11. Dancing In The Moonlight
Hey,
just wanted to say thank you for the reviews again, they really keep me motivated and keep me writing although I actually don't really have time to write these days! Buuuuut here we go with Wisconsin part II. I can't believe I already wrote 11 chapters, this is crazy.
Someone wanted Erin to get hurt and I will write that somewhen. But not now as it doesn't fit into this chapter/story at the moment.
I hope you enjoy this chapter! :)
11. Dancing In The Moonlight
They started their vacation in the laziest way possible. By sleeping in and just doing nothing all day for the first two days. They relaxed in the hammock in the garden or laid down directly by the lake to enjoy the warm summer sun. From time to time they went for a swim or used the air mattresses Jay has brought to float on the water.
By the afternoon of the second day, Jay went fishing as he wanted to make an old family recipe for dinner. Erin watched him for a little while, thought he would maybe give her a reason to laugh but every handle looked professional and she was quite surprised by the hidden talents her boyfriend apparently had.
After he had prepared the fish and had put it on the grill, Erin joined Jay in the kitchen in the evening. She took a seat on the counter and watched him making a dip and preparing some baked potatoes and other vegetables.
″So, wherefrom do you know this recipe?″ she asked him and grabbed one of the cucumber pieces he just had cut.
″It's my grandfather's recipe. He made this several times every summer,″ he explained.
″Is he also the one who taught you how to angle?″
″Yeah...sure...he taught me a lot,″ he answered, turned his head around and gave her a smile.
″Yeah, I guess so,″ Erin said and tried to figure out whether this was the right situation to ask him about his family a little more.
″Jay, who are all the people on the photos in the living room?″ she then asked him with a low and shy voice but didn't want to look him in the eyes and kept her gaze instead focused on the floor.
Jay sighed, put his knife aside and took her hand in his. He has known that this would most likely come up while they were here due to all the photos and he had always told himself that he would tell her if she asked.
″Come on,″ he said and she got down from the counter and walked with him to the living room.
″This is Will and me,″ he said and pointed to a photo were a 11 and 9-year-old Will and Jay stood in the plain water of the lake.
″Yeah, I figured that,″ Erin smiled. ″He's your grandfather, isn't he?″ she asked and pointed to another photo.
″Yaah, that's him. Jonathan Taylor.″
″Taylor? So he was your mother's father?″
Jay nodded in response.
″And this is your mother, right?″ she then asked and pointed to the photo with just Jonathan and her.
″How do you know?″
″Because she looks just like you Jay,″ Erin answered while looking into his eyes. When she saw the silent pain in them, she tried her best to give him a little, encouraging smile. ″Who are these five?″ she asked him and pointed to the photo of the family she couldn't allocate.
″This is my mother's brother Michael, his wife Susan and their kids Nick, Myles and Isabella, Izzie. Most summers us kids spent at least one week here alone with our grandfather. The nights we never slept in the house but all together in one tent in the garden. Then Michael and Susan came for some days and after the five of them had left to their own cabin it was just Will and me with our grandfather for five weeks. For the last week, my mom always joined us and it was the four of us. The summers here were the greatest. In the evenings, we always made campfires and we ate marshmellows with chocolate ice cream and drank lime juice. My grandfather played the guitar, my mother sang and we were all dancing in the moonlight,″ Jay said and Erin saw how his eyes got glassy from these memories.
″Sounds amazing,″ Erin whispered and her own voice broke as she saw how hurt he was by just talking about it. But she also realized that once again he hasn't said a single word about his father. It almost seemed like he hasn't been a part of this family.
″It was. It was the best part of my childhood, my growing-up,″ Jay answered and went back to the kitchen to finish preparing their dinner. Erin followed him but she felt like she had ruined the atmosphere with her questions.
″Jay I'm sorry for asking,″ she apologized as she took her spot on the counter again.
″Hey Er,″ he said, put the knife aside again and placed his hands on her knees. ″Don't be. All these photos are here, so it's okay. Plus, you're my girlfriend, so it's your right to ask and your right to know.″
″Okay,″ she nodded although she still felt uncomfortable.
Jay gave her a short, gentle kiss and then continued cutting the cucumber for his dip.
″Last week when I met Michael and Susan in New York and I told you we can't meet because they go on vacation...you remember?″
″Yeah, sure. Why?″
″They are here. Well not exactly here. They also have a cabin around 30 minutes from here. And they invited us for a barbeque while we're here. Do you want to visit them?″ he asked her.
″Do you want me to visit them?″ Erin asked back before she could really think about how her words took effect.
″Erin,″ Jay sighed and put the knife aside yet again. ″I know I'm anything but an open book when it comes to my family but yes, I want you to meet them, Erin. I want them to meet the girl that makes me genuinely happy and I want that girl to meet them because she's my family now,″ he said with a low voice and looked her deeply in the eyes. For one second he thought he had gone too far and overstepped her boundaries by calling her his family but Erin got down from the counter and wrapped his arms around him, buried her face on his chest.
″And you are mine,″ she said while he placed a soft kiss on her hair.
XxXxXxXxXxXxX
They enjoyed one of the best dinners Erin ever had and later ended the day with laying in the hammock sideways, right next to each other, pushed the hammock forth and back with their feet and gazed up to the starry sky. Jay's hand rested on top of Erin's and he softly stroked her knuckles with his thumb.
″This is already the best vacation ever,″ Erin somewhen sighed and tried her best to cuddle even closer to him.
″How many times have you been on vacation before? I mean with Bunny...″
″With Bunny we were lucky when she didn't use all our money to get a fix,″ she said with a bitter laughter. ″No Jay, my first vacation was with Hank and Camille and Justin when I was 16. We went to Canada around five months after they had taken me in. And it was around the time when Camille started not to hate me anymore.″
″She hated you?″ Jay asked and was quite surprised by that statement. He always thought Camille Voight has loved her as much as Hank Voight did.
″Oh yeah, she did. I mean, Hank basically took me in without asking her. I was just simply there one evening. The criminal street kid that had problems with alcohol and drugs at the age of 15. The girl that wasn't used to follow rules and always did what she wanted to do without giving a care in the world. And suddenly I was part of a picture perfect family with a regulated daily routine. So before Hank got me into St. Ignatius I was home with her every day. Hank still allowed me to go out but as Camille was the one who was home throughout the day, she was the one who told me when I should be back in the evening. But I never listened to her. I ignored her. I was used to do things the way I wanted to do them. When I wanted to come home by midnight I came home by midnight and not by 9pm as Camille had ordered. Camille already had her hands full with Justin and I just made everything a hundred times worse. We fought almost every day because I challenged her on purpose every day. In the beginning I really tried my very best that they kick me out again. Because I felt like I didn't deserve to have a family and they didn't deserve to handle someone like me. Because all of this family thing was too much for me. Because I wasn't used to people who cared about me. To people who loved me. But Hank never gave up on me, he always saw something in me and slowly I started to grow out of this wild street-kid-thing and somewhen Camille changed her mind, too. She became the mother I never had. They teached me how to love, they showed me what love is and how to accept love,″ Erin finished this little story about her past with a smile surrounding her lips and she was surprised how easy it was to tell Jay about it.
″They did a damn good job with it,″ Jay said, turned his head around and kissed her forehead.
″They did,″ Erin nodded. ″You know, shortly before Camille died she wanted to talk to me. She was already so weak back then and it took so much out of her to talk and caused so much pain. She told me that her and Hank always tried to have a second child after Justin. But she had five miscarriages throughout the years and the last one was when she was already five months pregnant. It was a girl. After losing her they stopped trying. This was the first sign that something was wrong with her uterus but nobody found out at that time,″ she said and a bitter laughter filled the silent night.
″However, she told me this story and thanked me for being the daughter they always prayed for but never got, for being Justin's sister they always wanted him to have. She said that she had never figured out why the universe took away their daughter and the other babies but that she now knows it was fate and universe blessed them with a different miracle instead. Me. She said that I was a gift from heaven to be there for her family after she had left this world. I was 24 then and I don't think I ever cried as much as I did in that moment because I knew I was going to lose my mother. The woman who has loved me like I was her child. The woman who really gave me the feeling that she meant every word the way she had said it. I laid down next to her for some hours and that night she died with Hank, Justin and me being by her side. She fell asleep in Hank's arms and never woke up again, leaving me the burden to keep her family together as she knew her death would break Hank and Justin as well. And I failed,″ Erin said and silent tears slid down her face.
″You didn't,″ Jay assured her immediately and squeezed her hand.
″I did. They both ended up in prison. Justin always was a good kid but her death changed him and I wasn't able to keep him from doing stupid things. Hank...he always had his own way of dealing with things but her death made him a different person for some years.″
″Erin, he was in a dark place. And we both know it's almost impossible to rely on other people when you are in a dark place. You want to be on your own. You don't think that anyone can help you and you don't want anyone to let you help.″
″I know,″ she whispered and wiped her tears away with her hand. ″It's just, she did so much for me and I wanted to do this one thing for her. I wanted her to be proud of me, to show her that all her efforts were worth it.″
″I'm one hundred percent sure that she is proud of you, Er. I mean, look at your life. You're one of the best female cops in Chicago and every day you give two hundred percent to make this city a better place. Plus she teached you what love is and you found love. I'm sure her biggest wish for you was to be happy. And as long as you are, she is,″ he said and locked eyes with her, gently brushing a strand out of her face. For a moment Erin was sure to see the same pain in his eyes that surely was in hers as well.
″Is this what you tell yourself when you think about your mother Jay?″ she asked him. ″That she wanted you to be happy and so you try day by day to be so?″
″Maybe,″ he shrugged and turned his head again to focus on the stars above them. ″Come on, let's get inside, it's getting chilly here,″ he then said and got out of the hammock in one gallant move. He reached for her hand and pulled her up.
″Jay?″ she asked him insecure when they walked through the garden towards the door.
″Huh?″
″Why is your father on none of the photos?″
Jay immediately froze in his movement and it seemed like he thought about his answer for a moment.
″Because he never was a part of this family,″ Jay answered and the pain in his voice broke Erin's heart. Now she was the one who squeezed his hand a little tighter but she didn't dug any deeper.
Jay looked into her eyes and saw the questionmarks in them. He owed her his story. She became so open during the past months, just some short minutes ago she had shared another chapter of her past with him, and he still wasn't able to tell her because all the memories still hurt so much. But if there was one person in his life who deserved to know the whole story it was Erin Lindsay, the love of his life. The woman he didn't want to have any secrets from. The one woman who surely wouldn't judge him for anything but who would simply understand the decisions he has made because broken families were such a well-known business for her.
″It's a long story, we should go inside and sit down for it,″ he finally said. Erin nodded in response and walked into the house with him. She went to the kitchen and filled two glasses with water and then sat down cross-legged on the couch right next to him.
″Well, where to start?″ he asked and sipped on his water.
″The beginning?″ Erin replied and tried to give him an ecouraging smile.
″Not a bad idea,″ Jay answered and also forced a little smile before he started to tell her his story.
″My father was a big boss with the Army. He was always away from home and never had time for his family, not even for holidays, so it was always just Will and me with our grandfather and our mom. Naturally, my father's behaviour was always strict and kind of cold. Our relationship has always been estranged, icy and complicated. In addition, I was a complete mama's boy, well and a grandfather's boy, too. Will on the other hand had a really good relationship with our father. Maybe because he was the golden child anyway. He was good in school and I wasn't. Not because I wasn't clever. I hated school and I was feared to go there because I got bullied,″ he said and made a short pause.
″That case with that kid and the bomb at the school, I think his name was Ethan, right? I remember how you said you used to be that kid...″ Erin said and Jay only nodded in response.
″Yeah...There was a group of boys and they stole my books and other stuff, they played nasty tricks on me, they beat me. I was alone and they were always in a group of five or even more so I couldn't defend myself. I mean, I was 13 and they were around 16, I didn't have a chance. In the beginning, I didn't tell anyone. I ate it, let them bully me. At one point I thought to tell my mother but I didn't want to incriminate her. I wanted to protect her from the pain I was going through. I figured it's better for her when she doesn't know. So I kept my mouth shut. And then, when my dad came home from an operation, I decided to tell him. I really thought he could give me some advice. But you know what he told me?″ he asked her rhetorical and a sarcastic laughter escaped from his mouth.
″I shall stop being a pussy and need to be a man. That was it. He had always given me the feeling that I wasn't worth his time before, but the way he looked at me this day was contemptuous and even kinda disgusted. Things of course didn't really change then and I let them bully me because it was the easiest way to deal with it. Somewhen they left highschool and my grades became a bit better but with everything that had happened they were still not good enough for studying medicine like Will did and I had lost my motivation for school anyways. My father used to tell everyone how proud he was about Will just to make me feel bad with it. And all I wanted was that he was at least a bit proud of me, too. So after college, when it was clear that there was no chance for me to go to a university, he told me he'd be proud of me if'd join the Army. And of course I did it because I didn't want to be the pussy any longer. The wrong son. The son he can't be proud of. Regardless the estranged relationship we had, I still wanted to please him. Because a son always wants his father to be proud of him,″ Jay said and slightly shook his head by these memories.
″My mom and my grandfather both told me I shall do what I wanna do, not what he wants me to do, but I didn't listen to them. I told them it was my burden to follow his footsteps. So I joined the Army and soon went to war for the first time. My cousin Myles was with me. But he really wanted to be a soldier with all his heart although Susan and Michael were completely against it. We lost lots of friends during our first tour and coming home and seeing the faces of the family members of those who didn't make it back...that's something I will never forget. These faces haunted me in my dreams. More than all the firefights.″ Towards the end his voice got really low and Erin saw how he swallowed hardly. She laid her hand on top of his and squeezed it. Jay took some deep breaths of air and Erin too, as she has almost forgotten to breathe while magnetized listening to his words.
″Myles and I went back to war for a second tour some months later. But this time, only one of us made it home,″ he said with barely no voice and rubbed his eyes with his hands before tears could fall from them. He inhaled deeply again and gazed down to his and Erin's hands.
″He died in my arms just two weeks before we were supposed to go home. He was shot. Just like Terry was some months ago. I tried my best to save him. I pulled him to a safe place and did CPR for hours, tortured his lifeless body because I couldn't let him go. When my companions finally found us I broke together due to exhaustion. Although I was so afraid to see all the broken faces of my family I flew home with his corpse to pay my last respects to him. I felt guilty because I should've avoided it somehow. All I saw in my head were the scenes that lead to his death. They replayed and replayed and replayed and they are still there sometimes.″ He whispered these last words and now Erin inhaled deeply and tried her best to keep herself together. To be strong for him. To show him that she was able to deal with his story although she just wanted to cry because it made her heart ache seeing him that broken and listening to the things he had to go through.
″Jay we can stop here. You don't have to do that. I never wanted you to relive this,″ she said and her voice chattered more than she thought it would.
″No, I'm okay. I want you to know.″
″Okay,″ Erin nodded. Jay grabbed his glass and took a gulp of water to swallow down the big lump in his throat so that he was able to continue.
″When I came home the family I used to know didn't exist anymore. Michael and Susan didn't exactly blame me for Myles's death but they gave me and also my mom the feeling that it was unfair that I made it back home while he had lost his life. Of course they suffered, I mean they had lost their child and so I understood them. I really did. But they kept on not talking to me anymore and they even didn't want to have to do anything with me anymore. Nick got into drugs after his brother's death and Izzie went to Australia to study because she needed distance from everything. And I think they also blamed me for this. They blamed me that their family fell apart. My mom and my grandfather tried their best to convince me it wasn't my fault but as I still felt guilty and thought I failed in protecting him, I didn't believe them. I not only saw Myles's dead face and body in my dreams then, but also Michael's and Susan's judging faces.″
″And then you developed PTSD, didn't you?″ Erin whispered as her head put the pieces of his story and all the things she knew about him thus far together into one picture that made sense.
″Yeah and no,″ Jay said. ″I don't know whether it was really PTSD or just something similar. Maybe a lighter form of it," he shrugged.
"You didn't went to a doctor?"
"No," he answered and shook his head. "I neither told anyone nor went to a doctor. I just wanted to forget and for sure I didn't want to go back to war ever again. But my father didn't accept my decision. Told me I was still the little child that cried about everything and asked me whether I would ever be a man, whether I would ever not fail in making him proud. Of course he'd been at war too, but he had no clue what cruel things I've seen at war. How many times I saw children dying right in front of me. How many friends I saw dying. How many of them I tried to save but couldn't. How many people died right next to me or in my arms. How many times I was afraid to die and thought my life was over. How many times I was at a point where I thought that dying would maybe be better than living on with all the things I experienced and having to deal with the aftermath forever. But he accused me to be a bad soldier. That it was a shame that someone like me even called himself a soldier. That I was supposed to fight for my coutry like a real man and not hide in my bedroom like a child. So I left for my third tour although my mom and my grandfather tried everything to make me stay. They both cried when I left. Maybe because they already knew they wouldn't see me again.″
Jay paused again and Erin saw how hard it was for him to keep himself together. This time, it took him a little longer before he was able to continue speaking and Erin just waited for him to be ready and softly stroked the back of his hand with her thumb.
″During this third tour I got to know Mouse and he was my life-saver in so many ways. Some weeks in, my grandfather died and I wasn't allowed to go home as we were on a special, secret operation. The most important man in my life died and I wasn't there to pay my last respects to him. Mouse was there for me during this time and helped me to deal with it. Just some weeks later I got a call from my mom and she told me she has a very aggressive form of liver cancer and her chances to survive are close to none. Needless to say that my already broken world broke into even more pieces. I wanted to go home as soon as possible but we were just about to finish this operation," he said and slightly shook his head.
"However, it went terribly wrong, almost our whole unit died that day. I was injured too and Mouse saved my life by finding a safe place for me and two others who also survived. We had to stay in our hiding place for days as it was too dangerous to go out. When our companions came and looked for us, they didn't find us and we weren't able to go out and show them we're alive either. The two others were badly injured and I was unconscious almost all the time as I had a bad concussion. And Mouse..." he sighed and swallowed hard.
"The things that had happened were too much for him. He started to develop severe mental issues, was just sitting there and stared at the walls. Wasn't able to move, talked to himself, wasn't able to sleep. He was still able to keep us alive though but he was too afraid to go out of our hiding place. So of course they didn't find us and we were supposed to be dead, just like all the others. They informed our families that there weren't any survivors. After almost two days I got conscious again and Mouse started to get slightly better as he finally had someone to talk to and didn't only have to listen to us whimpering in pain anymore. One of our companions died the day before they finally found us. I think it was after seven days. They had started to identify the remains and as they hadn't found ours they looked for us again. We heard them and I helped Mouse to overcome his mental issues and fears for a moment and he helped me to go out with him and so we were saved...but it was too late..." he said and his voice trailed off. Erin wanted to say something but didn't as he continued talking faster than she had expected.
"They flew us home to the military hospital and I immediately called my mother, wanted to tell her I'm alive. But a nurse answered and told me she wasn't realizing all the things that happened around her anymore. Two days after the surgery I needed, I discharged myself from the hospital. When I came home my father was gone. He had hired a nurse who looked after my mother at home as they had sent her home to die, while he went to Hawaii and enjoyed his life with his new young girlfriend, affair, toy or whatever. I talked to my mother's doctors and they told me everything about her aggressive form of cancer. A form where patients don't have more than three months from the diagnosis to death. They also told me my mom was doing good. Until the day she had heard about my death. This was apparently the day she stopped fighting. My dad wasn't there for her anymore, Will preferred to be out partying as he has never been good in dealing with pain and problems and I was supposed to be dead. There was no living will left and she fell in a so called liver coma. Together with the nurse I took care of my mother. I had one more week with her. One week were she almost slept all day and didn't recognize me anymore. One week were she was on high dosed pain killers for 24/7. One week where I saw her falling apart and dying a little more with every day passing. I was with her in her final night. Her heart stopped beating while she was laying in my arms.″
He stopped again, his eyes were already filled with tears but he didn't let them fall yet and Erin started to wonder how much longer he'd be able to keep himself together.
″She died thinking I was dead. And it was just my father's fault. Because nothing I ever did was good enough for him. Because of him I had left for my third tour. Because of him my mother died not knowing that her son was still alive but thinking he was dead. She died thinking I was dead.″
At this point, Jay's voice broke into a million pieces and he couldn't held his tears back any longer. He covered his face in his hands and sobbed heavily and tears streamed down Erin's face, too. She cried with him, she cried for him. Never in a million years she had expected a story like this. That Jay, who most times seemed to be in a good place, had a story that would most people let suffer for the rest of their life, let them break, especially him, a man who always wanted to protect and be there for the people he loved. That the demons he had to fight were just as giant as her own. She wiped her tears away with her hand, inhaled some deep breaths of air and then wrapped her arm around his body and softly tickled the back of his head with her fingers and he burried his face in her neck. They sat on the couch like this for some moments and Erin held him tightly, showed him that she was there for him just as he always was for her.
″Jay, are you okay?″ she somewhen asked him quietly. He took his glass, emptied it with one gulp and then looked at her. The color of his tear-stained eyes has changed to an even brighter blue than normal.
″Yeah, I think I am,″ he said and slowly nodded his head. ″I just never told anyone all this and it brought back a lot of feelings.″
″No one?″
″Will of course knows most of it and Mouse knows parts of it, but you're the first person I told the whole story. Ever.″
″Thank you for telling me. I know how hard this must be. In fact, I know how hard it IS,″ she said and put her hand up to his face, softly stroking his wet cheeks.
″Thank you for listening. And for asking. Although this brought back a lot of emotions and memories I feel somehow freed now. Like there was a big stone on my heart but is now not there any longer,″ he admitted and gave her a weak smile. ″You're ready for the rest of the story?″
″Sure,″ she nodded although she wasn't sure whether she was able to hear more and Jay also had to inhale deeply again.
″After my mother's funeral I accused my father being guilty for her death. That was almost six years ago and I haven't talked to him ever since, have severed all ties with him. I think I really suffered from PTSD then, because this time it has been a lot harder. I was in a dark place. All the things that had happened and all the things I had seen during my three tours were too much for me to handle. I had lost the two most important persons in my life, I felt guilty because I haven't been there for them and I had seen things I don't wish my biggest enemy to see. In addition, I didn't know what to do with my life, how to go on, how to be able to ever live a normal life again. How to forget. Mouse had PTSD too and so we helped each other. We completely renovated this cabin together in the months after we had come back. This place healed me somehow, I learned to fight my demons and after going back to Chicago I felt good and strong enough to join the police academy. And the rest is history I think,″ he said and tried to smile at her.
″Yeah, I think it is,″ Erin answered and also smiled a little by the thought when Hank had introduced her with her new partner and when her eyes had met his stunning blue ones for the very first time.
″And ever since I found the love of my life at work I can't help but think that everything in life happens for a reason. Because who knows where I would be now if things would've been different. Being a soldier, surviving a war, doing three tours, suffering PTSD or whatever it was and then joining the police academy directly led me to you, Er. And if this is the reason for all the shit I've been through, so be it. Because in the end it was all worth it,″ he said and his eyes started to sparkle again while he once again declared his love for her. Not only his words but also his unbelievable positive attitude, always trying to find the one good thing out of a whole lot more negative things, let a smitten smile appear on her lips.
″You're the person who brought love and joy and laughters and happiness back into my life when I thought these things don't exist anymore. There was a time in my life were I thought I would forever keep wandering around, not knowing who I am and who I wanna be but thanks to you I feel complete again. You always say I saved you. But you already saved me so much earlier. Meeting you changed my life and from the very first day I knew you are the one. And this let me start to fight again, to live again, to love again, to be happy again,″ he almost whispered and leaned in to place a soft kiss on her lips.
″I would say we saved each other, Jay,″ she said.
″Maybe all of this was meant to be.″
″Yeah,″ she shrugged. ″Maybe it was.″
She took her glass from the table and sipped on it, thinking about his words. Maybe some things in life were meant to be, maybe everything in life happened for a reason and maybe it was fate which directly led their wounded souls and broken personalities right to each other.
″So, from the very first day, huh?″ she then smirked as she put the empty glass back to the table.
″My heart's all yours. It has always been,″ he smiled back at her, making her heart melt even more. ″We should go to bed babe,″ Jay added with a quick glance at the clock.
″Mhm,″ she nodded and let him pull her up from the couch. ″Jay are you sure you're okay after everything you've just told me?″ Erin asked him when she stood directly in front of him, her hands resting on his sides.
″I am,″ he assured her. ″I think it was good for me to talk about it, it was overdue. Sometimes talking helps.″
″Yeah, tell me about it,″ she answered and as they walked past all the photos, something came to Erin's mind again. ″Jay, how are Izzie and Nick doing now?″
″Izzie still lives in Australia because she met her boyfriend there. And Nick somewhen went to rehab, got his life back together and he now lives on a farm in Texas with his wife and their son Mylo. They both made the best out of their lives.″
″I'm glad to hear that. And Susan and Michael?″
″The same applies to them. Life goes on although the pain stays while the memories fade.″
″Yeah, damn true,″ she sighed.
″How about visiting them on Friday for that barbeque?″ he suggested.
″Sounds good,″ she answered and let him guide her to the bedroom.
XxXxXxXxXxXxX
Erin woke up early the following morning after a really sleepless night. Jay's story has been in her head ever since she had tried to sleep and it had even become visual. Every time she had closed her eyes, there've been pictures of Jay at war, of Jay trying to save his friends, of Jay suffering and one time she had startled up from a nightmare, breathing heavily, after she had seen pictures of Jay dying. She knew it would take a while until she'd be able to come to terms with his story. To accept his story, his past, the things he had seen and had been through.
As she laid on her back, staring to the white ceiling, listening to Jay's quite snoring and to the birds that started to chirp in the dawn outside she decided it was on her to make a little surprise for him. And she already had a perfect idea how she could surprise him in the best way possible. A feeling of excitement hit her and she got out of the bed, tried to be as silent as possible, just grabbed her jeans and a shirt and then went down to the kitchen. She wrote a quick note for Jay so he wouldn't be worried if he woke up, slipped into her shoes, grabbed the car key from the counter and headed to the next grocery store some minutes later.
As they were literally in the middle of nowhere, it took her more than one hour until she was back at the cabin again. She checked the bedroom and found Jay still peacefully asleep. She went down to the kitchen again and started to make eggs with bacon for breakfast.
Half an hour later, she went up to the bedroom again with balancing a big tray on her hands. She placed it on the floor, stripped her jeans and then started to wake up Jay by placing soft kisses on his cheeks and lips.
″Hey sleeping beauty,″ she grinned when his blue eyes fluttered open and a smile rushed over his face.
″What are you up to, young lady?″ he asked and yawned loudly.
″Today is breakfast-in-bed-day,″ Erin smiled, jumped off the bed and served the tray.
″Looks delicious,″ Jay said when he saw the bacon with eggs, the toast, the cheese, the croissants, the jam, the cups with coffee and the glasses with orange juice.
″Surprised?″ she asked, raising her eyebrows.
″Do you want to have an honest answer?″ he chuckled and earned a punch onto his bare shoulder from her.
″You got a funny way of saying thank you, Jay Halstead.″
″I know,″ he smirked. ″Thank you baby,″ he then added and kissed her. She sat down right next to him and then they started to eat their breakfast-in-bed while the early morning sun lighted up the bedroom.
XxXxXxXxXxXxX
As it was another hot summer day, they spent most of the time in the water or dozing and relaxing in the shade. When the sun finally started to set in the early evening and a cool breeze occured, they strolled around the lake for some time and Jay showed Erin some places where he and Will had had their tree houses and used to play cops and robbers back in the days.
After Jay took a quick shower back at the cabin later, Erin already waited for him in front of the bathroom.
″What's up?″ he asked her, literally running into her.
″I have a little surprise for you,″ she grinned, grabbed his hand and walked towards the stairs with him. ″Alright close your eyes,″ she said before they were down in the living room. He did as ordered. Erin covered her hands over his eyes nonetheless and guided him towards the garden.
″What are you doing?″ he asked her, being all curious.
″Just wait and see,″ Erin answered.
″Alright, stop,″ she said when they were out in the garden and Jay heard country music playing close to them.
″Can I look now?″
″Yes, now you can look,″ she said and uncovered his eyes.
Jay blinked some times and then saw that she has made a campfire on the fireplace. On the bench right next to the fire were two glasses with lime juice and two packages with marshmellows. Of course it only took him one second to realize what she was doing here.
″I figured you might like this,″ she said quietly from behind as he didn't say anything.
He slowly turned around to her and Erin had to swallow hard when he looked at her with tear-filled, glassy eyes that were as thankful as never before.
″Thank you,″ he whispered and right now this was the only thing he was able to say. He covered her face with his palms and kissed her lips.
″Always,″ she answered with barely no voice either as she was quite emotional from his reaction. ″Sorry for the music though, but I don't want all animals around here getting extinct due to me singing, so I decided this is the best solution,″ she grinned up to him.
″I don't care about how the music is being played,″ he answered all smiles.
″Good. So, Jay Halstead, are you dancing in the moonlight with me tonight?″
″Yes, Erin Lindsay, I am dancing in the moonlight with you tonight,″ he answered and kissed her again.
They sat down on one of the benches that were placed around the fireplace, drank lime juice, ate chocolate ice cream with marshmellows and listened to the country music that played from her phone. When it was finally completely dark and the stars and the full moon appeared on the clear sky, Jay grabbed Erin's hand, pulled her up from the bench and did the same thing with her that he had done with his mother, his grandfather and his brother decades ago. Just with the little difference, that dancing in the moonlight with Erin was even better, of course more intimate and more beautiful. In between exchanging soft kisses and tenderness, Jay couldn't help but think that this was the most perfect moment they had shared yet and just when he thought he couldn't love her more than he already did, a moment like this made him realize that 'more' was still possible. Made him realize how blessed he was to have found her. Made him him realize that she was all he had and all he ever wanted. Made him realize that she was his life. He grinned down into her perfect face by these thoughts, pulled her even closer to his body, buried his face in her hair and enjoyed every single second of this. Of reliving old memories and creating new ones at the very same time...
So, this is "my" Halstead-family-story. I hope you liked it! Please tell me what you think :)
I didn't really go into that PTSD-thing as I'm not sure whether people who suffered from PTSD are allowed to work as cops. So let's just say he went through something similar. But this will come up in an own chapter somewhen in the future. For now I mainly wanted to focus on Jay's family story. Another note: this form of cancer really exists...happened in my family.
Not sure when I'll be able to update again as I have literally barely time to breathe at the moment. But I'll try my best! :)