13. Chapter 13

XIII.

Damn, another blot! Darcy sighed aloud in complete frustration and reached for another paper; his hand met with the rough wood of the drawer's bottom. None left? He sighed again, this time nearly cursing aloud, but gentlemen of his standing do not swear, not even alone, no matter the provocation. This was his fourth draft of a letter to his cousin and it seemed even four attempts in, he could not control the shaking in his hands. Darcy had never sent an incoherent letter in his life and he was determined not to start now, regardless of whether or not this resolution was entirely rational.

His anger was overwhelming and all-consuming; he had thought of nothing and no one since his name had cut through the room and slashed through all other thoughts in Darcy's head. The loathing he felt was unparalleled. They had not been within miles of one another since Ramsgate. Although it was months now, it still felt but a fortnight ago! It had taken all of his effort to calmly inform Bingley that they must leave at once. He pulled his thoughts away from this path; It will do no good to ruminate on our departure from Longbourn. I must inform Richard of this development at once and thoughts of her will only serve to distract from my purpose.

Deciding that his quickest source of new paper was likely to be Bingley's library, Darcy reluctantly rose from the desk in the small private parlour adjoining his bedchamber and removed himself to the library, knowing that Charles had a desk there. Walking through the darkened halls, never had Darcy been so grateful for the absence of other persons in Netherfield; God only knew how he would have handled Caroline Bingley's advances in such a state! He nearly smiled imagining the un-gentlemanlike words that might have flowed forth, but it was a bitter and joyless thought.

He arrived at the library moments later and was rather surprised to see Bingley pacing the very same room. "Charles? Why are you still up?"

Bingley stopped pacing and looked toward his friend. He could see the tension and anger, thick on his friend, nearly as though Fitzwilliam wore them like a heavy cloak. Bingley was confused and irritable, but had enough sense to know that something was wrong with his usually unflappable friend. "I was waiting for you, of course. Care to explain what is going on?"

Darcy visibly stiffened. "Actually, Bingley, no, I do not."

Now it was Charles' turn to tense; Darcy was a guest in his home! He had asked Charles to leave his lady's side and Charles had complied immediately and without question, but he felt quite certain that he was owed an explanation by this point! Charles now had two choices...

"Darce," he began in a calm voice, "I am no fool; I can plainly see that something is wrong. My friend, please, will you not share your burden with me? I hope you know that I can be trusted; I would never betray your confidence."

Clearly, calm and non-confrontational was the better of the choices since Darcy's shoulders relaxed ever so slightly and he released a tired sigh before dropping to the nearest sofa.

"Charles, I am sorry. I cannot tell you all of what has happened, but you are right that I know you can be trusted and, of course, you deserve an explanation for my behaviour this evening."

Bingley pondered this response briefly and, deciding it was progress in the right direction, replied evenly, "Alright then, Darcy, tell me what you can."

Darcy seemed to take a moment to collect his thoughts, but inwardly nothing in his brain was working properly. Still, he knew that Bingley was awaiting a reply so he began speaking and hoped that his thoughts would become less tangled soon. His speech was rather stilted as he attempted to form coherent sentences: "I... It was... necessary... to leave. I could not stay. A letter – No, that is, I have learned of a certain man... in Meryton. A man I knew once, but who is not a good man, is now in Meryton... it would seem."

Bingley was a clever man, but even so, he was struggling to follow Darcy's thought process. "You received a letter about this fellow?"

Darcy repressed a frustrated sigh; he did not wish to do this now, but he was a guest in his friend's home. "No, I need to write a letter... about this, but that is of no importance at the moment." He paused and took a breath before saying the name he loathed and had not spoken since before he had held his crying sister so many months ago now, "George Wickham" the words were nearly a sneer from him, "was the son of my father's steward, but has since had no... connection to my family. He is a ..." so many words, names, slurs passed through his mind, none adequate, "a rake and libertine of the worst sort! He leaves creditors behind every place he visits and there have been many reports of … other misdeeds. He is not a man to be trusted."

Charles could see that Darcy was holding back much of the information he had about this Wickham fellow, but did not press for more details. Instead, he asked, "I am afraid I do not quite follow how this relates to you; why does this man's presence in town require action from you?"

Darcy was grateful that Charles had not requested further information of how Darcy knew these qualities in Wickham, nor questioned his conviction on the matter. "A valid question; I had not the knowledge of his whereabouts before now and, indeed, rather preferred the ignorance. However, Miss Lydia indicated this evening that he has taken a commission in the local militia. He is a dishonour to the crown, but what is more, I fear that he is the sort of man to use his position to his advantage at the expense of others. You have met my cousin, Richard, he is a Colonel and knows Wickham as well. I plan to write of this to him and I imagine he will wish to intervene. He does not take kindly to those who would tarnish the reputation of our soldiers."

Bingley was appalled at the picture his friend was presenting; being himself a kind, generous, and honest fellow, Bingley had never contemplated a man so deplorable as Darcy was describing. And yet, he recognized easily enough that it was not like Darcy to react so strongly in matters that did not personally affect him; he did not make this observation known. "I see. And what do you expect your cousin will do?"

"Richard will likely write to the local commanding officer and warn him of Wickham's past dealings." Darcy sighed in resignation, "Beyond that, what is there that any of us can do?"

Charles contemplated this for a moment before agreeing, "I see your point. Perhaps though we should speak with Mr. Bennet? He does, after all, have five daughters."

Darcy nearly snorted at Charles' transparent motivation, particularly when combined with his own lack of confidence in Mr. Bennet's reliability to do what is right if it were inconvenient to himself. "Charles, you may do as you wish, but I have no expectation that Mr. Bennet will take any action regardless. I would as soon tell a scullery maid as that man for all the good it will do."

Bingley was taken aback by the disdain in Darcy's speech. "Darcy! Come now, Mr. Bennet is a gentleman and my nearest neighbour. Surely, I owe him the courtesy of –"

Darcy interjected, "Courtesy! Charles, did you not witness the same display this evening as I? The man failed to appear until dinnertime and then ignored all dinner conversation except to mock his neighbours and cousin and then repeatedly rebuffed your attempts at polite discourse later! He may be a gentleman in title, but he deserves no such distinction in my books!"

Charles was surprised at this outburst, but rallied quickly. "I grant you that his manners were somewhat lacking at times, but surely his family –"

Once again, Darcy cut in, "Charles, are you blind? The man lacks nearly all sense of what is due to his guests and allows his daughters and wife to behave in wild and improper ways. It is an embarrassment."

Charles' flush of anger coloured his cheeks and ears hotly. "Darcy, I would thank you to leave Miss Bennet out of your assessment! She is a model of decorum and all that is good and pure!" Pausing momentarily, he added, "And, Miss Elizabeth too, I know you cannot believe her to be so wild!"

This caught Darcy's attention and he was more cautious in his response, deliberately choosing to ignore the way Bingley had singled out Darcy's attentions to Miss Elizabeth. "You are correct, Charles, that Miss Bennet and Miss Elizabeth ought to be excepted from this censure, quite to their credit given their upbringing. But their consistently impeccable manners are not sufficient to erase the total want of propriety displayed nearly uniformly by the rest of the family."

Although somewhat mollified, Bingley was not wholly appeased. "Come, Darce, I do not think it is so bad as that! This is the country, one is not expected to behave as though being presented at court!" And here he muttered, more to himself than intended to be aloud, "And besides, one marries the woman, not her family!"

Despite Charles' intentions, Darcy heard the mumbled complaint and was momentarily speechless before quickly disabusing Charles of his romantic notions: "Foolish sentiment! Charles, do you hear yourself? You cannot be serious to consider proposing marriage to Miss Bennet! Perhaps it is time to consider a fortnight back in Town, where you can clear your mind."

"Why should I not be serious? Miss Bennet is an angel! She is beautiful, but more than that, she is kind and sweet as well. She never has an unkind word about anyone or anything. And yet she possesses an excellent mind and an appreciation for all we have in this world; she sees the good in all. I have never felt this way before for any lady!"

Bingley's declarations did not alter Darcy's opinion in the slightest. "Charles, I have heard you wax poetic before about many others. You pass through stages of love oftener than the moon's phases! I do admit that I have not before heard you discuss proposing marriage, but truly, Charles, you must recognize the imprudence of such a match." Darcy's voice held such confidence that it bordered dangerously on arrogance.

Charles was becoming agitated but fought to maintain his composure. "How so?" The tone was not one of curiosity but a challenge; it was low and deliberate.

Darcy sighed in irritation; "But I have already told you, Bingley; do you wish to hear it all again? Very well then! Miss Bennet is a lovely and amiable creature, I grant you, but there are plenty such ladies elsewhere to be found. Her family has little money and no connections to further your place in society – something I am sure you realize would be beneficial not only for yourself, but for your sisters. And the connections that her family does bring are quite the opposite of any sort you would want. Furthermore, the lady's parents and sisters, excepting one, consistently betray their low standing through their improper actions in nearly every situation. Such relatives could directly alienate acquaintances of higher standing. You believe you are prepared to risk such consequences for a pretty face? You do not even know that the lady feels anything beyond polite indifference to you! I have seen no outward sign from her that her feelings have been touched, but I am sure she would accept an offer all the same because of her circumstances."

Now Charles was incensed. To make such scornful and derisive comments about my dear Jane! I will not stand for such an outrage! "Darcy! How dare you! A 'pretty face' and Jane will accept my hand only to increase her family's fortunes? Do you think yourself so above me as to presume to comprehend my feelings or hers? You think you know better than her own sister how she feels? How dare you insult me in such a fashion in my home! And what is more, do you think so little of me as to believe that I have not noticed your own interest in Miss Bennet's sister? How should I understand such disparaging words when I compare them with your own actions toward Miss Elizabeth? I have never believed you to be a hypocrite and yet now I hardly know what to think."

Darcy would have been less affronted by a blow from Charles' fist than these words! He spluttered to defend himself against the accusations: "Interest? In Miss Elizabeth?" He produced several inarticulate noises of disbelief before continuing, "Surely you cannot be serious, Charles! I have merely found her to be a tolerable conversationalist in a town with few options for intelligent discussion."

Bingley's only response was a scoff, paired with a deeply disbelieving look and raised brow.

Darcy felt the need to continue his defence: "Naturally, I concede she is moderately handsome and, as I said, tolerable to speak with, but – that is, she is an interesting lady and, were her family or circumstances different, perhaps I would be in some danger of developing an attachment, but as I have already explained, she and Miss Bennet are not in a position to affect such feelings in one such as myself. I am immune to such charms as she offers." Even as the words left his mouth, on some level, he knew they were false. This realization, more than anything he had experienced this evening shook his resolve but he carefully held his mask in place.

Bingley scoffed, "Darce, I cannot imagine that even you believe that! I have always looked up to you, even as my senior by only a couple years, I have aspired to be like you, a true gentleman. But I cannot fathom how you can be so blind as to your own heart! Surely, you must see that ladies like Miss Bennet and Miss Elizabeth are rare creatures? I have never been so affected and, I daresay, neither have you, though you seem unwilling to admit it. For the first time since I have known you, Fitzwilliam, I believe I pity you. Wealth, land, title, connections – what of these if one cannot use them to pursue happiness and contentment? I have never seen the arrogance others have accused you of; you always treated my family and myself as equals, despite the differences in our ancestry and standing. You often spoke to me of a gentleman's character and manners, but it would seem that you are not able to live up to your own teaching. I believed that you were above the petty concerns of a harsh and fickle society and yet, for this, perhaps the most important decision of a man's life, you would choose to allow the constraints of 'proper society' to dictate your choice of partner? I cannot fathom that underneath the exterior appearance, you truly have embraced such ridiculous notions!"

Darcy had stopped listening when Charles had announced his pity. All rational thought left Darcy's brain and he shut himself off. He had last felt another's pity for himself when his mother had died; but he was no longer a boy of twelve and did not need such things from anyone! When it finally registered with him that Bingley had stopped speaking, Darcy gave him a curt nod, turned abruptly on his heel and left the room without a word.

Charles sighed and roughly ran his hand over his face. Knowing that there was nothing more to be done this evening to resolve the situation, he retired to his own chambers and immediately fell to a fretful sleep, still fully clothed and unwashed.

When he awoke the following morning, somewhat later than usual and still feeling poorly rested, he was surprised to receive the news that Darcy had already left early that morning for his London home. Only the barest thanks for the hospitality, as required by basic civility, had been offered and no apology for the unplanned and hasty departure. Bingley sighed and contemplated if perhaps he might return to his chambers to sleep some more; he was not pleased with the start of this day and could not see any harm in blissful oblivion for a few more hours.

ooOoo

It was several hours into his journey to his London home and yet escape into sleep had still eluded Darcy. Memories of the fight with Bingley would flood his mind each time his eyes closed; he could find no peace.

Sometimes it would be his own words that would float forth, taunting him. Some were true and just, and he found himself agreeing with those statements. But others were lies and he could not escape his own censure at the falsehoods he had claimed as truth to his closest friend – well, now former friend, he supposed.

Adding to his misery, he also often thought of Miss Elizabeth. How will she react to the news that I have left? Did she believe I wished to nurture tender feelings within her? Now I shall never have the pleasure of a dance with her. His sighs were lost amid the sounds of his carriage travelling along the road.

Whenever his thoughts became too melancholy, his anger and righteous indignation would flare as a protective measure. He blamed Charles for being so idealistic and naïve to the ways of the world, making Darcy out to be the villain when, in truth, he had only done his duty as a friend. He reasoned that he had never made any intentions known to Miss Elizabeth or those around her, so no one could find fault with him for disappointing the hopes of a lady, even one who was not of his level. And then his pride, personal and familial, stepped in to assist alleviate his regret and guilt. He recited the family histories of both the Darcys and Fitzwilliams; proud, old, and noble families with connections to royalty in England and abroad and financial means well above even some noblemen. And who was Charles Bingley, after all? The youngest son of a man whose own wealth had been acquired in the last several generations through trade; why, he had not even purchased an estate for himself yet. And when these musings felt too petty, he replayed Charles' words, I pity you, and allowed his pride and anger to direct his head. It was easier to be angry when he did not have to feel guilt and shame.

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A/N: *peeks out from under desk* Please don't throw things at me; I know Darcy's being a jerk, but HEA eventually, I promise! And hey, at least you didn't have to wait long for an update this time! :)

Once again, THANK YOU to Artemisdesari for being super awesome by listening to my crazy ideas, giving me her feedback, and pre-reading!

And can I just say, I love you all for your support on this story! 200 reviews kinda blows my mind! It's my first P&P fic (and first multi-chapter fic of any kind) and your reviews just make all the craziness worthwhile! It really motivates me to keep writing to hear from you all! And, as always, I'm trying to make sure to respond to every signed review since I figure if you take the time to write one, I want to take the time to thank you personally, so if you want a PM, please be sure to sign in when you review! Also, thank you to all those who added this story or me to alerts and favorites!