20. Say It If It's Worth Saving Me

Thanks for the reviews. Just watched the finale...more on that later.

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Hank Voight felt a hand on his wrist. He opened his eyes and squinted as they adjusted to the light over his bed.

"Good morning" The nurse said smiling down at him before she looked up to check the monitor checking his vitals.

Voight swallowed and looked towards the window. It was still dark outside, so he figured it must still be late. "What time is it?"

The nurse pulled her glove back and looked at her watch. "It's 3am Mr. Voight. Is there anything I can get you?"

"I'd kill for a beer and a burger" Voight said turning his head back to the nurse he caught a glimpse of her badge and saw her name "Jamie"

"I can get you something to drink and maybe find you a little something to eat. However, beer and burgers are a thing of the past cause you my friend are on a cardiac diet" Jamie said looking at the lines that were connected to Hank's IV.

"A fate worse than death" Voight's raspy voice sighed as he turned his head and looked over at the couch.

On the small couch in his room laid Erin and Jay both asleep. Jay was reclined back in the corner of the couch, his head resting against the back of the couch as he slept. Erin laid across the small couch with the upper half of her body and her head laying across Jay's chest. Her arm draped over his chest. A large hospital blanket covered the both of them as they slept.

"They've been here all night" Jamie said. "They spent the majority of the night in the waiting room, but once you came back from the cath lab they came in here with you. You were pretty groggy from the sedatives, so they wanted to be here when you woke up"

Voight nodded "How long did everything take?"

"Your angioplasty?" Jamie asked "You were down there a little over two hours. They gave you four stents you had two blockages that were both 70% blocked and two that were 80% blocked"

"Do they know?" Voight asked gesturing over to Erin and Jay on the couch.

"Yes sir" Jamie said stepping away from the bed. "I'll be back with something for you to eat"

Voight looked at his IV and then over at the door as Jamie walked out.

The sound of the door opening caused Jay to stir in his sleep and his eyes fluttered open. He took a minute to regain his surroundings and he brought his hand up to rub his eyes. Careful not to wake Erin who stirred in her sleep and cuddled deeper into his chest.

Jay looked down at her and pulled the blanket up over her shoulders and he brushed the hair across her face and behind her ear.

"Are you trying to give me another heart attack, Halstead?" Voight asked his gaze not leaving the couch.

Jay's gaze rose from Erin to Voight on the bed. "How are you feeling?"

Voight shrugged his shoulder. "I'm alright"

Jay nodded and yawned. "They said everything went really well. You came out a little after midnight and they said you'd probably sleep the rest of the night"

Voight shrugged his shoulders and rubbed his tired eyes. "I was doing good until they decided to come in and poke and pick at me. I don't know how they expect people to recover and rest in a hospital when they're constantly waking you up every five minutes for the most pain in the ass reasons"

"You should try to get some sleep" Jay said yawning and laying his head back.

"You should take Erin home. She doesn't need to sleep here" Voight said turning his head back to the couch.

"I don't thnk she's going to go anywhere" Jay ran his hand down Erin's shoulder and arm and looked down at her.

"Take her home" Voight said.

Jay nodded and ran his hand up to Erin's shoulder and gently shook her. "Er, Erin..wake up"

Erin stirred in her sleep and opened her eyes. She rubbed her eyes and sat up. Erin's gaze caught Voight's and she stood up.

"Hey" She said walking over to his bed and wrapping her arms around his neck as she knelt down.

"Hey" Voight sighed as he felt Erin hug him. He wrapped his IV free arm around her back and hugged her.

"How are you feeling?' Erin asked taking a seat on the edge of the bed.

"I told you. I'm fine, kid" Voight assured.

Erin nodded as she looked back over at Jay who was folding up the blanket that Nurse Jamie had given them earlier before turning back to Hank "I am just glad to see you"

Hank nodded "I'm going to be fine. It's you I'm worried about. Go home and get some sleep...you and Halstead both...you two need it"

"Are you sure?" Erin asked.

Voight nodded and looked at Erin and then over to the couch at Jay. "I'm sure. You both need to get some slep. You especially, Erin"

Erin felt Jay walk up behind her and she stood up from the bed.

"I'll go get the car. I'll meet you out front" Jay handed Erin her sweater and gave a quick nod to Voight before walking out of his room and out the door.

"I'll be back tomorrow after my appointment to see you" Erin said turning her gaze back to Hank.

"Halstead going with you to see Dr. Sullivan?" Voight asked.

Erin turned her head to give Jay a glance and then back at Hank. "Yeah. Dr. Sullivan wants to talk about my attack on the ship and since Jay was the one who saved me. He thinks it would benefit if Jay was there for the session"

"Are you ready for that?" Voight kept his gaze on Erin's and he watched her as she thought for a moment and nodded.

"Yeah...Yeah, I think that it'll be good for me" Erin repeated reassuring herself that this was a good decision.

Voight nodded and reached for Erin's hand and gave it a squeeze. "You'll be ok, kid"

Erin nodded "Sometimes I wonder"

Voight looked at Erin and shook his head "If you want to make this work with Halstead, you're going to have to let him all the way in, Erin. If losing Camille has taught me anything, it's if someone loves you, they love the good and the bad. Let him in"

"I'm just afraid if I do. He's going to realize that he can do better than me" Erin broke her gaze from Hank's and looked down at her hands.

Voight shook his head "I don't think there's anything you can do to turn Halstead away from you"

"Look at you trying to make me feel better" Erin forced a smile and ran her hands down the front of her leggings

"I saw the picture of you and Halstead from the cruise in your desk drawer. I wasn't snooping or anything, I was looking for your medical records so I could submit them to the clinic when you were admitted. You should frame it" Voight said.

Erin looked up at Voight and then at his IV. "I'm not sure what's in that, but maybe they should keep you on it"

Hank gave a gruff laugh "I learned a lot being married to Camille, I know that when you came to live with us that it wasn't an easy adjustment for you and I know that there were good days and that there were bad days. Some days we all loved each other, and other days we had to work at it. You never see the hard days in a photo but those are what get you from one happy photo to the next. I'm sorry the hand that you've been dealt Erin, if I could go back in time and make things right for you I would. In a heartbeat I would. But I'd like to think that you and Halstead have what it takes to work through your panic attacks and your trust issues. I see the way that Halstead loves you. The way that you two look at each other, I don't think you need anymore security than that sweetheart"

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"Erin are you sure about this?" Jay asked as he sat with Erin on the couch in Dr. Sullivan's office.

Jay looked over at Erin and saw how nervous she was. He reached over and placed a hand on her shaking leg. "Cause I can go wait outside if you don't feel comfortable with me here yet"

"I'm ok" Erin assured trying to convince both Jay and herself of the statement.

"I just don't want you to feel like you're forced into this. That's not what I want. God, I want to know what goes on in that mind of yours, but I can wait if I have to. You're more than worth the wait" Jay scooted closer to Erin on the couch and wrapped his arm over her shoulder.

Erin turned her head and looked at Jay "I guess I'm just afraid. I know that you see me a certain way and I feel like if I tell you these things, then you're going to shut me out"

Erin dropped her gaze from Jay's and turned her head away from him. She tensed and instantly relaxed when she felt Jay's fingers on her cheek and turn her head back to him.

"I told you I'm all in. I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to make you so happy. I can guarntee you that" Jay leaned his head up and kissed her.

Erin closed her eyes as Jay kissed her and she raised her hand to his cheek and deepened to kiss. Jay groaned softly against her mouth and he pulled back to take a breath and leaning over to kiss her again.

The sound of the door opening broke Erin and Jay apart. Dr. Sullivan walked in and walked over to the couch. "Erin it's nice to see you again. And you must be Jay. I've heard a lot about you" He smiled as he reached down and shook Jay's hand.

"That's me" Jay said shaking Dr. Sullivan's hand.

"Well, it's nice to meet you" Dr. Sullivan said walking over to his desk.

"You too" Jay said moving his hand to Erin's shoulder and rubbing his fingers across it.

"So Erin, where would you like to begin?" Dr. Sullivan asked getting his notes ready for the session.

Erin looked at Dr. Sullivan and then at Jay before looking out the window. "I don't know"

Dr. Sullivan looked up at Erin and Jay. "How about you tell Jay a story involving Hank Voight. Maybe it would benefit you both since it would involve a common person that you both know"

Erin nodded "I remember the night that he gave me his card"

Dr. Sullivan grabbed his pen and leaned forward on his desk "Ok. that's a good start"

Erin sighed and looked out the window "It was my 14th birthday. I'd been doing odd jobs for money to buy me this 5 CD changer CD player. I finally had enough money for it and a Kroger cake for me and Teddy. I woke up that morning and I remember that I had the money because after school I was going to go and get the cake and my CD player. I'd walked down the hall and my mom was standing in the kitchen with Teddy. And on the table was McDonalds breakfast. She'd went out and got pancakes and sausage patties. I know that's not a big deal to a lot of people, but if you knew my mom then you'd know that she rarely did things like this. So I go to sit down and my mom was actually on the road to getting clean, she'd been sober for maybe 2 weeks and I really thought things were getting better. So when she asked what I wanted to do for my birthday, I told her. She told me to give her the money and she'd go across town and get the cake and my CD player for me and another surprise while I was at school. Of course I fell for it. I came home after school and there she was passed out on the couch with a heroin vial on the floor. She'd spent all my money on junk"

Jay exhaled with disgust as he listened to Erin tell her story.

Erin glanced over at him before continuing her story "That was it for me. I left the trailer and at this point I'd started slowly running around with Charlie and his friends and I went to meet up with them. He told me he'd make my birthday one to remember and we all went down to the local gas station and they stole some beer and we went down to this old warehouse and partied. I was still pretty upset so Charlie gave me a line of coke and I tried it. I don't really remember much after that except it was the first time I had sex,and when I woke up on the floor the next morning I was alone. I remember walking out of the warehouse and down the street to go home when this cop car pulled up behind me and this guy got out. I thought for sure I was busted. But he handed me a card and he gave me a lift home, I took it and that's how I met Hank Voight"

The silence that filled the room was deafening. Dr. Sullivan laid down his pen and looked over at Jay. "Is this the same Hank that disapproves of your relationship with Erin?"

Jay nodded "Yeah, but I think I realize why"

Dr. Sullivan placed a hand on his chin. "Really?"

Jay nodded and reached down to take Erin's hand. He brought it up to his lips and kissed it. "Hank had a mild heart attack last night. Last night when I saw him and Erin together it really put it into perspective for me. He considers her his daughter and really he should. It seems like he's the only stability that she did have. And as for the fact that he doesn't want me to be with Erin. We're working on it. I know that it'll be a process. I can't sit here and say where we're going to be in 10, 20, 50 years. I don't know if I'll ever be able to give Erin the things that I know she deserves, but what I can tell you and Hank Voight. Is I love Erin, and I'm going to love Erin through the good and the bad, day in and day out for the rest of my life"

Dr. Sullivan smiled to himself and looked over at Erin. "Well, Erin. while I think that self reliance is a most admirable quality, you're really not so alone in this world. There are people out in the precinct and in your life who you have that you can rely on. And what a gift to have someone say such things about you. Everyone should be so lucky"

Erin wiped a stray tear that had fallen from her cheek and she nodded as she looked from Dr. Sullivan to Jay.

She suddenly felt like she had an invisible weight lifted off of her shoulders. She smiled softly as Jay squeezed her hand again. And for the first time in a long time, Erin finally felt like she was going to be ok.

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I don't even know what to say about the Chicago P.D. Fall Finale. My Linstead ship is slacking in sails right now. I don't know what the hell the writers are doing now. It's like a complete season and a half being built up to the same place we were episode one. I just don't get it. The whole Linstead "Will they or won't they?" tease was funny in the beginning, but it's not funny to me anymore. I've become far too emotionally invested in them as more than just partners of friends for it to be a joke to the writers. I'm sure they think it's funny to lead us on, but I don't see the humor in it anymore. It's a really unfunny joke. I want them as a couple. Not a Chicago P.D. version of Stabler and Benson from SVU. Throw me a bone, Chicago P.D. writers. Just throw me a bone...Anyway, hope that you guys like the chapter. Please review...