68. There's No Joy Without Sorrow
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68. There's No Joy Without Sorrow
Deciding which was the better honeymoon, Antigua or Wisconsin, neither Jay nor Erin could give a clear answer as they both were so differently special in their own ways. Antigua had been great because they've never been there before, because they'd been able to enjoy an incredible amount of time as just the two of them, because they'd been able to really live those honeymoon-vibes. And Wisconsin was great because it was their first family vacation, because this cabin was home, because they could revel in rare and precious family time like never before, no interruptions by Jay being called to a crime scene during the night or over the weekend, no night shifts and overtime, no bullpen ruling their lives.
They enjoyed every single second of being at this charming place in the wilderness of Northern Wisconsin and while their nights were filled with naked midnight swims in the lake under the full moon while Emmy was sleeping peacefully in the cabin, their days were filled with hikes around the lake, Emmy resting in the baby carrier, Crispin exploring all these new places with pointed ears and alert eyes, with extensive morning cuddles in their bed in the mornings, Emmy being the center of attention, with cooking together, sitting around the campfire in the evening or relaxing in the garden throughout the day. Never has Erin thought that she needed to see Jay, shirtless Jay, pulling up weeds, but damn this was one for sore eyes with the muscles on his back and shoulders flexing with every move and she simply couldn't turn her eyes away and concentrate on the book she's been trying to read, simply giving up on it after reading the same paragraph for the tenth time without actually realizing the words that were written there. She placed the book aside and just watched him for a while, more like stared at him, licking her lips occasionally because holy hotness, this man in farmer-mode was sexier than she ever could've imagined.
″What is that?″ Erin asked Jay in the early afternoon of Friday, their third day, eyeing the item he was carrying in his hand as he approached her, Emmy and Crispin at the lake. He'd gone to the next bigger supermarket earlier so they had enough vegetables and fruits, food and beverages until they would leave on Tuesday, and had only returned recently.
″That's a swimming ring,″ he said proudly, sat down next to them and started to unwrap the foil, revealing a swimming ring for babies and toddlers. A swimming ring in form of a white unicorn with rainbow-colored mane and tail to be precise. Of course Jay Halstead would buy his daughter a unicorn swimming ring instead of simply going for a duck or the normal, not so fancy yellow baby float.
″Please tell me you didn't just jump on the unicorn-train and buy our daughter a unicorn swimming ring,″ she giggled and rolled her eyes dramatically.
″They were almost sold out. Got the last one literally a second before someone else could snatch it,″ he winked, starting to blow air into it.
″I'm pretty sure there were other ones,″ she teased him.
″There were,″ he confirmed, filling his lungs with air again. ″But the princess deserves a unicorn,″ he smiled before he concentrated on Emilia's newest toy again.
Once it was filled with air, he picked Emmy up from the spot where she's occupied herself with some wooden bricks for the last couple of minutes and padded towards the water with her and after she'd adapted to the water, he settled her in the swimming ring so she could float on the water.
″How's that, bug?″ he asked, her bright smile and baby babbling giving him the answer after she'd first eyed the thing skeptically. ″It's great, isn't it? I think mommy's jealous because she didn't get a unicorn from daddy,″ he chuckled and as if Emmy wanted to agree, she giggled as well.
″Guys, say cheese,″ Erin called and took a couple of photos of them before she threw her phone on the blankets, took Crispin's ball and joined them in the water, the dog jumping up as well and going for his seventh or so swim today.
″Look Emmy, mommy and Crisp are coming,″ Jay said and pressed a kiss against her head that was covered with a sunhat to protect her from the hot summer sun.
″Hey little lady,″ Erin said as soon as she reached them. ″How's that unicorn treating you, huh?″
″Say great, Emmy,″ Jay chuckled. ″Say it's so much greater than some duck.″
″You wish she'd say that,″ Erin laughed, raising her eyebrow at her most lovable dork. ″But I have to admit it seems like it's kind of a big hit,″ she grinned, watching her daughter completely enjoy this, her little hands trailing along the ring and the neck of the unicorn.
″Told you our princess needs a unicorn,″ Jay shrugged in response, a smug smile covering his face.
″Yeah, you're our hero,″ she laughed but her eyes and her voice signalised him that this wasn't just a tease, a joke, but that she really meant it with all her heart.
They stayed in the water for as long as they could, giving the unicorn soft pushes from time to time so it floated a bit more, Crispin swimming around them, always chasing after the ball they threw. Their four-legged kiddo got tired first and they soon joined him on the blankets as well, wrapping Emmy into her towel with the hood that made her look like the cutest dwarf.
The evening approached quickly and dark, dangerous clouds gathering out of nowhere were the signifier of a typical Wisconsin summer thunderstorm and the first raindrops started to wet the world around them while Jay was preparing pasta for dinner and Erin was upstairs to bathe Emmy and make her ready for the night.
The cabin provided them coziness while lightnings and thunder and pouring rain took over, Erin setting the table and Jay adding some last herbs to his fresh tomato sauce, when Erin's ecstatic voice suddenly drowned the rain that drummed on the roof and patio.
″Oh my God, Jay, she's crawling,″ she called, her voice a mixture of freaking out and being over the moon all at once and Jay turned the heat of the stove down instantly to not miss a second of this milestone. He joined Erin and his eyes fell on Emilia, who'd left her mat in front of the large windows and was on her hands and knees, still quite unsteady, following Crispin slowly, intently.
″She's crawling,″ Jay echoed stunned and pressed a kiss against Erin's temple before they both bent down on their knees to encourage Emmy to crawl to them.
″Come here Emmy, come to mommy and daddy,″ Jay said excitedly, his hands reaching out for her.
″Come on baby girl, you can do it,″ Erin encouraged her equally excited.
″You're the champ, princess, hands and then knees, keep it going,″ he cheered like he usually only did when the Cubs were in for a homerun.
″You're almost here, sweetie!″
″Here she comes, Emilia Camille Halstead, she's in front. Can she make it to the finish line?″ he asked, imitating a typical sports commentator in his own goofy Jay-style. ″ Yes she can, yes she can,″ he rejoiced and picked her up into his arms to swirl her through the air once she was close enough. ″Emmy's the champion!″ he laughed, bringing her down to kiss her cheek before lifting her up again.
″I guess we can already install those baby safety gates upstairs and downstairs before we move into the house so our little adventurer doesn't get herself into danger,″ Erin grinned, watching Jay and Emmy in awe. This was something she would never get enough of and she could watch these two and their special bond all day long.
″Now the fun really starts,″ Jay laughed heartily, knowing that their bubbly girl would now start to explore everything she could on her own.
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Fortunately the rain only stayed overnight and they woke up to blue skies and sun again on Saturday. They went for their usual morning cuddles with Emmy, followed by eating blueberry pancakes on the patio. As most of the paths in the area were still slippery and muddy from the storm last night, they decided to stay at the cabin to spend another day by the lake and in the garden, playing with Emilia and Crispin and watching their little one crawl. Now that she had the hang of it there was no holding back.
Sunday followed quickly, their honeymoon and first family vacation nearing its end rapidly, and in the early afternoon Michael and Susan came over for a barbeque. Jay's aunt and uncle had told them at the wedding that they would directly travel up to the cabin and spend three weeks at their summer retreat. Needless to say that Michael and Susan had been ecstatic when Erin and Jay'd told them that they would spend one week of their honeymoon at the Halstead family cabin and Erin had immediately suggested that they should come over for a barbeque so they could finally share stories again and spend quality time with two people that really meant a lot to them.
″There they come,″ Erin said when she heard a car interrupting the peaceful silence and she turned her head around to the driveway where Michael in this moment parked their pick-up.
″Finally, I'm already hungry only thinking about all the things we'll eat tonight,″ Jay chuckled. ″So the sooner we start fishing the better.″
″Is there even anything else you think about other than constantly thinking about food?″ Erin laughed and got up from the sun bed where she'd relaxed for the last hour.
″Yeah, you,″ he winked, smiling fondly, getting up from his sun bed as well and pressing a kiss against her cheek.
″Erin, Jay,″ Susan waved from the car and as soon as they'd made their way through the frontyard and into the big garden, they were pulled into hugs.
″You look incredible, Erin,″ Susan smiled, stroking over her cheek shortly. In earlier days, Erin would've flinched by a gesture like this but these times were long over. Susan was family and Erin was beyond happy to have this amazing woman in her life. She was that kind of mama-bear and in some ways she reminded her of Camille. ″The married life really lets you glow.″
″Guess it does,″ Erin smiled back brightly.
″Ey, what about me?″ Jay asked in mock offence.
″Oh Jay, I can't even look at you because you glow as much that it hurts my eyes,″ Susan laughed and pulled her nephew into a hug, Michael hugging Erin meanwhile.
″That's what I wanted to hear,″ he smirked.
″That beard suits you,″ she said, eyeing the stubbles he hasn't shaved in more than two weeks now.
″Yeah, right?″ Erin grinned, stroking over his cheek lovingly. ″It makes me sad to think that he has to shave on Wednesday when he goes back to work.″
″Maybe I'll keep it,″ Jay shrugged but he also knew that he would most probably go back to his usual, shorter stubbles. ″But come on, the patio is waiting.″
″Where's Emmy?″ Susan asked when they made their way through the garden.
″Taking her nap upstairs. She crawled around a lot this morning and we went swimming in the lake, so she was out pretty early today, right after lunch, and will most likely sleep another hour,″ Erin told her, remembering how Emmy had struggled to keep her eyes open when Jay'd fed her the pulp around 12.30.
″She's crawling already?″ Susan asked excitedly and so Erin and Jay started to tell them about how Emilia had reached this milestone two days ago, showing them a couple of videos as well, proving the the typical pround-parents-cliche right.
They didn't stay on the patio altogether for too long since Jay and Michael wanted to go fishing so they could have grilled salmon for dinner, of course using the recipe of Jay's grandfather as this had been his famous dish. Erin and Susan stayed outside for a little longer before they went inside to start preparing the roast potatoes with rosemary, the dip with cucumber, garlic and chives, the green aspargus and the fruit salad with dark and white chocolate mousse for dessert.
″In case Michael and Jay don't fish anything today we'll at least not starve,″ Erin noticed laughingly when she eyed the mountains of vegetables and fruits that needed to be cut, peeled, washed and cooked.
″These two won't come back without anything, believe me,″ Susan laughed. ″Too ambitious and too stubborn to come back empty-handed.″
″So dinner at midnight is a possibility today?″ Erin joked.
″I would say so,″ Susan winked at her.
Erin was peeling the potatoes, Susan the aspargus, when Emilia's whining resounded from the baby monitor that was placed on the dining table.
″I guess someone just woke up,″ Erin grinned and went upstairs to pick her up. As soon as Emmy saw her mother, the crying relapsed and her usual smiley face took over.
″Did you have a good sleep?″ she soothed, stroking over her hair and pressing a light kiss on her forehead. ″You thristy, sleepyhead?″ she asked and reached for the bottle with cold fennel tea on the dresser.
″Here you go.″ She held the bottle for her, Emmy as always trying to hold it on her own and taking a few sips.
″All good?″ Erin asked, offering her the bottle again but as she didn't want it, they made their way back downstairs.
″Look who's here,″ she said as soon as she could see Susan in the kitchen and pointed to her.
″Hey Emmy, hey beautiful girl,″ Susan waved, drying her hands with a towel.
″You remember her?″ Erin asked, looking at her daughter. ″It's Susan, you sat in her lap during mommy's and daddy's wedding. She's your grandmother,″ she smiled at Emmy and when she lifted her gaze and looked at the older woman with a sheepish smile, she saw that tears were looming in her brown eyes.
″Erin...,″ she managed to say hoarsely and Erin could tell from the emotions reflecting from her face that she was deeply touched.
″Jay is like a son for you, like a brother for Izzy and Nick. And Myles. You being Emmy's grandmother is the only thing that makes sense here,″ Erin smiled brightly.
″You have no idea how much this means to me,″ Susan smiled just as bright, wiping away the tears that threatened to fall with her hands.
″No, you have no idea how much it means to us that Emmy has a grandmother in her life,″ Erin said. Emilia would grow up knowing that she had two grandmothers in heaven. She would grow up with Hank and Robert being her grandfathers. But she would also grow up with calling these two special people her grandparents as well, because why the hell not?
″You have a golden heart,″ Susan answered and pulled her into a short embrace. ″Right, Emmy?″ she asked afterwards and took the baby from Erin.
″You should go outside with her and play with her,″ Erin suggested, motioning her head to Emilia's little playing area, that was protected by a sunshade, all her toys spread across the blanket and the grass.
″What about dinner?″ she asked.
″I'll get it handled. My skills in the kitchen have improved quite a bit since last year,″ Erin chuckled, remembering how nervous she'd been when Susan asked to help her in the kitchen back in June 2016 when she'd met Michael and her for the first time. Back then she almost hadn't been able to boil eggs. Or make popcorn in the microwave. ″You should spend some quality time with her,″ she added with a little wink.
″Alright Miss Emilia, then let's go outside,″ she told the baby, giving Erin a thankful smile back before she walked outside with her new granddaughter proudly.
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX
Even after more than an hour of fishing, the bucket where Michael and Jay wanted to put in the salmon was still all empty.
″Maybe we should try someplace else?″ Michael asked.
″Naaah,″ Jay answered and shook his head. ″That's the place where grandpa always caught something. He never came back without anything when he went to that spot and when I was with him we also waited for two hours sometimes. But in the end our patience got rewarded with the best salmon.″
″Alright, then we'll stay,″ Michael laughed.
″How great would it be if he was still with us though?″ Jay smiled, looking up to the sky for a minute. ″He would be around 90 now and even if he sat in a wheelchair or needed a rollator, he would be right here with us, holding his fishing rod and probably catching the first salmon.″
″Yeah, that would be dad,″ Michael agreed. ″He would be so happy to see you like this, Jay. Grandparents are not allowed to have a favorite grandchild but we both know you were his favorite. You and Izzy.″
″Being the nice kid and not the wild one had its benefits I guess,″ Jay smirked.
″Uh-huh,″ Michael nodded. ″You know, when you and Erin walked into our garden over a year ago I wasn't sure whether I've ever seen you happier than back then. When we celebrated your birthday last September, Erin growing your baby under her heart, I was sure I see the happiest man on this planet right in front of my eyes. But then came the wedding and I see you right now and have to admit I didn't know that one person can glow with so much happiness, especially after what you went through in the past,″ he said, his blue eyes, that were so much like Jay's, never leaving him.
″It's all Erin,″ Jay said quietly. ″And Emmy. They've changed my life. They are my life.″
″I know,″ Michael smiled faintly. ″If your mother could see you like this she would cry the happiest tears someone can cry and maybe good old Jonathan would, too.″
Jay swallowed hard by his uncle's words and took a deep breath before he spoke. ″She would. They both would,″ he agreed.
″And they would be proud of you,″ he smiled. ″Fighting for what you want, not giving up no matter how bumpy the road was,″ he said, referring to all the little stories he'd heard for the first time on the evening before the wedding when Erin and Jay had given away private details, like dating secretly behind Hank's back, during those games. ″That's how you do it, son,″ he added appreciatively, giving him a fatherly pat on the back.
″It was all worth it,″ Jay smiled back at his uncle. ″She can make me happy without doing anything.″ Before meeting Erin, he hadn't known what it was like to be able to look at someone and smile for no reason. But now he was this kind of happy that he was smiling for no reason literally all the time and it was the best goddam feeling in the world, one he never wanted to be without again.
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX
The salmons couldn't withstand the baits for too much longer and after around two hours of absolute patience, their bucket finally wasn't empty again. The second and the third one followed quickly after the first and Jay and Michael made their way back to the cabin with quite some pride. They prepared the fish and put it on the grill and together with all the sides and the desserts that followed, they later had the most delicious dinner, all of them eating too much until nothing was left anymore.
After taking a postprandial walk they made a bonfire and settled around the fireplace with a bottle of wine. Since they haven't seen each other in so long, they all had quite a lot of stories to tell and it was long after midnight when Michael and Susan left, declining the offer that they could easily stay in the guest room. In favor to avoid not seeing each other in person again for almost a year they invited them to visit them in Chicago as soon as they would live in the new house, the guest room they now had providing them a place to sleep whenever they wanted to come and Michael and Susan excitedly agreed on making the trip from New York somewhen in the fall or winter.
″I really love these two,″ Erin said as they watched the tail lights of the pick-up disappear between the woods in the distance.
″I'm so glad that they are a part of my life again,″ Jay said, smiling at her. ″Our life.″
″I wish we could meet them more often. Those family vibes...I really enjoy them.″ Standing on her tiptoes, she placed a light kiss on his lips.
″Have I told you that I love you today already?″ Jay asked quite off-topic, cupping her cheek with his hand and brushing over the soft skin with the pad of his thumb.
″Since it's after midnight, no,″ Erin chuckled, looking into her man's eyes that were as blue as the sea, that were sparkling with endless love. Every single day this man was looking at her like he's won the lottery and had the whole world in front of him. And she would never get enough of this as it was the very best feeling, as it sent the butterflies in her stomach flying every time, making her wonder whether she would ever stop feeling like a lovestruck teenager. Not that she wanted those butterflies to stop anyway. Jay's been the first and only man to bring those butterflies to life, to make them fly around in her stomach like a crazy and she wanted to feel them for the rest of her life.
″I love you,″ he whispered, pressing his lips against hers. There it was again, this feeling of a hundred butterflies taking off.
″Show me,″ she whispered back huskily and she didn't need to beg him twice. He picked her up by her thighs and carried her inside the cabin and up to the bedroom where he would worship her body, where he would show her how much he loved her, where they would make love until they both felt dizzy.
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX
As Tuesday would be used to pack and clean the cabin and could therefore not be considered a vacation day, Monday was their last vacation day for quite a while as they didn't know when they would get a week off again. Probably not before Christmas which was way too far away for both of their likings.
They used the morning for a little hiking through the woods, Jay showing Erin more places from his childhood and telling her little stories about things he, Will and their cousins had done here.
″Look, it's still there,″ he exclaimed excitedly when they approached a small creek.
″What?″ Erin frowned.
″My treehouse, over there,″ he said and pointed to the thing in a tree that didn't have much resemblance with a treehouse anymore.
″The one Will, Nick and Myles stole the ladder while you and Izzy were inside?″ she smirked.
″Who told you about that?″ he asked. He'd talked about it with Nick and Will at his birthday party last year but he couldn't remember that he'd also told Erin about it.
″Izzy,″ Erin winked. ″She told me all about how you were always the calm kid, protecting her and spending time with her while the other three were the wild kids.″
″They were insane, seriously,″ he joked, his trademark smile spreading over his face.
″You know, I think I would've been one of the wild kids as well,″ she grinned innocently.
″Doesn't surprise me a bit,″ Jay laughed, kissing the tip of her nose shortly. ″Emmy, do you want to see daddy's treehouse?″ he asked his daughter, who was in resting in the baby carrier attached around him. ″Yes you do, right?″
Erin helped him to undo the baby carrier so he could show her his old treehouse properly. She and Crispin stayed back when Jay walked around the wooden ruin up in the tree, always pointing up to something and whispering things into Emilia's ear she couldn't understand. She was curious what he told her but this was a daddy-daughter moment only between the two of them and soon enough those moments would become rare again which kind of broke her heart. This was how Jay wanted to be as a dad, having time for his daughter, being there for the milestones, showing her the world. But reality was that he had a job that reduced such moments to weekends and vacations, that only mostly allowed him to spend a couple of minutes with his daughter in the mornings and maybe two hours in the evenings, if at all. Returning home would be especially hard this time and she somehow wished that they could simply stay here and continue to live this kind of easy and perfect life until retirement.
″Oh Crisp, you'd like to stay here as well, right?″ she asked the dog and bent down on her knees to stroke him. ″We could go for swims and long walks all day and in winter you'd have the most fun in the snow, wouldn't that be awesome?″ she sighed. ″But you'll have a big garden soon, so that's also something I guess,″ she smiled because no matter how much she wanted to stay here, she couldn't wait to move into their new home either.
″Emmy told me she wants to have a treehouse,″ Jay smirked when he approached Erin and Crispin a couple minutes later.
″Did you?″ Erin baby-talked and reached for Emmy to take her from Jay's arms. ″Does daddy have to build a treehouse for you, bug?″
″Yes,″ Jay nodded. ″As soon as we're back here next spring or summer it will be my main project to build the best treehouse ever.″ Next spring or summer. It sounded like a lifetime away. Emilia would be almost one-and-a-half then.
″Won't we come back during the winter this year?″ she asked and Jay could hear the sad undertone in her voice.
″Er, we can always come back, whenever we want to put ourselves through a 6-hour car ride with that munchkin,″ he smiled reassuringly, tickling Emmy's belly with his fingers. ″But I can't build that treehouse in winter, that's why we definitely have to come back next spring or summer,″ he winked.
″To enjoy a couple of days of undisturbed family time I'd put myself through the worst car ride,″ she smiled. ″So I really like the thought of the three of us having red noses and cheeks and warming ourselves up in front of the fireplace inside the cabin after building a dozen snowmen outside.″
Those vivid pictures of the three of them enjoying perfect winter days up here let his smile grow bright. ″Me too,″ he said and wrapped his arm around her shoulder so he could pull her closer and kiss her temple.
Their hiking adventure through the woods continued until the early afternoon and they returned to the cabin just in time to tuck Emmy in for her nap and while their little one dreamed the sweetest dreams, they used the time to relax by the lake and catch up on the sleep they'd lost due to their late night acitivities last night. Once Emmy was up again they went for more swims, including Crispin and the unicorn, played with her on the blankets in the shade of a big tree, especially Jay making nonsense with her as always, and later first bathed Emmy and then Crispin, who was anything but excited about this, before they had one last dinner on the patio for this summer. This summer that was their first as a family of three. Or four, considering that Crispin was a part of their family as well.
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX
It started as a dull pain in her stomach somewhen after dinner and before they went to bed but she didn't give it much thought in the beginning. She'd once again eaten way too much during dinner and maybe her stomach wanted to tell her that it was about time to eat normal again and stop overfilling it with all the delicious food. Unfortunately the pain didn't go away until they went to bed and instead even increased in its intensity, especially around her navel.
Hitting the cushions, she fell asleep rather quickly anyway, lying down helping her to feel a tad bit better, but she woke up again only three hours later due to the pain having reached a higher level and a wave of nausea overcame her that caused her to jump out of the bed and making her way to the bathroom as fast as she could in her current condition.
″Erin?″ Jay mumbled subsconciously by the sounds he heard from the bathroom and no later than when his ears figured out that someone was throwing up, he was broad awake.
He untangled himself from the sheets quickly and walked to the bathroom, the door wide open, his heart picking up its pace when he found his wife literally embracing the toilet bowl and emptying the contents of her stomach into it.
″Babe, hey,″ he said and rushed to her side, holding her hair back and handing her some toilet paper when she was done.
″Thanks,″ she managed to say weakly.
″What happened?″ he asked, massaging her neck softly. She was as white as a ghost, maybe even green-ish – he couldn't tell in the light of the bathroom – and cold sweat covered her forehead, her eyes fever-bright. Her whole appearance worried him deeply in fact.
″I guess I caught a stomach bug,″ she shrugged, adding sadly: ″Nice way to end our honeymoon.″
″Hey, that doesn't matter right now,″ he said, kissing the top of her head. ″Let's get you back to bed and I'll make you a camomile tea.″
″Okay,″ she nodded. Jay helped her to get up and once she stood upright, she immediately almost doubled over, holding her stomach, and winced quietly.
″Erin,″ Jay exclaimed, his voice filled with pure concern. ″What's going on?″
″There's this pain in my stomach, I don't know. It's quite bad right now,″ she breathed out and it was not only her face that told him enough but also her admitting that she was in pain and that it was bad.
″I'll look for some Tylenol as well,″ he said, his eyes never leaving her face as he spoke. ″Come on, it'll maybe get better when you lie down.″ He guided her back to the bed slowly but by the way her body instantly hunched into fetal position he could tell that lying down wasn't better at all and that she was still very much in pain.
″On a scale from one to ten, how bad is the pain?″ he asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed, his thumb stroking over her face.
″A six or seven maybe,″ she answered and closed her eyes. She'd thought after throwing up the pain would decrease as some of the pressure was gone but instead she felt even worse now, the pain being more uncomfortable.
″Maybe it's better I take you to the next doctor,″ Jay said meaningfully.
″In the middle of the night?″ she asked and opened her eyes to look at him. ″It's just a stomach bug, babe. It'll probably get worse before it gets better.″
″Okay,″ he sighed and got up. ″I'll be back in a minute.″
He went downstairs to heat up water and make her a camomile tea that should help her stomach to settle and coming back to the bedroom, he found it all empty, a familiar noise coming from the bathroom across the hall. He put the mug down on the bedside table and rushed back to the bathroom to be by her side and she looked even worse this time, hunched with pain while crouching over the bowl.
Once again he bent down next to her to tie her hair into some kind of ponytail and stroke over her back soothingly. She continued to throw up until she was only dry-heaving and signalised him that she wanted to get up. He helped her to clear her mouth at the vanity, took some Tylenol from the cabinet and made sure she got back to bed safely. For a moment he had the feeling she would faint any second due to the pain she was obviously in combined with the exhaustion and he was more than glad when he tucked her in.
″Here,″ he said and handed her some of the Tylenol and the mug with tea. She swallowed it down and took a couple of sips and for a second it looked like it would all come right back up again but for now she managed to keep it down.
″Try to rest, okay?″ he said softly and leaned down to kiss her forehead. ″Maybe you can catch some sleep and everything will get better.″
It was an optimistic statement and the night turned out to be a sleepless one for both of them. Erin threw up multiple more times, mostly only dry-heaving by now as there was nothing left in her stomach, and he could tell by the way she grimaced that the pain didn't get any better, that the Tylenol didn't help in the way it should. He was already contemplating to take her to the doctor first thing in the morning when she finally fell asleep just around the time the sun started to rise. He went to the bathroom to take a cold shower and then went to the nursery to turn the baby monitor off so Erin wouldn't wake up as soon as Emmy's night was over. Settling in the armchair, his eyes fell shut within seconds. However, his slumber didn't last long as unsatisfied baby whimper interrupted it rather quick.
″Sssshh, Emmy,″ he soothed when he scooped her up into his arms. ″Mommy is sick and we don't want her to wake up, okay?″
As always, her mood turned into happy as soon as her father was giving her all the attention and he changed her diaper, put her a new onesie on as well as a pair of light leggins so she wouldn't hurt her knees now that she was crawling and then went downstairs to prepare the bottle with formula and let the dog outside.
″Satisfied now?″ he grinned at her once the bottle was empty.
″Alright bug, I'll leave you and Crispin here for a minute and check on mommy,″ he said and settled her on her playmat in front of the windows inside the cabin. ″Don't get up to nonsense you two, okay?″ he smiled, kissed Emilia's head and gave Crispin a pat.
Erin was smiling faintly at him when he stepped into the bedroom and maybe it was the light but he thought she was looking a little better than last night. Still way too pale and weak but not as much in pain anymore.
″Hey,″ she said, her voice raspier than usual from all the throwing up.
″Hey,″ he smiled and sat down on the edge of the bed. ″How are you feeling?″
″Not too bad.″
″What about the pain?″
″It's dull now. Maybe a two or three. It's getting better, so that's something,″ she said, trying to give him an assuring smile but it never reached her eyes.
″Yeah,″ he sighed. He still didn't know whether he should simply drag her to the doctor so they were sure it wasn't anything else than a stomach bug, the fact that she was still in pain making him uneasy.
″Is Emmy alright?″ she asked and now her face was worried.
″She's fine. She's downstairs with Crisp.″
″Keep her out of my way today. I don't want to contaminate her with that virus.″
″Sure,″ Jay answered, stroking over her cheek that was still too warm for his liking. ″I'll bring you another tea. You want some saltines to eat?″
″No, I'm absolutely not hungry and I'll be happy when I'm able to keep the tea down,″ she grimaced, before adding quietly, almost teary: ″I'm sorry.″
″What for?″ he frowned.
″That our last vacation day is like this and you have to pack and clean all alone now and take care of me and Emmy. That's not how it was supposed to be,″ she explained, tears looming in her eyes.
He leaned down to place a kiss on her cheek, whispering into her ear: ″Babe you're sick. There's nothing to be sorry for.″
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX
The pain came back to full force in the afternoon, just not around her navel this time but in her lower right abdomen and all the tea she's drunken over the last couple of hours found its way into the toilet bowl through her mouth. Jay heard the sounds from downstairs where he was cleaning the kitchen and sprinted up to the bathroom instantly, the picture his eyes found scarily reminding him of last night when she'd felt worst. He didn't even have to ask her whether she was in pain, her face told him that she was anything but alright and painfree.
″How bad?″ he asked when he helped her up.
″Like last night probably,″ she answered through gritted teeth, not being able to stand upright.
″I finish packing our bags right now and then we'll leave for the doctor. And maybe he clears you and we can drive home or he admits you to the next hospital.″
″Hospital?″ Erin echoed, making clear that she thought he was completely overreacting. ″It's just a damn virus and the pain and throwing up was for sure caused by the tea because my stomach is super sensitive right now.″
″Er, you can't keep simple tea down,″ Jay noticed, his voice rising a bit. ″That's definitely not how it should be and can cause dehydration.″
″You usually can't keep anything down when you have a fucking stomach bug,″ she snapped, squeezing her eyes shut when the pain obviously increased again.
Jay tried not to roll her eyes at her and snap back at his wife who was once again too stubborn for her own good. As a fight was the last thing they needed and he wanted and in favor to restore the peace, he gave in. For now. ″Er, I'm just worried about you, okay?″ he asked softly.
″I know,″ she nodded conciliatory.
″Promise me you'll tell when it gets worse?″
″I promise,″ she said without hesitation.
″Okay, then let's get you back to bed.″ He wrapped his arm protectively around her and guided her back to the bed, giving her a little more Tylenol that would hopefully help like it had last night when she'd somewhen been able to sleep.
Over the next hours, he kept on preparing their departure, packing all their bags and loading everything into the car and taking care of Emmy at the same time. Erin threw up once more and asking her about the pain she said that it was still the same, the Tylenol not doing the greatest of jobs. She mentioned that it was a good sign that it didn't get worse but he couldn't really agree on that because for him it was a bad sign that it still didn't get better.
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX
By the time they left the cabin in the early evening, just after Jay'd given Emmy her bottle for the night so she would hopefully fall asleep within the first hour of their drive, Erin's pain was back down to a four or five which relaxed Jay at least a bit.
″You comfortable like this?″ he asked after arranging a small pillow behind her head and giving her another one she could place wherever she needed it.
″Yeah,″ she thankfully smiled at him. ″You're the best.″
″Trying,″ he winked and leaned down to kiss her forehead. He handed her a blanket as she was slightly feeling cold, regardless the heat outside and although her eyes were still fever-bright – just another sign that she was super sick – and gave her a plastic bag in case her stomach turned once more and he couldn't stop on the breakdown lane fast enough.
″I'll miss this place,″ she sighed when Jay put the car into drive.
″We'll be back in winter, I promise,″ he said, squeezing her thigh gently and pulled out from the driveway.
″I can't wait,″ she smiled at him but it was far from her famous dimpled smile that could cure the world from all the bad things.
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX
After two hours of driving and still four ahead, the pain in her abdomen started to increase again, reaching the level from earlier that day, and one hour later sitting more or less upright's become a torture. She tried to change her position as often as she could but none could bring any form of pain relief and she wished nothing more than to lie down but unfortunately her bed was still three hours away, maybe less as Jay was driving faster than he was allowed to. All she could do was clenching her teeth and concentrating on her breathing, that should also help to keep the feeling of nausea far away, and she tried her best not to think about the amount of pain that she was in. Somewhen it had to get better and she's been fighting this virus for almost 24 hours now, so chances were good that it would simply stop at some point.
Jay constantly asked her how she was doing and as she'd promised to tell him when the pain got worse, she told him that it was back to a 7 but that he shouldn't worry because she could handle it and she was fine. There it was again, his favorite word: fine. He'd really thought they were past this point where she told him she was fine even though she wasn't. Not at all in this case, hunching with pain in her seat from time to time, breathing heavier than usual, her face still absolutely pale.
″Erin, you're not fine,″ Jay argued when she was more or less doubling over once more.
″It's not that bad, seriously,″ she breathed out. ″I just wish I could lie down. This whole sitting all the time isn't the most convenient thing.″
″How bad is it, Er?″ he asked, his voice seldomly strict, signalising her that he wanted to hear nothing but the truth.
″Probably up to an 8,″ she admitted quietly.
″So it's getting worse?″
″Uh...yeah...,″ she confirmed. ″I promise I'll go to the doctor first thing tomorrow morning in case it doesn't get better.″
Jay's eyes fell to the screen with the GPS. They were still one-and-a-half hours away from Chicago. Given the fact that the streets were empty and he was speeding quite a bit, he could make it there in an hour and fifteen minutes, maybe even less.
″Okay,″ he nodded absently and his destination wasn't their apartment anymore but rather Chicago Med. There was no way he would witness her being in pain until tomorrow morning and no matter what it was that caused Erin to look like a picture of a misery, he was almost sure it had nothing to do with a simple stomach bug and this feeling almost made his stomach turn.
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX
The shoulder of the highway substituted the toilet bowl two times in the next hour, though Erin was again only throwing up the tea and dry-heaving, before the Chicago skyline finally came into sight, the clock nearing mignight and Erin obviously doing worse by the minute. She was even slightly groaning with pain, her forehead covered in cold sweat and he wasn't sure how much of the things happening around her she still realized. That was the point when he told the hands-free device of their car to call Will as he was the only person who could help him right now because he was about to freak out over her steadily worsening condition, his mind going to places it shouldn't go while he was speeding over the highway with his whole family in the car.
″Will?″ he asked as soon as he heard that his brother picked up.
″Jay?″ the older asked back, confusion in his voice. ″What's up?″
″Are you working tonight?″
″Yeah, having the graveyard shift,″ he sighed. ″You already back home? Or still on the way and bored because your wife doesn't let you drive?″ he laughed.
″Will, Erin's sick. Really sick. And I'm bringing her in. We're 15 minutes out,″ Jay said breathlessly and without beating around the bush.
″What?″ he uttered, the tease in his voice gone. ″What's wrong with her?″
″I don't know. She's been throwing up and having this pain in her stomach since last night and it got worse during the drive.″
″Alright, we'll wait for you at the ambulance bay,″ Will assured him instantly and Jay knew his brother's brain was already occupied with possible diagnoses. ″She'll be fine, Jay.″
″I hope so,″ Jay answered quietly, still not allowing his mind to further create those worst-case scenarios that were already flying around in his head.
″She will, no worries,″ Will said emphatically before he ended the call.
″Oh God,″ Erin winced, doubling over and holding her stomach and Jay's heart skipped a beat by the sound of her voice.
″We'll be at Med in less than fifteen minutes. They'll help you, babe,″ he said, his voice cracked and ever so worried.
″It hurts so much,″ she whimpered through gritted teeth.
″You just need to hold on for a couple more minutes. Please, Erin,″ he beseeched, his hand reaching for her cold one and squeezing it tightly. He knew he should've followed his intention. He knew he should've brought her to the doctor in the morning. He knew he should've left the highway to drive to the next hospital no later than when her pain had risen from 7 to 8. He knew she could be painfree now if he'd handled it all differently. He knew he could lose her because he's waited for too long. He knew he could never forgive himself then...
Sorry for ending it here but I promise I won't let you wait too long until I update again. Please leave a review and let me know what you think, your feedback really make my day better! :)