45. Chapter 45

Let me know what you think! The next one is a doozy.

"Daddy!" Kate squealed joyfully as she caught sight of her father exiting the breakroom, mug of coffee in his hand. He grinned and set the beverage down on his desk so that he could hold his little girl in his arms. She raced toward him and wrapped her tiny arms around his neck tightly.

"Hey Squirt," he smiled, inhaling deeply as he held her close, "How was your day?"

"We learned more 'bout math today," she informed him, "But I already knew 'bout it, 'cause you taught me how to do the multi-cation."

"Wow," Jay mused, standing with his child in his arms, "Sounds like we need to learn about division next time, hm?"

"I figured dat one out," Kate told him seriously and nodded when her father widened his eyes in surprise, "Miss Carlson said she was i-pressed with me."

"You did? How?" Jay was constantly baffled by his daughter's intellect, but division was hard. And she was not even five years old and able to figure it out on her own. "Did Sergeant Platt or Grandpa Hank teach you?"

"No, Daddy, it's the opposite of multi-cation. I learned it myself!" She squealed as he tickled her slightly.

"You are just the smartest little squirt there is, aren't you?" He asked, earning more delighted shrieks from his little girl, "Where did you get it from?"

"You and Mommy!" Kate laughed and glanced around at the empty bullpen, "Where's Mommy?"

"She and Kev are on their way back from a crime scene downtown. Burgess and Olinsky are there too."

"H-how come you not with Mommy?" Kate asked, widening her eyes in fear, "She's alone?"

"No, no, kiddo, she's with Atwater. And she's on her way back now, but I had to run an errand when the call came in, so they partnered up. Don't worry, okay? She's on her way." Jay smoothed some of Kate's hair off her face, "I know you get worried when we're not together, but Mommy can handle herself. She's a badass."

"A badass?" Kate asked quietly, causing her father to almost choke. He immediately realized his mistake.

"Uh, yeah, she is, but um, don't tell Mommy that I used that that word, okay? Because little kids like you shouldn't know that kind of language, and as much of a compliment that it is to Mommy, I have a feeling that she would be grumpy with me if she found out that I was teaching you words like that." Jay winced and cursed internally.

"I gotta lie?" Kate widened her eyes again, "To Mommy?"

"It's okay, sweetheart, it's all Daddy's fault," Erin tromped up the stairs, Kevin a few paces behind, "Don't worry."

"Mommy!" Kate exclaimed, turning in Jay's embrace to face her mother. He set her down so that she could race into Erin's waiting arms, "I missed you!"

"I missed you more," Erin mumbled into the top of Kate's soft hair, "Did you have a good day?"

"Uh-huh," Kate nodded, "I was tellin' Daddy that I learned 'bout math. And I already knowed multi-cation and division."

"Wow," Erin kissed her baby's head, "And Daddy was teaching you bad words too, hm?"

"I-I-I didn't know it was bad," Kate rushed out, looking fearfully up at Erin, "I'm sorry."

"Oh, baby, you don't have to apologize. Daddy shouldn't be teaching you those words. But it's okay, you're not in trouble," Erin reassured her, "Don't worry."

"I-I don't want Daddy to be in trouble e-der," the little girl whimpered, casting a watery glance toward her father. Jay quickly closed the gap between him and his family to comfort his little girl.

"It's okay, baby, really. Daddy's not in trouble. I'm not mad at him. Being a badass is a compliment, but only grown-ups should use that word. So he's not in trouble, and neither are you," Erin raised her eyebrows at her partner who nodded in agreement.

"Everything's fine, kiddo," Jay stroked Kate's soft check, "Mommy's not mad. It's okay," he repeated, "Promise." He gently kissed Erin's temple, "All good."

"Good," Kate breathed, relaxing in her mother's arms, "You guys gotta get back to work?"

Erin and Jay exchanged glances. They were working on an open homicide investigation and really were needed down at the forensics lab to piece together key evidence. "Just for a little while," Jay replied, "Mommy and I are going to head down to the lab, and then we'll be back, sound good? Do you want to go do some reading with Sergeant Platt?"

Kate nodded, "I got a new book today and it's 'bout detectives," she looked inquisitively at her parents, "How come you don't got silly hats and coats?"

Jay chuckled, "Well, those are a different kind of detective. What we do is a little different. Maybe we can try to find a book about us, too?"

"Is everything okay, Kate?" Jay asked over takeout. The little girl had been quiet after her parents had returned to the district to take her home. While she was usually bubblier and excited to tell her parents about all she had learned that day, Kate was silently pushing the vegetables around on her plate.

She looked up and nodded, "Yes Daddy."

"Are you sure?" Erin asked, titling her head slightly to one side, "You've been really quiet this evening."

"I'm a little tired," Kate shrugged, moving her fork around on the plate. It looked like she had barely taken a few bites. Erin and Jay exchanged looks, knowing full well that there was something going on behind their child's eyes.

"You know you can tell us anything, right baby?" Erin hedged, reaching out to touch her little girl's tiny hand. Kate caught her gaze and nodded.

"I know," she murmured, glancing down at her plate full of Chinese food.

"If something is on your mind, maybe we can help," Jay suggested, "A lot of times it's better to talk about things. And then you don't have to deal with it all on your own."

Kate looked up again, "I got invited to Lizzie's birth-day party 'cause everyone in school got invited." She paused and glanced from Erin to Jay, "But I don't like parties."

Again, Jay and Erin shared a glance. "Lizzie from your class?" Erin asked, "That sounds like fun. Birthday parties are supposed to be a good time."

The little girl shook her head, tears rapidly welling in her eyes, "But I don't wanna go."

"Oh, kiddo, you don't have to go if you don't want to," Jay assured her, stroking Kate's cheek with the pad of his thumb, "But parties are fun. There's cake and games and all kinds of fun stuff." He raised his eyebrows as Kate rapidly shook her head. "Are you nervous about the other kids?"

Again, Kate shook her head, "No, I don't like parties." Tears spilled over her cheeks, "M-Mr. P used to have parties and that meaned I would get hurt." She hiccupped, "I don't wanna go."

"Sweetheart, we'd never make you do anything you really didn't want to do," Erin vacated her chair and crouched beside the little girl, "But those other things weren't parties. Those were an excuse for Mr. P to hurt you. A birthday party is a celebration of the day you were born, and you invite your friends and have games and cake. It's supposed to be fun. And it's all kids from your class, no bad guys." She stroked the back of her little girl's head, "I'm so sorry those things happened to you."

"It's 'post to be fun?" Kate asked skeptically, drying her eyes with her sleeve.

"Oh yeah. Did Lizzie give you an invitation?" Jay asked, getting up from the table when Kate gestured to her backpack that was sitting by her shoes. He pulled out the card and read aloud, "Come celebrate Lizzie's 5th birthday at Bouncy Land." Jay grinned, "This is one of those warehouses they fill with all sorts of inflatable bouncy castles. It's really fun."

"It's on Saturday," Erin glanced down at the invitation. "I think you would have a great time, baby. It looks like everyone in your class is going to be there, and there'll be games and all sorts of fun things to do."

Kate remained unconvinced, "I never been to a fun party before."

Three days later, Jay, Erin and Kate headed over to Bouncy Land for Lizzie's 5th birthday party. Kate's anxiety was palpable despite the constant reassurance from her parents that the party was supposed to be a fun time. Kate had picked out an arts and crafts kit that she thought her classmate would like and was nervously seated in her car seat, wrapped gift on her lap. "You not leavin', right?" Kate asked, wanting another confirmation that her parents would stay throughout the party.

"Yep, all the parents are staying, don't worry," Erin reassured her. She had corresponded via email with Lizzie's mother, who had informed her that many parents were staying for the two hours and that she and Jay were more than welcome to stay. Jay had ribbed her about the domesticity of it all and Erin had rolled her eyes in response. Truthfully, nothing had made her feel more like a mother than scheduling birthday parties and corresponding with other mothers. Other mothers. That in and of itself scared the living daylights out of Erin Lindsay, former street kid and daughter to a deadbeat mom, but it also filled her with a joy she never knew was possible.

"Ready, kiddo?" Jay boosted the little girl out of her car seat and handed her the present. Kate nodded nervously, gripping her father's hand tightly.

"What-what if it's bad?" Kate asked.

"Then we can go. It's up to you. If you don't feel comfortable after a few minutes, it's no big deal. But we'd like you to try, okay? And we'll be here the whole time." Erin smiled down at her little girl, "We're so proud of you for trying."

When the family entered the bouncy-castle-filled warehouse, Kate instinctively moved closer to Jay's leg. There were over a dozen children screaming and laughing in the multitude of blow-up structures, including a ball pit, three slides and four bounce-houses. "Wow," Jay mused, "This looks like fun."

"Hi! You must be Kate! I'm Lizzie's mom, thank you so much for coming!" A bubbly blonde woman emerged from the small crowd of observing parents.

"Hi," Kate whispered, still clutching Jay's hand tightly.

"Hey, I'm Jay, Kate's dad," Jay extended his other hand, "Thanks for having us."

"Our pleasure. Call me Cindy," Lizzie's mother smiled. "You must be Erin, Kate's mom."

Erin nodded and shook her hand, "Nice to meet you."

"Okay, well Kate, all the kids are over in the bouncy house. I'll take the present," she took the wrapped gift out of the little girl's hand, "And you all can put your coats in the coat room and join the other kids, sound good?"

All three members of their little family nodded. "Doing okay, baby?" Erin asked as she helped her daughter take off her coat, "Do you want to go play with the other kids?"

Kate shrugged, looking nervously at her classmates, "Are-are you stayin'?"

"Absolutely," Jay promised, "We're going to be with the other adults, okay? Go have fun!"

She nodded and slowly made her way over to the bouce-house where a few children Jay recognized were jumping up and down. "Okay, so far, so good," Erin let out a sigh, "Let's see how she does."

Cindy introduced Jay and Erin to the other parents, both detectives standing awkwardly amongst the adults who clearly knew each other from drop off. "So, you two both work for the CPD?" Cindy asked, "Wow. You're brave."

Erin and Jay smiled politely. "It's…never boring," Jay said honestly.

"How long have you been working there? Or did you transfer into Chicago? I have to say I don't recall seeing either of you around before Kate joined Hillside, and most of the kids have been going since they were two," Cindy took a sip of the white wine that was brought for the adults, "Are you from the area?"

"Um, yeah, I've lived in Chicago for my whole life," Erin said honestly, "I've been with the department for a few years now."

"And yet you're so young!" Cindy exclaimed, "I have to say, you look amazing. I mean, the police department must keep you in great shape because I know that after having kids my body never looked the same but you look fabulous!"

"Oh, well, thank you, but uh," Erin looked to Jay quickly.

"We're Kate's adoptive parents," Jay interjected, "Found her through work and fell in love. So that's why you haven't seen us around."

"Oh, I had no idea," Cindy gushed, "Wow. How incredible. You are doing so well for being new parents."

Again, Jay and Erin smiled politely, both heaving sighs of relief when Cindy excused herself to go talk to other parents. "Wow," Erin exhaled, "Moms."

"Nosey moms," Jay muttered. He glanced over to where the children were gathered and caught sight of his little girl tentatively bouncing in the large bouncy castle. "Looks like Kate's having fun, at least."

Erin smiled and patted Jay's chest gently. "Babe, this is only the first kid's party we're going to. I have a feeling we're in for many more."

Kate willingly participated in the birthday party events but refrained from the screaming and cheering. She flashed a smile at her parents as they watched from afar, elated to see their little girl participating in normal childhood activities. She was initially very taken aback by the cake covered in fire, surprised at how the other children in her class clapped their hands at the dessert. Kate visibly shrunk back but ultimately adjusted, realizing that there was nothing to be afraid of.

After cake the party was over, and Kate hurried to her parent's side, relieved to be going home. "We go home now?" she asked quietly, looking up at Erin pleadingly.

"Sure, baby," Erin held out her hand, "Do you want to say thank you and happy birthday to Lizzie?"

Kate nodded and led her mother over to the little girl whose birthday it was. "Happy birthday Lizzie. Thank you for having me."

"Bye!" The little blonde girl wrapped Kate in a tight hug. Kate froze at the contact but managed a smile before waving goodbye.

"Thanks, Cindy, we'll see you at school," Jay said to Lizzie's mother, who was now on her third glass of white wine.

"Goodbye sweetheart," she cooed at Kate, who smiled in return.

"Did you have fun, Squirt?" Jay asked as he helped Kate into her car seat, "Did you have a good time?"

She nodded slightly and offered a shy smile, "It wasn't like the o-der parties I been to."

"Well, this was a real party," Erin emphasized, igniting the Sierra, "Those other parties were not real parties." She turned to Jay, "You know, we could have a birthday party for you, if you want Kate."

The little girl's eyes went wide, "I got a birthday?"

Jay felt his heart clench in his chest. "Of course, kiddo. Everyone has a birthday."

Kate looked confused, "You got one too? And Mommy?"

"Oh yeah," Jay assured her, "Your birthday is June 19th. And Mommy's is April 11th."

"And Daddy's is May 6th," Erin added.

"And it's the day you were born?" Kate asked, "How do we know I was born on June nine-teemf?"

"Well, there's this document that everyone gets on the day they were born, called a Birth Certificate. And it has the time and date that you were born, along with how much you weighed, how tall you were, where you were born and who your parents are," Jay explained, "It's how we first learned that you were my biological daughter."

"But I get a new one, right? When Mommy 'dopts me?" Kate looked seriously at her father, "Do I get a new birthday too?"

"Well, we're definitely going to celebrate. But your birthday stays the same, because it's the day you were born. So every year, you get one year older," Jay smiled at Erin, who was focused on the road but grinning from ear to ear.

Kate shook her head slightly, "But…you and Mommy weren't there when I was born. So we should cel-brate the day you found me instead. 'Cause both you guys were there. And Grandpa Hank and Uncle Will."

Jay grinned, "You know what, we can absolutely do that. I think it was the happiest day for all of us, don't you think?" Erin hummed in agreement, glancing into the rearview mirror to smile at her little girl.

Kate nodded eagerly, "But we don't gotta have a big party right? I-I didn't like all the yellin'."

"Not to worry, babes. We can do whatever you like," Erin promised, "But for now, what if we head to the grocery store to pick out what we want to make for dinner?"

"And get more bananas?" Kate asked hopefully, smiling sweetly to Jay.

"You bet," he tapped her little feet, earning a delighted giggle, "Sounds like a plan, babe."

That evening, the little family made homemade tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches before settling in front of the television to watch an episode of Planet Earth. It was a little tradition they had started back when Kate first came into their lives, as she loved to watch the animals and neither Erin nor Jay felt too badly about letting her watch television because it was arguably very educational. "Should we really be encouraging her to watch TV?" Erin hissed over Kate's head as they sat snuggled on the couch, "I mean, doesn't it like, rot your brain or something?"

"Babe, she reads at a fourth grade level. And she's four. I don't think we need to be concerned about her TV consumption. This is like the only thing we ever watch. Remember what Alexa Carlson said? All those other kids in her class were talking about the WonderPets or something and she talked about the migration pattern of North American Geese. I think it's fine." Jay ran a hand over the back of Erin's head as she moved closer to him, "Plus she's almost asleep."

Kate was cuddled up against Erin's chest, still watching the film though her eyes closed for extended periods of time. "Do you want to go to bed, baby?" Erin asked, "You may be more comfortable there."

"I'm most comfortable here," Kate murmured, widening her eyes slightly, "Five minutes?"

Erin smiled, "Of course, my love. You had a busy day, hm?"

Kate nodded tiredly, "I did some jumpin'."

Jay chuckled, "You sure did. It's okay if you want to close your eyes, okay? I know you're sleepy."

"I love you," Kate whispered, settling in closer to Erin and Jay.

"We love you too, sweetheart," Erin kissed the top of Kate's head, "So much."

Jay beamed, overcome with his first memory of telling Kate that he loved her. It had been her third day with them, though he had been thinking it the moment he saw her and Erin sitting on the hospital bed, reading stories. The evening after the first Sunday breakfast at Hank's house followed by feeding the ducks, Jay knew it was time to tell the little girl. As he watched Erin tucking her in that night, the words tumbled from his lips. Kate had widened her eyes in surprise, having never been told that in her life. Erin's eyes had filled with tears as she wished the little girl good night and hurried out of the room.

"What is it Er?" Jay had asked after quietly shutting the door to Kate's bedroom, "Are you okay?"

Erin nodded her head and looked up at her partner with tear-filled eyes, "Is-is it okay if I love her too?"

It had taken all of Jay's strength not to melt into a puddle right then and there, so he simply nodded and pulled his girl close, thankful to have a partner not only out in the field, but a partner in raising such a broken and incredible tiny human.

Later that evening, Kate had an absolutely gut-wrenching nightmare that had her shivering in the closet for close to an hour. While Jay and Erin tried to coax her out, Erin told the little girl that she loved her as well. Again, Kate's eyes went wide, almost as if she didn't understand what it meant to be loved. It was then when Erin explained how she and Jay were always going to be there for the child, and that no matter what, they were going to do everything in their power to love and care for her. It was that statement that finally brought the petrified little girl out of the corner and into their embrace.

Jay pressed a kiss to Erin's head as she dozed against him, soft breath on his neck, both arms around the little girl across their laps. The credits were rolling on the television screen, so he carefully detangled himself from Erin's embrace and lifted Kate into his arms. He carried her to bed and whispered, "I love you," before tucking her under the covers and creeping out the bedroom door.

He couldn't keep the smile off his face when he saw Erin, still dozing slightly against the couch cushions. Effortlessly, he lifted his partner into his arms and headed for their bedroom, settling them both beneath the covers. "Babe?" Erin mumbled, blearily reaching a hand out for her partner.

"Right here," Jay whispered back, pressing a light kiss to her lips, "I love you."

"Love you," Erin murmured, cuddling closer and succumbing to sleep once again.

Jay smiled again, remembering that there was a ring sitting at the bottom of his sock drawer and that soon, Erin Lindsay would be his wife.

I've been loving the requests and reviews - they definitely help keep me inspired as I honestly don't watch PD anymore but little ideas here and there are very helpful, along with positive encouragement (and both help me get chapters up quicker!)