35. Chapter 32:An anxious heart weighes down

Ch 32: An anxious heart weighs a man down*

Two weeks later, Bingley and Fitzwilliam found Darcy in the parlor of the inn just after breakfast.

"Louisa is waiting for us. We are off to call upon the Bennets. Will you join us?" Bingley asked brightly. He smiled back at Fitzwilliam who was pulling on his gloves.

Darcy shook out his paper with a smug smile. "No, thank you, Charles, not this morning. I have only just sat down with my coffee, and I believe I will enjoy it and my paper before turning my attention to my correspondence. If your belongings arrive from London today, as expected, I imagine there will be little time for such things in the coming days."

"Shall we convey your greetings to Miss Elizabeth?" Bingley asked, donning his hat.

"No, do not trouble yourself."

Fitzwilliam stomped over to join him, scrutinizing his cousin. "This is not right. You were well pleased by Miss Elizabeth's company when you joined us in calling at Longbourn three days ago. You cannot be so disinterested now…" His eyes fell to Darcy's boots. "Very clever, cousin, very clever!" He laughed heartily.

"What are you laughing about?" Charles demanded.

"His boots are quite covered in mud. You probably thought you knocked it all off, but much is still there. You would never allow your man to do such a poor job of cleaning them, so it must be fresh. You have been out walking early this morning!"

"What of it? You know that is my habit." Darcy squirmed uncomfortably in his chair, snapping his paper near his cousin's face.

"It is also the habit of someone else we know!" Richard turned knowingly to Charles. They pounced upon their hapless friend, drawing chairs alongside his and perching like predators around him.

"So you have already seen her today, have you not?" Charles grinned.

"Of course he has, man!" Richard insisted conspiratorially. "Look at his face; that self-satisfied look can only mean one thing. He has probably already received an invitation to dinner tonight as well."

Looking over his paper, Darcy raised an eyebrow at his cousin. "As a matter of fact, I have."

Charles laughed heartily, slapping his thigh. "I would not have thought you to arrange clandestine meetings…"

"Charles," Darcy growled.

Bingley quickly backpedaled, remembering his friend's sensitivity. "Of course you would commit no impropriety, I am sure."

"Our meeting was unplanned. We merely chose the same path to walk this morning and happened upon each other."

"As I imagine you have done rather regularly this past fortnight?" Grinning, Richard shook his head. Darcy turned his attention back to his paper.

"So that is why you have not come with us the last two times we have called upon the Bennets?" Bingley crossed his arms over his chest.

"No, you are quite mistaken. When I attend, it is inevitable that Miss Mary is left out. Although it is true your sister very much enjoys her company, it cannot be comfortable for her to be the only young lady without…," Darcy sighed. "I have watched her withdraw from company and I do not like it, knowing I have caused her discomfiture somehow."

"If that is the excuse you are using to see your lady in private, I will let it stand, but know that Louisa has told me that Mr. Pierce has called upon Miss Mary twice this week. So do not fear she is feeling too forlorn," Charles whispered, noting the pleased expression in Darcy's eyes. I wonder if he has always been so perceptive, or if it is the influence of Miss Bennet upon him.

"I did not realize. I am glad to hear it. Mr. Bradley has taken some time to make her acquaintance, and has many good things to say about her, and of Pierce as well." Darcy folded his paper and laid it in his lap. "Since you have already deduced that I have seen her today, I may freely share that Miss Elizabeth extended her invitation to both of you and Louisa, and Caroline, if she arrives this afternoon. She thought you might call today, and intends to issue the invitation in person, but bid me share it with you if for any reason you did not. She knows that your belongings are expected to arrive today, and thought it might be a relief to escape the chaos of moving if only for a few hours."

"How exceedingly thoughtful," Charles smiled.

"You accepted on our behalf, did you not?" Richard demanded good naturedly. "Such a kind invitation must not be neglected."

"I did indeed. I would drag you there myself, lest you have a misunderstanding with Miss Bennet. She has far too kind a heart to risk over a dinner invitation."

Richard's countenance softened, "Indeed she does. She is unlike any woman I have met in town. Her kindness and sweetness is a rarity more precious than any of the great fortunes attached to the heiresses of town." He sighed sadly. "I would not want to see her hurt for any reason."

Charles nodded approvingly. "Perhaps then we should go call upon Longbourn and receive the promised invitation in person. I am sure Louisa is ready now. Darcy, we shall leave you alone to bask in your triumph."

Darcy nodded at them as they left. He tried to return to his paper, but found himself too distracted by memories of his morning walk.

The sunrise had just chased away the last of the shadows on the path to Oakham Mount. Mist still kissed the air with a dewy welcome to the day. The birds had not yet begun their morning chorus, so the crunch of the gravel under his boots was the only sound disturbing the mist's reverie.

Suddenly he looked up and saw a figure silhouetted in a sunbeam. "Miss Elizabeth." He increased his pace to reach her side. "How very good to see you this morning."

"Mr. Darcy, good morning." The brightness of her smile rivaled the shaft of sunlight that bathed her glorious face. "You seem rather surprised to see me here."

"Should I not? I had rather expected to walk alone so early in the morning." He smiled wryly, a lilt in his voice.

She lifted her eyebrows archly, "Truly? If I was of a suspicious nature, I might accuse you of having this quite well planned." Darcy blushed uneasily. "But since I am not, I will simply enjoy the happy coincidence that providence has enabled." Her fine eyes glittered merrily.

Darcy laughed softly. Why is it that her teasing is so very welcome to me?[i]

Elizabeth drank in a deep breath of the morning air, and caught the fragrance of a honeysuckle vine just coming into bloom. Her smile broadened as she recognized the scent. With child-like exuberance, she rushed to the vine to pick several blossoms. She handed a sprig to Darcy, but he looked perplexed. She laughed gaily. "Surely you do not mean to tell me you have never sucked the honey from a honeysuckle, sir."

"I am afraid I must confess to a deprived childhood then, for I have no knowledge of what you speak."

"Then we must remedy that immediately!" She patiently demonstrated how to pluck the flowers from the stem and suck the nectar drop from the base. "There now, what do you think of that, Mr. Darcy?"

"I think I shall have to make certain that there is plenty of honeysuckle growing on my grounds at Pemberley, madam. I shall see to it that my children do not grow up as deprived as I was." He chuckled at the sudden image in his mind.

"Good. I am a firm believer in honeysuckle. In a few weeks the the vines are heavy with flowers, my sisters and I will gather these blossoms for perfume so that we have the scent to sustain us through the winter months."

"That is a wise sentiment. I have often wished to find a way to carry a hint of spring with me to tide me through the grey months." As they began to walk, Elizabeth sighed. "Might I ask, why you sigh so?"

"You may ask, sir, but I do not promise an answer."

Though teasing, Darcy thought he heard heaviness in her tone. "I must respect your decision, madam, but I sorely wish to understand you better."

Looking up at him, she smiled wistfully. "I suppose I was just being silly and wishing there were more people who understood me as you do. I said something similar to my cousin yesterday, and was forced to endure nearly an hour of his admonishments on the impropriety of such frivolous ideas. Lady Catherine… Oh sir! I am sorry." Her hand flew to her mouth, her face flushing crimson.

"Do not trouble yourself on my account, Miss Elizabeth. I have known my aunt all my life, and I am quite aware of her rather unique philosophies. I take no offense at your notice of them as well." He was relieved to see the look of horror fade from her eyes. "Perhaps it would be safe to say that our relatives are rather well suited to one another." His eyes twinkled mischievously.

She giggled behind her hand. "I thank you for your understanding, sir. I can think of few men who would be so gracious in recognizing the foibles of their own kin."

"I find it a necessary means of coping with the honor bestowed upon me of being the nephew of…"

"The great Lady Catherine de Bourgh!" they finished in unison, laughing.

Continuing their walk, Lizzy confided, "While it is possible your aunt tends toward the ridiculous, I am afraid my cousin is truly odious!" Darcy choked on the chuckles that could not be held back. "It is a sad truth to say, but there it is. Is it horrible of me to tell you that my poor father, at his wits end, ordered his valet and Mr. Hall to go upstairs and assist Mr. Collins in bathing, lest he throw all of them out of the house?" Darcy stopped and stared. "Oh, yes, sir, it is quite true. I do not know whether it was my Uncle Gardiner or Mrs. Hill who finally put him up to it. I suspect they both had a hand in it."

For several long moments, Darcy could only laugh. "Oh my; I do not know what to say," he gasped.

"Say that you and your friends will join us for dinner this evening, so that we do not have to face him alone. I daresay Mr. Collins was madder than our old tom cat when the dog scared him off the fence post and he landed in the pond. Her Ladyship's vicar stomped around crying that he would have to write Lady Catherine and beg her forgiveness for defying her wishes in so significant a matter. He seemed to believe that what my father did was unforgiveable."

Darcy drew several deep breaths to help him affect solemnity. "A true friend would not allow you to face such a trial alone. I believe you may safely count on our support in your hour of need, madam."

She smiled brilliantly. "Thank you, sir, I do not believe I have had a dinner invitation so eloquently accepted before."

He bowed and offered her his arm as they continued walking.

Darcy sighed as the remembrance of her smile left his senses awash in warmth. Although both he and Elizabeth knew their meetings were not by chance, he was certain she did not suspect the true reason he relished the early morning hours. [i]Even with Charles and Richard there, the drawing room is so stiff and awkward a place to converse. So many rules and strictures on where to sit and what to say! I can hardly breathe, much less speak. No, the out of doors is a far better place to form a friendship. He smiled to himself. She acknowledged that today; she allowed me to call her friend with no objection. Surely she, of all people, would have voiced her objection had she felt the appellation untrue. I am so pleased to be considered amongst her friends. Funny, I have not thought of it until now, but Father's journals spoke of his friendship with Mother. He preferred her company above all others, felt more at ease in her presence than anywhere else. He wrote that he prayed I might find such contentment. I wonder how he would feel knowing I found that contentment in the form of an insignificant country gentleman's daughter? Darcy's reverie was broken first by the scent of orange blossoms, then by a shrill, familiar voice.

"Mr. Darcy! Mr. Darcy! How good it is to see you again." Caroline Bingley suddenly appeared at his side, her dress still dusty from the road. "Would you be so good as to call my brother for me?"

"Good morning, Miss Bingley," Darcy rose and bowed. "I am afraid I cannot. He and your sister have already left to call upon some of his neighbors."

"Call upon neighbors!" Caroline's eyes grew wide. "How could they do such a thing when they knew to expect me today?"

Darcy opened his mouth to answer, but thought better of it and closed it instead.

"Well then, what am I to do now?" she demanded, glancing disdainfully around the room.

"Why not have the innkeep show you to your sister's room? I am certain you would like to refresh yourself while you await their return. While you do so, I will bring them word of your arrival." Not waiting for her assent, Darcy bowed and left Caroline stammering in the parlor.

Mr. Hall greeted Darcy at the door and announced him to the party in the drawing room.

"Mr. Darcy!" Lizzy exclaimed. "I am sorry, my father and uncle have taken my cousin to see some of the far tenants' fields, and are not here to greet you. Mr. Bingley said that you would not be joining them this morning. Is everything well?"

"Thank you for asking, madam. I have come to relay some news of interest to Mr. and Miss Bingley…"

"Caroline has arrived?" Louisa asked, disappointment clear in her voice.

"Yes, she has. I recommended she go to your rooms to refresh herself until we make our return. I hope that was satisfactory."

"Yes, thank you," she stammered, clearly agitated.

Mary reached over to take her friend's hand warmly. "I am sure it is wise to allow her a little time to rest before you return. Surely she sent your things on ahead to Netherfield to allow your staff to start unloading the wagons," she suggested hopefully.

"That is a capital idea, Miss Mary!' Charles quickly agreed, having jumped to his feet and pacing before the fireplace.

Why do you not just openly declare how uneasy your sister makes you and be done with it? Richard frowned. It is not as if anyone here is in doubt of that truth now. Truly it would be to your benefit to learn some of Darcy's solemnity. Not everyone needs to see every thought that crosses your mind.

"Mrs. Hill has prepared a basket for Mr. Pierce and Mr. Bradley. Would you come with me to deliver it, Miss Bingley? We shall not be long, and it will give your sister ample time to recuperate from her journey." And us sufficient time seek their wisdom on this situation.

Louisa glanced at Charles, who nodded vigorously. "I believe I would enjoy the fresh air."

Hand in hand, Mary led her companion toward the kitchen. With four older sisters, I have no doubt that Mr. Pierce will have something to say on this matter. Louisa needs some assurance that she may rightfully stand up for herself, and I mean to see that she has it before she faces Miss Caroline once again.

"A walk would be just the thing right now. What do you say about following their example?" Bingley declared energetically. Soon the three couples were heading out into the garden and down the lane.

"Neither you nor your sister seems pleased at Miss Caroline's arrival," Kitty softly observed.

She glanced at Bingley who seemed very interested in the ground before him. "I fear not. I still do not understand why she decided to come…"

"Perhaps her stay in London has not been as pleasing as she expected. You mentioned before that she has given offense to several families. It may well be that she is now feeling the effects of their displeasure."

"I just do not want her to give offense here as well," Bingley muttered despondently, shoulders sagging.

"I have recently learned, that though difficult, it is not impossible to stand up to a forceful sibling and remove yourself from their influence. I have told you of my youngest sister, Lydia. I think in some ways she is not unlike you sister, sir. I fear I followed her ways far too much. But after watching Lizzy take a firm stand with her, I have seen that I do not have to allow her to rule me." A satisfied smile bloomed over Kitty's face as she giggled. "It was quite satisfying to tell her I would not repack her trunks for her after she had them fully packed and chose to begin afresh. Never before had I refused her demands. I believe I will remember the look on her face forever."

Charles laughed with her. "I do not believe I have ever refused Caroline anything. I can only imagine her ire if were I to do so now." He shook his head, a wry smile beginning. "I believe you are correct, it would be a wholly satisfying experience. Under your advisement, I shall do so. Surely it can be no worse than the way things have already been." He offered Kitty his arm. Quickly, she took it, gratified when he laid his hand over hers.

Several long steps behind them, Richard walked beside a solemn Jane. "Miss Bennet," he began softly, not wishing to be easily overheard. "Please forgive me if I am too forward in my observations, but you do not seem yourself this afternoon."

"I do not? I am sorry if I have troubled you, sir." She swallowed hard. "My mother would admonish me that a lady does not allow her true feelings to be so easily understood by those in her company." She stared at the ground ahead.

Gritting his teeth, Richard struggled for a reply. "I am afraid, madam, that I find myself much in disagreement with you good mother's advice."

"Truly, sir? I thought that the way of the fashionable ladies of the Ton."

"I care little for such fashion, and find it very impractical at best. I am afraid all these years of soldiering have left me with little taste for what is considered stylish." He smiled as he saw her relax slightly. "Please, if you can, tell me what is troubling you. I would like to be of service to you if I may. You and your sisters have done much for me, sparing me the droll and unvarying company of these gentlemen."

Jane laughed softly and glance up at the colonel, the warmth she found in his eyes brightened her smile. After a few more steps, she explained, "I received a letter from my Aunt Gardiner this morning."

"That is your aunt in London? Your mother and sister are staying with her?"

"Yes, you have an excellent memory, sir." She stumbled. Richard caught her arm to steady her, then placed her hand on his arm to continue their journey. She rewarded him with another smile. "My mother continues to improve, she managed a visit to the modiste last week. That is good news. But my aunt is concerned for my sister. She does not seem her lively self, and has been unwell for the last week."

"I am sorry to hear it. Perhaps it is just a passing affliction, disappointment at leaving Brighton perhaps?" He tried to catch her eyes, but she avoided him.

"It just seems to out of so character for Lydia. She has always been one to make the best of any circumstance. She is rarely ill, and only keeps to her rooms when she is seriously unwell. Something is just not right."

"You suspect something. What do you fear?"

Jane sighed heavily. "I do not know precisely, sir, but you are right. Lydia only behaves this way when she is guilty of some great misdeed. I have only seen it happen twice. I do not wish to gossip, so suffice it to say that both times she had done serious wrong, and was punished most severely for it.. It is the punishment she fears, I think, certainly more than she is concerned over any misconduct."

"Is your concern for her then, or for how you and your sisters might suffer from her actions?"

"For her, of course." Jane blushed furiously, tears pricking her eyes. "But I fear for us as well. She is not unlike Mr. Bingley's sister, Miss Caroline, and I fear her misconduct has affected us all."

"Miss Bennet," Richard's voice turned serious, "might I share a story with you?" She nodded. They walked on for several steps in silence. "I have a young cousin." Darcy would not appreciate me naming her, and I suppose there is no need for it now. "She made some unwise decisions and put herself in a very dangerous situation. An unfortunate circumstance arose, and others were privy to what happened. There are those who would have called her compromised as a result."

"Oh dear! I am so sorry! What became of her?"

"Her family and her friends came alongside her. They defended her and protected her reputation, and saw that justice was done. She learned from the experience and is becoming a worthy young woman. I hope that the man involved is learning those same lessons as well." I sincerely doubt it, but it would be the best possible outcome nonetheless. Jane nodded thoughtfully as they walked on. "Just because a young relative may be unwise, it does not mean that a family must be ruined. I believe Bradley is fond of saying: A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.** When friends gather for support, much can be accomplished."

"It must be a great blessing to have such friends," Jane whispered, her throat tight.

"It is indeed. Should you ever need anything, Miss Bennet, please know, I am such a friend." He laid his hand over hers and pressed warmly.

She looked up at him, her eyes suspiciously bright.Leading the three couples, Elizabeth and Darcy walked at a brisker pace. Their natural penchant for the activity, and their current tension, came together to urge their speed.

"You do not look pleased," Lizzy finally remarked, looking over her shoulder toward her sisters and their companions. Tthey cannot hear us now.

"Please do not think it any reflection on the current company, Miss Elizabeth. I can assure you that is not the case." Darcy replied uneasily.

"Miss Caroline's arrival has you quite discomposed?"

"It is an ungentlemanly thing to admit, madam." A wry smile crept over his lips.

"Then I shall not require it of you. But it does leave me to wonder how a young woman could make so formidable a gentleman as yourself this wary." She lifted an eyebrow archly.

"The prey is always guarded near the hunter. Is it not generally well known that a single young woman of great fortune is necessarily in want of a husband?" They laughed together.

"When you phrase it that way, I can hardly fault your concern. Although many would not consider marrying a fortune such as hers so great a hardship."

"Such men did not live with my parents, madam. Although their marriage was much like those of our circle at the start, they fell very much in love. My mother was his best friend, and he, her greatest love. After seeing that, I can hardly settle for a business arrangement." He looked away, blushing.

"That is a rare sentiment, sir, particularly for one of your standing. I wonder that it has not been difficult to persuade others of your sincerity."

"It is not something that I discuss outside my closest circle," his voice fell to a whisper.

"I am honored that you would share it with me," she whispered back. They walked on in silence for several minutes.

"You seem troubled yourself, Miss Elizabeth. You were not this morning. May I be so bold as to ask what has happened?" He offered her his arm.

She hesitated a moment before she slipped her hand into the crook of his arm. "It is difficult to say exactly, sir. I do not know how to describe it, as it is not so much a single event that has occurred, it is more a general concern." He nodded patiently, encouraging her to continue. "When I returned from our walk, I found myself alone in the parlor with my cousin. He began to speak to me most improperly."

"What did he say to you?" Darcy's voice became low and heavy.

"He spoke to me of not wanting to honor my father's wishes with regards to… a particular matter. He told me that I should consider his reasons and follow his… example, that I had a greater duty to my family to fulfill, one that my father did not seem to understand." She looked away from him, her face flushing hotly.

"What was your opinion of his words?" I am quite certain this was not a matter of bathing either!

"I am determined to honor my father, sir. I am convinced my good father is right. Even if I were not, I trust him far more than I trust my cousin, and believe that Papa wants what is best for us all." She sighed, her frustration evident. "My father is a quiet man, Mr. Darcy. I know you have noticed. He is ill at ease in company, particularly in large crowds."

"That is something I can easily understand."

"Few do, I am afraid. He hides his discomfort behind a cutting sense of humor that many misconstrue. But at heart, he is a peaceful man who hates conflicts and longs for the serenity of home and his loved ones. I would be a fool not to trust him."

I do not at all like what she is implying. "I imagine that this is not something for which you can change your cousin's mind? With your lively intelligence, I believe you could alter a great many opinions."

"No, sir, it is not. His mind is clearly made up, and nothing will sway him."

She felt his arm tense beneath her hand. "You believe that he might try to force his opinion on… your father?"

He understands, I am sure of it! Oh I cannot believe I have shared such a thing with him. What must he think of me? But I do not know what else to do. I cannot tell Jane. It would be too much for her to bear. Somberly she nodded.

Frowning deeply, Darcy shook his head. "That is not a thing to be trifled with, Miss Elizabeth. I knew such a man, he was nearly as close as… a brother to me. He tried to force his… opinion… in a matter when it was not welcome. The outcome was very nearly disastrous."

"I had no idea that you would have had any experience with such things," she whispered, oddly relieved.

"I am afraid that I do. Please, do not take your concerns lightly. Go to your father and your uncle and tell them clearly what you suspect. Follow their advice, keep yourself and your sisters safe. Do not worry about offending you cousin, he is not worthy of such consideration. And if there is anything that I might do to aid in your comfort, please, you have only to ask and I will do whatever I can for you and your sisters."

"I am honored by your gracious offer, sir." He is right.. I need to speak to Papa and Uncle Gardiner immediately. I fear I have worked myself up over nothing, but I suppose it would be better to follow his advice and feel a fool later than ignore it and wish I had.

* PR 12:25**PR 17:17