15. Chapter 15

XV.

The conclusion of the evening could not come soon enough! Lizzy was quite at her wits' end with her family! Certainly her mother and Mr. Collins were entirely insufferable, but even her father and Jane – oh dear Jane, in all her ecstasy with her suitor – were threatening to send Elizabeth to Bedlam! Since learning from Mr. Bingley that Mr. Darcy was removed from Netherfield and unlikely to return, perhaps ever – oh how those words ripped at her! – Lizzy had maintained her cheerful countenance, but her insides were an entirely different story.

In truth, had Jane not been so preoccupied with her own new-found joy, she likely would have seen the sadness in Lizzy's eyes and the careful manner in which she never allowed her smile to falter for a moment, but as Mr. Bingley had stayed for supper and Mrs. Bennet was in raptures over the courtship, Jane quite had her hands full!

To make matters worse, Mr. Collins was now rather direct in his attentions to Lizzy, despite her best efforts to redirect him to others at the table.

"Cousin Elizabeth, would you permit me to say how well you look this evening?" although the words were pleasant enough, the manner in which they were delivered left Lizzy feeling distinctly uncomfortable and she could not help but to notice the direction of his eyes was much further below her chin than she felt was appropriate. Of course when I am feeling nearly ill, he would think I look well!

Determined to maintain her appearance of indifference, she replied, "Er, thank you, Cousin. It was a lovely day today and the fresh air and sunshine were quite welcome after the rains this past week." It was not a lie, just an avoidance of the full truth. Feeling she had done her duty, she attempted to turn to speak to her sister Mary, only to be required to attend once again to Mr. Collins; she repressed a sigh.

"Ah yes, Cousin, you are quite right that fresh air and sunshine are excellent for the health of a lady! Why, my patroness Lady Catherine has spoken often and at great length to me of the benefits of the elements, but in good measure! You see," he leaned in far too close for Lizzy's liking and, despite her attempt to subtly pull away, spit slightly onto her neck and dress as he loudly whispered, "ladies such as yourself are delicate and to allow yourself unrestricted access to certain pleasures in life would be unbecoming and make you coarse."

Elizabeth repressed the simultaneous urges to either vomit or accidentally drop a steaming cup of tea into her cousin's lap! Instead, a non-committal noise issued forth and Mr. Collins took this as some confirmation of her desire for him to continue speaking.

"But naturally, Lady Catherine gives excellent and careful attention to such things! Why, not long before I left, she told me, 'Mr. Collins, see to it that you ensure that any lady you should consider be of the sort that is able to manage well with many different seasons, as someone overly delicate will not suit and might acquire airs, thinking she is higher than her place, but a lady of coarser stock will be a poor example to the parishioners.' Of course she is quite right, quite indeed! And I am certain that she will deign to offer her opinions and advice – so solicitous! – to my future wife, as this is one of the many benefits an attachment to myself might offer a young lady. I flatter myself, of course, that this is not the only reason a lady should find me to be a desirable helpmate. As you know..." and on and on he went, until Elizabeth had entirely stopped responding (to no effect) and then was certain that she should die from the assault of sheer idiocy and her own complete boredom.

Thankfully, Mr. Bingley's departure this night did not necessitate any additional time spent together as a family – my mother must have felt he had been adequately entertained, ugh! – and Lizzy was able to quickly make her exit. She had just donned her nightdress and was hoping to be abed before Jane returned – as she was not confident that she could feign contentment any longer – but her candle was not yet snuffed when Jane nearly danced into the room.

"Oh Lizzy! Is it not the most wonderful news? Is Mr. Bingley not the most handsome and amiable gentleman? Oh, how can so much happiness be possible? It gives me such immense pleasure to know that should Mr. Bingley propose, I will not only be blessed with a most excellent husband, but through my marriage, I may ensure the well-being of my mother and sisters! I only wish each of my sisters could be so happily paired!"

Jane's smile was dreamy and Elizabeth's jealousy and pain made her think briefly that Jane was far too pleased over only a courtship; after all, it is not as though they are engaged! were her bitter thoughts.

Elizabeth quickly scolded herself and bit back the bitterness and, putting on the best smile she could offer, replied, "I could not agree with you more, Sister! Mr. Bingley is everything a gentleman ought to be and it is entirely apparent for all to see how much he is in love with you! Even though no one will ever be good enough for my Jane, Mr. Bingley is perhaps at least worthy of the attempt."

Jane could see some emotion behind Lizzy's eyes, but she could not make it out. "Lizzy, are you well? You do not seem yourself at the moment."

Elizabeth turned from her sister and pretended to arrange her pillow. "Thank you, Jane, I am well, only tired. This has been a quite full day and I do believe I am in need of rest."

With that, Lizzy drew back her covers and laid herself down, with all appearance of one intending to sleep.

Jane acknowledged her sister's unspoken request and then readied herself for bed quietly, so as to allow her sister's rest.

But long after Jane had joined the realm of dreams, Elizabeth lay awake in the darkness fighting tears. She repeated for herself that she had known better than to form any sort of attachment on a man of Mr. Darcy's standing, reiterated his disinterest, and berated herself for her foolishness! Occasionally her thoughts wandered to what it would be like to see him again, perhaps in London or if she ever managed to visit Lambton with her aunt? How would she feel if he acted as though nothing had happened between them or, worse, did not remember her or snubbed her? What about when he married, for naturally he would wish to do so, how should she bear that? The weight on her heart was nearly more than she believed possible, especially over a man for whom she had initially felt such a strong dislike! But, when she was truly honest with herself in the very early morning hours, she admitted that her feelings were quite the opposite of what they once were. But sadly, she knew that her feelings did not matter in the slightest; he was gone from Hertfordshire and so she resolved to live with the disappointment. Not once did she allow herself to think that he might, at that very moment, be in his own bed laying awake with his thoughts of her.

ooOoo

The next day dawned like any other and no one seemed much the wiser that Elizabeth was suffering. She had made a commitment to herself that she would only ever think of Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy as a casual acquaintance with whom she had enjoyed several conversations and nothing more. She found that when she kept herself occupied with tasks, this was more easily accomplished.

In this manner, she managed to pass nearly half the day without so much as one or two thoughts of Mr. Darcy. And when her mother announced to all of the girls that they must begin their preparations to be ready for their visit to their aunt and uncle's home in the evening, Lizzy did not complain or even roll her eyes at her mother's over-exuberance for the rather casual affair.

Once arrived at Aunt and Uncle Phillips' home, Elizabeth was quite relieved to see Mr. Collins quickly attach himself to her aunt, presumably in an effort to wheedle his way into Elizabeth and her sisters' good graces through pleasing and flattering Mrs. Phillips. Lizzy nearly wished to inform him that he need not bother, as there was nothing and no one which would ever induce her to find his suit appealing, but being possessed of such quick intellect, she realized that should she disparage his efforts, he might resume his attentions to herself directly and this was a wholly unappealing prospect indeed! So instead, she encouraged the friendship between her aunt – who was rather impressed with his "airs and excessive good breeding" – and her cousin – who was exquisitely delighted to spend the better part of the evening speaking of the similarities between the Phillips' modest home and his patroness' estate. Upon seeing the fruit of her toils being realized, Lizzy quickly slipped away from the pair.

Now at liberty to move about the room unencumbered, Elizabeth found herself without a task for the first time that day and quite without her permission, her thoughts returned to Mr. Darcy. An overwhelming sense of dysphoria swept through her person and she suddenly felt the need to retire to one of the sofas. After seating herself and calmly resolving, once again, to put that gentleman out of her head, she rose with the purpose of visiting the refreshments table. However, before she was able to move away from the sofa, a gentleman in a red coat appeared before her.

"Miss Elizabeth Bennet, I believe?"

She looked into the handsome face of none other than Mr. Wickham!

"Mr. Wickham," she greeted with a slight curtsey. "Good evening to you, sir."

"And to yourself as well, Miss Elizabeth," his smile was warm and she no longer felt so suffocated as she had a moment before; instead a new and pleasant feeling spread through her. "Were you intending to leave your seat?"

"Oh, well, yes, I had thought to get some tea. My throat was feeling a bit dry." She thought perhaps her eyelashes fluttered a bit, quite of their own accord!

"Please allow me! Sit and I will be back in but a moment." And without awaiting her reply, he moved toward the other end of the room.

Elizabeth was pleased by his attention and smiled despite herself. She was seated on one end of the sofa when he returned with her drink and he seated himself on the other end without needing an invitation. His easy manners put her further at ease.

"Thank you, sir."

"Please think nothing of it, madam; it was quite my pleasure." His face was very fine with symmetrical features and his smile seemed effortless, but something about it struck her as slightly off. Deciding this was her own poor temper making her borrow trouble, she dismissed the errant concern.

She sipped her drink and observed, "It seems that you are now officially a lieutenant, if one can draw any conclusions from your coat."

Mr. Wickham laughed and agreed, "Yes indeed, I have just today received my official commission. And I feel very fortunate to have it."

This time, she was sure that she saw something flash in his eyes; discontent or perhaps anger? It sparked her curiosity. "You were not a member of another local militia before joining ours?"

"No, I was not. As a matter of fact, I was intended for the church."

"Oh dear, it seems that you have come quite some way from that profession to be a lieutenant; do I dare ask as to how you have made such a journey?"

Mr. Wickham chuckled and Lizzy found herself pleased to have elicited such a reaction from the man. He offered, "I suppose it is a tale I would share with you if you would wish to know it. In truth, it is sad and perhaps not befitting the delicate sensibilities of a lady, but I find it unlikely that I could deny you anything you asked."

Elizabeth was rather charmed by his concern for her, but also his deferral to her own judgement on the matter; his manner allowed her to feel respected as a lady and a creature of intellect. She found that she quite liked speaking with Mr. Wickham. "I would never wish to cause you any undue discomfort, but if you would wish for a friendly ear, I freely offer of mine."

"I thank you for a most kind offer. I am honoured to have such a friend in yourself. I must own that one of the primary inducements to me of the -shire militia was the prospect of constant and good society. Indeed, as a disappointed man, I cannot bear solitude and therefore your friendship and company are all the more balm to my soul."

Grief and pity for this man she hardly knew swelled within her, despite herself. She could not help but to ask, her voice nearly a whisper, "Mr. Wickham, what could have occurred to forfeit your birthright?"

"Ah Miss Bennet, 'tis a sad tale, but I shall not deny you." Taking a weary breath, he began, "I was born and raised in Derbyshire, in the north, perhaps you know of it?"

"Derbsyshire, why that is –" then thinking better of the comment she had begun, she stopped herself since, after all, there was no cause to think of him, but at Mr. Wickham's interested gaze, she continued, "that... is near where my Aunt Gardiner was raised, in Lambton. Perhaps you have heard of it?"

"Why of course! Lambton borders the estate I grew up on!"

"Does it indeed? What a delightful coincidence! So you were a younger son perhaps?" she guessed.

He smiled, wistful, "Not quite, although I was as close as a son or perhaps closer. My father was the steward to a great man who controlled a large estate. My father was an excellent man and his employer was also his friend, despite the differences in standing. As such, my father named him my godfather and, in many ways, he and I were closer than even my father and I were. My godfather had a son as well and he and I played like brothers all through our childhoods. The stories I could tell!" But here, Mr. Wickham's expression soured, "In fact, it was his son that ruined me, denied me the advantages his father had promised after his sudden death. At first I thought it was only his grief talking, but now I know it was more than that. We were at Cambridge together, but had grown apart over the years. In truth, I do believe that he was envious of the relationship I had with his father. I suppose I would not begrudge his resentment had he not acted in so callous a manner to punish me!"

"But surely your godfather would have included his wishes in his will? No son could have refused to honour a direct request from his deceased father!" Elizabeth could not help but to interject her question, so engrossed was she in his story.

"Ah, Miss Elizabeth, I am sorry to say that the church living he had promised to me had only been verbal, but it was well known by the son as his father had spoken the intention many times; but still, he chose to disregard it. Of course I tried every recourse available to me: I attempted to see him, to reason with him, I wrote, I even consulted a solicitor, but all to no avail. Once I had used what little my own parents had left to me, having lost them even before my godfather, I relied upon the support and goodwill of my friends. But of course I could not do that forever and being educated as a gentleman will only take one so far without any additional accompaniment of wealth or property. And so you see, a military life is not what I was intended for, but circumstances have now made it eligible and I am most thankful to have it."

Elizabeth knew not what to say after such an account! She felt anger at the son for hurting a man who could only be honest and true, if his open countenance and words so suffused with feeling were to be trusted, and she felt tender sympathy for the unjust trials that Mr. Wickham had suffered.

Just then, Jane and Mr. Bingley approached.

"Lizzy, there you are!" Jane positively glowed with her happiness as Mr. Bingley escorted her to the divan upon which her sister and Mr. Wickham were already sat. "Oh, and Mr. Wickham, it is a pleasure to see you again, sir." She gave a slight curtsey without releasing her beloved's arm. "And, may I introduce you to Mr. Bingley? Like you, he too is somewhat new to the neighbourhood."

Mr. Wickham gave no signs of lingering feelings from the retelling of his history and instead, once again, appeared to be all that is charming and polite. "Miss Bennet," he stood and bowed, "And Mr. Bingley," he bowed again, "a pleasure to make your acquaintance, sir."

Mr. Bingley did not smile, gave a rather cursory bow, and replied, "Mr. Wickham."

Elizabeth was confused at Mr. Bingley's expression and his words gave no explanation; he appeared angered, but Lizzy could not see what could have caused his displeasure. Surely as he had not ever met Mr. Wickham it could have nothing to do with the man himself? Lizzy thought it best to create conversation in the hopes that whatever was aggravating Mr. Bingley would dissipate quickly with some lively discourse.

"Jane, Mr. Wickham was just telling me that he originally comes from the north, Derbyshire, near Aunt Gardiner's childhood home in Lambton. Is that not a wonderful coincidence?"

Before Jane could answer, Bingley spoke rather harshly, certainly moreso than Elizabeth had ever heard from him: "Derbyshire, you say? Why, we all have a friend who lives there. In fact, he was raised there as well. I am sure you must have known him: Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy?"

Elizabeth felt a momentary pain at hearing his name spoken aloud, such that she did not at first register the paler colour of Mr. Wickham's face, but when did turn turn back to him, she was rather perplexed at his expression.

"Mr. Wickham, sir, are you well?"

It took another moment for the man to regain his composure, during which Lizzy and Jane exchanged glances, but Mr. Bingley continued to stare fixedly at Mr. Wickham, and Mr. Wickham appeared to nearly shrink under the other gentleman's scrutiny.

Finally, Wickham squared his shoulders and replied to Mr. Bingley's original question, "Indeed, sir, I do know of Mr. Darcy. In fact," and here he glanced briefly through the corner of his eyes at Elizabeth, "we grew up together at Pemberley."

Elizabeth could not help herself, she released a small gasp that drew Jane's attention and seemed to fortify Mr. Wickham, as he continued.

"Unfortunately, we grew apart and no longer maintain an acquaintance. However," he turned to the sisters, "I am afraid I must beg my leave from you ladies to depart, as I begin training early on the morrow and have only been given leave for a brief time this evening. Miss Bennet, Miss Elizabeth, a pleasure to see you both again, and Mr. Bingley, a pleasure to make your acquaintance." And with a deep bow, he departed into the crowd. Only Bingley seemed to observe the tension about his shoulders and the speed with which he withdrew.

Once they could no longer see his retreating form, Elizabeth and Jane both turned to Mr. Bingley, who seemed to still be glaring after where they had last seen Mr. Wickham.

"Mr. Bingley," Elizabeth began, "perhaps you would care to explain...?" She allowed the query to drift off as she knew that he would comprehend. For her part, Lizzy was extremely conflicted and found that she could not reconcile all of the new information with her own knowledge and experience with both men in question.

Bingley was lost in his own anger and did not, at first, hear Miss Elizabeth's question. But then her sister lightly touched his upper arm and nothing could claim his attention over his angel. "I do apologise, I was quite distracted by my own thoughts, did you say something?"

Elizabeth, her voice stronger than she felt, replied for Jane, "No, but I did. Mr. Bingley, what was that display about? I have never known you to be anything less than gracious and amiable. Do you know Mr. Wickham?"

Oh blast, now I have done it! thought Bingley. "Er... well, no," he appeared rather sheepish and the contrast was nearly comical, had Elizabeth been in a frame of mind to enjoy it.

"Is it true that Mr. Darcy and Mr. Wickham are acquainted and even grew up together?"

Ah, leave it to Miss Elizabeth to cut right to chase! Damn! "I do not entirely know, but yes, they have definitely been acquainted. In fact, Darcy specifically spoke to me of Mr. Wickham's un-gentlemanly ways before, ah, before he left."

This information stopped Lizzy's questioning cold. Mr. Darcy spoke to Mr. Bingley of Mr. Wickham? And so perhaps Mr. Darcy was the son that Mr. Wickham spoke of? But how could that be? Without meaning to, Elizabeth collapsed down onto the sofa.

Now Bingley was concerned; "Miss Elizabeth, are you quite well?"

"Hm?" she looked up to him, but was clearly not fully focused on the present company any longer.

Jane stepped in, sitting next to her sister, "Lizzy, dear, I think perhaps it has been a long evening and it is time for us to return home? You were busy all day today and you were not yourself yesterday evening. Come, Sister, let us find Mama and call for the carriage home."

Bingley was intensely relieved to see his dear Jane intervene and it appeared she was having some success at rousing her sister. Still, he wished to inform her further of Darcy's warning, even without all of the information, he felt what little he knew was better imparted than not. Inspiration struck and he informed both ladies that he would instruct a servant to find their coats; he moved quickly and met them at the front door.

Meanwhile, Jane had found Mrs. Bennet and informed her that she would bring Lizzy home. Mrs. Bennet tried to suggest that they could all go home, but Jane reminded her mother of the joys being afforded to the youngest girls and Mrs. Bennet, ever indulgent to the whims of her youngest daughter, who reminded her so much of herself at that age, could not deny her the joy of society and therefore agreed to remain.

Jane escorted her sister to the front and was pleased to see Mr. Bingley already awaiting them with their coats. A servant assisted Elizabeth with her coat while Mr. Bingley assisted Jane.

"Miss Bennet," he whispered to her and she looked inquiringly at him, "I know not the specifics of what has occurred between Darcy and Mr. Wickham, nor what has occurred between your sister and Mr. Wickham, but Darcy was very clear with me that Mr. Wickham is not a man to be trusted. I fear for the well-being of yourself and your sister; if it is within your power to do so, please discourage any attachment she may feel for him."

Jane looked conflicted at this request, but acknowledged her understanding of his request with a brief nod and replied, "Goodnight, sir."

Bingley's expression softened at the realization that he would not see her again until the morning and he bent to gently kiss her gloved hand. "Miss Bennet, until tomorrow."

ooOoo

The distance from the Phillips' home to Longbourn was not large, but when travelled by carriage did take a good while as the carriage roads were not as direct as the walking trails. Jane was glad for this as she did not yet know what to say to her sister.

Lizzy was quiet from nearly the moment Mr. Wickham had left their company and Jane was rather confused as to the reason. Certainly she knew that her sister must have some slight attachment to the man in order to react so, but this seemed rather sudden, considering that Mr. Darcy had only departed the country a few days prior. Then again, she considered, perhaps I was mistaken in my belief of Lizzy's attachment. I had thought their acquaintance seemingly deepened, but after his hasty departure and her disinterest in it, well, perhaps I was incorrect? But then why should she seem so displeased by Mr. Darcy and Mr. Wickham's acquaintance? It was all extraordinarily confusing!

But then she recalled Mr. Bingley's warning to her and decided that she need not understand everything, but she did know that Mr. Bingley would not lie to her! With his words firmly in her thoughts, she tentatively addressed her sister.

"Lizzy? You seem lost in your thoughts; pray, will you share them with me as we have always done?"

Although Jane's words surprised her, Elizabeth internally agreed that discussing the whirlwind of chaos in her mind with her favourite sister would be an immense relief! "Oh Jane! I do not know what to think!"

Misunderstanding, Jane encouraged, "Lizzy, you know that I will keep this between ourselves. You would do well to share your burdens with me."

Lizzy let out a small laugh at the misunderstanding, but did not bother to clarify, preferring instead to use their remaining privacy to best advantage: "Of course, Jane, you are right. I... I am finding it difficult to reconcile the accounts of both men – that is, Mr. Wickham and Mr. –" his name gave her pain, but she pressed forward, "Darcy."

Jane's brow furrowed, "Are there many accounts of the two?"

"Well, I had not known that they were acquainted. I thought it merely a coincidence that both were from the north. Mr. Wickham had shared some of his history. I had not considered it related in any way to Mr. Darcy, but now I find it is not the case and I am rather disturbed by his account."

Jane nodded and Lizzy noticed the lovely way her sister's golden curls bounced slightly with the carriage's movement and her own. Jane encouraged, "Perhaps if you related to me what Mr. Wickham had said?"

Elizabeth swallowed hard, unsure if she wished to relive the story, knowing Mr. Darcy's supposed role, but nodded and began.

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A/N: So what does everyone think of Wickham? Was he better, worse, the same? I'm dying to hear what you guys think!

HUGE thanks to ArtemisDesari and Mahhhfy for pre-reading and encouraging me!

I seriously cannot even express how much all of your reviews and support means to me! You guys are just wonderful and make the ridiculously late nights writing this story totally worth it! Who needs sleep anyway? ;) So yeah, just THANK YOU x a million! Also, thank you to all those who added this story or me to alerts and favorites!

ETA: Extra special thanks to PBK for spotting my goof in calling Lambton Lampton - whoops! Nice spot, thanks friend!