23. Chapter 23

This is the chapter I know you all have been waiting for! Let me know what you think!

Trigger Warning for child abuse

The day Erin, Jay and Kate returned from their getaway, another massive case began, resulting in a series of extraordinarily late nights for the entire unit. For Kate's sake, Erin and Jay switched off who came home later so that the little girl didn't have to spend the night in the district and so that at least one of them would be kind of well-rested the next day. Jay trudged down the chilly apartment hallway, excited for the prospect of getting some much-needed rest. He and Atwater apprehended the head of the underground gambling ring, a man who was responsible for chopping the fingers off of patrons and embezzling hundreds of thousands of dollars from international business people. With the main boss in custody, Hank had ordered the unit to come in later with a fresh set of eyes.

It took two attempts at scraping the key against the lock before the door slowly closed behind him. His daughter's little shoes were lined up neatly next to her mothers, along with their coats and scarves hanging tidily by the rack. Jay smiled at his shared desire for neatness that had rubbed off on Kate and hung his coat next to Erin's.

Jay could see Kate's bedroom door was slightly ajar, meaning that she had fallen asleep and already had one nightmare. There was a low light on in the kitchen and Jay saw that on the kitchen counter lay a plate of Chinese food covered in tin foil that had long gone cold. The sticky note read, in delicate childlike handwriting: "Daddy's Dinner". Again, he smiled at his daughter's thoughtfulness and picked at his Chinese food, but was too exhausted to taste much. As he wandered over to toward the bedroom, he jumped at the sight of Erin, asleep on the couch. Jay had told Erin that she shouldn't wait up for him, because he knew he may not make it home before sunrise. However, that didn't stop her from spending the night on the couch, waiting for her partner to return.

On nights that they both worked late, the less tired of the two would drive home (it was normally Jay). Kate was used to waking up in the break room or Voight's office before being carried into the car dark of night. She was really easygoing about her parents' schedules, just happy to be with two adults who loved her unconditionally.

The light on the cable box read that it was just after three in the morning, and judging by his girl's heavy breathing, she had fallen asleep some time ago, but had undoubtedly tried to stay awake. Jay loved nights like these ones, after a long day in in the field. Erin looked so serene and beautiful, and he knew that he could easily carry her to bed and hold her in his arms.

He took the book from out of her hands and gently placed it on the coffee table. Jay wrapped his tired arms around his girl's thin body and lifted her up. Suddenly, he became acutely aware of how light and tiny she was, her soft brown hair mussed from sleep and relaxed features likening her to a young girl or as Jay liked to say, an angel.

Jay gently set Erin down on the bed, pulling up the comforter to her chin, just the way she liked it. He tucked her in and tenderly kissed her forehead before shedding his shirt and pants and climbing into bed beside her.

Just as he was about to fall asleep, Jay heard the sound of tiny footsteps in the hallway, followed by a soft creak of the bedroom door. "Kate?" he whispered as he saw the tiny figure appear at the door frame. "What's wrong?"

The little girl rushed next to her father's bed as Jay sat up rapidly. "What's going on?" Jay whispered, more urgently, trying to find his baby's gaze.

"I'm looking," she mumbled, suddenly dropping to the floor to look under the bed.

"What are you looking for?" Jay was confused. "Kate, what is it?"

"I'm looking," she muttered again as she rose to her feet, "I wanna get out of here."

"Kate…" The lack of blankets and pillows instantly chilled Jay as he got out of bed, realizing that his little girl may still be asleep, "Do you know where you are?"

"I'm looking," she repeated, stronger this time. "I'm looking for a way out."

Jay noticed her lack of eye contact and sank down to eye level with Kate. He squatted on the cold hardwood floor and looked into her unfocused eyes. "Kate, I think you're sleepwalking."

The little girl backed away slowly, staring at the far window with the streetlight shining through. "Stop!" she shouted, pointing to the window and then in Jay's direction.

"Mmhm, Jay, what's going on?" Erin slowly opened her eyes to see her daughter frantic and her partner kneeling in his boxers. "What is it?"

"She's sleepwalking, I think," Jay said, reaching his arm out to his daughter before rising to his feet. "Kate, wake up. It's Daddy."

"Stop!" Kate's voice came shrill and panicky as her whole body quivered while she glanced around the room.

"Jay!" Erin exclaimed as her boyfriend took another step toward their daughter. She had gotten out of the bed and shivered in the cold night air, "Don't scare her!"

"I'm not going to hurt her," Jay said obviously, "We just need to wake her up."

"I'm pretty sure that you're not supposed to just wake a person up." Erin told him, "She could hurt herself. Or you."

"Well then, what do you suggest we do?" He asked tensely, dread filling his stomach, "Kate, do you know who I am?"

"Stop it!" Kate squealed backing up until she hit the closet door, "No!"

Jay took another step toward her. "I'm not going to hurt you," he said calmly, "See, it's just Daddy."

"Please." Kate's voice went from shrill to desperate. "Please don't touch me again."

"Oh my God." Erin brought her hand to her mouth as she saw her daughter's past open up before her eyes. "She's reliving the abuse."

"I'm not going to hurt you," Jay repeated, "I promise."

"You lie!" Kate burst into tears as she tried to press herself further into the solid closet door. "Stop, stop, stop, stop!" She tossed one of Jay's shoes in the direction of the window.

"She isn't looking at you," Erin hissed to Jay as he took another step. "It's like a hallucination."

Kate looked angrily at the big window, eyes wild and tears sliding down her cheeks. "Please, please, don't hit me again."

"It's okay," Jay whispered, taking another step toward his cowering daughter. The little girl trembled, teeming with anger and fear.

"Jay," Erin squeaked out, tears slipping down her own cheeks. "She'll panic if you touch her."

"She might wake up," he said, not taking his eyes off the quivering child. "Kate, it's Daddy. I'm not going to hurt you."

Jay took the last step to close the space between him and his daughter. He knelt down and touched her goose bump covered arm. "You're okay Squirt, you're going to be okay."

Kate let out a high pitched squeal and bolted around Jay, but he was too quick. He caught her gently by the arm and pulled her into his embrace. "Shh, Kate. Just wake up."

She beat her tiny palms against his bare chest in frustration, hot and angry tears gushing out of her eyes. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" she shrieked, her eyes clamped shut. "Stop hurting me, stop, stop, stop!"

"She's going to tear her stomach," Erin covered her eyes with her shaking hands. "Jay!"

At the sound of Erin's desperate voice, Kate stopped beating her hands against her father. "Daddy?" she asked, eyes locking in with Jay's.

"You're back." Jay breathed a sigh of relief, as did Erin.

"Nobody's going to hurt me?" Kate looked around her parent's room to see her mother's tears and the shoes she had thrown.

"Nobody's going to hurt you. You were sleepwalking." Jay explained, "It was just a bad dream."

"Uh huh." Kate crumbled into her father's embrace before bursting into tears again, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be bad!"

"Shh," Jay cooed, "It wasn't your fault kiddo, you were just dreaming. Can you tell me about your dream?" He rubbed her back soothingly. "It might help if you tell me what happened."

"I knew the man," she sobbed as her father held her tighter, "He was here and he hurt me. He hurt me."

"It was a memory, sweetheart. Dreams are sometimes memories." Jay looked down at his daughter sadly, stroking her hair in an attempt to soothe the shaking child, "It was just a dream, he wasn't here."

"It felt real," Kate wailed, turning her face into his shoulder, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry for crying."

"Shh, baby girl. I'm so sorry those things happened to you." He wiped the tears off her cheeks with her thumb. "I'm so, so sorry."

Erin was doing her best to keep her eyes dry, but tears kept gushing out and she could do nothing to stop them. She unintentionally sniffed loudly, causing Kate to look up, "I-I didn't mean to u-set you Mommy." Kate noticed her mother's tears. "I'm s-sorry."

Erin just shook her head, more tears streaming down her cheeks. "I made Mommy cry!" Kate buried her face into her father's shoulder. "I made her cry."

Jay looked desperately at Erin, begging her to subside her tears. "Seeing you so sad makes Mommy sad too." Jay tried to explain. "She doesn't like seeing you hurting."

"I'm fine baby," Erin stuttered, wiping her eyes yet again. "I just get sad when I see you so upset."

Kate lifted her head again and looked up at her mother. "You don't have to cry for me." She cast her eyes downward, "I was bad."

"No, no, baby, you weren't bad," Erin assured her, "And you don't have to be so brave all the time." Erin sniffed, glancing down at the tear studded comforter. "You're just a little girl."

"I'm not brave," Kate whispered, allowing her father to lift her up and carry her to the bed. She crawled over the mattress to Erin's lap.

"You are too." Erin stroked her little girl's hair. "You have overcome so much."

"I'm sorry," Kate whimpered, sagging against her mother and closing her eyes.

Erin looked up at her partner with sad eyes. She couldn't believe what her little girl had been through, all alone. Kate was drifting off again, but Erin couldn't bear to release her. Jay climbed into bed beside his girlfriend pressed a lingering kiss into the side of her head. "It's going to be all right," he said, his voice lacking confidence. "We're going to help her get through this."

She turned to him, fresh tears brimming in her eyes. "But what if we can't?"

"We will," Jay said more firmly. "We have to."

"Hi Dr. Handel," Kate smiled sweetly and waved to the doctor, one hand tightly holding Erin's. She was long overdue for an appointment with the therapist, having last been a week before her emergency surgery. Five weeks later, Kate was taking half the amount of pain medication and was subsequently feeling much less sick. Following Kate's sleepwalking episode, Erin immediately scheduled Kate to see the therapist, worried that there may be more to what happened to her in New York than what the little girl was aware of.

After returning from New York, the doctor and the detectives decided it would be better to wait for a while before telling Kate about her biological relationship to Jay. Dr. Handel had been very supportive of the little girl referring to Erin and Jay as Mommy and Daddy, knowing full well that the couple intended to take on those roles for the rest of their lives.

"Hi there, Kate." Dr. Handel smiled warmly, "It is so nice to see you again. Did you have a nice holiday?"

Kate nodded vigorously as she and Erin followed Jay into the room, "We had Christmas and we went to Wis-consin!"

"Wow." Dr. Handel closed the door and settled in her chair while the family sat on the couch, "And are you feeling better? Your parents told me that you were really sick."

"Yes," Kate breathed, "So much better!" She was seated in Erin's lap and looked up at her mother, "And my tummy hurts less."

"That is fabulous news." Dr. Handel paused, "You know what Kate, if you don't mind, I need to talk to Erin and Jay for a minute. Do you think you can draw a picture? We won't be long." Kate nodded and headed for the little table in the corner, settling down in one of the small chairs and busying herself with a coloring sheet.

"Everything okay, doc?" Jay asked, suddenly feeling quite nervous.

"Yes," Dr. Handel nodded, "And I know we need to talk about Kate's recent sleepwalking episode, but first I need to tell you that I received a subpoena last night, from the defense attorney for Joseph Pierce. It appears he appealed for a re-trial and has pled not guilty to the charge of physical maltreatment of a child in the first."

"But why were you subpoenaed?" Erin asked, dread filling her stomach as she glanced over to her little girl, who was coloring innocently.

"I am being subpoenaed as someone who can talk to Kate's mental competency. This usually means that they want the patient to testify," Dr. Handel grimaced slightly, "Of course, she's only four years old, and as such my medical and personal opinion is that she should not have to testify, especially considering the fact that Pierce physically abused her."

"But?" Jay probed, waiting for the other shoe to drop, "You think they'll subpoena her anyway?"

Dr. Handel nodded sadly, "They've managed to get this one judge who I have a feeling will allow a child of Kate's age to be used as a witness. I am technically not even supposed to be telling you this, but seeing as she's not even in Kindergarten yet, I believe you have the right to know."

"Thank you. For telling us," Erin said, exchanging a glance with Jay, "But um, what good will calling the child who accused him of abuse do for Pierce's defense?"

"Your guess is as good as mine," Dr. Handel said, "But knowing Ed Bowler's tactics, I'm assuming that he is going for the 'CPD has a vendetta against my client' angle. You are definitely going to want to speak with ASA Stone as soon as possible. I'm afraid that Bowler will try to twist Kate's relationship with you and the CPD, so he may recommend calling Kate for the prosecution so that Bowler's job is harder."

"God." Jay ran a hand over his face, "He's going to dig at the fact that Kate is my biological daughter, isn't he?"

Dr. Handel nodded again, "Professionally speaking, I recommend that you tell her today. I know we agreed that it should be done later, but given the circumstances-"

"I get it," Erin said, taking Jay's hand and giving it a squeeze, "I think she'll be okay."

"Kate, can you come show us your picture?" Dr. Handel asked, giving a reassuring nod to Erin and Jay, "We'd love to see it." The little girl nodded eagerly and presented the piece of paper that she had drawn to the doctor, "Can you tell me about it?"

"That's mommy," Kate pointed to the woman she had drawn, "That's daddy and that's me!" She smiled up at her parents, who beamed with pride.

"I think we should get this one framed, what do you think Er?" Jay grinned at his girl, who smiled back. He could tell that she was anxious about telling Kate that while Jay might be biologically related to her, she was not.

"I love it." Erin cleared her throat and shifted so that Kate could settle onto the couch between her parents.

"Okay, Kate, so there's a few things that we want to talk to you about today," Dr. Handel began, "Do you know what biological means?"

The little girl shook her head, "Like science?"

"Biology is science, you're absolutely right. But biological means being related to someone or something based on what's inside your body. So for example, puppies are biologically related to their mommy and daddy dog, does that make sense?"

Kate nodded slowly. Dr. Handel raised her eyebrows and nodded slightly at Jay, indicating for him to pick up where she left off. "Squirt, do you remember the day Erin found you?" She nodded in response. "So that day, which was an amazing day because we got to meet you, started when a woman came to the district looking to talk to me. She told Erin and me that she had a little girl who she hadn't seen in a long time but that she knew the little girl was not being taken care of."

"Me?" Kate guessed, and Erin nodded.

"Yep, we didn't know where you were, so Sergeant Voight and the rest of our unit set to work to find you. And when we did, we were so relieved," Erin kissed the top of Kate's head and blinked back tears, "And right after that, when you were still in the hospital, Jay and I worked to find the bad guys but also people that were biologically related to you because we didn't want those same bad people to be with you."

"We found out that the woman who came to the district was your biological mother," Jay explained, "That means that she gave birth to you." He paused, exchanging looks with both the doctor and his partner, "We also found out that I am your biological father."

The little girl wrinkled her forehead, trying to wrap her head around the information she had been given, "The lady that Mr. P shot," Kate stated, "That lady was my bi-logical mother?"

Jay grimaced and nodded, not realizing that his little girl would put the two together so quickly, "Yes, that woman's name was Jillian Turner Bissett, and she and I met many years ago. But after that, I never saw her again until she showed up at the district," Jay swallowed thickly, "And I never knew that she had given birth to a little girl, to you."

Kate thought hard about what she was just told, "How come she wasn't with me, then?" she asked, "If she knew 'bout me, how come she wasn't there?"

"She had gotten into some trouble," Jay divulged, "She, uh, made some bad choices and hung out with some bad people and had to go to jail for a while and leave you, when you were just a little baby. She was married to a man who was friends with," Jay winced saying his name, "Paul Jackson and so when that man died, that's how Mr. P got you. And when she got out of jail, she came to find me because she remembered I was with the police."

Kate nodded slowly, still processing the information. "But Erin is my mommy."

"Well, I'm your mommy now, but Jillian was the woman who gave birth to you," Erin tried to explain, "Jay is your biological daddy but I'm not your biological mommy."

The little girl shook her head, "That lady is not my mommy," she turned her head to glance up at Erin, "You're my real mommy because you found me and love me and take care of me. And Daddy said you were going to be my mommy and daddy forever."

Tears spilled over Erin's cheeks as her daughter leaned into her embrace, "You're absolutely right, Squirt." Jay kissed the top of the little girl's head and reached one arm out to cup Erin's cheek, "No matter what happens, you and me and Erin are going to be a family." A tear slipped down his cheek, "And soon, Erin's gonna adopt you so you can get a new birth certificate with her name on it too."

"Good," Kate breathed, "I want everyone to know that you're my mommy and you're my daddy."

Following the emotional session with Dr. Handel, Jay, Erin and Kate ventured to a local ice cream parlor despite the fact that it was a brutally cold January Saturday. "I'm glad you're my bi-logical daddy and that mommy's gonna 'dopt me," Kate informed Jay, in between licks of her chocolate chunk cone, "Because that means they can't take me away."

"What do you mean, baby?" Erin asked, a spoonful of mint chocolate chip still in her mouth.

"I heard Sergeant Voight talkin' once 'bout people taking kids away from families they weren't related to. And I worried 'bout that since I didn't know I was yours." Kate shrugged, taking another lick of her cone.

"You know that's not going to happen, right Squirt?" Jay asked, "We're not going to let anyone take you away."

"I know." Kate offered a smile, lips covered in chocolate ice cream, "But I got some questions."

Jay chuckled, "Okay, shoot."

"What's my middle name?" Kate looked up at him quizzically, "Cause Tara in school has one but I didn't know if I did."

"Um, your full name, on your birth certificate, says Katherine Jane Halstead," Jay informed her, glancing at Erin out of the corner of his eye. She was still smiling lovingly at their little girl, most of the forgotten ice cream melting in her cup.

Kate thought for a moment, "Can we change it?"

"If you want." Jay and Erin exchanged glances, "What do you want your middle name to be?"

After a beat, Kate broke into a huge smile. "I know. My middle name should be Lindsay. That way I get some of mommy's name too!"

Jay beamed proudly at his brilliant little girl. As if she hadn't cried enough that afternoon, Erin felt tears forming in her eyes, "You sure baby?"

Kate nodded emphatically, "Yes!" She licked her ice cream again, "But I still want to be called Kate. Not Kaf-rin."

Her parents laughed and Erin wiped her eyes, "Not to worry, you'll always be Kate."

xoxojennaxoxo in response to your review (and thank you by the way!) I have not completely thought through that part. This may end up being a little longer than 30 chapters before I start the after stuff but I haven't decided what goes where yet, so I guess you'll have to wait and see :)