Chapter 6: You were trying to r*pe me in my sleep

I tried to stand up but couldn’t move my body. I felt weak not only because of the fuss that just happened but from all the happenings today. I closed my eyes to rest on the floor. I had purposely let Kirsten win because I know that if I had won there would’ve been more danger for Jackie and me. As it is, I and my daughter were already in danger; dangers that I don’t even want to dare to think about.

I either face the danger or run from it but the former is preferable though I’m still afraid of what exactly this danger will be and the form it will take. Even with this fear, I know that one day I’ll have to face this danger; it’s either I face the danger and tackle it or I run from it and let it hunt me and my daughter for years. Sigh. I don’t want to live my life in fear.

I want to live my life freely. I want to be able to close both my eyes and sleep peacefully at night knowing no harm will come to my daughter and me. I just want to let my guard down, but these all seem like fantasies in my reality.

I heard Jackie scream. Oh, my poor baby. She might be having a nightmare. I struggled to stand up while forcing my jelly bones to move. I painfully walked to the room and carried a sleeping Jackie in my hands.

Her brows were fixed in a frown. Her lips were positioned in a pout. She was displeased with her dream or maybe in her dream?

“Shush, it’s alright, mommy’s here.” I cooed as she turned and continued sleeping. Her face relaxed but I could still see traces of distress on her face while she was already sound asleep.

I went to the bathroom and cleaned up the blood stains on my body. I washed the blood-stained clothes before finally settling down on the bed.

It wasn’t up to five minutes when the heavens started pouring. Autumn was in full swing, pouring heavy even in November. Everywhere was cold due to the uncarpeted floor and the bare wall of the room; there was nothing to make the room warm not even the bed and table in it.

I stood up to take an old blanket that I used to wrap Jackie’s body. Although it was an old blanket, it’ll certainly do its job of keeping her warm at least till the next day.

I just walk towards the bed and lay on it; I was cold but it didn’t matter to me. Val’s offer at the hospital kept repeating itself dramatically in my head–like the way movies portray people trying to remember pieces of stuff they did when they were drunk. I closed my eyes firmly hoping to drift off to sleep but it was to no avail.

I heard the room door open. I know who’d walked in but his presence is highly unwelcomed. It was Dylan and he was home late but I didn’t mind; gone are the days when I get worried, like a mom, up late at night waiting for Dylan to arrive home safely. I no longer want to take note of and worry about unnecessary things that can make my blood pressure shoot up. I don’t want to be a High Blood Pressure (HBP) patient.

His footsteps were becoming louder, maybe he was working closer to the bed. The footsteps quieten but then I heard them again but couldn’t decipher what was going on since my eyes are closed.

The bed at my side dropped. I felt his lips on my forehead; he trailed kisses from my forehead down to the tip of my nose. I could feel his hot breath on my face as he lingered for God knows why. It’s not like I was expecting a kiss or something but I really do hate suspense. I. Hate. Suspense. Finally, I felt his lips softly brush my lips.

This was my first kiss. This was the first kiss we’ve shared, well the one I know of. Who knows if he has been doing things like this when am fast asleep?

He started roaming his hands on my body and I tried as much as possible not to show any reaction. My face shrunk in disgust out of its own accord but I tried to make it seem like I was having a nightmare else it’d be a dead giveaway that I’m awake. I wanted to know his next moves; scratch that, I needed to know his next moves.

If he wakes me up for whatever reason, that means he hasn’t done something like this before but if he doesn’t then I’m afraid for myself. I don’t want to think that he’s…done something like this before.

I felt his hands roam down my body to my secret arena. On reflex, my eyes shot open by themselves, and staring intensely back at me were the familiar grey eyes.

“What are you doing here?” I questioned as if I didn’t already understand his motive of been here. His eyes looked down at probably where his hand was. I stared too and gasped, well, fake gasped. I must have been too lost in my thoughts that I didn’t notice that he’d pulled my shorts off leaving me in only my panties. It was not the first time he was seeing me in only panties and a bra but still….

“Emm, Emm, I, I, You.” He stammered. I glared furiously at him as he gave me his ‘puppy’ eyes. He felt guilty, I could tell just by staring at him.

“You were trying to r*pe me. In. My. Sleep!” I stressed on ‘in my sleep’ to show my anger.

I want him to feel guilty for what he was trying to do. He was just too afraid to admit what he wanted to do to me with his own mouth.

“Yes.” He shook his head in no as if he was trying to deny the fact he already accepted. “I mean no…, you see, the weather is cold and for two, right? So, I was wondering if we can warm each other up since everywhere is cold.” He smiled sheepishly.

“You were wondering or you were trying to r*pe me,” I asked in a challenging voice with my chin pointed upwards.

“Look, wanting to have a good time with one’s girlfriend isn’t raping or assault anywhere.” He said suddenly furious like something just snapped within him.

“It is raping or assault when the said girlfriend did not give her concept to the ‘good time’!” I argued.

“It is not raping.”

“It is.”

“It is not.”

“It is.”

He raised his hands as if he wants to hit me. I dodged it and he hit his hand against the headboard.

I saw Jackie lying down on the cold floor by the side of the bed.

“You!” I screamed extremely furious.

“I had to.” The moron nonchalantly defended knowing exactly what I was angry about. “I can’t have a good time with my bae if there’s a child in the bed.”

“Oh really?” The proposal Val made to me while I was at the hospital came to mind again. Decision final Jackie and I would spend the weekend at Val’s till I make a more decisive decision; I mean Val treats Jackie like her own daughter and me like her blood sister even without knowing anything about her.

“What are you thinking?” Dylan asked pulling me out of my reverie.

“None of your business.” I deadpanned as I bent down to scoop sleeping Jackie into my hands. I dropped her on the bed before I went to pick up the blanket that was now on the floor and covered her with it.

In the midst of doing all these, thoughts on how to kick Dylan out of the room kept flowing into my mind.

Should I just leave him in the room?

No, he would just try to rape you again.

What about beating him up?

No, I don’t have enough strength to do that.

Other ideas kept coming into my mind until the one I loved flowed in.

Why don’t you just push him out of the room and bolt the door from the inside?

I don’t have that strength

C’mon, you just have to do it unexpectedly and trust it’ll work.

Sigh.

The bickering in my head finally stopped. It was then I noticed I’d been holding eye contact with Dylan. He’s looking at me with an amused expression, he’s been closely watching me all this while.

***********

What do you think of Dylan? Would he be an antagonist or a protagonist?