Broadcast

Multiple high profile individuals of the Underworld sat watching Caesar's weapon test in various places around the world. The poison gas was certainly potent, but the point had already been made. So why was Caesar taking so long to start speaking to them again and make his sales pitch?

The screen finally changed, but it wasn't the sight of the mad clown scientist they were presented with.

"Hello! You might be wondering where Boss Caesar has gone? Well, he is currently indisposed on the toilet, so I'm taking over!" A woman in a hazmat suit said cheerfully.

A red haired man wearing lipstick snorted at her words. "Somebody is making a big move, eh? I could swear I know that voice from somewhere, but I can't remember who… Do you know, Killer?"

"Hmm, maybe? I'm not sure, but if you can't remember it probably isn't someone worth remembering, right Captain?" Killer answered.

"Perhaps, but it feels important somehow. Oh well, I'm sure it'll sort itself out later." Eustass Kid said, casting aside his ponderings for now. "Let's go finish the preparations, I'm getting antsy from all this sitting around!"

On the screen, the woman continued. "Oh dear, I was going to present the chemical weapon to all you scumbags- er, valued customers, but it seems that Boss Caesar's ass gas escaped the bathroom and killed all the test subjects. What a terrible, terrible shame! I guess this means we'll have to postpone the test until a future date, but not to worry! I'll make sure that Boss Caesar doesn't have his favorite bean and broccoli burritos before the presentation next time, okay? Goodbye~!"

The broadcast abruptly ended leaving many of the Underworld brokers confused or angry. The more intelligent ones among them realized something was really off about it. Not that they would discuss this odd event with anyone else, after all information was powers and most certainly wasn't freely given.

A giant grouper fishman with long tusks on either side of his head stared at the static of the projection. His name, or rather his title, was Jack, an Allstar of the Emperor Kaido's crew and one of the man's closest confidants.

Jack narrowed his eyes in suspicion for several moments before finally saying "I didn't know Caesar had bowel problems, he has my pity." He knew all too well the misery of your favorite food not sitting well in your stomach; he had the same problem with elephant steaks himself. Queen ate red bean soup all the time and never had any trouble at all, the lucky bastard.

A few immediately recognised the woman in the broadcast as Harpin D. Cherry. Tamago and Pekoms were mildly amused by Cherry's antics, but also glad to have something good to report to Big Mom. No doubt she'sd be interested in snatching Caesar from the Straw Hats if ever given the opportunity, especially with the clown's expertise in poisonous weapons of mass destruction, something that would come in handy against the Neo Marines.

Another was Rob Lucci, who clenched his teeth remembering the humiliation he suffered at Cherry's hands. Ultimately it didn't matter, though, because in the end the winner was the one who was still alive and he would be the one who triumphed.

He really needed to find a way to relieve some stress. His "promotion" to CP0 had him surrounded by idiot celestial dragons and he wasn't allowed to kill any of them no matter how obnoxious they were.

Rob Lucci sighed, maybe he could find a slave to execute for "trying to escape".

In another room in a certain Kingdom, a man who looked to be made of snot stood up and made his way through many corridors and found himself in a courtyard with a pool where a man wearing pink feathers was relaxing on a couch with several beautiful, scantily clad women serving him. Next to him sat a little girl with turquoise hair and an odd monocle eating grapes. The girl winced each time she swallowed a grape and rubbed her bandaged throat that pulled at the heartstrings of anyone who saw it.

"Young Master, I think something strange is going on with Caesar." The snotty man said.

The man on the couch, Shichibukai Doflamingo, felt his smile slightly falter but didn't vanish just yet. "How so?"

"His presentation for that new weapon of his was interrupted and shut down, supposedly by one of his subordinates. However, the woman wasn't one of his centaurs, so I think she was a fraud." The snot man, Trebol, explained.

The rest of Doflamingo's smile was wiped off of his face and he immediately picked up his den den mushi and attempted to contact his trusted subordinate, Vergo, who was on Punk Hazard.

*Purururururu!* *Gacha*

"Hello, this is the shitty restaurant. Can I take your shitty order?" answered the snail in an unfamiliar voice.

Veins appeared on Doflamingo's forehead with an odd creaking sound. "Who the hell is this?"

"That's rather rude. Shouldn't you introduce yourself first before asking who I am?" the voice asked in a casual, arrogant tone.

Doflamingo's officers were staring at the den den mushi in disbelief at the audacity of the man on the other side.

An ominous cackle poured out from Doflamingo's mouth, one that his men knew meant he was royally pissed off and liable to torture the cause of that laughter to death. "If you don't know who I am, then you're in for a rude awakening. Stay right where you are, so we can continue this conversation in person."

*Click* Doflamingo hung up the den den mushi, then dialed it once more. This time trying to contact the spy he left to monitor Caesar.

*Puru- Gacha* "Hello, this is the shitty-" *Click*

The little girl looked mildly concerned after that, though it didn't deter her from stuffing grapes into her mouth. She asked in a somewhat scratchy voice, "Is big sis okay?"

"If she isn't okay, then I'll bring back some new toys for you to play with." Doflamingo said before he flew into the air at great speed.

If Doflamingo's subordinates died for him, that would be fine, but it was wholly unacceptable for them to die pointlessly. If Monet and Vergo were still alive, he'd have to punish them accordingly for not only failing but also not even taking the enemy out with themselves.

As invisible strings pulled him through the air, he pondered what terrible things he could do to the enemy's families in front of them in order to mellow out his bad mood.

…

"What the hell are you doing?!" Law snatched the two den den mushi out of Sanji's hands, but the damage had already been done. Doflamingo was on his way here right now.

It would still take a number of hours for the Shichbukai to travel this far, but even that was too close for comfort for Law.

"Isn't it fine? We're leaving anyway." Luffy said dismissively. He, at least, thought the 'shitty restaurant' bit was hilarious.

Law planted his face into his palms and briefly contemplated stabbing the Straw Hats in the back right now whilst Cherry was off 'treasure hunting', as she put it.

The silver lining, he supposed, was that the Straw Hats had enough muscle on their crew to power through a bad situation if it came up and it was true that they were pretty much set to sail whenever.

"While subtlety has never been my strong suit, I have to agree with Law-dono that we shouldn't taunt the enemy haphazardly." Jinbe said, giving Law some hope that maybe this alliance wasn't so bad after all.

"Aw, but haphazard taunting is my favorite pastime!" Cherry said as she landed near the group, causing Law's hopes to be expertly dashed.

"I thought your favorite pastime was nearly dying?" Robin teased with a mocking smile that made Cherry pout.

"I've never 'nearly' died! I either die or survive within a comfortable margin of lethal damage!" Cherry retorted with a harrumph.

"I've finished treating all the children! We can leave them with the marines without any worries now." Chopper said, finishing up the last of the remaining tasks they had on this island.

Some tearful goodbyes were exchanged with the children and even the G5 marines. Then they finally set sail to leave the extreme wasteland of an island.

"So why are you on our ship?" Sanji asked the samurai and his son.

"Don't be that way, we're going the same direction regardless." The samurai said shamelessly. "Besides, I owe you filthy pirates a debt for helping my piece my body back together and returning my son to me, and that's something I cannot accept."

"That's a rude way to say thank you." Zoro commented.

"Introductions are in order!" The samurai said loudly, ignoring Zoro's comment. "I am a samurai of Wano country, Kin'emon, and this is my son, Momonosuke!"

They both gave a short bow.

"Shishishi, just let them come along, the more the merrier!" Luffy said, so the others could only acquiesce.