4. Chapter 4

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Chapter 3

Erin sat at her desk, occasionally looking over at her partner's desk. He was on the phone, probably to one of his C.I.s. She could see from the corner of her eye that he had glanced over at her at least three times today. This was an improvement on the last two days, when he couldn't even bear to look at her.

Erin felt a little piece of herself die as she recalled the look on his face the day before, when she was knocked over during their successful drugs bust. He was the closest to her so of course he was on hand to help her up. But that was all he did, he just helped her to her feet and gruffly asked was she okay. There was no gentle caressing of her arms or face that he would usually provide out of concern. Even though she didn't want to admit it, those caresses had made her feel alive and she was missing them, she was missing him.

"Erin, get in here!" She heard Voight bark from his office, knocking her out of her trance. She stood up and walked into his office, knowing the whole team was watching her. "Close the door and sit!" Voight ordered.

She followed his orders. "You wanted me?" She tentatively asked.

"Did you and Halstead break my rules?" He asked outright.

"What?" Erin exclaimed. "Of course not! You know I'm dating Kelly Severide from Fire House 51. Plus you already threatened Jay with losing his job if he even tried. And that 'overprotective dad' shit you pulled is so not okay with me."

"It was Halstead I was protecting." Voight replied without emotion. "I know the trail of broken hearts you've left."

Erin shot him a look, preparing to argue back but she never did.

"So what the hell is going on?" Voight snapped. "He has requested Dawson as his partner the last three days. I need all my team to get along. Am I going to have to transfer someone?"

"We're fine." Erin replied, crossing her arms. "But you know Antonio is his mentor, just like you're mine. He just wants to be there for him with everything going on with Laura and the kids, that's all."

"And I'm meant to buy that bullshit?"Voight asked.

"You do when it's the truth." Erin quickly retorted.

"Sort it out Erin, whatever is going on between you two it needs to be killed." Voight simply stated.

"I'm on it." Erin replied before exiting the office.

Erin sat on Severide's sofa, cuddled into him with his arm draped over her shoulder, his fingers gently twirling a strand of Erin's hair. There was a bowl of popcorn in front of them; along with two half empty glasses of wine.

They were meant to be watching a movie but Erin could not remember anything past the opening credits. Her mind was elsewhere, trying to figure out what to do about her relationship with Jay. She didn't want him to get transferred, and to be fair, she wasn't sure if Voight would let Jay go over her. She knew Voight was quietly impressed that he had taken a stand against him.

Kelly looked down at Erin. He could tell she wasn't paying attention to the movie. She hadn't been herself since she arrived at his door. He just thought she had a tough day on the job but a glass of wine and it would disappear. Nine times out of ten it would normally work, for both of them.

"I love this bit." He started to say. "It's great when she grabs her baby and bites the baby's head off." It was not the plot of the movie, he was just testing her attention, and it worked.

"Yeah, it is so romantic." She muttered.

"Right, that proves it." He stated, letting go of her to reach forward and grab the remote. He switched off the movie and turned to face Erin.

"What?" Erin stated confused. "I was watching that!"

"Erin..." Severide sighed; his tone was ever so gentle. "What is wrong? Talk to me. Did something happen at work?"

Erin sighed and turned to face Kelly. She curled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs and rested her chin on her knees. "I'm sorry; I didn't want to be so distracted. I know a Friday night off for both of us is so rare."

"I'm not worried about that." Severide stated. "Right now, I am worried about you."

"That's because you're too good a person." She inwardly thought, turning her face away from him. She felt his finger gently graze her cheek, turning her face back to face him. She knew he wasn't going to give up. How could she tell him that she was so distracted because she acted so jealous regarding her male partner? Yeah, that was easy to explain to your boyfriend.

"Erin?" Kelly asked again, patient as ever.

"I said and did something that I shouldn't have and I really hurt someone I care about." She stated, hoping Kelly wouldn't pry for more details. "And I don't know if this person can ever forgive me."

"Well have you tried being honest?" Kelly asked. "Letting this person know how you really feel?"

Erin scoffed. She really didn't want to open that can of worms. She glanced over and saw Kelly still watching her. "Sorry I didn't mean..." She trailed off. "It is really good advice but I am worried that if I'm honest, it could make things worse."

"And could things get much worse than what they are now?" Severide asked.

Erin paused for a moment. "I guess not." She finally answered. "They already hate me."

"I'm sure that's not true." Kelly reassured her, smiling.

She smiled back. There was silence between them. Erin chewed her lower lip, pondering her next action. "Would you be pissed if I was to bail on tonight?"

Kelly gave a small smile." Go." He replied, supportively.

Erin dropped her feet back on the ground and slipped on her boots. She scooted herself over to Kelly's end of the sofa. "How did I get so lucky?" She quietly asked, her fingers grazing his cheek. He didn't answer, he knew it was rhetorical. She placed her lips tenderly against his before standing up and leaving his apartment, not looking back.

Erin stood in front of Jay's door, her fist poised to knock. It had been poised for the last three minutes. "C'mon Erin, this is Jay." She told herself, before her fist touched the door. "Shit, here it goes."

She could hear his footprints heading towards the door and she also heard them stop. He took his time to open the door, probably debating whether or not he should. If she was Jay, Erin wasn't 100% sure she'd open the door in his position but it did open. "Hey partner!" She exclaimed, a little too brightly.

Jay crossed his arms and leaned against the door frame, his facial expressions as cold as stone, giving nothing away.

"Am I interrupting something?" Erin asked, the thought suddenly entering her mind that he may not be alone, especially when he was making no attempt to invite her in.

"Nope." He replied, coolly.

"Oh, okay." She muttered, looking at the ground. There was silence. There was still no invite to come in.

"What do you want Lindsey?" He asked.

She looked up at him. He was really going to make her do this. In his hallway, where his neighbours could hear. She took a deep breath and forced her hands into her back pockets so she couldn't fidget.

"I know I owe you a huge apology..." She began.

"No, you owe me the truth." Jay corrected.

She inwardly sighed. This was what she was worried about.

"We're meant to be a team Erin and it is now pretty evident that you don't trust me." Jay said.

"Of course I trust you!" Erin objected. "I trust you with my life everyday."

"Erin..." He sighed, shaking his head. "That's not what I meant."

Now it was Erin's turn to sigh as she knew what he meant. "I'm not perfect Jay, I never said I was..."

"No body's perfect Erin." Jay stated.

She met his eyes. "I have to stay in control Jay, which is why I always have it drive..."

"This isn't about the driving!" He exclaimed, running his fingers through his hair.

Erin swallowed hard and stepped back, surprised by his reaction. She watched as he took a deep breath, regaining his temper.

"I get your thing with Nadia." Jay continued. "I know you see yourself in her, that you're trying to do for her what Voight did for you. I was only trying to help."

"I know that now." Erin said. "But when I saw you two together and when I saw the way she looked at you. I got scared, she looked at you the way I used to look at Charlie..."

"But I'm not Charlie!" Jay stated.

"I know that." Erin instantly interjected, stepping towards Jay until they were centimetres apart. She automatically reached out and placed her hand on his arm. She looked up at him. "You've got more good in your pinkie finger than he has in his entire body."

There was a paused as both of them gathered their thoughts. She could feel Jay's breath on her neck. She could feel the heat radiating from him. Finally, he spoke.

"Erin, what is this?" He finally asked. "Because I get that you were scared but as an outsider looking in, you could say you were jealous too."

She swallowed hard, debating whether or not she should answer this question honestly. "I guess I was." She said quietly. She heard him groan with frustration. "You wanted the truth."

"So what is this?" He asked, waving his arms around. "I mean, are we partners keeping it professional or are we..." He trailed off, his eyes focusing on her lips.

"I guess it comes down to this one question." Erin replied, her eyes also locked on his lips. "Do you love working in intelligence, with me?"

"You know I love my job...and our partnership." Jay replied.

"And I feel the same." Erin agreed. "So the way I see it is whatever this is, it stays professional because I'm not willing to give up every day working with you for one night of, more than likely, incredible sex."

"There would be nothing likely about it." Jay retorted, his trademark cheeky grin back on his lips.

"I was just covering the bases."Erin replied with a smirk.

"And what if it wasn't just for one night?" Jay asked, stepping towards her.

Erin tilted her head and grazed her finger up and down his chest. She looked him right in the eye. "Jay, we spend every day lying about our lives, especially to the people we love." She said. "You know it would end in tears, especially if one of us had to give up the job we love."

Jay nodded. "So professional it is." Erin nodded her head in agreement. "Thank you." Jay said.

"Huh?" Erin asked.

"For being honest...and truthful." Jay replied softly. "I know it wasn't easy for you."

"It wasn't." Erin agreed. "But I do trust you...or at least I'm trying. I don't want to have secrets from you."

"I know and tonight was good start." Jay agreed.

Erin nodded and turned to walk down the steps.

"Erin, where are you going?" Jay asked.

Erin spun around to find Jay's door push wide open, with him by the side, welcoming her in. "I thought we just agreed to keep this professional?" She stated.

"I just agreed not to have mind blowing sex with you." Jay replied. "You didn't say anything about watching the Black Hawks game I have on DVR."

Erin smiled and began to walk towards his apartment. "You got beer?" She asked, already taking off her jacket.

"Of course." Jay replied, dodging Erin's playful punch to the gut as she passed him, into his home.

They both had smiles firmly placed on their lips as the apartment door closed.

To be continued...