26. Puzzle Of My Heart
Thank you all again for the reviews and the ongoing support and for accepting and defending my decision for a baby girl. I don't want to repeat myself that often but it really means a lot to me :) So here comes chapter 26 and a little more fluff, hope you enjoy it!
Lyrics are from the song "Puzzle Of My Heart" by Westlife.
I don't own anything.
26. Puzzle Of My Heart
Two weeks went by and fall started to surround Chicago completely. The days got grayer and shorter, the rain poured down more often and the colorful leafs started to fall from the trees already. On some days the sun still won the fight over the clouds but all in all it got colder day by day and it was time for pullovers and thicker jackets instead of just shirts. Chicago winter inevitably came closer and with it the due date of baby Halstead. And another special day that needed to be acknowledged came closer as well.
Erin's mood meanwhile constantly changed almost every day. One day her mood was good all the time and she laughed all day while she was back to snapping at everyone just some 24 hours later. One day she seemed to enjoy her pregnancy while she was back to not liking it too much the day after. But all the time Jay was just simply Jay and accepted it, let her be moody but was there for her nonetheless when she had one of her bad days and needed him and of course laughed and joked with her on her better days.
Also, Erin and desk duty was still anything but a love affair. One day she seemed to be more or less okay with it and the next day she was back hating it. As long as she had to do something and didn't feel useless she was okay with filling out papers, making calls, putting pieces together with Mouse, interrogating suspects with one of her colleagues. But the favorite part of her desk duty were the rare times she was allowed to join Jay with visiting witnesses in their homes or talking to victims in Chicago Med. When she got to see different things than the walls of the bullpen and the screen of her computer. But she knew it was just a matter of time now until she would get bound to full desk duty and this thought already filled her with horror. She was happy for every week no one told her that she had to relax a little more and had to reduce her tasks to just headache-causing paperwork. She would've given a lot for a speedy chase in the 300, for busting some drug dealers in a warehouse or for doing an undercover operation. She longed for some action, real action, but yet she was so far away from all of that, it made her heart heavy.
Two weeks after their all together night out, when it was finally weekend again, it was time for Erin's and Kim's girl's night which turned into a whole girl's day. They used this windy Saturday for shopping on Michigan Avenue as Kim needed some new stuff for the winter and as none of Erin's jeans fit her anymore, she had to bite the bullet and buy some actual maternity pants and shirts and pullovers as well.
After bringing their newest acquisitions home, they met again in downtown in the evening, Erin wearing her new black pants, a tight white shirt with a v-neck and her favorite red leather jacket she of course couldn't close anymore but she's never closed it before she was pregnant either so she could still wear it although she found that it of course didn't look sexy on her anymore with her looking like she had swallowed a water melon.
″Looking good,″ Kim grinned at Erin after they had hugged each other.
″Looking fat,″ Erin disagreed and looked down to her swollen stomach and her feet.
″Did you take a look in the mirror? You're looking gorgeous!″
″Yeah gorgeously round,″ she answered dryly while they started walking into the dircetion of their favorite Mexican restaurant.
″Oh come on. How much weight did you gain yet? Around twelve pounds maybe?″ Kim asked, scanning her friend from head to toes.
″Make it fourteen.″
″Well, then fourteen. That's still nothing,″ Kim shrugged and gave her an encouraging smile.
″Yeah, maybe, but I'm not done yet and have 14 more weeks. So more than enough time left to get the build of an elephant.″
″Erin, please don't be like that okay? Because for 26 weeks this is a pretty small bump, so you should be happy about it instead of complaining about it.″
″Yeah, maybe. I'm sorry,″ Erin said and bit her lip before she continued speaking and admitted a little more of what was going on in her head to her friend. ″It's just still hard for me to accept all this change and having no influence. I hate losing control over something and although I know that my body only changes to give her all the things and the space she needs to grow it feels like I'm losing control over my body.″
″I can understand that Erin and I even think that I would feel similar,″ Kim said, ″but you have to see the other side of the coin. You're growing a human being. Your body can grow a human being. So isn't it amazing and at the same time a little scary as well to be part of one of the last real miracles in life?″
″It's...unreal... to think about that my body is capable of doing this. And sometimes, when I feel her kicking around like a crazy bull I think: She seems to be fine and happy in there so maybe I'm doing it right. Maybe I don't mess it up although I have no idea what I'm doing but my body obviously knows what it's doing better than I do,″ Erin said and was a little surprised about her honesty towards her friend.
″Of course you're doing it right Erin. That's called maternal instincts and they grow in the same way as your baby does,″ Kim encouraged her and gave her a little wink.
″Yeah, looks like,″ Erin answered and forced a smile. She was still sure that she didn't have any maternal instincts but it was better not to start a discussion about this yet as the evening, she really just wanted to enjoy, would then turn out not too nice.
XxXxXxXxXxXxX
Some minutes later they were inside the crowded restaurant where Mexican music played from the jukebox and made them feel like they were in Havanna. After getting some fruit juice cocktails and nachos with cheese and jalapenos and dips they could finally start to chitchat about all the happenings of the last few weeks, all the things they've missed in each other's life as especially Erin's life had been like a rollercoaster.
″So, tell me about you and Adam,″ Erin grinned somewhen just after she had taken a sip of her cocktail through the straw.
″There's nothing to tell you about,″ Kim answered but the soft smile that surrounded her lips revealed her.
″You sure?″ Erin asked and raised her eyebrows. ″But well, when there's nothing to tell about, what about Sean?″
″We're friends and partners and that's enough for both of us at the moment.″
″Really?″
″Yeah. You were right. Things happened to quick, not only for me but also for him. We decided we want to take it easy and for now we just want to do a good job and kick ass. And then we'll see whether it maybe leads to something serious someday,″ she shrugged and grabbed one of the nachos.
″The way you and Adam look at each other again things between you and Sean will never get serious,″ Erin noticed casually and scanned her friend for her reaction only to see her cheeks blush a little. Which was enough proof for her to know that she's been right.
″We're just friends, honestly,″ Kim said quietly.
″Uh-huh,″ Erin nodded and had to grin as she assumed they wouldn't be able to keep that friendship status for too much longer. ″So I guess I missed the part where you guys went from not talking to each other to being friends again, huh?″
″Yeah, seems like,″ Kim laughed. ″Well, it's nothing impressive. I visited him in Med after his accident. Maybe a little too often. Spent hours with him there in the evening. And we talked. A lot. And at some point we were able to joke again and to laugh together. It just felt so normal and great, like nothing ever happened in between and I felt so good being with him...you know what I mean?″
″Guess I do,″ Erin grinned, remembering the time almost exactly one year ago when she and Jay had been in that stage. That stage of chitchatting about messy bathrooms and her being a messy person, about him admitting how worried he'd been to maybe have lost her forever and how happy he was to have her back. The stage of looking at each other with sparkling, flirty eyes. The stage which had then, some weeks later, eventually led to test-drive her new couch, to reuniting their bodies and souls, to rekindle their relationship, to finally become an official couple.
″But we're just friends,″ Kim assured her friend immediately, interrupting Erin's thoughts.
″If you say so...″ Erin answered with a meaningful undertone in her voice.
″I do and it feels good to be honest. Things between us happened too fast back then. He left his fiancée for me and proposed to me just some months later when we still didn't really know each other. I think that's the main reason why it didn't work. But now we're building up a friendship...and who knows, maybe we can somewhen go on and built up a relationship based on this friendship...just like you and Jay did,″ she winked. ″Or we'll find out that we're better off as friends. But for now I'm okay with the way things are going. It feels good and right now I don't want anything more than this friendship. Because, you know, having this bit of independence isn't that bad either,″ Kim laughed.
″You could be right about that,″ Erin grinned.
″You miss it?″
″What?″
″Your independence.″
″No,″ Erin answered. ″Not really. It's nice to be independent but being with this one person is not too bad either.″
″You know, the other day, when I realized that Adam and I maybe could be a thing again one day, or maybe Sean and me, who knows, I asked myself whether it's not maybe better to find someone who has a different job. I mean, don't you find it somehow gets boring? Boring as in do you even have topics to talk about other than work? Yeah Adam and I have been together before and we managed it quite well but still, sometimes I found work was too much a part of our private life and I imagine there's a lot more to talk about when you don't see the same stuff every day...when you have different stories to tell,″ Kim said pensively.
″I maybe thought about that in the beginning, too. But not for long and I tell you how I feel about it: it's actually really nice to come home in the evening and there's someone who just simply understands. When you can talk about the happenings of the day, the case, the victim, the suspect, and you don't have to explain anything. When the other person knows how you feel because they feel the same. It's not boring at all but rather satisfying. And sometimes, when you don't feel like talking about your day, you don't have to because the other one understands without words as they had the same crappy day like you. It's the best thing, honestly,″ Erin smiled.
″Well wow...I never really saw it from that side and as I never felt about it like this, it's maybe just another hint why our relationship didn't work,″ she said. ″But you just convinced me that I definitely want to date a cop,″ Kim added with a chuckle.
″Just because it's the best and most perfect thing for me doesn't mean it's for you, too,″ Erin laughed.
″Yeah but what you said sounds so...admirable,″ she winked and Erin felt her cheeks blush a little. Never in a million years she had expected to ever have a relationship that was admirable.
They kept on talking about this topic for a little while longer, ordered a new round of cocktails and two different desserts they shared. It was exactly that kind of evening they have needed again to talk about basically everything and it would have been an absolute perfect evening. If Erin didn't have had to pee literally every thirty minutes. Or less.
″You alright?″ Kim frowned when Erin came back to their table for the 4th time that evening.
″Yeah, she has just discovered a new hobby three days ago,″ Erin sighed, placing her hand on her belly. ″Using my bladder as a punching bag for her feet and she preferably does it during the night when I wanna sleep or when I just want to relax on the couch in the evening. Sometimes I even have the feeling she's lying directly on it, uses it as a pillow or whatever,″ she added and tried to hide the complaint in her voice.
″Guess it's getting a little tight in there, huh?″ Kim smiled.
″And she's still getting a lot bigger, great,″ Erin answered and this time she couldn't manage to hide the complaining undertone and the sarcasm.
″Yep, great summs it up pretty good I think,″ Kim winked, ignoring Erin's sarcasm.
″Uh-huh,″ Erin nodded, taking a sip from her cocktail. ″Or maybe I should simply stop drinking for the next fourteen weeks. An empty bladder means no punching bag and no pillow,″ she then shrugged and even had to laugh a little.
″Yeah sure, you should definitely do that, don't drink something ever again,″ Kim laughed.
″Cheers to that,″ Erin grinned and held her glass up.
″Cheers,″ Kim said and clinked her glass with Erin's.
″So we now talked about me and Adam and dating cops and all that stuff but we haven't talked about you and Jay yet,″ Kim said after taking a gulp.
″There's not much to tell though,″ Erin shrugged.
″I just wondered the other day...do both of you still have their own apartment or did I miss something within the last few weeks?″
″Naah, Jay still has his and I have mine. But his lease is up by the end of the year,″ Erin explained.
″Meaning?″ Kim asked back and had to grin a little as she could already tell what that meant and that her friends were taking the next step.
″He's going to move to my place,″ Erin smiled.
″Wow that's great, why didn't you tell me?″ she laughed and acted like she was offended.
″It's not a big deal. We're already spending 80% of our time at my place and we're only at his place occasionally. So it's just about bringing all of his clothes and some personal stuff to my apartment and that's it.″
″Just his clothes? What about his furniture?″ Kim asked.
″There's absolutely no way his furniture will come in my apartment,″ Erin laughed.
″Well, it's basically not your apartment any longer so I assume you meant your together apartment, right?″ Kim winked.
″Yeah, sure,″ Erin chuckled.
″Does his furniture look that ugly or...?″ Kim laughed.
″Kim, you can't imagine. You honestly can't. Plus, I have everything and there's no space for having things twice.″
″Does he know about your plans?″ Kim asked and raised her eyebrows.
″Uhm, not exactly,″ Erin answered and grinned all innocent. ″But he has to accept it. No ugly stuff in my...our apartment.″
″Guess this will get interesting, huh?″
″We'll see,″ Erin answered but she was pretty sure that it wouldn't be a big deal for him to say goodbye to the stuff from his bedroom and his living room. And in case they needed a new, bigger wardrobe or an additional dresser they would simply buy one that fit into the bedroom instead of taking his old, quite ugly one. They needed to buy furniture for the nursery soon anyway, so a visit to the furniture store was inevitable and they could also buy some new stuff for their apartment on that occasion.
XxXxXxXxXxXxX
″Oh my God I'm starving,″ Erin sighed when she locked up her apartment on Thursday evening. The unit had gotten a huge case some days before and they had only finished it today. And as Erin had to do all the paper work, she was the last one who had left the bullpen just some 15 minutes ago. Jay of course had suggested to wait for her but she had told him he doesn't have as the guys had done a late-nigh bust the night before and they all have then stayed in the bullpen, working the case, and hadn't gone home for getting two hours of sleep, so he should rather go home to prepare or order dinner to satisfy her growling stomach, take a hot shower and relax on the couch.
″I think you might be lucky and someone cooked,″ Jay grinned to her from the couch and watched her taking off her shoes and then tossing her bag and her jacket on the floor.
″You're the best,″ she smirked.
″Come here, it still needs some more minutes in the oven.″
″Not sure whether I can take even one more step cause my feet and my back are killing me today,″ she complained but then walked to the couch and joined him, gave him a soft kiss.
″Just lie down and relax,″ Jay ordered as he scanned her face. She looked endlessly tired but after a case like this one, where they all had to do night shifts for three nights in a row, it was understandable that she was anything but full of energy. More than once he and Hank and some of the others as well had told her to go home early and not work until midnight like the the rest of the unit and get a little rest but she had insisted to stay with them and work the case just like all the others as she couldn't go home until the case was closed and the offender was where he belonged: behind bars for the rest of his life. She had just missed the all-nighter last night and Jay was more than glad that she'd went home when they'd left for the bust to get at least the usual short amount of sleep she was used to at the moment.
″Okay,″ Erin nodded and lay down on the couch, her head resting on the armchair and her feet in Jay's lap. ″What did you cook though?″
″Lasagna,″ he answered and started to massage her left foot.
″Yum!″ she grinned and closed her eyes while enjoying the soft pressure of his fingers on the sole of her foot. ″God this is so good, never stop ever again,″ she added with a chuckle.
″Okay,″ Jay smirked and kept on massaging her foot, none of them saying anything for the time being.
″Were you able to finish all the paperwork?″ he asked when he changed to massage her right foot.
″Yep, everything is done and this prick is on his way to Stateville to wait for his trial,″ she yawned.
″Finally,″ Jay said. ″Is it wrong that I somehow hope we don't get a new case tomorrow already?″
″Naah,″ Erin answered. ″This was a tough one and we could all need some time to chill tomorrow.″
″Yeah we could,″ Jay agreed but this wasn't the main reason he didn't want to have a new case. He hoped that they could leave work early tomorrow so he could take Erin out for dinner as they had their one-year-anniversary tomorrow. One year. He couldn't believe how fast this year has passed and how much things have changed ever since they had carried the couch they were sitting on right now into her apartment. The one couch where then exactly six months later their daughter was conceived. He had to grin a little by this thought and looked at Erin's round stomach. Sometimes it was unreal that this has happened, that her birth control pills had stopped working due to antibiotics she had only taken twice that day, that this coincidence now made them parents a whole lot earlier than they would even have started to think about this.
″Guess our dinner is ready,″ he said as the ringing of the alarm on his phone interrupted his thoughts about these past twelve months and stopped his massage.
″On the one hand I can't really say too bad...but on the other hand: too bad,″ she laughed and let him pull her up from the couch.
″How about a little massage for your back after dinner?″ he winked while he took the lasagna from the oven and Erin took some plates from the cupboard.
″I can't wait,″ Erin grinned and they sat down on the table and ate Jay's delicious lasagna. She had to suppress a giggle when she thought about how much of a house husband he was. He was the one who cooked in the evening, he was by far the tidier one of them and she was still the one driving. This would for sure never change.
″This is so good, maybe I should really start paying attention when you cook,″ she chuckled towards the end of their dinner.
″Maybe you should,″ Jay grinned, being a little proud of himself and thanked his mom in silence as she had always kicked his ass to learn cooking and had kept telling him that this was the only way to really impress girls and women these days. And she'd been so damn right.
After finishing their dinner some minutes later, Jay collected their dirty plates and started to do the dishes which was quite a lot as he had used some bowls and pots to make the bolognese sauce.
″Let me give you a hand,″ Erin suggested and joined him at the sink. She felt quite bad that he now also did the dishes when he had already cooked.
″No, no, no,″ he said. ″You will go to the bathroom to take a long and hot bath and then I'll join you to give you the massage.″
″Jay, you don't have to do everything.″
″But I want to, Er,″ he said, placed his hands on her waist and looked into her tired face with worried eyes. ″These past few days were exhausting, so just relax a little, okay?″ he whispered.
″Okay,″ Erin sighed. She was more exhausted than she wanted to admit and she didn't want to see him being so worried about her well-being, so his idea with taking a hot bath wasn't too bad.
″Thank you,″ he said and smiled faintly before crashing her lips with a soft kiss.
Erin went to the bathroom and filled the bathtub with hot water and also filled some bath foam in it. It only took some seconds and the air of the bathroom was filled with the sweet scent of tropical fruits. She stripped her clothes and tossed them into the laundry bin and then laid down in the steamy water, feeling her body relax instantly.
When Jay entered the bathroom ten minutes later she seemed to doze. He sat down on the edge of the tub and brushed some strands out of her face and her eyes fluttered open, a smile surrounding her lips immediately.
″Is it good?″ he asked, stroking her cheek with his thumb and then leaned down to kiss her forehead.
″So damn good, you can't imagine,″ she chuckled. ″Wanna join me?″
″Naah, this bathtub is too small for the both of us. But we can take a bath together the next time when we're in Wisconsin,″ he said and raised his eyebrow, a naughty grin appearing on his lips.
″Sounds like a plan,″ she smirked and closed her eyes again to enjoy some more minutes in the warm water.
Jay stayed with her and then made sure that she didn't slip when she got out of the bathtub. She dried herself off, covered her wet hair in a turban she formed out of her towel, slipped into some panties, sweatpants and a wide shirt.
″So you still wanna have that massage, right?″ Jay asked, watching her how she put on some cozy socks.
″Hell yes,″ she answered and sat down on the toilet lit and stripped her shirt again, basically telling him that she was ready.
He covered his palms with her new almond oil and started with massaging her uptight shoulders and then moved down further, putting some more almond oil on her back in between, until he was at her lower back which was the part of her body that ached most at the moment.
″Oh damn, this is great,″ she moaned as he massaged circles onto her skin with his thumbs with quite some pressure that helped her uptight muscles to relax.
″So does it help?″ he asked, being a little proud.
″Definitely. Can you please never stop?″ she chuckled.
″Can't promise that but let's try,″ he laughed and kept on massaging her lower back until his thumbs started to ache and he had to stop.
″Sorry babe but that's it for today. In case my thumbs recover until tomorrow we can repeat this,″ he whispered into her ear from behind.
″Thank you,″ she said and turned around to him, intertwined her hands behind his neck as he was still kneeling on the floor, and placed a grateful kiss on his lips. ″This was the best massage ever and I can't wait for the next one.″
XxXxXxXxXxXxX
Jay had his feet propped up on the coffee table when they were sitting on the couch later that evening. As always when they watched TV, Jay had his arm wrapped around Erin's shoulder and she was curled into his side, her head resting on his chest. He softly tickled up and down her arm, inhaled the sweet, tropical scent of her bath foam and had to grin when he looked down into her face. Shortly after they have taken their usual spots on the couch she had fallen asleep and she hasn't waked up within the last two hours. She really needed a good sleep so Jay has covered her with a blanket and let her sleep on his side because he didn't want her to wake up by carrying her to the bedroom. She still didn't sleep too well during the night, got either kicked all the time or had to pee every hour, so he wanted to give her all the sleep as long as she was able to sleep, especially after these exhausting and stressful days.
Jay kept on watching TV for a little while longer, listened to her steady breathing, when suddenly Erin jerked awake and gasped for air.
″Ouch,″ she moaned and grimaced in pain while her hand went to the upper part of her belly.
″What's wrong?″ Jay asked immediately, his voice filled with panic. He felt how his heart started to race in his chest by the inevitable thought that all the stress of the last days has maybe caused preterm labor. 14 weeks early.
″This was a targeted kick directly into my ribs,″ she said and inhaled deeply and Jay felt all the stress falling from his body instantly.
″This really hurts,″ she complained, still rubbing the aching part of her body.
″I'm sorry,″ Jay said and placed a kiss on her temple. ″Does it get better?″
″Yeah, a little. But guess what, someone is hella awake now,″ she yawned. ″She's a little devil and can't let me sleep for even one minute.″
″Er, you just slept for two-and-a-half hours,″ Jay chuckled.
″Did I?″ she frowned and not only looked completely surprised but also sounded surprised.
″Yep,″ he nodded. ″She's not a devil because she knew you needed a good sleep and therefore let you sleep,″ he winked while his hand found its well-known spot on her stomach.
″Well then I take it back...for now,″ she grinned and snuggled deeper into his embrace again to watch TV for another thirty minutes before they headed for their bedroom.
″Happy one-year-anniversary,″ he mumbled into her hair after midnight and also placed a soft kiss on the top of her head. At this point Erin was already asleep again but Jay couldn't sleep yet. His thoughts too much revolved around this past year, the year that has been the happiest and best of his life yet. He thought back to that day one year ago, to the case where Ruzek had almost lost his badge, and to making coffee in the break room when she had joined him and had casually asked him for a couch guy, had then just playfully raised her eyebrow when he had asked her about what was in there for him which was enough for him to fall for her charms and tell her she could count on him. He had to grin when he remembered how they had talked about function and form throughout the day, how they had flirted when he had suggested to simply test-drive the couch which she had answered with yet another of her famous eyebrow-raises and had then joked that she was hoping they were talking about the same thing. And his grin even grew as he thought back to the evening of that day when his joke about test-driving the couch became real...
″I think you actually got both.″
″Function and form?″
″Like me. I have some rugged good looks plus some razor sharp mind. It's rare but when it comes together...″ Jay said and before he was able to finish Erin leaned in and placed a short kiss on his lips but the taste of her lips and the feeling of her lips on his again, was enough to bring all the memories back. Memories of all the kisses they had shared before, memories of her severing all ties with him, memories of her risking her life to save his, memories of the moment of relieve when he had seen her standing in that villa, realizing that she had kept her promise to always have his back no matter how deep inside that rabbit hole she's been, knowing that she would save him no matter what.
He would have lied if he said he hasn't seen this coming as all the spark and all the flirt has definitely made a comeback within the last few weeks. But yet he was still surprised by this situation and for a short moment he didn't know what to think about this unexpected kiss, wasn't sure what she wanted. Did she just want to have some fun and more or less play with him? And did she want him to forget all the things that happened in between ending their affair and this little kiss now? And what had he actually expected to happen this evening? Did he come here for the fun? Because he has hoped that something like this would happen? And was he able to forget how she'd hurt him with the way she dealt with everything after Nadia's death? He wasn't even sure what he really wanted.
″This was for never giving up on me,″ she said and her thankful eyes looked directly into his.
Jay knew that after Nadia's death she hadn't been herself, had been a person who was drowning in guilt and grief but as he now looked into her perfect face, the littlest of smiles surrounding her lips, dimples forming in the corners of her mouth and smelled the sweet scent of her perfume, he realized that this was the woman he has fallen in love with two years ago already. Realized that she was what he wanted. He wanted to taste her lips again, wanted to touch her skin again, wanted to be with her again because his heart already pounded in chest only from looking at her, from the way she looked at him. Regardless all the things that happened, he wanted her. More than anything else.
He came closer to her face, placed his hand on her neck so his thumb could stroke her jaw and leaned in to return her kiss in the softest way possible, the feeling of his lips meeting hers sending chills down his spine.
″What was that for?″ she asked him after their kiss and her smile grew wider.
″It's 'cause I wanted to kiss you,″ he answered softly but yet all serious.
She looked at him with angel-eyes, her face only cenitmeters away from his, this soft, angelic smile still on her lips as they both leaned in and melted their lips in another soft kiss. As this soft kiss turned into a passionate one that showed all the feelings they had for each other. As he placed his hands on her waist and took her into his lap. As she cradled his head with her hands while their tongues caressed each other. As he then turned them around and softly pushed her into the cushions of her new couch. As a little later the heat went through them when they reunited their bodies and souls by making love. As they then lay in her bed long after midnight, all snuggled up to each other, so they could wake up together on the following morning. Stay the night, this has always been the most important request for Erin, so of course Jay stayed the night. He would much more stay forever.
It's the way she fills my senses
It's the perfume that she wears
I feel I'm losing my defences
To the color of her hair
And every little piece of her is right
Just thinking about her
Takes me through the night
Every time we meet
The picture is complete
Every time we touch
This feeling is too much
She's all I ever need
To fall in love again
I knew it from the very start
She's the puzzle of my heart
XxXxXxXxXxXxX
Erin woke up in the middle of the night because she had to go to the toilet just like she had to every night at the moment. She unwrapped herself from the blanket and shuffled to the bathroom, came back to the bedroom some minutes later and lay down again. But also just like every night, her baby girl once again tried to improve her soccer skills and kicked her all the time. Erin suppressed a long sigh as she turned to her back and stared to the ceiling and listened to Jay's quiet, familar snoring right next to her. Some weeks ago, when he had been at the hospital, she had realized how used she was to him lying next to her, to hear him breathing, to feel his closeness, to see him sleeping peacefully and how weird it had felt when his side of the bed was all empty and cold and she had to sleep alone. How something that had been quite unimaginable for her one year ago, overcoming all her issues, falling for him completely and spending every night with him, has become something so normal, something she didn't want to miss anymore.
One year. It was unreal and she couldn't believe that it's already been a year since her life changed for the better. That Jay has in fact become her life within the past 366 days. That she would feel this deep, endless love for him one day and that she didn't want to be without him ever again was something she hadn't expected when she had asked him for being her couch guy exactly one year ago. In first place she had asked him because she wanted to spend time with him, because he had the unique ability to make her feel so damn good, lighthearted, she could laugh with him, joke with him. And yeah, also flirt with him. And maybe she had asked him because she had hoped deep down inside that they could go back to be more than just partners...
″I think you actually got both.″
″Function and form?″
″Like me. I have some rugged good looks plus some razor sharp mind. It's rare but when it comes together...″ While he said these words she looked at him and had to grin. He was so serious about this but as if he had to convince her from his rugged good looks and his other qualities. She knew. And she also knew, no matter how serious he was about this now, he was just joking, flirting like they have done so often in the last weeks.
When she had asked him to help her with the couch, it had also been her intention to say thank you that he had never given up on her when he has had every reason to. Say thank you for somehow saving her, for bringing her back to where she belonged, for always believing in her. But now she didn't really know how to start this conversation as it was quite hard for her to talk about all of this, to kinda relive things she was anything but proud of.
Out of an impulse and without thinking about it any further, maybe attracted by his piercing blue eyes and encouraged by the fact how much they have flirted with each other throughout the last weeks and also throughout the day, she leaned in and placed a short kiss on his lips.
″This was for never giving up on me,″ she said as he just looked at her without saying anything and she locked eyes with him and tried to interpret the glance in his eyes. Surprised but yet there was something else and she knew there were some things going on in his head right now. Maybe she's gone too far, maybe he was overstrained with this sudden and unexpected way of showing her gratitude, of showing him how much he meant to her and how thankful she was to still have him in her life, of kinda showing him her feelings.
But then Jay came closer to her face, still looking directly into her eyes, brought his hand up to her face and only this soft touch was already enough to send chills down Erin's spine. Within the next second he leaned in and kissed her lips. It was the softest kiss they have shared yet, almost shy as if he asked her lips for permission. Feeling his lips melting with hers again made Erin's heart fluttering in her chest while she tried to figure out why he has also kissed her. Her kiss had been her way of saying thank you, but what was this?
″What was that for?″ Erin asked after the kiss but she couldn't hide her smile.
″It's 'cause I wanted to kiss you,″ Jay answered and his words made her heart fluttering even more. He wanted what she wanted.
Once again she looked into his eyes that always attracted her so much, even saw the littlest of smiles forming in the corners of his mouth and she knew the one moment was only seconds away. The moment where they would show each other how they felt, how much they meant to each other, how all the deep feelings have never gone but were still the same. The moment where no more words were needed.
For the third time this evening their lips met for a soft kiss which then turned into a more intense one where also their tongues met for the first time in what felt like forever. What started with his hands on her waist and her hands cradling his neck also turned in more intense touches once they lay down on the couch, canoodling like two teenagers who are a little out of control, experiencing all their feelings for the first time, and then completely went out of control when they started to undress each other in between little giggles and soft smiles, but still in a slow pace, always giving the other time to decide whether this was okay for them. But of course it was. In fact, it was more than just okay. It was the beginning of what they've both always wanted...
It's the way he's always smiling
That makes me think he never cries
I feel I'm losing my defences
Through the color of his eyes
Like a miracle he's meant to be
He became the light inside of me
And I can feel him like a memory
From long...ago
Every time we meet
The picture is complete
Every time we touch
This feeling is too much
He's all I ever need
To fall in love again
I knew it from the very start
He's the puzzle of my heart
XxXxXxXxXxXxX
On the following morning, Erin woke up before their alarm was ringing, thanks to her baby girl who once again kicked her awake. She turned from her side to her back and a wide smile spread over her face when she saw in the corner of her eyes how Jay was staring at her with a fond smile on his face and literally heart-eyes. This was one of the best feelings in the world, looking at him only to realize that he was already staring at her.
″Good morning,″ he grinned.
″Good morning,″ she also said and stretched her body. ″Back at being the all creepy starer?″ she then chuckled and turned to her side so she could face him.
″Totally,″ he grinned and nodded. ″You know what happened a year ago today?″ His grin even grew wider by this question.
″One year ago today? Let me think a minute,″ she chuckled.
″I give you some seconds, max,″ he joked, knowing exactly that she was just teasing him.
″I think one year ago I bought the couch that changed my life...twice,″ she laughed and slightly shook her head.
″Mhm,″ Jay nodded, the cutest little smirk on his lips. He brushed some strands out of her face and stroked her cheek with his thumb before he continued speaking, his voice being all serious this time.
″You know, every morning when I wake up and look at you I ask myself how I got to be so lucky to have you in my life and then I realize that I must be the luckiest man on this planet because I found a real diamond. The most precious, beautiful, perfect, sparkling, uncut diamond in the world. Thank you for the best 366 days in my life so far,″ he said and kissed her lips that seemed to be a bit speechless. ″I can't wait for the next ten thousands of days with you. And thank you for this. I know what you sacrifice at the moment,″ he murmured and placed his hand on the side of her stomach as they both gazed down to her bump.
″I have to thank you, Jay″ she said with a raspy voice and cleared her throat. ″For one year already, every day when I look at you I ask myself how I even deserve someone like you. You are the most caring, understanding, loving and protective man I know and you have the unique ability to make me feel so damn special. You know that having a baby was never on my agenda but if there is one person on this planet I want to have a family with, it's you. It's always been you. I know this might sound a bit corny now, but...you are my light in the darkness...you really are Jay. So thank you for always being there for me, for believing in me, for understanding me, for accepting me,″ she said, ran her hand through his hair and then brought her face closer to his to kiss his lips, that were also a little speechless now.
Jay was sure that they could easily use exactly these words for their wedding vows one day but yet it was only what they wanted to tell each other after being together for one year already and it just showed how deep this connection, how unconditional this love was between them.
″I love you,″ he whispered and kissed her again.
″And I love you,″ she smiled after their kiss.
″It was a crazy year that went by crazy fast, don't you think?″
″Mhm,″ she nodded. ″And it's going to be a lot crazier once this little lady is here.″
″It is,″ he agreed and pulled her closer to his body to enjoy half an hour of early morning cuddles and dozing in each other's arms.
Throughout the day it became clear that Jay's wish of not getting a new case got fullfilled and they all just finished some old paperwork Erin has refused to do for her lazy colleagues and when everyone was finished by the late afternoon, Hank sent them all home early.
So in the evening Jay took Erin out for a romantic candlelight dinner at the restaurant in downtown where Erin had opened up to him for the first time years ago. Where the words 'maybe one day' had come from her lips, which he had answered with 'oh definitely'. It was one of the conversations Jay was sure he would never forget. And now, almost three years later, they celebrated in the exact same place that their one day had happened 366 days ago.
They enjoyed a beautiful, easy-going evening with lots of laughters, giggles and sparkling eyes. It was nothing spectecular, was most likely not even as spectecular as their 6-month-celebration, but it was perfect nonetheless. They had a serious relationship so this kind of evening and celebrating suited the occasion and the things that were about to come in the next few weeks and months perfectly. Things like moving in together, having a baby together and maybe even more...
Hope you liked it! Please leave a review and tell me what you think :) I go on vacation for two weeks tomorrow and as I won't take my laptop with me I will most likely not be able to update! So, see you in two weeks! :)