16. Chapter 14: Faithful are the wounds

Here we begin Lizzy's tale. This covers approximately the same time period as Volume 1.

Volume 2: Hertfordshire

Ch 14:Faithful are the wounds of a friend

The young woman finally paused to rest from her long walk up to the hilltop that overlooked her family's estate. It all looks so peaceful from here. She sighed, lifting her gloved hands to rub at her throbbing temples. So quiet. I need this! Oh, if I could only stay a bit longer! But no, Mama will be in a dither if she finds me away for more than an hour. Why must she carry on so?

With definite discontent, she settled herself on a fallen log that she often commandeered for her repose. Below, she could see a row of carriages making their way from Netherfield Park. "Go, go, I wish you had never come. How much easier my day would be if you had never arrived," she murmured bitterly, her deepening scowl intensifying her headache. "I wonder how long it will be before new residents take over that property. I wish no ill on Mr. Bascomb, but I would rejoice if he was unable to find anyone for quite some time. Whoever takes Netherfield, they can only mean more trouble for me."

She thought back to the humiliating conversation she had shared with Mr. Carver just before the family announced they were taking their leave.

It began innocently enough; she had come to call on his younger sisters, Rachel and Martha, as she did regularly. Two nights previous to her visit, the Carvers had hosted a ball at Netherfield. At the girl's insistence, Elizabeth had promised to call on them to chat about it that morning. However, when she arrived, she was unexpectedly ushered into Mr. Carver's study.

"Miss Elizabeth," he began seriously, a stern expression in his dark eyes.

Concerned, she curtsied. "Mr. Carver. Forgive me, sir, you look quite concerned. Is there something wrong with your sisters?"

The gentleman took a long time responding. "It is difficult to answer your question. They are both well. That is to say, their health is good."

"But something is obviously not right, sir. Pray tell me what is wrong?" Her eyes narrowed as she regarded the somewhat stocky gentleman. Clearly, something is troubling him, but I cannot make it out. This does not fit his character as I know it.

Carver walked from behind his desk to pace the room. "I must simply get to the point, Miss Elizabeth. I find I am not good at social delicacies." He paused to look seriously at his guest, drawing a deep breath as if to steel himself against something unpleasant. "I cannot allow my sisters to continue your acquaintance any longer." There I have said it. There should be no further conversation. I had no wish to cause her pain, but it was mercifully dealt and I hope it will be of brief duration.

For a long moment, Elizabeth only looked at him in shock, her expressive eyes growing wide. "Excuse me, sir, I do not think I understand you." She clenched her gloved hands together firmly.

"I believe you heard me well enough. I cannot permit my sisters to associate with you or your family any longer. Good day, madam." Carver turned his back on her rudely. I hope she will just leave! I have no wish to further discuss my decision. It is bad enough I am forced to make this decision, do not push to speak more of it!

"Is this all the explanation I am to expect? With so little attempt at civility I am turned out of your home, when just two days ago my family and I were treated as welcomed guests at your ball. You paid great attention to my sister Jane and gave every appearance of a man well pleased with his company. You even danced two sets with me. Do, sir, explain this change of heart." She stood facing him defiantly, setting her jaw firmly.

Slowly turning to face her once more, his dark eyes regarded her with thinly veiled judgment and contempt. Impertinent! Ill-mannered! Inconvenient… No! I cannot lie, it is not her, but her family. She is offended and angry right now. I can hardly fault her for that. This entire scene would be offensive to any person of sense,

"Do not try to frighten me, Mr. Carver. My courage rises with every attempt to intimidate me."

"You are forcing me into a very ungentlemanly conversation, Miss Bennet," he continued, his voice somewhat softened,

"I beg your pardon, but, as yet, there has been nothing gentlemanly about any of this conversation," she remarked tersely, crossing her lithe arms over her chest. "I insist on your explanation, sir. You have insulted my sisters, my parents and myself, you can hardly expect me to leave without satisfaction."

With a heavy sigh, he turned away from her to gaze out the window. His voice softened further, "I mean no offense to you or your eldest sister. Where ever you go, you and Miss Bennet will be recognized for your lady-like manners and good sense."

Elizabeth did not reply as she felt the tension creep up the back of her neck.

Reluctantly, Carver turned to look at her again. "Surely you cannot be unaware of the complete want of propriety demonstrated by your younger sisters, your mother, and even your father."

"How dare you cast judgment on us, sir!" she exclaimed, a hot flush rising on her cheeks. "By what authority have you been made the paragon of such virtue that you are right to cast such verdicts?"

"You mean to tell me that you approve of your sisters cavorting so indecently with the officers Colonel Forster has foisted on our community?" Contempt filled his voice. I do not want my family exposed to that rabble! Even his officers are coarse and unmannerly.

"Certainly they are high spirited, but to call them indecent is well beyond the bound of reason," she spat back, even as pictures of Kitty and Lydia's flirtations flashed through her mind. They were certainly merry the night of the ball. I would have preferred that they showed less exuberance, but to call them indecent! That is going too far.

"On that point, we will have to disagree. I would be ashamed to see my younger sisters behaving so boldly in public. The fact that you are not, troubles me." Which is why I must make this wholly unpopular decision.

Elizabeth's brown eyes grew wide at his censure, a crimson blush flooding her cheeks.

"I imagine you would likewise condone your mother's loud declarations of the certainty of a match between your eldest sister and myself?" He extended his open hands in frustration. Clearly dismayed by this conversation. The audacity of that woman! Insufferable harridan. Who would want to make a match, knowing that she came as part of the bargain?

At this accusation, Elizabeth swallowed hard. "Did you not give my sister reason to expect your continued attentions?"

"I believe that is a private matter, not one to be publicized and cast about to the community for speculation; or worse to have my hand forced by their expectations. I will not be the prey of a fortune hunter!" Heavy hands slammed down on the desk making his listener jump back, surprised.

"Are you calling my sister a fortune hunter?" Outrage replaced the embarrassment on her face as her hands flew to her hips.

Carver's shoulders fell. "Your sister is all that is good and proper and lady-like. I said that before. I have no censure for her. She is a beautiful, sweet girl."

Lizzy sighed in relief.At least we can agree on that point.

"Your mother, on the other hand, bears so little similarity to you and your sister that one might wonder if you were left on her doorstep by gypsies."

Elizabeth gasped, her small hands balled into fists at her waist. Certainly you did not say such a thing! I was mistaken to ever think you a gentleman!

"And your father! Let me not begin to recount to you how he has failed in his patriarchal duties to your family. It is truly abominable…"

"How dare you criticize my father when you have no children of your own. What do you know of how a man should behave with his family? You have none!" Now you have gone entirely too far!

Carver's dark eyes rolled, finally focusing on the ornate ceiling mouldings. "I should think that when I do, I would not be one to stand back and watch, laughing as my wife and daughters conduct themselves so…so… badly in public. Can you deny that your father made no effort to curb them, as is his responsibility?"

"What would you have him do, sir? Make a public spectacle? Moreover, how dare you presume…"

"Miss Elizabeth!" he interrupted, his shoulders sagging as he retreated behind his desk, the weight of his words falling heavily on him. "Do not think I enjoy saying these things. But the difficulty of the conversation does not make it less true." With a look of real regret, he continued, "In truth, I have enjoyed my acquaintance with Miss Bennet, very greatly. My sisters have been pleased to have your company. But I am afraid our acquaintance must be at an end.

"I cannot risk exposing my sisters to the example set by the rest of your family. Just last night, I overheard Rachel telling Martha that she wished to join your younger sisters on a trip to Meryton - expressly to meet with the officers out of my sight!" Carver sighed in exasperation, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I cannot abide by such rebellion in my family. I would be failing in my duties to them to continue allowing them to be exposed to such influence."

Elizabeth bit her lip, unable to defend her younger sisters, but neither able to agree with Carver's harsh words.

"I am sorry, but I must be mindful of their futures. My father only recently purchased his estate, and I am now looking into doing the same. Our acceptance into good society depends on so many factors. My father sent my sisters to me in an effort to expose them to a society that might be more forgiving than the London Ton before they make their introductions there. Their behavior must be above reproach if we are to be well received. I cannot risk their futures by allowing them to follow your younger sisters' example. I am sorry, but it must be so. Good day, Miss Bennet."

Quivering with emotions that ran from rage to acute embarrassment, Elizabeth turned on her heel and showed herself to the door.

Even now, she felt the hot tears of anger and humiliation coursing down her cheeks. "Oh bother!" she exclaimed, brushing them brusquely away. "I cannot return to the house in such a state. Mama will demand an explanation. How very much I must conceal. I can only imagine what her nerves would be like if she ever knew what had been said!"

Agitated, she began to walk once again, heading for an inviting grove of trees.

I would feel so much better if I could have argued with him, if I could have denied the truth of what he said. Yet I cannot.

Jane and I have often spoken of how much we wish Kitty and Lydia to be more demure in company. I had no idea that people might think them indecent. But perhaps they are not. They cannot be that bad, can they? I must ask Charlotte.

I know Mama can be excitable, but anyone who knows her realizes that it is her poor nerves getting the better of her. Surely the mother of five daughters can be excused for that, can she not? The four and twenty families we keep company with seem to believe so. Do they not? I have never thought overmuch about the perceptions of our neighbors, for they never seem out of sorts with Mama.

She scowled pensively, chewing her lower lip. Certainly he had no right to criticize Papa so! How differently would Mr. Carver handle his own affairs? With a harrumph, she crossed her arms over her chest. Presently she sighed as her stance softened. Yet, removing them from our acquaintance is very telling. I suppose his is handling his affairs differently, is he not? Sadly she dropped her face into her hands. I am so humiliated.

Elizabeth finally returned to the house to find her mother sitting at the window, looking balefully at the road on which the Carvers passed earlier that day.

"What do you make of this strange business of the Carvers, Lizzy?" Mrs. Bennet moaned, fanning herself with her handkerchief.

"He is a wealthy man exercising the privilege of wealth. Such men can follow their whims of pleasure with little concern for how their caprice should affect the neighborhood," she replied tersely, avoiding her mother's eyes. Or how their harsh words impact another person…no I must not think on that now or I will betray myself to her!

"Indeed, indeed. We had such great hopes for him. It would have been such a smart match for our Jane. He paid her such attentions! My dear girl!" She dabbed at her eyes with the embroidered linen. "What a good influence she would have been on his sisters, Lizzy! She could have brought Kitty and Lydia into their circle, and they would have been much brighter and more personable girls. As it was they were so stiff and formal, no liveliness among them. How could they possibly think they would attract husbands without even a pretty smile between them?"

Elizabeth winced and bit her lip. What would you say if you knew how much he disagreed with you? I can only imagine the offense you would take, Mama. No, you do not need to know.

Wringing her handkerchief in nervous hands, her mother continued, "But it is all for nothing, now that he has just up and gone. Who can fathom their departure? I will always say he used my dear girl very ill indeed. She is left with a broken heart."

"Is Jane so affected?" If she knew what had been said she surely would be broken hearted, but not for the reasons you believe. She cannot bear to hear anyone criticized, her own family most of all. She thinks the best of everyone, if only others might learn that lesson from her.

"She bears it well. She is all that is good, is she not? But her mother knows what she must suffer. Oh, I know! She grieves for us all, Lizzy. She knows what has been lost with the Carvers. She realizes all too well what we all will suffer when your father dies and we are turned out in the hedgerows! If only we had produced a son!

"She would not be so beautiful but that she is to marry well and save us all! She has failed us by not securing Mr. Carver. Do you not see?" Her eyes grew wide as she turned to her second daughter and laid a restraining hand on the girl's forearm. "Do not speak to her of it. There is no need to make her feel worse than she already does. She suffers so!" Blowing her nose noisily, she turned her attention to the window once more.

Lizzy sighed, not knowing what else to say. Her momentary repose was broken by the high-pitched shriek that could only belong to her fourth sister, Kitty. "Lydia! Give me back my bonnet!" One set of pounding feet flew down the stairs, followed by another.

Lydia burst into the drawing room, bonnet in her hand and her long dark curls flying behind her. "Mama! Mama!"

"The bonnet is mine, Mama! Make her give it back," Kitty demanded petulantly. She stamped her foot and crossed her arms, pulling her shoulders high around her ears.

"She has never worn it!" Lydia countered with a narrow eyed glare toward Kitty. "I will pull it to pieces and make something much better."

"Of course you will, dear. You have such lovely, refined tastes." Mrs. Bennet patted her favorite's arm.

"Mama, that is not fair!" Kitty stamped again and shook her fists in anger. "You should not let her have it for it is mine!"

With a heavy sigh, Lizzy pushed herself up to leave her mother and sisters to their own quarrels. The headache that had begun earlier now blossomed into full force throbbing. She sighed sadly as she passed the closed door of her father's library, certain that he was ensconced within. How I could use your quiet company right now, Papa.

Slowly her feet carried her upstairs to the sitting room she shared with her eldest sister. Pausing at the doorway, Lizzy watched the serene young woman who sat placidly on the couch, carefully positioned to make the most of the morning light. The plodding sounds of Mary on the pianoforte broke through the tranquility of the moment, causing Jane to look up and notice her pensive sister.

"Oh Lizzy! You look so troubled. Are you all right?" The blonde beauty laid aside her needlework to rush to her sister's side. "Come sit down!" What has happened Lizzy? You do not look like yourself at all.

Lizzy allowed herself to be led to a slightly worn blue brocade chair.

"Headache?"

"Oh Jane!" She sighed, pressing her temples hard. "I do not need one of Mary's concertos now!"

"You are too harsh on her, dearest," Jane softly admonished. "Have you not noticed she plays most often when Lyddie and Kitty are fighting? I believe their quarreling disturbs her. She is trying to drown out the sound."

"You are too sweet! It seems to me that she is seeking to have her own voice heard above the din." She laughed ruefully. "Forgive me, Jane, for that was truly ungracious. This headache seems to have stolen my good humor. I should not have spoken so of our sister." Hanging her head, she squeezed her temples hard.

"You really should take time to talk with Mary." Jane returned to her seat and picked up her needlework once more.

"She is forever sermonizing! I have little interest in listening to her quote Fordyce!" Lizzy looked up with exasperation.

"There is much more to her than that. She truly has much more insight than any of us give her credit for. Ouch!" Jane winced and shook her hand as she mistakenly jabbed herself with her needle.

"Really Jane?"

"Yes! It is not merely sermonizing, Lizzy. If you take the opportunity to actually speak with her, you would find her understanding is every bit as good as yours. She is just shy, and neither papa nor mama encourages her. It is difficult for her to make herself heard. Mary would benefit so much if you would spend some time with her. She admires you so." We all do. How I wish I had your strength. Jane turned her earnest blue eyes on her sister. "I have upset you. I am sorry. I suppose I am not myself today either." Sadly she rose and peeked out the window.

Immediately Elizabeth joined her sister, laying a warm hand on Jane's arm. "The Carvers?" Is it possible you are as broken-hearted as Mama believes? You of all of us do not deserve such heartache.

Somberly she nodded.

"I know you enjoyed your acquaintance with him. You always smiled so whenever you saw him. Did you truly prefer him above any of the others who have sought your attentions?" Lizzy struggled to catch her sister's eye.

"I do not know. Does that surprise you?" Timidly she allowed her sister's dark eyes to hold hers. Do you think me a fool, dearest Lizzy?

"I suppose it would be difficult to know your own heart above our mother's flutterings and declarations about how much you must like him because of his wealth." Tenderly she brushed a stray lock away from Jane's face.

With a soft, sad laugh she nodded. "Sometimes I do not know. How many times has our mother said that I could not be so beautiful for nothing? She insists that I will be the one to save us all by marrying well." Would that I not have to carry such a burden for us all.

"With such pressures, you can hardly know how you feel, can you?" Lizzy sighed wearily. "I am sorry. It is not fair to you. I wish…"

"There is nothing you can do for it. Mama is just afraid. She wants the best for us, and is seeking it in the only way she knows how." Squaring her shoulders and lifting her chin, Jane drew a deep breath. "It will all work out for the best, Lizzy. I know it will. Things will turn out as they should. We must leave it in God's hands for we know that He is good."

"I wish I had your faith. Right now, it seems as though nothing is as it should be. Perhaps I should go and rest, I am sounding morose even to my own ears!" I know Jane is correct, I just wish it was it did not all feel so wrong right now. Slowly she turned from her sister to seek refuge in her own room, the din of the pianoforte mixed with strident voices still filling the air.

Closing the door behind her, Elizabeth sat on her bed thoughtfully. I think I should write my aunt. She has always given me such wise counsel. I need her voice right now. Turning to a small writing desk, Lizzy sat down and prepared to write her letter.