17. Chapter 17

Eeeep sorry for the wait! Let me know what you think!

Trigger Warning for Child Abuse

Erin sat rigidly on the bench in the OR waiting room, Jay by her side. The detectives had been waiting to hear what was going on with their little girl after they woke up to her unconscious in the hallway after throwing up blood. Erin was overcome with guilt, but Jay was trying to remain positive about the situation.

"There wasn't anything we could have done other than what we did." Jay told his girl. "She's in good hands now. She's going to be okay."

Maggie emerged from the OR with Dr. Manning beside her. "She's in surgery right now. Looks like a stomach perf."

Jay looked helpless and troubled as Erin sobbed into his shoulder. "Halstead, why don't you go take a walk? I think Will was headed to the cafeteria. You may be able to catch him." Maggie suggested. She shot him a knowing look, and he nodded.

"I'll be right back babe." Jay kissed her forehead, and left his girl sitting on the sofa bench, crying harder than he'd ever seen her cry before.

Dr. Manning sat on the couch beside her colleague and took her hand. "She's going to be fine, Erin."

"But what if she isn't?" Erin could hardly make out Dr. Manning's face because of the constant stream of tears.

"You did everything right." Natalie placed her hand on Erin's back. "What you need to do now is take a few deep breaths and just wait until the surgery is over."

Erin took a deep breath in, but let it out accompanied by sobs. "You didn't see her." Erin cried, her head in her hands. "She looked so tiny, so fragile, so…dead!" She burst into a fresh set of sobs. "What kind of mother doesn't know when her child is vomiting blood?"

"You did everything right, Erin. She's alive." Natalie said calmly. "You can't blame yourself for this." She wrapped an arm around the detective's shoulder and leaned against the wall, allowing Erin to softly weep onto her maroon scrubs.

After a half hour, Jay returned with Will in tow who looked just as haggard as his brother. Dr. Manning stood as they approached. "I'll go check on her surgery." She touched Jay's arm. "She's going to be okay," she promised, then headed down the hallway.

"Erin." Jay said softly. His partner was sitting against the wall, her head in her hands. Her knees were drawn to her chest and her body was shuddering as she struggled to get her breathing under control. Tears leaked out of the corners of his eyes as he observed his distressed girl, who was normally so calm and collected in horrible situations.

Gently, Jay sank onto the couch, where she turned her head into his shoulder. Will sat on her other side, placing a comforting hand on Erin's knee. Tears continued to stream down Erin's cheeks as her partner stroked her hair and awaited the news.

After a few hours, Dr. Manning returned with Dr. Choi. She pulled up a chair and quietly sat down across from Will, Jay and Erin, Choi standing behind her. The detectives looked at the doctors expectantly. "Kate had a stomach ulcer. It perforated the lining, and they had to repair it. That's why she was throwing up blood," Choi reported, his arms folded across his chest.

Jay drew in a breath and tears welled up in Erin's eyes. "It's been almost five hours," The Doctor Halstead said, "Repairing a stomach perf doesn't take that long."

"There have been some complications," Dr. Manning said evenly, "She had a large tear in the abdominal wall as well, separate from the ulcer."

"Oh my God." Erin turned her head into Jay's shoulder, tears threatening to spill over.

"It's alright, she's stable now." Dr. Choi said sympathetically. "It also looks like she had some extensive injuries to her stomach that led to secondary peritonitis, which is an infection the abdominal wall, probably what caused the tear that was induced by the ulcer."

"What?" Will looked at Dr. Manning and Dr. Choi incredulously. "From an ulcer?"

"We believe that the stomach ulcer began by the high amount of stress Kate was under before you found her and ruptured after taking the Motrin for what appeared to be a stomach virus. Her fever, chills and stomach pain were actually caused by the inflammation of the stomach lining, probably a result of the abuse she endured in New York. One of the ribs that appeared to be bruised was slightly fractured, pressing against the stomach, causing the infection," Choi grimaced, "There was no way to have known that it was peritonitis and not the flu, so please don't think this is your fault. We were able to repair the stomach ulcer and abdominal tear and have started her on strong IV anti-biotics for the peritonitis. She's going to be asleep for a bit and it's a long road to recovery, but she's going to be okay."

Will let out a breath. "C-can we see her?" Jay asked, acutely aware of his partner's shaking figure beside him.

Dr. Manning nodded. "Come with me."

Kate lay peacefully in the hospital bed, connected to an IV, oxygen, pulse ox monitor and other machines that neither Jay or Erin knew the name of. Her skin was pale and damp, but she looked almost angelic while she was sleeping.

"She's so…tiny." Erin murmured as she entered the room, clinging to Jay's arm.

He just nodded, sitting down in a chair by her bed. Jay gently took the hand that didn't have an IV in it and stroked it lovingly. "Oh Squirt," he whispered. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart."

Will glanced up from Kate's chart that was on the edge of her bed. "She was brought in with a fever of 104," he mused, "It's not uncommon for a fever to rise rapidly like that with peritonitis. I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have assumed it was the flu."

"You didn't know." Erin murmured, taking a seat beside her partner and resting a hand on Kate's knee, "Choi said there was no way to have known."

"I still feel terrible." Will looked over at the little girl who was serenely lying in bed. "It's around nine, I'm going to give Voight a call for you, okay?"

"Thanks, man." Jay offered a small smile and turned back to his daughter, wrapping one arm around Erin's shaking shoulders.

Hank knocked quietly on the door to Kate's room before poking his head in. Erin was asleep with her head on the bed and body in the plastic visitor's chair, snoozing in what looked to be an incredibly uncomfortable position. Jay was sitting wearily beside her, watching as his little girl's chest rose and fell with each breath. "Hey, kid." Hank gave a small smile and stepped into the room.

"Hey Sarge," Jay cleared his throat and ran a hand over his face.

"How's she doing?" Hank asked gently, taking a seat in another plastic chair against the wall on the opposite side of Kate's bed.

"Um, Dr. Manning thinks she'll be awake soon. Probably in a ton of pain." Jay sighed, glancing over at his daughter, "Fever's down from 104 so that's good, but, uh, we don't really know what's going to happen because we don't have a medical history so everything's kind of a guess," He swallowed thickly, "But they seem to think she's gonna pull through."

"Good," Hank replied, not taking his eyes of the little girl in front of him, "They know what caused it?"

"Yeah, uh, last month, in New York when those bastards hit her they cracked a rib that must of hit her stomach, causing a massive infection. When we gave her the motrin, it caused an ulcer in her stomach to open that was there due to all the stress she was under back when Jackson and his crew was abusing her," Jay gripped the railing of the hospital bed tightly, "So basically when we finally catch him, I'm gonna kill him."

Hank nodded slowly, still watching the small child who he had grown quite fond of in the past five months. Erin stirred and lifted her head off the hospital bed, catching Hank's gaze. "Hey, kiddo," Hank offered a sympathetic smile to his daughter, "How are you feeling?"

"'m fine." Erin ran a hand over her face and sat up straighter. "She still out?"

Jay nodded, wrapping an arm around his girlfriend's shoulders and kissing the side of her head lightly. "Nat said she should be waking up soon." As if on cue, Kate's eyes fluttered open, blearily fixating on her parents. She let out a slight whimper, snapping Erin and Jay back to the present.

"Kate, baby?" Erin leaned closer to her little girl, tucking damp brown hair behind her tiny ears, "Can you hear us?"

"Mm," Kate moaned, struggling to open her eyes wider. She pushed the nasal cannula off her face, wrinkling her nose in disgust. She glanced at the blurry figures in front of her, trying to discern where she was.

"Hi, Squirt," Jay cooed, tears forming in his eyes and threatening to spill over, "Welcome back." Erin held her baby's hand against her chest, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"W-wha…" Kate stuttered, lifting her head slightly.

"Shh, baby, don't try to talk just yet. You've been though a lot. We're in the hospital." Erin wiped her eyes as Jay lifted a cup of water to her lips to help the little girl clear her throat. The little girl sipped carefully, the room in front of her swimming into view.

"M-mommy? Daddy?" She rubbed her eyes with the hand that Erin wasn't holding, Kate glanced around the hospital room and observed her parent's tearful gazes, "W-why are you crying?"

Erin sniffed, wiping the tears off her cheeks. She shook her head, unable to find the words to explain why she was so emotional. "We're just so happy to see you." Jay let out a chuckle, "You had us really worried there for a second," He bent down and softly kissed the little girl's forehead, "How do you feel?"

"Sleepy," Kate mumbled groggily, lifting her free hand to touch Jay's face, as if to make sure he was real, "What happened? W-why am I in the hospital?"

"You got really sick last night," Erin told her, finally finding her words, "Dr. Choi and Dr. Manning had to stitch your tummy up." Kate glanced down at her abdomen and placed her small hand on her tender incision. "Do you hurt, baby?"

Kate shook her head and looked over to the door, where Voight stood with Dr. Halstead, "Sergeant Voight and Uncle Will." Kate smiled tiredly at her two favorite relatives. Both men grinned at the little girl and her parents.

"How's my favorite goose?" Will joked, earning a soft giggle from his niece. Hank looked proudly over at his daughter who hadn't taken her eyes off her baby.

"I got stitches in my tummy." Kate told him seriously and looked over to her father quizzically, "Did I get surg-ry?"

Jay nodded slowly, "You were throwing up lots of blood," he said, stroking her arm. "We brought you here." He glanced over to Will for back up.

"Mm-hm, you did have surgery. You had a nasty infection in your tummy and Dr. Choi needed to stitch you up so it didn't spread," Will tried to explain, "So that means you're gonna have to be very careful for the next few days, okay?"

Kate looked over at her parents who nodded in agreement with Will. "But you'll be all better soon enough." Will emphasized, winking at the little girl, "In the meantime, I think you'll have time to listen to a lot of stories."

She smiled tiredly at the adults in the room. "Can I go back to sleep for a little bit?"

"Of course, baby." Erin stroked Kate's cheek, "Daddy and I will be here when you wake up." The little girl yawned and closed her eyes, and was asleep in seconds.

While Kate was asleep, Erin made calls to have someone clean the carpet in Kate's room and hallway, so not to remind her daughter what she had been through. "Er." Jay said. "Calm down." She was pacing around the small hospital room, trying to get ahold of someone who could be at their apartment that day.

She put her hands on her hips and turned to her boyfriend. "Jay, Kate doesn't need to come home and see the blood she threw up all over her carpet."

"That's true, but you're panicking. Just take a deep breath. She's still under observation. We have time."

Erin plopped down on the chair. "I guess you're right." she sighed. "I'm just so glad she's okay."

"Me too babe." Jay kissed her temple.

"Break it up, lovebirds." Dr. Will Halstead entered Kate's hospital room, bearing an armful of what appeared to be prescription bottles and a stuffed teddy bear.

"Having some kind of party, Dr. Halstead?" Jay joked, raising his eyebrows at the various sizes of pill bottles Will placed on the table, "Didn't take you for the kind of doctor who dips into his patient's stash."

"You wish I was throwing a rager," Will scoffed, "These are actually all for Kate."

Erin and Jay's jaws dropped simultaneously. "You've got to be kidding," Erin said, eyes widening, "There's like, seven pill bottles there."

"Eight." Will replied, passing Erin a piece of paper. "There's two heavy-duty anti-biotics that Kate's going to need to take for the next four weeks. Also two antacids and two prescriptions that are to help rebuild and strengthen the lining of her stomach. She needs one of each four times a day. You won't need to give them to her at night, but she should take a dose as soon as she wakes up and right before bed. The other two doses are up to you."

"That's six. You said eight." Jay said, glancing down at the list of medications on the paper Will had given Erin.

"Yeah. So a major part of Kate's recovery is pain-management. In order for her ribs and stomach to heal properly, the pain needs to be kept to a minimum. That means she's going to be taking strong painkillers for about eight weeks."

"Eight weeks?" Jay couldn't believe what he was hearing, "She's going to be in that much pain?" Will nodded in response.

"She's four. Should she really be taking oxy?" Erin looked up at Will in disbelief, "Isn't that, like, crazy dangerous?"

He grimaced and nodded, "It's a lower dose because she's a child, but she's going to be in a ton of pain, so trust me, you're going to want her to take them. Same timeline, probably around every four hours. You've gotta be really careful with these though. They might not make her feel all that great but it's going to be better than the pain."

"It's not going to be a problem." Erin looked to Jay, emphasizing that her past association with prescription drugs wouldn't be a reason for him to worry, "If it's going to help her, I don't think we have much choice."

Will Halstead pushed Kate's wheelchair out through the hospital's atrium. "I'm glad to have you feeling better, kiddo," he said as they stopped in front of the door.

"I'm glad too." Kate wrapped her tiny arms around her uncle. "Thank you for taking care of me Uncle Will."

"Anytime, Goosey." He smiled at his brother and Erin. "She's all yours."

Jay carefully scooped Kate up and started out to the Sierra. "Thanks again for everything." Erin smiled at Will, giving his arm a squeeze.

"Please, anyone in this hospital would do anything for your kid." Will's voice got quieter. "I'd give her a few hours before the powerful meds we've gave her to start wearing off. First dose of pain meds can be tomorrow morning," He paused as Lindsay nodded, "The next couple weeks are going to be hard. She's going to be in a lot of pain. It may not seem like it right now, with the morphine still circulating through her system…but you know how powerful the meds she's going to be taking are."

Lindsay nodded again and grimaced slightly. "I know."

Will gave Lindsay's shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "Good luck."

"Thank you." Lindsay turned and exited the atrium to where the Sierra was parked.

Erin had gotten ahold of a cleaning service to remove the blood from Kate's carpet, so the apartment was quite tidy when the exhausted family entered. Jay carefully carried his daughter over to the couch and gingerly set her against the cushions, hoping to cause as little discomfort as possible. "How about some juice, huh, Squirt?" he asked, heading for the kitchen to fill a sippy cup with apple juice.

She nodded tiredly and accepted the cup while her parents stood in the kitchen. "She's doing remarkably well." Jay turned to his girlfriend who was examining the contents of their refrigerator. Hank had been thoughtful enough to drop off some groceries before they got home.

Erin nodded and pulled out a casserole dish of ziti. "I know, but Will said that this is temporary. She's still got morphine in her system. When that wears off, she's going to be in a ton of pain."

Jay sighed and eased himself down on a kitchen chair. "You're right. I just don't want to tell her now. She's doing so well." He glanced over his little girl, who was tiredly watching an Animal Planet program that he had switched on.

"Why don't we have dinner and get her to bed early? Maybe if she's asleep we can avoid the inevitable," Erin suggested, tilting the casserole dish so that Jay could see, "And Hank made Camille's baked ziti. Just needs to go in for twenty minutes."

"Sounds good." he responded and went out to the living room to check on his daughter. "Are you up for dinner?" Jay asked Kate, settling down on the couch next to her. She nodded sluggishly, widening her drooping eyes ever so slightly. "How do you feel about some pasta?"

"Okay." Kate leaned tiredly against her father, "I'm not very hungry."

"I know, Squirt, but it's important that we get some food in your tummy before we take the medicine, okay?" He ran a hand over her head and kissed her forehead, so grateful that his baby was finally home and in his arms. She seemed to accept the prospect of food but continued to sag against Jay's chest in exhaustion.

"Hank made the pasta." Erin piped up from the kitchen, sliding the dish into the oven, "It was Camille's recipe."

"Sergeant Voight's wife?" Kate widened her eyes again and sat a little straighter so that she could see Erin, "He said she was the best cook ever."

Erin smiled wistfully. Oh how she wished that Camille was still alive to meet her precious baby girl. She would have fallen in love with Kate's kind demeanor and often reminded Erin of her late mother-figure with her mannerisms and ability to get Hank to bend to her every wish. "Yep, that's right. Camille used to make the most amazing family dinners and we used to eat together every Sunday."

"We have breakfast with Sergeant Voight every Sunday!" Kate's eyes lit up at the realization that her family had the same traditions, "And then we feed the ducks." Erin nodded and bent down to kiss her daughter's head.

"Mm-hm. I think it's his favorite time of the week." Jay put his hand up to Erin's cheek, "And I think it's mine, too."

"Me too." Kate replied, leaning in closer to her father. She tilted her head back and looked up at him. "You're scruffly, Daddy." Kate touched his chin that hadn't been shaved in a few days.

"I am a bit scruffly." Jay chuckled and ran a hand over his face, "But I think Mommy likes it." He waggled his eyebrows at Erin, who responded with an exaggerated eye roll.

"I'm going to take a quick shower, okay? The ziti will be ready in like fifteen." Erin rose to her feet and headed for the shower, leaving Jay and Kate snuggled together on the couch.

"I'm sorry I scared you," Kate whispered after a while, looking at her hands as if anticipating a punishment, "I didn't mean to." Jay blinked, having zoned out listening to his baby's soft breath against his chest.

"It's not your fault kiddo," Jay stroked his daughter's hair, "I was just really worried about you. So was Mommy."

"Did Uncle Will find out why I was sick?"

Jay smiled. "You bet. And he said you're going to be all better in no time."

Kate looked up at her father with soft, knowing eyes. "Is it because of what happened in New York?" she asked quietly. Jay's heart broke, as he could tell that Kate knew how the traumatic ordeal had caused the infection and subsequent surgery.

Jay nodded slowly. "Do you want me to tell you about it?" He didn't want to scare her, but was felt he owed it to her to tell her what really happened. He and Erin had decided back when they first brought Kate into their lives that they didn't want to lie to her about anything. At the same time, the new father really didn't want to traumatize precious, innocent child any further.

Kate nodded. "I-I had a lot of tummy aches before I met you," she glanced up at her father, "And Uncle Will said it was the tummy aches that made me sick."

Jay closed his eyes briefly, trying to figure out a way to convey to his daughter what had happened, "So before we met and you had lots of tummy aches, those aches made your stomach very sensitive. And a few weeks ago, when the bad men took you," Jay swallowed, trying not to allow the tears that welled up in his eyes to spill over, "You got hurt in your ribs. And your rib touched your tummy which allowed an infection to get in there and make you sick. And then," Jay cleared his throat, "Your tummy got really overwhelmed and tore, which was why you needed the surgery to fix you up." He paused and studied his little girl's features as she processed the information, "Does that make sense?"

"M-my tummy hurts when I get scared," Kate's voice quivered, "I did this to myself?"

"Oh, no, no, no." Jay quickly refuted, "Not at all. It was the infection that made you so sick and made your tummy tear, not you."

"So it's not my fault?" Kate asked, appearing incredibly relieved. Jay felt his heart clench for the umpteenth time that day. His poor, sweet, innocent baby had been through the depths of hell and back and thought she was to blame. What he wouldn't give for fifteen minutes in the cage with that monster for all the pain he caused his precious child.

"Kate, sweetheart, what I'm about to tell you is really important." Jay took a breath and looked directly into his little girl's tired hazel eyes. "Nothing that happened to you before we met or in New York is your fault. At all. You have done absolutely nothing wrong. Everything that happened to you is on those horrible people. You have never been bad and you did not deserve one second of the abuse you endured." Tears leaked out of the corners of his eyes as Jay fought to continue, "You are a perfect, brave and incredible little girl and I am going to spend the rest of my life making up for the fact that I wasn't there for you when you needed me." Jay touched his baby's cheek. "I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am, but I love you so much, Squirt. I'm not going to let anyone hurt you ever again, I promise."

She nodded and gingerly raised her arms so that Jay could lift her into a hug. Gently, Jay laid his daughter on his chest and felt her head nestle into his neck. "I love you too, Daddy," Kate whispered, giving him a feeble squeeze. Jay closed his eyes and held her against his body, basking in the love he had for the child he only knew existed five months ago. "It's not your fault, either," she murmured, slowly being lulled to sleep by Jay's soft strokes down her back, "You and Mommy saved me."

Jay didn't reply, too overcome with emotion to speak. He opened his eyes and caught Erin's watery gaze as she leaned against the doorframe to their bedroom, having witnessed the entire exchange. Jay smiled and opened up his arm so that his girl could snuggle in with their family.