33. Chapter 33

Hey guys, I just want to say a massive thank you to the response for my last chapter...I didn't expect so much feedback but it did its job as I was inspired to write so I hope the inspiration (and reviews) continue! Seriously! The love for this fic blew my mind! I really appreciate it! I hope this chapter is not a disappointment. Please continue to read and review!

Chapter 32

Erin slowly opened her eyes, adjusting to the morning light. She glanced over at Jay's side of the bed and sighed; it was perfectly made; he hadn't made it to bed last night. She couldn't help but wonder if he even made it back; and where he went if he didn't make it back to the apartment.

She pulled back the covers and stepped out of the bed. She pulled on her robe as she exited the bedroom. She was relieved to find Jay standing in the kitchen, pouring himself a cup of coffee. She glanced over at the sofa; the blanket and pillows were neatly stacked at the end.

"You made it back here then." She simply said, walking towards the kitchen. She hopped onto a kitchen counter and looked over at him. "I tried to stay up but I had to give up at midnight."

"I went to the gym." Jay replied, avoiding her glance as he sipped his coffee.

Erin nodded; her eyes still focusing on Jay. "You know, when I first moved in with Hank and his wife Camille...the one thing I always remember Camille saying to Hank was they could never go to bed angry with each other." Erin ran her hand through her hair. "And at the time it didn't make sense to me, because well, when my dad was around, it seemed like my mum and dad spent all their time angry with each other. And Voight...you know he is no saint but I never did see him and Camille go to bed angry with each other. They'd always talk it out, even if it took all night." Jay glanced over and Erin for a brief moment before focusing back on his coffee. "I never really got what she meant until last night...until right now."

"Erin, we're not Voight and his wife...we're not even married." Jay stated, finally looking at her. He could see the tears in her eyes that she wasn't going to let escape.

"No, but we're partners...a bond stronger than most marriages I know." Erin replied. "I don't want to go back to the way things were between us Jay...when we were on the brink of wanting to swap partners."

"I don't want that either Erin but..." He began to say but trailed off.

"But what Jay?" Erin asked, her eyes questioning him.

He paused for a moment; wondering if he should be honest but he was getting tired of always putting his feelings out there while Erin revealed very little if anything. "But nothing." He simply said. "You're right, I shouldn't have disappeared, and I should've stayed."

"We've been with each other non stop the last few weeks, maybe you did the right thing, maybe we needed this one night apart to get some breathing space and gain a little perspective." Erin tried to reason; she knew deep down this wasn't just Jay's fault; she played her role too. "I mean, the whole kissing thing, you were right...the mouth is too personal."

Jay hung his head; again, he put his feelings out there and again they were not reciprocated. He finally looked up at her. "Glad we agree." He finally said before placing his empty coffee cup in the dishwasher. He walked over to the dining table were his suit jacket was hanging on the back of the dining chair.

"I um...I'm meeting Burgess to get a ball gown before I head to that charity luncheon." Erin said. "You were right again...Atwater had the hook up. Do I need to pass on anything?"

"Nope, I think you got it covered." Jay replied, slipping on his jacket. "I should be back about 7 tonight as I'm picking up my tux. Are we heading to the manor?"

"I guess so." Erin replied, she had so many questions, unable to read his tone or body language.

"Okay, I'll see you then." He retorted before heading out the door; Erin watching him leave.

Erin stood in front of the mirror, looking at her reflection. She was wearing a silver ball gown; the strapless corset top shimmered with the diamante beading shaped into little snowflakes; the skirt fell to just below her ankles, with lots of netting underneath to give it volume; the mesh over the top layer of the skirt had random diamante beading sown in, giving it extra shimmer under the lights as she moved.

"Oh Erin...I think this is the one!" Burgess sighed.

"You think?" Erin asked, looking at her reflection again; not believing what she seeing. She was not the type of girl that got excited about prom or balls but she had to admit; she was feeling like Cinderella.

"Of course!" Burgess squealed. "Jay will not know what to do with himself when he sees you!"

Erin hung her head and silently thought "If only."

"Hey Erin, is everything okay?" Burgess asked, placing her hand on Erin's bare shoulder.

"Yeah...um, I'm just missing home and the unit." Erin quickly shot back.

"Are you and Jay..." Burgess trailed off.

"We're fine...I think we're both ready for this operation to be over." Erin stated, returning focus back to her reflection. "So hair up or down with this dress?"

"I'm thinking up." Burgess replied, knowing her friend wanted to change the subject. She stood behind Erin and helped her scoop her hair up. "If you're gonna be Cinderella, you might as well go for the full experience – minus the glass pumps."

"Oh my God! Shoes?" Erin exclaimed, forgetting another element of the outfit. Both Erin and Burgess turned to the shop assistant; a mid-twenties girl, dressed in jeans and a bomber jacket; large gold hoops hanging from his ear; her hair pulled back in a high ponytail.

"Seriously? I got to supply the shoes as well?" The girl scoffed. "Kevin better bring his wallet because I'm ordering the lobster."

"Add the filet mignon while you're at it." Erin added. "You're definitely earning that surf and turf."

"And we'll tell all the female police officers to come here for the police federation ball." Burgess added.

"Fine." The girl reluctantly muttered before going off to look for shoes.

"Kevin is seriously going to pissed at you...surf and turf?" Burgess laughed.

"I don't know what you're laughing at." Erin shot back, also laughing. "I'll not be in the district...you will!"

"Oh God! You're right!" Burgess laughed. "You just screwed me!" Erin laughed too, enjoying the break from the operation.

Erin stood in the corner of the restaurant, clutching a glass of wine; watching as another 50 – something woman in a pearl necklace and twin set completely ignore her. She took a gulp of the wine, wondering why she was still there; she was getting bored playing a society wife; she obviously didn't belong.

"Don't worry about her." She heard Amy whisper in her ear as Amy joined her. "Maria Dupont hates anyone younger than her, especially if they are the least bit attractive."

Erin couldn't help but smile. "Really? She was playing nice with you earlier." Erin stated. "And you are much younger and prettier."

"Only because Tony is worth twice as much as her hubby...who is banging his secretary by the way." Amy replied.

"Well monogamy isn't exactly something we should be bragging about..."Erin said, glancing at Amy. "...taking into consideration some of the things we've participated in."

"I didn't say I was perfect." Amy retorted. "But I know Tony isn't banging his secretary." She paused for a moment. "How are things with you and Jay anyway?"

"We're good." Erin answered.

"Erin, I'm your friend...don't lie to me." Amy said, looking sideways at Erin. "I've heard stories and Jay is getting some action...just not with you."

Erin sighed and stared at the ground. "Of course Poppy wouldn't keep her mouth shut." She silently thought. She looked up at Amy and spoke. "We're getting there."

"Look Erin, I have seen Jay satisfy you." Amy stated, referring back to the peep show. "However, have you actually satisfied Jay?"

Erin choked on her drink. "Amy!" She scoffed, quickly looking around her to make sure no one was hearing the conversation. Thankfully, being ignored had its benefits.

"Erin, it's an honest question." Amy retorted. "Intimacy is a two way street."

"It's complicated." Erin replied.

"What's complicated?" Amy asked. "I've seen how attracted you are to him...hell, I heard it!" Again, she was referring to the peepshow when Erin faked an orgasm. "And I can tell Jay is crazy about you by the way he looks at you...but he needs more...you need to turn up the heat before he moves onto someone else permanently."

Erin nodded. Amy was right. So far, it was Jay making all the moves; now it was her turn; she just didn't know what to do without going too far; especially as things were strained again. She had to find something to do that Jay could fake his performance; she just was sure what and she wasn't sure if she could carry out the act. Suddenly, she was dreading her visit to the manor tonight but she knew she had to step up and play her part. She was only playing a role after all; unfortunately, she was struggling to convince herself, never mind Jay.

To be continued...