52. Chapter 52

Enjoy and please let me know what you think - I wrote this with a big ole smile on my face because I know everyone's been waiting for it.

"Will you marry me?"

"You sure you actually want to go to Wisconsin? I mean, I know I talk it up a lot but it is way the heck out there. Barely any cell service." Jay slid into the driver's seat of the Sierra, "And you let me drive."

"It'll be good to get out of the city," Erin shrugged, leaning back against the seat, "And you know, nature. We can swim or something."

Jay raised his eyebrows but ignited the car. Erin was eerily quiet as they drove along the highway, not bantering back with him like they usually did. "What's going on, babe?" he asked finally when the pulled onto the country road, "You've been practically silent the whole trip."

She turned to him, "I'm fine."

He rolled his eyes, "You sure about that? Because there have been no cracks about my driving abilities and it's been four hours. It usually takes four minutes."

Erin managed a small smile, "I guess I just miss him, you know. Justin."

Oh. Everything clicked into place in Jay's head. He recalled a few months back, a few days after Terry had been killed, when he was laying in what was now their shared bed, listening to Erin recollect some of her better memories. He had a particularly rough day with Voight, and she was trying to make him feel better. Erin told a story about one Fourth of July when Hank and Camille threw a barbecue in their backyard. Justin had all his friends over and one of them, in typical teenage boy fashion, made a comment about Erin.

Hank had, according to Erin, made the kid "nearly piss his pants." It was the day she felt her place in their family solidified, both Voight men standing up for a young girl who had never had anyone stand up for her before.

"I'm sure the holiday brings back memories for you," Jay started. He swallowed, realizing that the holiday brought back memories for him as well, but of a far different nature.

The fireworks.

He never really thought about them until they were exploding overhead and he was back in Afghanistan, watching a roadside bomb detonate, flipping the SUV two vehicles ahead. The painful screech of the tires on sand, horrific wails from his brothers as their car was engulfed in flames, shrapnel filling the air, a mix of machinery and human flesh.

"Babe?" Erin touched his arm, "You want me to drive?"

"I-I'm good," Jay shook his head, focusing on the road ahead, "Really." He cleared his throat, "I'm just-uh, glad we're up here. Away from everything, you know?"

She nodded in agreement, tracing his hand that rested on her thigh with her fingers, "I'm glad you brought me."

In that moment, Jay could not have loved Erin Lindsay more.

"Are you sure we can do this?" Jay asked as they laid in bed, Kate finally sleeping soundly between them. After the first nightmare in their home, Jay was shaken to his very core. In the hospital, Kate was just another child in the never-ending onslaught of kids who he was confronted with on the job. While Erin was clearly taken by the little girl, he knew that at the end of the day, the case would close and the child would live out the rest of her life separate from his.

But now, the broken, timid and traumatized little girl was his responsibility. She was his daughter, his blood, his new world. And though he was more than willing to accept the new challenge, he couldn't help but feel that he wasn't up to it.

He had read her file.

Jay knew deep within his soul what Kate had been made to endure, but reading the surgeon's notes, the nurses' notes, the therapist's notes…his child had been put through the ringer. She had clearly been physically beaten, sexually abused and emotionally battered before she was in Kindergarten. She had known no other life than one of pain, suffering and fear. It was his job, his and Erin's, to change the trajectory of her story. To show the little girl that people could be good, gentle and kind.

Erin tilted her head slightly to look up at her partner. "You're so good with her," Jay continued, "And-and she's so scared of men. What if she thinks I'm going to hurt her or-"

"Babe," she cut him off, "This little girl, your daughter, already knows that with you, she's safe. She trusted you tonight. And we just have to keep showing her that she's safe and soon, she's going to believe it."

"What if she never forgives me?" He asked quietly, the question that had been weighing on his mind since the moment he found out that he was a father, "What happens when she learns that the reason she spent four years in hell was because I didn't know she existed? What's going to happen then?"

Erin was silent but reached over Kate's sleeping form to lay a hand on her partner's chest. "It wasn't your fault, Jay. And when the time comes, you can talk to her about it. But for right now, this little girl needs you to show her that men can be good." She swallowed thickly, "And you are the best man I know, okay?

He nodded and pressed a kiss on the top of his girl's head. "Thank you. For being here. And for doing this with me."

Erin smiled, "We're partners. I've always got your back, Halstead."

In that moment, Jay could not have loved Erin Lindsay more.

"J-Jay?" Kate asked quietly. She was sitting atop the counter, helping stir the stir-fry sauce while Erin was in the shower. Jay was dicing vegetables while the chicken cooked in the pan. He glanced up from the cutting board to his little girl, who was looking at him nervously.

"What's up, Squirt?" he asked, setting the knife down next to the cut carrots, zucchini, onions and mushrooms, "How's the sauce coming?"

It was their fourth day together and they were still slowly getting to know each other. Jay, as a new father, was trying to get his timid little girl to open up more, always looking for ways to make her smile. While she was less skittish than she had been when they first met, Kate was still incredibly anxious and shy. "I-I spilled a little," she whispered, glancing down at the small brown spot on her new pajamas. It was barely anything but the child was quivering in fear, "I-I-I'm sorry."

"No big deal at all," Jay assured her, offering a kind smile, "We've got other pajamas for you. Is it okay if we wait until after dinner to change? In case we get a little more sauce on you?"

Kate looked up at her father nervously, "I-I'm not in t-trouble?"

Jay shook his head, "Nope. Not at all. Messes are no big deal, and that's barely anything, okay?"

"You-you not mad?" Kate asked, the slight trembling of her body fading as Jay shook his head again.

"Nope, not at all. In fact, I'm so glad that I finally have a little helper in the kitchen." He kissed the top of Kate's head, wincing internally when he felt the little girl tense up. "But you don't have to cook if you don't want to."

"I-I like helpin'," she replied, glancing up at Jay again, "But I don't gotta get hit?"

Jay froze. He knew that Kate had been hurt when she lived with Paul Jackson and his associates, but didn't think that she assumed it was a trend that would continue. He felt his heart shatter as he took in the fearful look in his daughter's eyes, the child so used to pain and abuse that she didn't know anything else.

"Never," Jay said firmly, sinking down slightly so he could meet his little girl's gaze. "Kate, I promise that I would never do anything to hurt you okay?"

"You-you and Erin don't hit?" Kate looked surprised, "But when I'm bad, I'm 'posed to get a smack. Th-that's what Mr. P says."

Jay shook his head and gently stroked Kate's thin arm, "No, sweetheart, Erin and I don't hit. And you never should have been hit by that man, or anyone, for that matter. They were the bad people, not you."

"Makin' spills isn't bad?" Kate whispered, still skeptical, "A-and askin' to go bathroom isn't bad?"

He shook his head again, feeling his heart break into even smaller pieces, "Not at all, kiddo. You are always allowed to ask us anything. And spills are usually an accident, so they aren't bad either, okay? In this house, you will never be hit like that, I promise you."

"You wouldn't hit Erin, neither?" she asked, eyes wide.

"Nope," Jay promised, "Never. Erin's my partner and I would never hurt her. Or you."

"And I wouldn't hurt Jay," Erin said, wrapping one arm around her partner's back, "And we would never hurt you." She leaned up to kiss his cheek.

Kate stared at the detectives in front of her before exhaling deeply. "You…you the first man I met who don't hit," she said honestly to her father, "You wouldn't hit me or Erin?"

"That's right," Jay extended his arms and lifted the little girl into his embrace, "You're safe with us, kiddo."

"We've got you, baby, and we're not letting go," Erin promised, running a hand over Kate's back, "Everything's going to be okay."

In that moment, Jay could not have loved Erin Lindsay more.

Though he tried not to show it, Jay worried about Kate all the time. Out in the field, at his desk, at a crime scene…he was always thinking about little human who turned his life upside down in the best way possible. He worried about Erin too, the woman he loved so deeply, his partner, his back-up, and how she was able to cope with the loss of her almost-brother a few months ago.

After two weeks with Kate, Jay was the most exhausted he had ever been. But it wasn't the crushing, bone-tired exhaustion that he knew. It was a happy, peaceful exhaustion that he wouldn't trade for anything in the world. Kate was slowly opening up to him, as he was usually the first to awake to the soft cries echoing from the baby monitor.

And so instead of falling asleep, Jay worried. He worried about how thin Kate still was, how terrified she was of strange people and how reluctant she was to fall asleep, fearful of the nightmares that never seemed to leave her alone. Erin snoozed beside him, having fallen asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow.

Whimpers and soft squeals echoed from the baby monitor in their bedroom, Jay's worries about his little girl coming to fruition. As they intensified, he quickly got up and headed to Kate's room. "Hey, hey, you're okay." He gently shook the child's shoulder, hoping to pull her from the nightmare.

Kate squirmed in her fitful sleep, desperately trying to tear her mind from the painful dream. "Stop!" she cried out. She clambered off of her bed, tumbling over the side with a thump and crawled to the corner of the bedroom, cowering in fear.

"Shh Kate, it's just Jay." He maintained his distance but sank to his knees in front of the little girl, "You just had a bad dream."

"No, no, no," Kate choked out, "P-please don't touch me, please."

He froze, realizing what was going on in his daughter's mind. While she had grown more comfortable with him in their two weeks together, her nightmare-addled mind still saw the grown man in front of her as a threat to her safety. "I'm not going to hurt you, kiddo," Jay whispered, "You just had a bad dream."

Kate continued to tremble against the wall, pulling her knees to her chest in fear. Jay glanced over his shoulder, wondering if he should seek out his partner. But as luck would have it, Erin was already in the doorway. "Bad dream," he informed her, "She-she won't let me near her."

Erin nodded slowly. "I'll try," she murmured, crouching beside her partner. She placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder, "Don't worry, babe."

"She thinks I'm going to hurt her," he whispered back. Jay swallowed thickly. He felt like a failure. His poor little girl was so petrified of being harmed that she couldn't bring herself to accept comfort after a horrific nightmare. "I-I don't know what to do."

"Kate, baby?" Erin said quietly, extending a hand to the quivering child, "You're okay, sweetheart. You just had a really bad dream. But you're safe, Jay and I are here."

Kate let out a choked breath as she lifted her head from her knees to meet Erin's concerned gaze. Jay sat beside his partner, not wanting to terrify his daughter any more than she already was. "It's okay, Kate," Erin said, "It's okay."

"Y-you not gonna hurt me?" Kate hiccuped, "I-I safe?"

"You're safe," Erin repeated, tenderly laying a hand on the shivering little girl's back, "You're safe."

"I-I'm sorry," she croaked, looking from Jay to Erin, "I'm s-s-sorry."

"No worries, baby," Erin assured her, "Everything's fine."

Kate crumbled against Erin with another round of harsh sobs. The young detective held the little girl against her chest, feeling her tiny heart race against her own. Jay sat beside his girls, unsure of what he should do. "I-I didn't mean to m-make Jay mad," Kate wept, burying her face into Erin's shoulder, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, d-don't hit me."

"Oh, Jay isn't mad, sweetheart," Erin cooed, looking sadly at her partner, "He's not mad at all. We're just worried about you. We don't want you to be scared."

"I promise I'm not mad, kiddo, and I would never, ever hurt you," Jay swallowed again, trying to force the lump in his throat to dissipate, "I know you've been through a lot and you have nothing to apologize for."

The family sat on the floor of Kate's bedroom as the little girl's panic gasps evened out. Jay continued to sit at the side, unsure if being in close proximity to his child would make the situation better or worse. "Thank you," he breathed to Erin, "I-I didn't know what do."

"It was a bad one," Erin replied, "But it doesn't mean she doesn't trust you. She's been through hell, babe, it's going to take a while for her first instinct to be comfort instead of fear." She offered a sad smile, "I get it. Took me a while too. And sometimes, I still feel like the best thing to do would be to run and hide. But…being with you, and knowing love…" She trailed off, kissing the top of Kate's head instead of continuing her sentence.

Jay managed a watery smile. "I love you."

In that moment, Jay could not love Erin Lindsay more.

"Jay, the recipe called for half a teaspoon of baking soda, not half a cup!" Erin groaned as she pulled the muffins out of the oven that appeared to be more like popovers than the chocolate chip muffins she had signed up to bring for Kate's class. After their last attempt at baking together, which ended with burned cookies and hot and soapy shower sex, Jay took it upon himself to make the muffins while Erin helped her baby get ready for school.

"What?" Jay poked his head out of the bathroom, "Oh, shit. Those look terrible."

"They're reading 'If You Give A Moose A Muffin Today', Halstead. We can't turn up to preschool with these horrific excuses for muffins. It's embarrassing." Erin poked one of the overflowing muffins with a fork.

"They probably taste fine," Jay replied, pulling a long sleeve Henley over his head and approaching the kitchen, "Where's Kate?"

"Picking out socks," Erin lifted one of the piping hot muffins out of the tin, "Careful, they're hot."

"Ah!" Jay shook his finger when he attempted the lift the muffin to his mouth.

"I told you," Erin scoffed, "They just came out of the oven."

"These are terrible," Jay determined after chewing thoughtfully, "Taste like soap."

"That would be the baking soda." She glanced towards Kate's bedroom. "Kate, baby, did you find socks?"

The little girl emerged from her bedroom, bearing a pair of socks with turtles and a pair with llamas, "I can't 'cide between the turtles and the yamas," she told Erin, lifting up the socks for her mother to see.

"Llamas," Jay declared, while Erin simultaneously said, "Turtles."

Kate widened her eyes and looked from one parent to the other, "How do I pick?"

"One of each," Jay suggested, grinning widely, "How about one turtle sock and one llama sock?"

"They don't gotta match?" Kate looked even more surprised, "That's okay?"

"Absolutely," Erin chuckled, "Do you want to put them on while Daddy and I figure out how to salvage these muffins in time?"

Kate nodded, "What happened to them?"

"Well, Daddy didn't read the recipe," Erin squatted down in front of her little girl, "So they taste a little funny. I think we'll have to pick some up from the store before we go to school. Is that okay with you?"

She nodded again, "Daddy, Mommy always says you always gotta read the res-py. Odder-wise the food comes out wrong."

"You're absolutely right, Squirt," Jay boosted the little girl up onto the counter, smiling as she let out a squeal of joy, "How about we get those socks on you quick and head to the grocery store?"

Kate giggled as Jay tickled her feet, "That tickles, Daddy!" She squealed again and laughed, "My feet don't like ticklin'!"

Jay raised his eyebrows tauntingly, "You know who else really likes tickling?" Jay asked mischievously. "Mommy!"

"Ah, Jay!" Erin shrieked, attempting to ward him off with the oven mitt. Kate giggled in with delight as her father mercilessly tickled her mother, Erin's face turning red as she squeaked, "Okay, I surrender, I surrender!" She stood up straight and readjusted her shirt, "Whew. Jay, you know how ticklish I am."

"Don't I," Jay wiggled his eyebrows again.

Erin glanced at Kate, who returned a cheeky grin, "Good news is, I know that you are too!" In one motion, she pushed her partner toward the little girl, who proceeded to jump onto her father's back.

"I got him, Mommy!" Kate laughed, tickling Jay's shoulders from her position, "Tickle him!"

"Argh!" Jay howled, carefully sinking to his knees on the kitchen floor while his girls continue to tickle him, "Okay, okay, you win!"

"You gotta say that we're the better tickle monsters," Erin instructed through her laughter as she poked her partner in the ribs again, now crouched on the floor beside her family, "Say it, Halstead."

"You guys are better," Jay managed, "You win, I surrender."

Kate giggled again but ceased her tickling and instead wrapped her arms around her father's neck from behind, "Daddy, you gotta say we the better tickle monsters."

"You're the better tickle monsters," Jay acquiesced, pulling Erin closer to him with one arm so he could plant a kiss on her lips, "You win."

"Oops, we gotta get going if we're going to get the muffins," Erin glanced up at the clock on the oven, "Ready for shoes, baby?"

Kate nodded and hopped off her father's back before melting into Erin's embrace. "I love you Mommy. And I love you Daddy."

"We love you more," Jay replied, kissing the top of Kate's head and bringing his family in closer, "I love you both so much."

And in that moment, Jay could not have loved Erin Lindsay more.

"Will you marry me?"

The words seemed to echo around the apartment the moment they left Jay's lips. Suddenly, he was overcome with the fact that not only had he not prepared for the proposal, but the ring was still in his sock drawer and hadn't even been sized yet. And before Erin could respond, more words just tumbled from his mouth.

"Erin Lindsay, every time that I think I cannot love you more than I already do, you always give me a million more reasons. You are my partner, my back-up, my best friend and are the greatest thing to ever happen to me. You have given me a new chance at love, at live and at a family. Whenever I look at you, I just can't believe I am lucky enough to love someone as incredible as you. And I know this is a weird proposal but the ring's in my drawer, it was my mom's and I was gonna take you somewhere special and propose but this, this right here, you, me, Kate together, is the most special place in the world. And I love you and-"

Erin cut him off by pressing a kiss to his lips.

"Yes."

Stay tuned for a whole lot more of family cuteness! (and if there's anything specific you want to see, feel free to let me know - taking suggestions!)