25. Chapter 25

A/N: I am SOOOO sorry. It's been a hard couple of months for me personally. Life got busy and I let things slide, but I'm doing my best to finish this story for you all as quickly as I can x

We are in the last few chapters of this story so I hope you're all still around for the ride :)

Enjoy!

Sunday evening came around quickly. Erin was cleaning the countertops, distracted by her own thoughts. Was she making the right choice? She had convinced herself that this was right, but there was still this feeling in her gut that just didn't sit right.

The front door opening followed by an excited squeal broke Erin from her thoughts; Jay and Ben were back from the store. She smiled as she heard her son's pitter-patter as he raced through the house. Erin turned her head over her shoulder in time to see Emma Grace holding Ben's hand and walking him into the kitchen, Jay trailing behind holding the grocery bags. Erin put the dish she was washing on the side of the sink and scooped Ben up, resting him on her hip as Emma sat down at the table. Jay placed the grocery bags on the island bench and walked over to them kissing Erin on the cheek before starting to put the groceries away.

"How was the grocery store?" Erin asks Ben "Did you have fun bud?"

Ben babbled and waved his hands around, Erin watching in fascination "Oh wow, sounds like you had a good time."

"Oh yeah, and only one tantrum." Jay chuckles "Will said to say hi, by the way."

"Ah yes, how is our dear love-struck doctor?" Erin jokes.

"Striking out in the love department. He said he's just going to stick to the 'friends and colleagues route'."

Erin looks over at Jay and smirks "That worked out pretty well for us."

"Exactly what I said." Jay smiles back.

Erin placed Ben in his high-chair giving him some carrot sticks to eat and walked over to Jay, circling her arms around his waist.

"Hi." Erin says softly.

Jay leans down to kiss her "Hi. How are you feeling?"

"Better." Erin leans against his shoulder.

"Are you sure you're up for tonight? We don't have to, it's not going to be an easy night." Jay says concerned.

Erin turns in Jay's arms and links her hands behind his "Jay, I'm fine. You can't keep treating me like I'm porcelain. I'm stronger than you think. I want to be there for you with this, so stop trying to get out of it."

Jay holds a laugh "I'm sorry. I'm nervous, I'm kind of regretting doing this."

"If you're not ready…"

"It's not that. I just don't know what to expect tonight, and that makes me anxious. I don't like not knowing all the information, especially when it comes to my father."

Erin leans up and kisses Jay's cheek "It's just dinner, babe. Will and I will both be there to play mediator and make sure neither you or your dad get too worked up. That's why we made it a family dinner, remember?"

"Ugh, you're right. I know you are." Jay admits "I got this. We can do it."

Erin smiles "We can do it. I got you."

Erin watches Jay, Will and Lucy in the backyard with Ben from where she stands in the kitchen washing dishes. She smiles seeing Will swoop Ben up into his arms and up into the air, her son's face breaking out into a bright smile and Erin can practically hear his giggles.

Footsteps coming from behind startle her from her watching and she looks over her shoulder as Aaron Halstead walks into the kitchen "Oh sorry. I just needed some water. I'm not as fit as I was when I used to play with Will and Jay, I need to rehydrate." He says holding his glass up in the air.

"You're ok, I'm just in my own world Mr. Halstead."

"Please, call me Aaron." He insists, taking the water jug out from the fridge "May I ask what's on your mind?"

"I have a decision to make, and not a lot of time left to make it."

Aaron pulls out a stool and seats himself at the island bench "Well I'm happy to listen if you'd like? Maybe an impartial third-party opinion could help."

Erin paused for a moment, eyes flicking to the man sitting to her right as she thought about his offer

"I met a young girl, Nadia, while I was pregnant with Ben."

Erin explained everything to Aaron, the older man patiently and intently listening to her story.

"And now, Detective Benson offered me the chance to sit in during the meeting with Yates and work the case with her team, and I just don't know what to do. I was so sure of myself at first; I made a promise to Emma Grace and Agent Warner, but don't I owe it to Nadia to make sure Yates stays behind bars for the rest of his miserable life."

Aaron nods, taking a second before he speaks "Can I be honest with you? What I want to say, I can't guarantee you'll like."

"Okay…" Erin says, sounding cautious.

"I think you need to do what feels right to you. Don't let other people sway your decisions. I know what that road looks like, and It only ends with a life full of regret."

Erin places the last dish down on the drying rack, wiping her hands and turning to face him "Are you saying you regret staying with their mother?"

"I regret that I didn't do what I needed to. Make no mistake, I chose to stay; I wasn't forced into it or guilted. I did what I thought I was supposed to do." Aaron sighs "But I was a terrible father, especially to Jay. Maybe if I had left when Kathy told me she was pregnant … I could've been a better father because I would've been happy. I could've been the partner that she needed me to be, instead of the angry, bitter asshole that I was."

"How can you know that for sure?" Erin says softly.

Aaron shrugs "I don't think I could've been any worse."

They both chuckle softly at that "Look Erin, at the end of the day the choice is yours. And I think you know in your heart what it is, already. Now I may not know my son as well as I should have, but I know that boy loves you more than he's ever loved anyone before. He'll support you with whatever you choose to do."

Erin smiles at her father-in-law, appreciating that he reinforced the one feeling he seemed to know that, deep down, she was most insecure about.

"Thank you. It's really nice to have you here, Aaron."

"It's nice to be here. I just hope Jay and Lucy are getting along okay." Aaron replies.

Jay and Lucy stood on the patio, leaning against the railing as they watched Will chase Ben around the backyard.

"You have a very beautiful home, Jay." Lucy says "Erin and Ben both seem so lovely, thank you for letting us come to dinner."

Jay nods, keeping his eyes trained on his son "Honestly, you have Erin to thank for that. I may have bought the house, but she made it a home. She's also the one who pushed me to do this, but she was right. It was the right time to do this."

"I know that it can't be easy for you, having your dad here, and me especially. It's one thing to reconnect with your distant father, it's another thing to have to meet the woman he fell in love with while he was married to your mother."

"It wasn't what I thought it was going to be. The whole situation didn't sit right with me; meeting you felt like I was betraying my mother somehow. But I know this is what she would want me to do. She wouldn't want me to jeopardize my relationship with my father, or to judge a woman that I don't really know, out of blind loyalty for her." Jay explains.

Lucy smiles "Your mother always kind-hearted like that. She never wanted to feel like she was burdening anyone."

Jay stands straight turning to face Lucy "You met my mum?"

"We had met at various work functions that Aaron brought her to, she knew about my history with him. She actually called me when I was living in Boston."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. I remember thinking she was going to go off on me, tell me I was a horrible person for trying to steal her husband. But she said she was sorry that she had kept Aaron from me for so long, and that she was going to make it right. It didn't make sense at the time, until …"

"Until what?" Jay presses.

"Until Aaron showed up at my doorstep two weeks later. He told me she had signed the divorce papers and told him to go after the woman he loved. I remember, she told me to take good care of him because she wouldn't always be around to do so. Looking back now, I realise that was when she first learnt about her diagnosis. She didn't want him to feel obligated to stay again, or for me to force him to choose his family over me. She knew he would stay and sacrifice his happiness to look after her. I always knew she was a kind-hearted woman, but I never truly realised just how truly selfless your mother was until that moment."

"I can't believe she did that." Jay mutters shocked.

"I know it doesn't ease the pain that you've felt over the years, and the trauma of your broken relationship with your father, but he has always loved you and Will. When he came to Boston to be with me, the first thing he did was put up pictures of you guys. Our living room had a photo of you, Will and Kathleen on your first day of school; He had it front and centre on the wall. He knew he had failed you boys as a father, but he never stopped loving you."

Jay feels his throat constrict as tears threaten to fill his eyes "Why are you telling me all this now?"

"I know that it doesn't erase all the bad memories, but I want you to know that it wasn't all bad. Your mum and dad, your relationship with your father … all of it. He's always loved you, he just didn't know how to fix things. It took years before he would go to therapy, I practically had to drag him there the first few appointments." Lucy chuckles "But once he started putting his faith in it, he was able to confront all the mistakes he'd made, and it's why he's here now. And I guess I'm telling you all of this because I want you to know that he is a good man, and that giving him a second chance is not a mistake."

Jay looks back out as he here's his son's infectious giggles. Will is tickling his stomach as they lay on the grass. Jay thinks about his relationship with his brother; they had been distant since he left for Afghanistan, and it had been a rocky start when Will showed up in Chicago. It's taken a few years, but they are closer now - Jay could not imagine his life, or that of his son's, without his brother in it.

"I'm trying. I really am glad he's back, and that we have a chance to heal." Jay smiles "I'm glad you're here too, and that he had someone to help him all those years."

Lucy smiles back "That's what you do for the people you love."

"Thanks for tonight, it was really nice to meet you." Jay says giving Lucy a polite hug.

"Thank you for having me Jay, and please thank Erin too." Lucy says looking over to Aaron "I'll meet you in the car."

Aaron nods and Lucy kisses his cheek before walking out the front door. Aaron turns to face Jay again, his body practically radiating waves of nervousness.

"Jay, there was something I wanted to talk to you about today. Maybe I should've done it earlier, but I wasn't sure when the right time was…"

"Okay?" Jay asks

Aaron pulls out an envelope from the inside pocket of his coat and hands it to his youngest son. Jay holds the thick, cream coloured envelope in his hands, the familiar scribble of his name on the front shocking him. It was his mother's handwriting.

"Where did you get this?" Jay asks softly.

"It was sent to me after she passed away, as stated in her will." Aaron explains "she had saved some money, and I had trust funds set up in both yours and Will's name which I had left in her control after our divorce. Her lawyer said that the paperwork for those funds are in that envelope, along with a letter your mother wrote to each of you boys."

Jay looks up confused "Why would she send this to you? You weren't in our lives then, we weren't even speaking."

"I think that was her plan." Aaron lets out a short laugh "Kathy had the purest heart of anyone I've ever known, but lord could she meddle. She knew that if I had the letters I would have to track down you and your brother to give them to you, she specified as much in the letter she sent me."

"I can't believe you kept it all these years." Jay replies, his fingers running over the cursive ink that spells his name.

"Of course I did." Jay looks up at his father "I know I screwed up a lot Jay, but there was never a doubt in my mind that I loved you and your brother. I just didn't know how to deal with my own issues, I couldn't show you the love that you deserved to have from a father. And I'm so sorry for that. But I always knew I would come looking for you, whether it was in ten days or ten years. I was always going to come back, I just needed to be the father you deserved first."

Jay looks stunned. He hadn't expected those words from his father.

"... I don't know what you want me to say here." Jay asked.

Aaron shrugged his shoulders "I don't expect you to say or do anything, I knew I owed you an explanation. You deserved to know."

Jay stepped forward, hugging his father.

Aaron stood surprised before reciprocating the hug.

"Thank you, Dad." Jay choked out, tears in his eyes.

"Are you sure about this?" Jay called from the walk-in wardrobe of his and Erin's bedroom.

Erin sat cross-legged on the bed, changing Ben into his pyjamas "I am. I need to be here, I want to be here."

Jay joined his girlfriend and son on the bed, wrapping on arm around Erin's shoulder "You know I'll support you in whatever you want to do. I just don't want you to regret it."

"I've been working so hard to put Yates and everything he did in the past; he's trying to reel me back in and I'm not going to let him. I already called Olivia, and she understands. Hopefully Rollins will be able to get the information they need, apparently he's developed a rapport with her."

"Are you sure you've thought this through?" Jay asks again.

Erin turns to face him "Yes. I went and saw Nadia this morning for a reason; I wanted to tell her before anyone else. It sounds silly, but I wanted her to know, and I guess I wanted a sign from her that I was doing the right thing."

"And did she give you one?"

"Yeah, she did." Erin smiles "I've known in my heart from the beginning that this was the decision I was going to make, but my head and my heart just weren't seeing eye-to-eye I guess. I know you told me to do what I thought was right, but I guess I just needed the reassurance from her that this was the right thing to do."

"It's fine Erin, I'm glad you were able to get the answers you needed." Jay reassures.

"But, I also spoke to your Dad today. He had surprisingly good advice." Erin smiles.

"My Dad was full of surprises today." He mumbles.

Erin narrows her eyes "What aren't you telling me?"

"He gave me a letter from mum. She sent them to him, I guess to try and ensure that he would come and repair our relationship. It was just … a more emotional day than I thought it originally would be."

"How do you feel about it? Did you read the letter yet?" Erin asks.

Jay shakes his head "I'm kind of scared to. I have no idea what it could say, and it's the last piece of her I have. I kind of want to preserve it."

"I get that." Erin squeezes his hand "but reading the letter won't diminish it's meaning, or your mum's presence. But wait until you're ready to read it, don't push yourself. You've got time."

Erin kisses his cheek, grabbing Ben and standing up from the bed "I better put him to sleep. And call Hank; we're going undercover tomorrow."

"Just like the old days." Jay smirks, remembering their UC gig at the sex club.

"That was hell." Erin groaned. She had given birth a week before and was supposed to be on maternity leave, but Burgess had fallen sick and she was the only one who was suitable to play the role with Jay.

"You know you loved it." Jay smirked "We'll get to recreate some of it tomorrow night."

Erin smiled sweetly as she walked out of the room "That's what you think, Halstead."

A/N: This ending is a bit abrupt I realise, but the original chapter plans for this was too much content for one chapter, so I had to break it up into two and this just seemed like the best place to end this chapter.

I have about three more chapters planned, plus the epilogue. I have my uni break coming up in two weeks so I am hoping to get all the notes and outlines for each chapter written up at least so I can update easier.

Please leave a review and let me know what you thought; this is a bit of a filler chapter but I have had some DMs from people saying that they wanted to see Erin reflecting on everything that had happened with Nadia and yates, and also some more resolution with Jay and his Dad so I hope I was able to provide that for those that asked.

Maddie