75. Chaos Theory

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75. Chaos Theory

The difference between having one kid and two? Basically there was simply one person more now. One person more that demanded their attention, that contributed to their laundry hampers filling even faster, the mess of spreaded toys being bigger and that made them feel like they had even less time for each other. Only one person more but so many, almost countless points to add to their personal chaos theory.

Even after almost two weeks of Luke living with them, they were far from being all settled and sometimes they asked themselves how they still managed it not to live in a complete chaos, how they managed it to make it from dusk to dawn without going nuts. After spending the first week at home, Erin has returned to work the hours she'd also worked before Luke has joined their family, the young boy spending the days she was in the bullpen with Carol, just like Emmy. But as the older woman was taking care of their 8-month-old and the 1-year old Adeline, Luke didn't really fit into this group and Erin and Jay have decided to get him into preschool, where he could go as from next week thanks to the help from Clara who'd pulled some strings and organized a spot for him.

Rylie's condition in rehab has meanwhile progressed steadily and after a meltdown on the third day, where she'd called Erin and apologized to disappoint her because she couldn't do this and Erin was the better mother for Luke anyway, could provide him a better life than she could ever give him, that she had to get out of there because the walls were closing in around her and swallowing her whole, she was back on track now. Erin had rushed to the facility back then, reminding the young girl what she was doing this for, that giving up was the worst out of all options and that she only had to get through this first hard week of withdrawal symptoms before it would get easier, her own experience talking, this experience that connected them both.

This had been the only time Rylie was close to quit and throwing it all away but ever since she's made progress, attending every program the facility offered, sports, cooking classes and any other classes that should help those young people to be able to manage their lives at some point, to deal with difficulties and situations that could bring them close to relapse. Erin was visiting her once a week, listening to her talking about her new daily life and telling her about Luke, whom Rylie called two times a week, in exchange.

It were bare feet padding over the wooden floor of their bedroom followed by someone opening their French window and a muffled voice that let Erin's eyes fly open in the very, very early hours on a Sunday morning in mid-October, the darkness still surrounding them, the whole city covered in mist. She forced her heavy, sleepy eyelids to open, her hand automatically reaching for Jay but instead of finding the warmth of his body, she reached for nothing. She blinked some times to clear her vision, the green letters of her alarm-clock showing 3.52am. With a sigh, she brought herself into a more upright position, her eyes finding Jay, who was wearing a hoddie and his long pajama pants, and Emilia, who was wrapped in her favorite cozy grey-and-white blanket, standing on their balcony, illuminated by the little bit of moonlight that shined through the mist, Jay whispering things into Emmy's ear. She watched the two of them for a moment, how he softly kissed her head and rubbed her back all gentle, always moving from one foot to the other to cradle her back to sleep. She knew these were the moments Jay lived for. He wasn't allowed to spend as much time with his daughter as needed, his job preventing him from being that kind of father he actually wanted to be, so he fully enjoyed this rare time he had with her, no matter whether it was barely 4am in the morning.

She didn't want to ruin this precious moment between father and daughter but then again she just wanted to wrap her arms around him and Emmy from behind and nestle her head against his strong back, holding her two favorites close because these moments were just as rare. She decided to stare at them for a little longer because she could simply watch them all night and then untangled herself from the comforter to join them.

″Hey you two,″ she whispered when she stepped out on the balcony, the cold air letting her shiver, her breath visible in the dark night.

″Hey,″ Jay murmured and turned around to her, Emilia sleeping against his chest, all swaddled up in her blanket, her hand in front of her mouth. It were moments like this when she still looked like a baby, her features so soft and innocent and angelic, when most of the time she more and more started to look like a toddler, especially when she was wearing jeans and a shirt and pulling herself up everywhere all alone, smiling at her parents all proud and being up to trouble anytime.

″What are you guys doing?″ she asked quietly, her hand stroking over Emilia's hair lovingly.

″I heard her whining on the baby monitor...-″

″She was whining?″ Erin asked. ″Geeez, I guess I was completely out,″ she chuckled.

″It was really quiet and I only heard it because I was in the bathroom 10 minutes earlier, so I wasn't really sleeping,″ Jay winked. ″I went to check on her and she seemed a little fussy. I tried to rock her back to sleep in the rocking chair but she still wouldn't settle, so I decided fresh air always helps. I told her about the moon and the stars and the fog and boom, she was asleep. Guess she was bored out of her mind,″ he grinned.

″As long as it helps,″ Erin shrugged smirkingly, shuddering a little as a fresh breeze was blowing through the trees, the foliage in their backyard rustling.

″Go back inside before you get sick,″ Jay said, seeing the goosebumps all over her bare arms and legs.

″It's not that warm there without you either,″ she grinned tiredly but retreated to the bedroom anyway as the temperatures outside were anything but enjoyable. And the last thing she needed was getting sick, probably passing any kind of virus on to either Luke or Emilia, or worse, to both of them at the same time.

″I'll just tuck her in and then I'll come to warm you up,″ Jay smirked, hints of husk and tease in his voice.

″I count on that,″ she chuckled and while she made herself comfortable in their bed again, Jay brought Emmy into her room, where Crispin was sleeping in his bed next to Emmy's crib, and tucked his princess in, giving her a kiss on the forehead before he left.

With Erin all snuggled up to him, they lay in the darkness of their bedroom for a while, none of them sleeping but none of them talking either as they just enjoyed the closeness, the feeling of skin against skin as her head and hand rested on his now-bare chest and stomach and his hand on the small of her back under her shirt that had used to be his a long time ago and was now Erin's favorite piece of clothing to sleep in.

″This feels like the first time in two weeks that we have more than five minutes with each other,″ Erin somewhen murmured against his chest, her fingers stroking over his stomach absently.

″This is the first time in two weeks that we have more than five minutes with each other,″ Jay laughed. Those last two weeks since Luke has joined them had been insane as they'd not only adjusted to their new family dynamics but he'd also worked a lot of night shifts plus the previous weekend and most evenings respectively nights they were falling into bed completely beat. Two kids really were a different challenge than just one, especially when one of them was constantly trying to pull herself up everywhere and you always had to keep an eye on her and the other was an energetic 4-year-old that loved to run around and could be quite loud sometimes.

″Huh,″ she breathed out. ″You know what I wondered?″

″Uhm...no...what?″

″Why are there so many families with more than two kids? I mean, how do they even have time to...make more?″ Erin chuckled slightly but enough that there was this sexy rasp.

″So that's what my wife thinks about at 4am in the morning,″ Jay laughed. ″That's interesting.″

″You're an idiot,″ she smirked back at him. ″I'm not thinking about that...I'm just wondering,″ she chuckled innocently.

″Whatever the difference might be,″ he laughed. ″But to answer your question, I guess...″ he added, changing their position a little with one fast move and bringing his lips close to hers. ″They just make the best out of this time in the middle of the night, when the kids are back to sleep after they woke them up before.″

″Do they?″ Erin asked, raising her eyebrow coquettishly.

″Definitely.″ It was more of a low growl, the passion and lust evident in his eyes and he crashed his lips against hers, only breaking the kiss when they both had to take a breath as they were close to suffocating.

″I think we should try that,″ she said, her voice low and breathless. It were the last words spoken in their master bedroom before exclamations of love and lust and desire took over.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

″Mamama,″ Emmy babbled excitedly when Erin walked into her nursery on the Thursday morning that followed their early Sunday morning bed antics. Jay'd been called to a crime scene at 5.30 this morning and regardless that this was her day off, the only day in the week she still had completely off, she's been up since then as well, trying to get as many things done before Emmy and Luke woke up. She'd figured that this was the way mothers that had more than one child got their things done. Getting up early and going to bed late, doing everything that had to be done when the little ones were already or still dreaming the sweetest dreams.

″Hey bug,″ Erin smiled at her little girl, her mini-me with Jay's blue eyes, though hers were even lighter, and the smile that was the perfect mix of both of theirs. ″How was your night?″ she asked her when she scooped her up into her arms, giving her a good morning kiss on the cheek.

″What do you want to do this morning? Building some towers? Making a puzzle? Playing with your stacking box?″ She placed her down on the changing table to change her diaper and dress her in other clothes, colorful leggins, slip-resistant socks and a shirt and then helped her to stand on her own feet in the end by only holding her tiny hands.

″I guess it won't be long now and you can do this on your own,″ Erin sighed, smiling sadly at her 8-and-a-half month-old baby girl. She was waiting for the day Emmy would be able to stand without holding herself anywhere and she sensed that this day wasn't that far away anymore, Emilia getting more and more balance every day. The fact how fast time has passed ever since Emilia's birth made her quite melancholic and emotional as she wanted to enjoy all those precious moments longer, didn't want them to be over in a heartbeat. While it was sad to see all these milestones happening rapidly, it was definitely amazing to see how her own personality grew every day and Erin's wishes, that she would be more like Jay, all calm, didn't seem to come true as it looked like their wild child has inherited most of Erin's character.

″You know, sweetheart,″ she whispered and picked her up. ″One year ago you were in my belly, kicking so hard and playing soccer with my bladder. You were so small but so strong,″ she chuckled slightly, remembering the times, especially the nights, when those strong and targeted kicks had kept her from sleeping. ″I didn't know how it would be to be a mother, to have you here. But you know what? You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I love you so much, you can't imagine,″ she said quietly, emotionally, and pressed another kiss on her daughter's head, Emilia looking at her with those bright blue eyes. ″If only you could slow that growing-up process down a little, that would be awesome.″

″Mamama,″ Emmy babbled again, her hands reaching for Erin's face.

″Well,″ Erin laughed. ″But then again it's just cool that you know who I am, so I guess I'm a little torn whether I want you to stay my baby or grow up,″ she said, kissed Emilia's tiny fingers and then carried her downstairs to put her into her playpen so she could wake up Luke and start her day as a housewife and a mother of two.

It was later in the morning, shortly before she wanted to prepare a quick lunch for herself and Luke and heat up Emmy's pulp, while she was sitting on some playmats on the floor in the living room with Emmy and Luke, toys spread around them everywhere, railroad tracks built through the whole room, when she heard a key turning in the lock followed by the door opening and not one pair of feet but rather two stepping into the hallway.

″Yo Linds,″ she heard Kevin's voice call her by the nickname that has stayed despite her not being Lindsay anymore. But probably the fact that she was still Erin Lindsay at work was enough for Kevin and Adam to still call her by the nickname they'd given her at some point years ago.

″Kevin?″ Erin frowned and picked Emmy up from her lap to place her next to Crispin so she could get up and find out why her colleague had just entered their house with a key.

″What's going o-″ she wanted to ask but as soon as she was in the hallway, her eyes falling on Kevin and Jay, this question was forgotten and she knew why Kevin was accompanying him. ″Oh my God, what happened?″ she exclaimed, her eyes widening and her heart beating in her throat as she looked at her husband, who was holding his arm and hand in front of his torso just where his ribcage was, pain written across his face, a small cleaned up wound just above his left eyebrow.

″It's nothing bad,″ Jay said instantly, trying to calm her down as good as she could but the color didn't return to her face by his words.

″Your husband thought he's a wrestler now,″ Kevin explained with a little grin. ″The suspect he tried to catch showed him he isn't.″

″I'm a man with many talents but wrestling isn't one of them,″ Jay laughed but stopped instantly by the sharp pain it caused in his torso, a painful gasp instead leaving his lips.

″Hank ordered that he should get checked at Med and it turned out he has two partially broken ribs, nothing serious,″ Kevin said like it wasn't a big deal when for Erin it definitely was.

″You were at Med already? Why didn't you call me?″ she asked incredulously, her question directed at Jay. ″Or anyone else for that matter?″ she added, looking at her colleague now with more than just a bit of reproach in her eyes. Her husband had been injured in the line of duty and had been at the hospital and no one had cared to call her when she was the first person who needed to know about such an incident.

″Babe,″ Jay said, his voice soothing and soft, and he left his spot next to Kevin to get closer to Erin. ″I didn't want you to rush to the hospital with two kids just because of two partially broken ribs. They made an x-ray, gave me some painkillers I denied to take, put me on medical leave until Monday and told me to come back then for a quick check before I get back to work on Tuesday. I'm fine.″ He covered her cheeks with his palms and leaned down to place a soft kiss on her forehead.

″You should've called me,″ she murmured, her forehead resting against his lips, this little bit of contact with him helping her heartbeat to go back to its usual pace and the sick feeling in her stomach to leave. Just when she'd thought their personal chaos theory couldn't possibly be extended any more, her husband came home from work injured with two broken ribs.

″Would you have called me?″ he asked back, his fingers traveling under her chin so he could make her looking at him when she was giving him an answer.

″Uhm,″ she stammered, biting her lower lip to avoid an innocent grin. ″Probably not.″

″See,″ he winked, trying to give her one of his famous smiles that didn't come as easy with the pain in his torso.

″Let's get you on the couch,″ Erin said, scanning him sternly as she'd of course recognized his forced smile, but then reconsidered her words, having her chaos theory in mind. ″Or let's better bring you to bed, not that Luke jumps on you or something.″

″Not the worst idea I guess,″ Jay agreed. He didn't feel especially bad but there was no need to risk it getting worse and his partially cracked ribs didn't need to break completely.

″Maybe it wouldn't be the worst idea to take those pain meds either, huh?″ she asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

″You need my help to bring your wounded soldier upstairs?″ Kevin asked, interrupting their moment as he started to feel a little awkward.

″I think we'll get it handled, but thanks Kevin,″ Erin smiled at him thankfully. ″And thanks for brining him home.″

″No worries. Get well soon, bro,″ he said and gave Jay a light pat on the back. ″Take good care of him, Linds.″

″Of course I will. See you tomorrow,″ she replied just before Kevin left.

When she helped Jay to change his clothes into something more comfortable, she saw the bruises along his ribcage and one part of her wondered what exactly had happened at the scene while the other part simply didn't want to know, not even imagine what had gone down earlier and that it could've ended entirely different. And all those what-if-possibilities were definitely something she shouldn't even let come close, should ban from her mind. But this was easier said than done and once more she got reminded how dangerous their jobs acutally were and that something could happen anytime.

Once he was all settled against a pile of pillows, she brought him a glass of water and insisted on him taking the Ibuprofen Will had given him at Med, telling him that otherwise she would mix it into his food later, just like parents did it when their children didn't want to take their medicine. Sensing that he had no chance to argue here, he agreed on taking them, knowing that he would want Erin to do the same if the situation was the other way around. In the end of the day, they always worried about the other and only wanted the best for the other, so taking them would not only help to keep the pain within limits but it would also help Erin to calm down.

″How was your food?″ she asked when she came in after his late lunch to collect his empty plate, carrying their tired-looking daughter on her hip.

″Delicious,″ he winked. ″Come here you two.″

Erin sat down on the edge of the bed, Emilia hiding her head against her chest. ″You look tired,″ she said to Jay, reaching out to stroke over his cheek with the hand that wasn't holding Emmy close to her body.

″I kinda am,″ he admitted, the painkillers in his system combined with a full stomach making him sleepy.

″Then you should sleep,″ Erin tried to smile but concern was still on her face. ″How about I leave you this monkey and you two take a nap together while Luke and I go grocery shopping?″

″I think I would like that,″ Jay grinned like a Chesire Cat. If he was on medical leave, he could at least try to make the most of it by spending as much time with his family as possible.

″Alright, here you go,″ she said and placed Emilia on his side.

″Hey princess,″ Jay whispered and pulled her a little closer so she was all snuggled up to him without that it hurt his damaged ribs, his arm holding her close and safe to his body.

″Have a good sleep,″ Erin smiled and pulled the comforter up a little so they were both covered. Leaning in carefully, she placed a soft kiss on Jay's lips for goodbye and smiled again as she left the room and her eyes fell on her two favorite people when she turned around in the doorway. Daddy and his girl. It was only sad to think about the fact that it required Jay to be injured that he could enjoy fatherhood in this way.

″Come on princess, close those eyes, I see you're tired,″ Jay whispered lovingly, Emilia staring up at him with tired eyes, her eyelids with those long lashes opening and closing slowly.

″Do you want daddy to tell you a story? Or should we just try to play a game who's asleep faster?″ he asked her, his voice all soft. ″I think you would probably beat me on that, what do you think? You or me?″ he chuckled slightly. ″I don't want to sing you a lullaby but you know what my mom always did when I couldn't sleep? She would lie down with me and we would stare to the ceiling and count sheep. She would always beat me because I couldn't even reach 100 and was out,″ he smiled, memories from all those years ago flooding his mind.

″So let's look up there and start counting them...one sheep, two sheep, three sheep...″ he started to count quietly. Reaching twenty, he looked down at his daughter again and found her sleeping peacefully, probably dreaming about sheep.

″Sweet dreams, bug,″ he whispered before he closed his eyes as well, sleep taking over not only five minutes later.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

The night didn't turn out to be as painful as expected, the Ibuprofen doing its job quite well and even letting him sleep through most parts of the night as it only hurt when he tried to change his position. So he felt quite well rested on Friday morning and insisted on Erin not bringing the kids to Carol while she would go to work for the whole day but taking care of them himself.

″You sure carrying Emmy around isn't too much?″ she asked when they were in the kitchen, filling their bowls with granola and milk, their coffees already waiting for them on the table.

″She weighs like 16 pounds. That's not too much,″ he tried to convince her. ″I brought her to bed last night and it didn't hurt too much. I helped you to cook and it was okay as well. I'm fine, babe.″

″Huh,″ she sighed. ″But only carry Emmy, not Luke. Don't do any housework that could make it worse and just try to take it easy, okay?″

″Uhm...I was actually thinking about doing something special with them,″ Jay smirked innocently.

″What would that be?″ Erin frowned.

″As from Monday, Luke will go to preschool, so I thought to take them to the Aquarium and afterwards walk to that playground near Millenium Park, eat some ice cream and hotdogs,″ he explained, Erin seeing the excitement in his eyes. This was the kind of dad he wanted to be, doing cool stuff with his kids on a weekday and just having time for them.

″Babe, you almost broke two ribs yesterday, so I don't know whether this is such a brilliant idea. I know you'd love to do that but...-″

″Er,″ he whispered, covering her cheek with his hand. ″I'm fine. A lot better than yesterday. The pain is okay and I will keep taking Ibuprofen for the rest of the day. We'll be back by the afternoon, then I will tuck them both in for a nap and rest myself. We'll take Crisp with us as well. He'll stay in the car while we're at the Aquarium but he'll have the best time in the park and at the playground so there's no need to go for a walk with him before the evening and I can relax. And I was thinking about asking my dad whether he has nothing better to do and wants to join us.″

″You figured that plan out pretty well, didn't you?″ Erin chuckled slightly.

″I had quite some time yesterday afternoon when my wife put me on bedrest, yeah,″ he winked.

″So I'm the one to blame for you creating these kind of ideas, huh?″

″Basically,″ he nodded deadpan. ″I'm innocent. As always.″

″Of course you are,″ she laughed, punching her fist against his shoulder softly.

″So?″ he asked, looking at her with big puppy-eyes, knowing exactly that she didn't have a chance against this glance. And Erin honestly didn't want to ruin this perfectly planed day for him.

″Promise me to take it easy, okay?″ she asked. ″If you start feeling worse, text me. Don't try to be a hero and brush any kind of pain off because we have that no-hospitals-deal and I think two months of none of us using a bed there isn't what we agreed on.″

″I promise,″ Jay whispered in response, kissing her lips softly and hoping that he could kiss those worried eyes away. Looking at her again afterwards, there was at least a faint smile tugging in the corners of her lips but her eyes were still as worried. Naturally.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

″What are you smiling at, Erin?″ Antonio asked while they were all sitting on their desks and enjoying their lunch just after 1pm on a particular low day.

″Jay just sent me a couple of photos,″ she grinned back at her colleague and got up to sit down on the edge of his desk to show him the photos Jay'd sent her fifteen minutes ago. One was a selfie of him, Emmy, Luke and Robert at the Aquarium, a shark swimming behind them, Jay and Luke making some silly faces. The second one was another selfie from him, Luke and Robert eating hotdogs while the third one was Emilia sleeping in her stroller and the last one was Crispin lying next to the stroller in front of him, watching Luke on the monkeybars in the background.

″Seems like they're having a blast,″ Antonio noticed. ″Maybe I should try to wrestle, too, if this is what medical leave looks like,″ he laughed.

″You need some broken ribs? Just let me know, I know a guy, makes it for free,″ Kevin joined their conversation.

″Thanks bro, I'll let you know in case I ever need his services,″ he laughed.

″Or in case Jay needs it again for more vacation days,″ Kevin winked at Erin.

″You're an idiot,″ she laughed.

″Good to know that he's doing good, I was already afraid our World-Series-Evening in his mancave on Sunday has to be cancelled,″ Adam said. ″I was waiting for the day Erin brings me beer and chips and popcorn...″ he added, a dorky grin on his face.

″Ruze, you're lucky if I let you in my house and don't suddenly decide to let you rather stay on the doorstep, so be careful,″ she smirked sweetly, giving him a little wink before she got up from the edge of Antonio's desk to bring her plate to the dishwasher in the break room.

She was halfway there when Hank stormed out of his office like he was hunted by a couple of grizzlies and yelled with his trademark voice: ″Everybody vest up! Now!″

″What happened, boss?″ Adam asked, swallowing the last bite of his sandwich down.

″Shooting spree at the Maggie Daley Park,″ he answered. ″It's a massacre.″

By these words, Erin's heart literally stopped beating and her plate fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces and in a heartbeat, all eyes were on her but they didn't see the woman who'd joked with them not even 60 seconds ago. They saw a woman who was as white as a ghost, her eyes empty but yet full of panic, her breathing quickening and shortly before hyperventilating.

″Erin!″ Hank called and rushed to her side, holding her as it seemed like she would double over any second. ″What's wrong?″ he asked, everyone around moving and slipping into jackets while looking at her and waiting for answers.

″They are there,″ she whispered, her voice full of fear. ″Jay...and the kids...they are there.″

And just like that it was dead silent...

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