PRESENT (2022)
"Ahhh, worst worst worst wooorrssttt!! What the hell Yuri, whyyyyyy there ain't no season two?! Yo, MAPPA release the movieeeee!" I drop my phone beside me at the same time I bury my face on my pillow trying to calm myself and trying, really trying not to be so bind with the anime Yuri on Ice.
"Ahh goodness, what time is it?" I reach for my phone again, sparing seconds to be back on earth. I look at my phone's screen, too long to realize what time already is, I even got the time to ask myself "Why did I reach for my phone though?"
"2:30 AM, huh?"
I sigh, not even surprised at all.
"I literally wasted 756 minutes for you Yuri, that's equivalent to 12.6 hours! So please release the movie!"
Literally, I still got a lot of stuff to do. I need to finish packing because we're going to leave Iloilo and move on to Manila.
"Moving back to Manila.... huh... haha" That's a sarcastic one. I shrugged it off and took a seat.
I took a look at my room, I mean at my "Ghibli '' inspired room made me think I'm actually at Howl's moving castle. Not because I have a Howl's themed pillow, not because the castle is stuck on my wall nor Sofia being held by Howl.... What I mean is, clean clothes, toothpastes, deodorants, shoes, boxes, foods, are all scattered everywhere.
"Oh my God... mother's gonna kill me..."
I'm about to complain, digging a hole to bury Victor's face. Blaming them for being so good that I forgot to fix and pack things up but I don't have much time.
I reached for my phone again to check the time.
"2:45... Mom's home at around 5:30... Nooo oh, I am not receiving a big bad mouth later, I must finish this stuff, right here, right now."
I analyze the place and the space...
"I'm in a room with 'not much space' because 'stuff' is anywhere" I unconsciously say.
I start with organizing, leading to arranging, and then I finish with packing. At exactly four in the morning, I fucking yell, almost scream.
"Doooonneeee!! Goodness I'm fucking done!!"
As I went to the kitchen to get some drink I suddenly felt sleepy, I almost bumped my head on the refrigerator door.
"I should go to sleep, I might die." I head back to my room, jump on my bed and try to set a 5 AM alarm to wake me up, yeah that's right, an hour of sleep. When I'm done I wrap myself with a blanket and doze off.
"Nat you're already close.." I take a glance at her but I can't see her face, it is blurry, I also can't recognize her voice.
"Nat... Natalie.. keep going, just keep going..." She's talking to me sweetly, am I a child? I try to speak but I can't, I even try to move but I literally can't, wait, am I dead?!
I should have gone to sleep earlier, not 4 in the morning! Oh my gosh, this is all your fault Yuri!
I try to scream but it's all muffled, I need to get out of here. I started to panic... questions popped in my head... Close to what? keep going for what??
She's holding my hand tight, that hits me, all I can feel is how she holds me, how she moves around me, but I can't move nor talk. I'm dreaming. I need to slap or hurt myself to wake me up but I can't literally move.
What the hell?
I look up at her again but now, she's not she... it is another she... She's smiling wickedly to my face and I can feel my blood boil with anger even though I don't know what's happening, I look at her determined to know who she is. I try and try when suddenly she laughs, not as sweet as cinnamon but bitter as the broken heart of a fish. Now I don't feel the anger anymore, it is overtaken by pity.
I try to scream, I can feel the numbness of my throat. I try again, still, there's no voice. It feels like my voice box has been ripped out of my throat..
I try again then I hear some ringing tone, I glance at the place looking for the woman but she's not here anymore, she disappears like a goddamn bubble.
"Whatever is happening right now, I really need to run." I say inside of my head.
I manage to calm myself and lay comfortably on whatever I'm laying right now. I take a look at the place where my brain took me. I realized that it was all white there ain't no stain on it, it looks like I'm in heaven but where's God? Kidding.
I close my eyes and minutes later I hear the loud ringing sound again, I open my eyes and now it's all pitch black and it fucking looks like I'm falling...
I'm falling...
I look down realization hits and I scream, loud enough to know whoever-who's-out-there that there is a fucking person falling in a pitch black hole.
I just keep screaming and then—
I woke up, I sat up, and looked at my phone's clock.
"It's 5:30" I sigh, calming myself gently, trying to remember what the hell just happened and why it is happening, but I can't answer my own question, I just let it go..
"Nataaaaliiieee!!" Mom's voice.
"Comiinngg!" I spare seconds to check if there's any mess left, I even take time to run at the kitchen to check if I wash our dishes last night. When I'm sure there's nothing my mom's to be mad about, I run and take the key to open the small gate for her.
When she stepped inside the gate I felt a sudden relief. I don't know what it is that I'm being relieved of, but I am.
"How's the packing?" I try to be nervous trying to send the message 'no' to her.
"Uhh, hehehe"
I take a look at her reaction, her eyebrows met, wrinkles forming on her face and she looks like she's gonna bury me six feet under the tree. Oh she's mad.
"HAHAHAHAH!" I tried not to laugh, really... But the thought of she's mad after entering the gates, not even reaching at the front door, makes me want to roll on the floor.
"Just joki— aww!!" I didn't receive a big bad mouth, instead, I received a big loud slap.
"Don't you ever joke when I'm tired, sis!" and I laugh again looking at her irritated face.
She take off her shoes, walk inside the house, putting her things at the exact place where it must be, I assist her with her clothes like a fucking good kid.
And lastly her words, holding her working clothes, I listen.
"Gonna sleep, you can do whatever you want, your sisters and bro will be back next friday so you're free, but please do some laundry." with that she lay and covered herself with the blanket, she's still scrolling into her phone though.
I left the room with a smile plastered on my face, closing the door behind me made me think of something that really helped me.
I run to my room and slowly lock it.
"I should read." I toss mom's clothes to my bed, I look at it, I pick it up, I fold it, and I put it properly on my bed. Realization hits.
"Oh, Natalie... REALLY?! did you just try to imitate the scene on karate kid?!" I accidentally bump my kabinet and out of frustration I open it with so much force reason that something fell on my fucking head.
"Oww, fuck you.." I look at the thing... "Natalie's, pls don't" I smile.
"Hi there little bud." I pick it up and lay on my bed. I took time to mesmerize the journal, I opened it and saw the first thing I wrote when I received this book four years ago.
"I'm confused but not much confused."- December 9, 2018
With this sentence my brain starts to work itself and it takes me back to what happened 10 years ago.