I know that Andrew is such a man. As my brother said, I am content in our plans. Besides, I love both my girls, and could not bear to part with either of them now. So it will be good for us to finally be reunited. In all honestly, I have missed him since he has been away."

The maid knocked and entered, bearing a tray of small sandwiches and biscuits. Georgiana offered Lizzy a plate. "I must say, you look surprised."

"Well, after hearing it all from Miss de Bourgh, I confess this is not what I expected. It seemed that it would surely be a much less agreeable situation for you." She nibbled a slice of shortbread.

"If I had heard it all from Anne, I would be inclined to think the same thing." Georgiana chuckled wistfully. "I am very thankful that it is not the case. Despite all that has happened to me, I am very fortunate. My family has stood with me and did not turn me away as might have been the case in other families. I have my daughters and the hope of a comfortable marriage. I am blessed."

Lizzy brushed crumbs from her hands over her plate and turned to regard the window again. "My father had a younger sister who was not so blessed. She was sent away and died in childbirth, alone and disowned by her father."

"I am so sorry." Georgiana set her plate on the table. "It could easily have been my story as well."

"Do you want help with planning the wedding? Mr. Darcy said you do not want an elaborate celebration, just a small breakfast for the family and a small private ceremony here at the house. With all your staff, I cannot imagine that you need my help."

"No, I suppose I do not."

"Then I will leave you to it. I do not wish to intrude at so challenging a time for your family." Lizzy looked over her shoulder toward the door, only to feel Georgiana's hand lightly on her arm.

"Please do help. You are correct; our staff here could easily manage orchestrating the entire affair without so much as me batting an eye. But, in spite of everything that has happened, it is my wedding . I still want it to be special; I always have— a girlish dream, I suppose. The only one I have left. Fitzwilliam knows of it, and he is so good; he remembered and wants to see that I have as much of it as I can."

"That is very thoughtful of him."

"He is so very considerate." Georgiana looked toward the window, wistfully. "I always thought I would marry after Fitzwilliam, and so have a sister to help me plan everything, to share with me all the little decisions and plans and hopes and dreams. Then everything went so very wrong." She turned back to Lizzy. "He asked you to help me because I have always wanted to share the event, not because I needed assistance."

"Oh," Lizzy blinked and looked away.

"You need to return home? Are you needed there? Fitzwilliam mentioned that your father is blind like Anne, but of a very different disposition. If he needs you at home, I cannot begrudge you that at all. Please do not stay to fulfill my silly wish if you are needed there." Georgiana's disappointment shone clearly in her eyes, though she clearly attempted to hide it.

Lizzy shook her head. "No, I saw my father just a few days ago, and he assured me that I am not currently needed. My eldest sister will soon marry, and she wishes me to stand up with her. But my aunt and a dear friend are handling all the arrangements, so they do not require my help either."

"Your sister is marrying as well?"

"Yes, actually to a friend of Mr. Darcy, Mr. Charles Bingley."

Georgiana clapped and clasped her hands under her chin. "Oh, how wonderful! I know Mr. Bingley, and he is a very kind man."

Lizzy pictured Charles and Jane walking through the gardens at Netherfield and sighed. "He and my sister are very much alike."

"Your sister must be a very sweet and gentle soul then. He deserves someone who is all kindness. Did you know Mr. Bingley was staying with us at Pemberley when my misfortune occurred? He is the only one outside our family who knows."

"I can think of no one I would trust more with such information. He has been most supportive to my family in our own trials with Wickham. "

Georgiana plucked at her skirts. "Surely you want to help your sister with her plans. You must have dreamed of such a day as children."

Lizzy exhaled heavily, and shook her head. "No, not really. With my father's condition and the loss of my mother, I have spent the last, what, seven or eight years absorbed with the management of Longbourn. Do not misunderstand me, my father is still Master, but I assist him with much. So, while I am quite proficient in algebra and the theory of crop rotation, I fear I am lacking in the more necessary accomplishments of a true lady. I neither play, nor sing, nor draw. I know little of fabrics and fashion. In fact, I will share with you a very dark secret indeed, one your brother will probably never tell you."

Georgiana's eyes widened, and she leaned in close.

"I have ridden your brother's stallion. Twice now, he has gotten loose, and I have ridden him."

"On Surtur? I do not believe it. He is not trained to a side saddle." Georgiana wagged her finger at Lizzy.

"I hate them, personally, and am much happier astride."

"You did not!" Georgiana's jaw dropped, and she gasped.

"I did. So you see, I am no lady. I never expected to marry, so I never thought much of weddings. I suppose my sisters may have, but I would not hear any talk of it. What man would have such an improper thing as me for a wife."

"How can you speak of my brother so?"

Lizzy blushed furiously.

Georgiana's eyes narrowed, and she squared her jaw. "Are you not engaged to him?"

Lizzy's shoulders sagged. "We had a quarrel in Kent, and now I do not know."

"I know. He can be dour at times, and occasionally he may say something harsh, but he is not usually like that. Do not take it to heart. He would not have asked your help if he had changed his mind. Please, forgive him for whatever he said. I am sorry he offended you. I know that he could not have meant it." She looked up at Lizzy, her eyes full of innocent sincerity.

Lizzy licked her lips and half nodded, half shrugged.

"You will see, he will return full of sorrow and repentance, for he is very quick to do that when he has been too harsh." She smiled and nodded. "Are you sure you would not rather be with your sister right now?" Georgiana touched Lizzy's arm softly.

"I have promised to stand up with her, but I believe Jane is content to leave all the arrangements to someone else. So there is little for me to do there." Lizzy pressed her lips together and glanced up at the rose painted ceiling. "If you need, that is, want me to help you, then I would be honored to stay."

"I am so happy to hear that, Lizzy!" She drew in a deep breath that sounded, in Lizzy's ears, relieved that there would not be one more disappointment to bear. "Do you think I could ask one more thing of you? Would you consider staying here with me? The house feels so empty with just the girls and me. I am lonely, and it would mean so much to have your company until my brother returns."

Lizzy's heart skipped a beat, her mind whirling. "I will have to ask my aunt and uncle, and my cousins will be so disappointed—"

"We could visit with them some afternoons. I would love to meet them. We could even bring the girls." Georgiana blinked hopefully.

Though prepared to decline, the pleading look in Georgiana's eyes ruined Lizzy's resolve. "Maddie, the only girl of my four cousins, would be so thrilled to meet Daphne and Sophie. I think my aunt would like that very much as well, too. I will ask them, and if they give me leave, I will stay until Mr. Darcy returns."