16. Family Shrub

Chapter 16: Family Shrub

This is a story about family, and how you can find it even when you aren't even looking for it.

But mostly, it's a story about the hidden dungeon underneath the house.

Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself.

It all started on a fairly uneventful afternoon. The farm chores were done for the day, and our time was our own… well, it would have been, except that Hop Pop decided now would be the perfect time to continue working on the Plantar family tree (or shrub, cause they gotta do everything wrong here).

Now, the one thing I can fer sure tell you about the Plantar family shrub is that you ain't findin' no Boonchuys anywhere on it. So I was only kind of half-listening while HP went on about the illustrious accomplishments of Plantars past, but I managed to get the gist of it, basically "They were all farmers, who farmed, on farms". Nothing terribly interesting. I can relate. No kings or generals in the Boonchuy family tree either, as far as I know, just ordinary folks doing ordinary things. My focus was mostly on the game of Super Stacker I was playing on my phone. I'd finally gotten to Level 46, and I'd done it without buying any boosters (not that I can here). I was pretty proud of myself. But this level was proving pretty vexing, because it was one of the timed levels. I suspected that the time limit had been left deliberately low to goad people into IAPs, but like I said, that's not an option. And by now, it had become a matter of personal pride.

In any case, the project was put on hold when Hop Pop ran out of glue and had to go to the Grub n' Go for more… but we couldn't go do anything else, because he was going to be right back. Sprig starts going on a rant about how there was nobody interesting in their family, smacking this painting above the fireplace… which had some kind of hidden switch in it, because the fireplace opened to reveal a secret passage. Of course, we had to go down there, because whatever's in a secret passage has to be cool. And probably valuable.

It wasn't long before we came to this big, dusty chamber full of all sorts of scientific equipment and experiments. Some of them pretty danged creepy, like this one turnip that looked like it was in a lot of pain. I could tell because it had a face. On an unrelated note, I know what nightmare I'll be having tonight.

This chamber turned out to have belonged to Great Uncle Skip (whose great uncle he was I have no idea), who was some kind of scientist. The mad kind judging by some of his creations.

I also learned something about Sprig today. Whenever he comes across a lever, he has an uncontrollable need to pull it. This got us into a lot of trouble today. And we had our first brush with it when he reeased some kind of giant drooling pumpkin monster from its prison (how it stayed alive down here with no sun or water is beyond me). It looked like it was about to avenge all the pumpkin pie and pumpkin spice lattes I consume every fall, but suddenly Sprig starts to hug it and speak softly to it, calming it down… and just when he'd earned its trust, he shoved t back in its cage and trapped it all over again. Maybe I shouldn't have let him watch Suspicion Island, because that was an act of backstabbing worthy of Vivica herself.

And then the floor collapsed.

We found ourselves in yet another chamber, this one belonging to Second-cousin Pollyana. According to HP, not just any farmer… a turnip farmer. You know, I don't think I've ever eaten a turnip. I'm not sure anyone has ever eaten a turnip. In fact, if someone told me turnips don't actually exist, I might have to look up whether they were making it up or not.

Well, it turn-ips out (sorry. I'll stop) that before Pollyana settled down to the farming life, she was one of the most fearsome warriors Amphibia had ever seen, taking part in famous battles all across the continent. Her chamber was a veritable arsenal of weaponry both mundane and exotic. The centerpiece was a massive training gauntlet, which of course Sprig activated by pulling a stray lever. Sprig, I love you, but you gotta work on that. And the shutdown switch was past the gauntlet because of course it is. Sprig and I tried to figure out the best way through it… which was totally unnecessary because Polly grabbed a morningstar and Leeroy Jenkins'd her way through the whole thing in less than a minute. That girl can be downright scary sometimes.

The laboratory. The arsenal. What comes next?

Would you believe the game room?

Yes, this room was filled to the top with puzzles and games. Now, I've loved games and puzzles almost as long as I can remember. I've played every single one of the Inspector Payton games, and I was even able to solve a lot of the puzzles without pestering Marcy for help or looking up a guide online, so I'm pretty proud of myself.

The big surprise, though, was who the room belonged to… not a frog, but a newt named Emma. She traveled all over Amphibia before meeting her future wife Hazel Plantar and marrying into the family.

Earlier today, Hop Pop said "You don't have to be blood to be a Plantar". I thought he was just trying to be assuring, but he really meant it. Here was someone who wasn't born a Plantar, or even a frog, but had truly become part of the family. She even had problem hair just like me! For the first time, I really felt like I could belong here.

But while that solved my ongoing existential issues, it didn't solve the issue of how we got out of the basement. The door at the end of the chamber was locked, ad it didn't look like it even had a knob or a latch. There wasn't even a lever, which really disappointed Sprig.

In those video games Marcy loves, if you wanted to get out of a dungeon, there was usually some kind of boss to defeat or puzzle to solve. The closest thing to a boss we'd encountered was that pumpkin monstrosity, and that was all the way back in the first room. As for a puzzle…

Then I noticed the irregular shapes set into the door. They were almost exactly like the ones used in Super Stacker. And they could be slid around and rearranged. The whole door was a puzzle. Maybe that would be the way to get out!

Spoiler alert. It was. But not before the puzzle also activated a mechanism that made the ceiling start to cave in on us. Not to brag, but I managed to get it solved just in the nick of time! Shame about all those games and puzzles, though. I would've liked to try those out.

We got back out of the dungeon just in time for HP to get back. Apparently he had no idea any of that stuff was under the house. He was pretty eager to check it out. I just hope all the traps didn't reset 'cause he is not ready for them. Here we go again…

Also, Loggle was glued to his back for some reason. I'm not sure I even wanna know why. What Hop Pop does in his spare time is his business.

A.N.:

Didn't think I'd get another chapter out this fast, did you?

Team Gophers: Yeah, it was a pretty safe bet they weren't going to kill off most of the main cast in the eighth episode. As for that deleted scene, I'm not sure it made it to animatic, but yeah, this was where we were going to originally meet Mr. B.

Jose: Yep, it can be a painful, thankless task.

Next: Lily Pad Thai