CHAPTER 5 ALL I WANT IS YOU

Yokohama, 2010

"Riiiiinnngggg..."

That afternoon, the sun was leaning towards the western horizon.  The bell was signaling the end of school activities rang deafeningly.

Jin tidied up his books and bag.

That was his second year in high school.  The sweet and adorable boy grew up well.  He turned into a tall youth with an alluring face.  Handsome but beautiful. With his beautiful eyes and long eyelashes, his presence always caught the attention of others.

Loud noises echoed throughout the classroom.  As usual, a typical high school student was always cheerfully welcoming the bell at the end of the lesson.  After all, it was the weekend and they would be facing summer break.

"Jin! You're coming with us huh?" Kazuki his classmate and his best friend invited him to hangout outside before heading home.

"Where?" Jin asked.

"Minato Mirai. Just hang out. Are you coming with us?" Kazuki explained.

"Okay but I'll call my mother first. I'm afraid she'll be waiting anxiously for me if I don't tell her I'll be home late."

"Oh. Okay.. Eehhh.. Aren't your parents in London?" asked Kazuki.

"The mother I mean is my guardian here. Mrs. Tsukishima. She is like my own mother. She took care of me like her own child after my parents returned to London. She lives next door to me. But she always try to find me everyday." Jin happily smiled.

"You live alone in your house?" Kazuki wanted to know.

"No. Aniki lives with me to accompany me at home. Eh, you've met Ryu right?"

Kazuki nodded, "Yeah when he came to school as your guardian right? I still remember. How could I forget, because back then all the girls and female teachers were staring at him in admiration. Your older brother does have an awesome appearance. Good looking. I almost envy him.  Ha ha ha..."

"Actually he's incredibly good looking, A very tall man with a good shape." Jin thought and smiled.

Jin took out his cell phone, turned it on, and called Mrs. Tsukishima, telling her that he was going home late today because he was going to hangout with his classmates to Minato Mirai.

Time passed very fast.  Ryu and Jin, both grew up together in the same environment with the same atmosphere.  Where they grew up with abundant love from their parents.  Both of them grew up to be good and polite young men.  Full of manners. They were full of love, know no hatred.

But boys were boys. They have their own world when they were with their peers.

Ryu and Jin still loved each other like two brothers.

Both Ryu's parents, regarded Jin as their own child.  On the other hand, Jin's parents considered Ryu as their child and entrust Jin to Ryu and his parents, when they decided to return to London because Jin's grandmother there was getting old and need attention and protection from Jin's parents.  Regarding Jin's mother, she was an only child.

"Come on." Jin put his phone back in his bag.

Kazuki nodded and their companions were already waiting at the school gate.  The five of them, Jin, Kazuki, Taka, Hiroshi, Osamu and Daisuke.

They hangout around the Water Front Area.  In one of the taverns there. The Matsushima's tavern.  The tavern owner was still Kazuki's relative, and since Kazukis's uncle allowed them to drink hot sake so they could enjoy some hot Sake there.  Jin was enjoying it, since tomorrow was a school holidays, so he decided it would be okay to have a little Sake.  But he seemed to have forgotten himself a little tonight.

"Hey, Jin. What are you going to do to fill this summer vacation?" asked Kazuki.

Jin took a sip of his Sake, "I'm going to spend my vacation at the dojo practicing Kendo and practicing Kyudo. How about you?"

"Uuuhhh..." his friends voiced in unison.

Jin was often and diligent in practicing.  He loved Kyudo and Kendo so much.  At first he took part in both activities just to looked more masculine.  Jin didn't like it when other people thought he's beautiful, besides, another reason was that Ryu was there too.

Kazuki, "I will work part time at my Uncle's tavern. Here. "

"Me too. I'll be working part time at one of the food stalls around here. You can come if you want. But I can't accompany you...hehe."

Taka scratched his head which didn't itch.

Daisuke, "Hiroshi and I will be working part time at the place where my auntie works. At the plantation in Nagano."

Hiroshi nodded in approval Daisuke.

Jin, "Nagano? So far away"

Hiroshi and Daisuke nodded.

Osamu, " I'm going to help my father's business. I'll be at my family's bakery during the holidays. Come over to our bakery once in a while."

"Jin… Don't you want to have a girlfriend? Don't just practice. Come with us once in a while. We're planning to go on a blind date. How about that? Would you like it?" Kazuki handed Jin another glass of sake.

Jin took a gulp and shook his head, "Sorry, I'm not interested."

"Come on.. Your life isn't just Kendo and Kyudo."

His friends persuaded him but Jin still stood on his ground.  He wasn't really interested in going on a date.  Especially blind dates.

Tomoe, his upperclass, was clearly intrigued and chased after him.  Tomoe was a beautiful girl, the hope of almost boys in their school.  But Jin wasn't the slightest bit interested.  He didn't know why he just wasn't interested in Tomoe, he didn't know.  Many of his friends have asked this question.  But Jin just laughed.  But he still treated Tomoe well.  Because she was a good girl.  It's just that his heart was not moved to reciprocate the girl's feelings.

And that was afternoon during the break time, the girl approached Jin at the school cafeteria and gave him a light blue envelope.

"Read it when you get home," said the girl. Jin just nodded and said thanks to her. He puts the light blue envelope to his trouser pocket.

His friends often asked him if he's ever been in love but Jin just smiled in response.  Jin had never been in love.  He never thought that way.  Not yet.  Don't ask why.  Jin just didn't know the answer.  He only felt that his life was full of love and affection from his biological parents and adoptive parents as well as from Ryu.  So he felt he no longer needed to seek attention from other people let alone a girl.  For him, why bother?  After all, his day was filled with happiness with his aniki. He had his own perfect world.

They chatted about the girls at school.  Jin just listened while enjoying his Sake while occasionally laughing chimed in.

That night Jin came home very late.  Almost midnight.  When he got home he felt his head a little dizzy.  Maybe from drank too much Sake.  But Jin wasn't drunk, his tolerance for alcohol was rather high so he didn't get drunk easily.  Actually Jin, was neither a brat nor a drunkard, he was just used to the alcoholic drinks of his mother's tradition.  They, his parents accustomed Jin to adapt to alcoholic drinks.  They used to have dinners on Thanksgiving and on Christmas Eve, where wine and sake would be served.

Jin went into his room and put his bag on the study table.  He reached into his trouser pocket and took out the light blue envelope Tomoe had given him at school and stuffed it carelessly into his bag.

Then he took his kimono and rushed to take a shower.  Jin felt hot from drank too much sake.

He opened the bathroom door without knocking.

"Oops! I'm sorry, Aniki. I didn't know you were inside. And you didn't lock the door."

"It's okay, Jin." Ryu said, glancing at him.

Jin closed the bathroom door again.

Somehow he felt himself so embarrassed.  This was the first time that Jin saw Ryu's body without a single thread.  Even though it looked from behind, it's still naked.  His heart was pounding like it was about to exploded.  He walked into his room and his heart still pounding.  And the image of Ryu's towering and muscular body in the bathroom still played in his mind.

"Shit!! I'm so ashamed now!"

He threw himself on the bed.  Stared at the ceiling of the room.  Tried to calm his racing heart.

He asked, "What's wrong with me?"

The door to his room was opened, Ryu's head popped out from behind the door.  Ryu looked normal like nothing happened.  And went into Jin's room.

"Hey. You're drinking again huh. How many times I told you. You're still 17 years old, Jin. You're still underage. Don't drink alcohol. It's okay if you have a little drink in Christmas or Thanksgiving or some special day. Go take a shower. You smell like sake. I'm done."

Jin immediately got up from his bed.  His heartbeat had subsided considerably.

"Okay. I'm sorry. "

He immediately headed for the bathroom.

But in the bathroom, while taking a shower Jin was busy asking himself.

"What happened to me? I've never been like this. I've lived with aniki for years but I've never felt like this. Or... Is it the effects of alcohol?"

Jin snorted, he knew that it was a ridiculous statement.

The pounding heart of the sight of  the naked man was definitely not caused by alcohol.  He knew. Jin laughed sarcastically to himself.  He immediately shook his head throwing away his thoughts of naked Ryu and hastily finished his bath.

After bathing his body felt refreshed again.  The smell of sake was gone from his body.  He also brushed his teeth earlier.

Jin returned to his room, Ryu was still there.  This time with a CD in his hand.

But he was holding a light blue paper in the other hand.  He held up the light blue paper at Jin.

"Let's read it. Is she your girlfriend?"

Ryu asked thoroughly.  His eyes implied that he needed an answer.

Jin took the blue paper and looked at Ryu.  "Where did you get this from?"

"From under the floor near your bag. It might have fallen."

Jin showed that he was not happy but he started to read it:

"You already know what I felt,  right? I like you,  Shinohara. Tomorrow I will wait for your answer. We will meet at the KOHI coffee shop near the school. Tomoe. "

Jin folded the blue letter paper.  He remained silent.  Dried his wet hair with the towel.

Ryu asked back, "Is she your girlfriend ?"

"I know you've read it, Aniki. Why are you still asking?"

"But you didn't answer my question."

"Aniki, if she's waiting for my answer, logically means she's not my girlfriend."

"She's your friend? Classmate? Is she pretty? Is she popular? Tall? Do you  like her? What answer will you give her tomorrow, Jin?" Ryu bombarded Jin with a number of questions.

His face showed that he was a bit annoyed by the light blue letter.  But the reason was unknown.

Jin blinked his eyes and exhaled roughly.  Obviously he was bothered by Ryu's questions.  He looked at Ryu with disapproval.

"Aniki. What is this?"

Ryu looked a little embarrassed.

"I'm sorry. I'm a bit interested in knowing your answer. Are you going to accept it or not. There's no secret between us right?"

Jin sat on the edge of the bed.  He sighed.  He looked up at Ryu.

"Don't always mind my personal business, Aniki. Do I have to report to you every time I get a love letter?"

Ryu narrowed his eyes, "What?? What did you say?? Am I meddling in all your business, Jin? Fine. I'm sorry if you think I'm too curious about all your business."

His words sounded flat.  He tried to suppress his emotions.  Then he went out of the room with his new CD.

Jin was confused, in his heart he asked "Why is aniki so angry?"

But he was silent and did nothing.  Because he himself didn't know what to do.  And frankly he wasn't in the mood for anything.

Jin lay on his bed comfortably.  Closed his eyes.  He was dizzy. And he fell asleep.

It was past midnight, to be precise. Almost 2 am. He looked at the clock on the wall in his room.  It had been two hours since their unpleasant conversation.  There was no sign that Ryu would took him back to listen to the new CD he just bought.

"Ah, I shouldn't have been that rude to him. He's not a stranger to me. Why should I be annoyed and angry? Even though he's been taking care of me since I was little."

Jin was a little sorry for what happened earlier.  He stepped out of the room to find Ryu.  He went to Ryu's room, knocked on the door of the room and opened it but the room was empty.  There was no Ryu.  Then he headed to the balcony.  There he found Ryu smoking, at the table in front of him was a glass of whiskey.  Ryu used to drink whiskey.  He liked whiskey.

In his arms was a guitar.

"Aniki.."

Ryu turned around, "Yeah..."

There was no anger or annoyance in his tone.

Ryu was always like that, when he was angry he subsided quickly.

"You haven't slept yet, Jin?"

Jin shook his head, "I just woke up. I want to be with you."

"Sit down." Ryu said.

Jin sat next to Ryu.

"Aniki. I'm sorry. I was a little dizzy earlier. I've been rude to you."

"It's okay, Jin. I was too curious. I forgot that you will soon become an adult."

Then Ryu rubbed Jin's head for a moment and smiled.

They enjoyed the view of Yokohama at midnight while occasionally playing guitar.

"Aniki. Have you ever had a girlfriend?"

"A girlfriend.. I don't know if it's in the dating category, yes. Because we only met at school. And we never went on a date. Hahahaha... I think it's puppy love style courtship. It's not serious and random. Because all my friends encourage me to dating Narumi."

"When did that happen?" Jin looked at Ryu confusedly.

"Why didn't I know?"

Ryu stretched out his hand, ruffling Jin's hair.

"You were too young at that time. Still in elementary school, Jin. I was still in high school. Do you remember Narumi? Matsushima Narumi."

"That beautiful Narumi? The one who often gives me fireworks?"

"Yes. The one whose house is near your elementary school."

"Yes.. Yes.. I just remembered now. So you were dating her."

They reminisce about past funny events.

"Aniki. Do you currently like someone?"

"Hmmm.. I'm not sure or know for sure but right now I'm always thinking about someone."

"Oh yeah? Who is she? Do I know her?"

At that moment suddenly, what Jin felt was a pain in his chest.  He felt congested.  But he covered it with a smile.

"You know the person. But I'm not sure about my feelings either. Later when I'm sure of my feelings, I will tell you."

"Oh. Okay. Promise me." Jin nodded.

Ryu nodded in agreement.

"Who is she? Is she beautiful?"  in Jin's mind.

Jin stared at Ryu for a long time but the question didn't come out of his mouth.

"Hey! Stop thinking. Don't worry about it. Forget it. "  Ryu laughed seeing Jin's serious face.

"What about you? Have you thought about what answer to give Tomoe?"

Jin nodded firmly.  "Tomoe is beautiful. She's a popular girl at our school. But I'm not interested in her."

"Why? Isn't she beautiful?

"I don't know. I'm just not interested in her."

"Is there another girl that caught your eyes?"

"Absolutely none. I'm not interested in them."

"So no you like any of them?"

"No, no one."

Ryu nodded.  While strumming his guitar, deep in his mind he didn't want Jin with anyone else.  He didn't like it when that happened.  Like what happened earlier when he got Tomoe's light blue letter for Jin.  He really didn't like it.  He wanted to rip it off but he couldn't.  Jin would look at him like a child if he tore it apart.  He was an adult, he was 24 years old.  And he knew he had no right to it.  Jin was free to like and associate with anyone.  He had no right to forbid Jin from being with other people.  He wasn't sure  enough but that was how he had felt ever since Jin grew into a teenager.

Jin had a nice body.  His face, that anyone who looked at him would definitely like it.  Good looking, people said.

He didn't like it when girls stared at Jin for a long time and admired Jin.  He's jealous.  Ryu didn't know what made him jealous.  And he'd been feeling it for a long time.  He wanted Jin to only be with him and not with anyone else.  He had only realized earlier, he had different feelings for Jin than before.  Not as his brother.  But he still had to confirm it again. After all, Jin was still a minor.

All this time he had never been interested in anyone since Jin was growing up, especially since Jin was about to entered the gate of adulthood.  Ryu just realized that his eyes were closed by Jin.  In his mind and heart there was only Jin.

Actually Ryu already understood and or realized his feelings for Jin but he was not completely sure.  But tonight he was almost sure of his feelings, he just needed a little more time to be sure.

In his heart many doubts because they had the same gender.  And it was impossible for Ryu, but he couldn't fight his feelings.  Fought his jealousy when others notice Jin.  Especially when Jin was near him, Ryu always wanted to touch him.  Ryu realized that he has loved and cared for Jin since Jin was 6 years old.  In middle school, Narumi was his only escaped, because the girl liked him and his friends encouraged Ryu to accept Narumi. But Jin was his world.  Ryu liked to stare at him for a long time when Jin was sleeping or studying.  Ryu liked to stare at Jin from a distance and he felt his chest tightened when Jin was close to him.  Ryu knew his feelings for Jin but he doubted and afraid because they were both boys.  Ryu just needed a little more time.  A little bit more.

Ryu woke up from his daydream, he stopped playing his guitar and looked at Jin who looked sleepy.  Ryu rubbed his head affectionately.

"Jin. It's getting late.Almost dawn. Time to sleep. "

"Oyasumi, Aniki."

"Oyasumi, Jin."

They walked to their  rooms.

********

In his room, Jin laid down on the bed.  His mind drifted.

"Who aniki likes right now? Why don't I like it? Why does my heart hurt when I hear aniki likes someone? Why? I don't like this. There's something else I feel right now. I don't want aniki to be with anyone else. But why??"

During that time Jin barely knew other people well.  All his life he had only known Ryu, his aniki.  Not other people.  All his life he depended solely on his aniki.  Who he considered his own brother.  When Jin did something, it was all because of aniki.  All must be with aniki.  His Aniki fulfilled all his needs for attention and affection.  His Aniki filled his life.  So Jin never knew that there was someone other than his biological parents and adoptive parents, who could fulfill his life.  For example, a girl as his girlfriend.  Jin didn't know about that.  He only knew his aniki would always be with him and he would not lack for anything.  Jin did not know that there was another love out there waiting for him to fulfilled his life.  Not love between brothers.

But tonight he saw his naked aniki.  His perfect body bothered Jin.  Made Jin unable to sleep.  Even though Jin had often seen Ryu shirtless and they often hugged together when the two were about to separate, when Jin was about to leave for London or when Ryu was going out of town.  He didn't feel anything like that night.  That perfect body could not be lost from his mind.  His Aniki was so perfect even from behind.

Then Jin asked himself in his heart, "How about from the front?"

But he quickly shook his head to shake off the mischievous thoughts.  Jin felt his face heat up, and he turned around.  Buried his face deep into the pillow.

"Damn!! What am I supposed to do now to face him? I'm so ashamed!!"

Jin tried to close his eyes.  Tried to sleep but there were a million questions in his mind, he couldn't possibly sleep.  He got out of the bed and looked for his walkman CD and he put his ear buds to his ear and played his favorite CD that was in it.

Slowly sang the song of U2.

"You say you want..diamonds on a ring of gold

You say you want your story to remain untold

But all the promises we make, from the cradle to the grave

When all I want is you

You say you'll give me a highway with no one on it

Treasure just to look upon it all the riches in the night

You say you'll give me eyes in a moon of blindness a river in a time of dryness

A harbor in the tempest but all the promises we make from the cradle to the grave. When all I want is you

You say you want your love to work out right to last with me through the ..

You say you want diamonds on a ring of gold

Your story to remain untold, your love not to grow cold

All the promises we break from the cradle to the grave

When all I want is you. You all I want is...

And finally he fell asleep.

********

Note:

If you like to read my novel and the continuing of this story, find it Ireaders. I got a contract on their platform. It almost finished.