3. Chapter 3: Ron

Thanks so much again for all those nice reviews! Hope you all enjoy this chapter. And I changed my rating, too - thanks to SnowHedwig05 for telling me!

Happy New Year, w00t. Christmas is already over, but hey, a late Merry Xmas anyway!

& without further ado, here is...

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10 Ways to Kill Draco Malfoy

Chapter 3

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RON

Look. Before you suspect anything, I have to tell you. I am definitely straight. I am into girls (though I won't tell you which girls), not boys. Got that? Good.

But as a person with eyes, I must concede that Malfoy's looking pretty good this year. Alright. Extremely good. I won't mention anything more than that. Let's just say that most of the girls in Hogwarts are now having second thoughts about him, and putting him on their 'Possible' list. Some, on their 'Must have' list. Thank goodness Hermione doesn't seem to be affected, or she'd be blabbing about Malfoy as well as SPEW. And I don't think I could stand that. Ginny, however, is another story.

So after that peculiar train ride, and a good night's rest, I wake up the next morning feeling pleasantly warm in my four-poster bed. I sit up slowly, yawn and rub my eyes before scanning the room to see who else has already awoken. Harry seems to be struggling with the choice of staying in bed for another five minutes, or getting up and having some breakfast. The second option wins and he sits up, but with some difficulty as part of his brain appears to be trying to drag him back underneath the covers again. Seamus and Neville are already gone, and Dean Thomas is still fast asleep.

"Hey. Dean. Get up! It's the first day of classes," I say as I throw a cushion at his head. "You don't want to be late."

Dean groans and opens one bleary eye. "Huh? Oh, hey Ron. Goodnight to you, too." And he rolls over and goes back to sleep.

Harry rolls his eyes at me as he dives under the blankets to get changed. Man. After sleeping in the same dormitory for five whole years, you'd think that we wouldn't care who was changing or not. But Harry, ever the shy one, still keeps up his habit of getting changed whilst hidden from view.

I leave Dean as he is and put on my robes. Then, I stuff my wand into my back pocket for safe keeping, and in case we need to, er, teach someone a lesson. Harry emerges from the blankets, his robes all creased and his glasses at an odd angle. He adjusts it and attempts to brush his raven hair so that it looks presentable, though without much success. Sighing in defeat, and with the mirror giggling, Harry joins me at the stairway that leads down to the common room.

"So, what did you think of yesterday?" he asks me. Funny. I was just about to voice the same question.

"Definitely very weird," I reply, waving hello at Hermione, who had just emerged from the girls dormitory. "Though I'm really not surprised that Malfoy's being hunted down by girls, considering Ginny's reaction to him."

"Did you just say something about me?" A threatening voice whispers into my ear, and pulls my hair painfully. "Cos if you did..."

"Ouch!" I yelp. "Not the hair, Ginny!"

Ginny gives one last tug and let go, a smug look on her face for successfully hurting her brother. I give her a scowl, which she returns and then ignores. I hear a suppressed laugh and turn to Harry accusingly. "Hey! You're meant to be on my side. Why are you laughing?"

"Nothing. Never mind," Harry turns a little pink. Why, I can only guess.

"Is it because you support Ginny instead?" I ask him slyly.

He is now red, and coughs delicately before changing the subject. "Let's get down to breakfast," he says quickly, and with a warning glance in my direction, walks off. Ginny follows. Hermione comes up to me.

"Let's go, Ron," she says. "If you stand here all day we'll be late for lessons."

Speaking of lessons, I don't even have my timetable yet. "D'you know what we're having this morning?" I ask Hermione as we head towards the Gryffindor table a few minutes later. We find a seat next to Harry and sit down.

"I'm not sure. We'll get our timetables in a minute, though. Oh, look!" Owls had begun to stream in through a large open window, and each owl lands before a student, drops a sheet of paper and leaves. Some owls also leave letters and packages from home for several students, and Malfoy, I notice, gets a large packet of sweets again. He looks bored and unwraps the packet before passing it to Crabbe and Goyle, who each devour a considerable amount of the contents before handing it back.

Harry notices, too, but Hermione is too busy checking our new timetable to pay much attention to Malfoy. "Hmm. Oh, great. Double Potions with Slytherins first thing Monday mornings. And another session on Fridays, too!" She looks up and glares at the Slytherin table, fuming. "What a sad way to begin the year. At least we have a session of Care of Magical Creatures with Hagrid the next morning. Without Slytherins."

"Uh-huh," I say, tucking into a sausage and some toast. Hermione gingerly picks at her scrambled eggs before sighing and pushing her plate away. "What, are you still mad about house elves making meals for us?" I say through a mouthful of sausage.

Hermione gives me a disgusted look. "Don't talk while you're eating! I don't want to see the process of a poor sausage getting mashed up in your jaws. And yes. They should at least get paid for doing this, right?"

Harry laughs. "Still on about spew?" he asks, his eyes twinkling. I know how hard that is for him, with Sirius gone and all, but Harry seems to be taking it all in his stride and looks quite healthy and happy. Good. If Harry was depressed this year, and with half the school after Malfoy, I would probably take Harry's lead and fall into depression, too.

"It's S-P-E-W! Not spew!" Hermione says hotly. "Can't you get it right for once?!"

Harry grins and turns back to his breakfast. "Hey, doesn't SPEW spell 'spew'?"

Hermione looks very stormy and mutters something about 'idiotic boys who can't even respect a name'. Personally, though, I have to agree with Harry. It's hard not to call it spew. S-P-E-W is too long for anyone to bother.

After breakfast, the three of us head towards the dungeons. Hermione gets over her anger with Harry as we approach the cold, stone classroom that Potions is held in. "It's so cold. Why didn't they take the fireplace from Trelawney's old class and stick it here?" she complains. Harry nods.

"Yeah, a fireplace would be good, but none of that perfume, thanks," he says, wrinkling his nose at the memory of how the original Divination classroom's heat and strong perfume always made him sleepy.

We enter as quietly as we can and find seats next to each other. Seamus, Dean and Neville are already here. Some Slytherins are, too, but thankfully no Snape, so we can talk freely. "What do you think we'll be making today?" asks Neville, his round face anxious. "Do you think that now my forgetfulness is cured, that I'll do better in Potions?" He glances at the ingredients on the table as he speaks.

"Probably," says Harry. "You'll remember to do exactly what Snape says, and you'll remember everything you read on the blackboard."

"Yeah, you'll be able to make a perfect potion, and Snape won't pick on you anymore!" I add. Neville heaves a sigh of relief and looks very happy.

As reluctant as I am to admit it, I'm actually kind of envious of Neville's newfound ability (with his grandmother's help, of course) to remember small details. I think I'll go to his grandmother and ask for a memory gain spell performed on me, too.

Just then, Snape sweeps in, followed by Malfoy, his cronies and a bunch of other Slytherins. He catches me leaning back into my seat after breaking off my conversation with Harry and Neville, and smiles maliciously. "Well, well. Looks like Weasley and Potter have been having a nice little chat. Five points from Gryffindor for both of you." Harry looks furious at this, and I know that my expression must mirror his. But we know better than to argue, and fall silent, both of us casting a dirty look at the Potions master. Malfoy smirks before sitting down in the only empty seat left, the one beside Hermione. She looks like she has trouble deciding whether to inch away or inch closer.

Wait. That can't be what Hermione is thinking. When I look again, she's sitting near the edge of the seat - away from Malfoy. I let out the breath I have been unconsciously holding and am glad that Hermione hasn't fallen for Malfoy's charming looks like Ginny. At least we'll have one girl to complain to about Malfoy, who won't stick up for him.

"Today we will be making the Potion that reverses the Shrinking potion we made a few years back. This potion makes the shrunken victim normal again, which can be quite useful in case of accidents with the Shrinking potion," he says. He taps the blackboard and lines of instructions instantly appear. "Read each line carefully before proceeding. Make sure you conduct each instruction exactly as it says. You may start!"

I peer at the blackboard for a while, memorizing the first line and carefully slicing a fat leech into thin pieces. Around me, people are doing the same. Some, like Hermione, have already proceeded onto the next line of instructions, which is to put the sliced leech into the cauldron (filled to half with water) and allow to simmer, before stirring three times anti-clockwise and adding the unicorn horn powder at the same time. I put the leech in and spot Neville, sweating in effort as he reads and rereads each line about ten times, by the looks of it, and that reminds me that I had better get on with the potion and stop peering at what everyone else is doing or I'll never be finished.

When everyone has completed their potions and smoke in different colors is fuming from each cauldron, Snape walks around and examines each potion carefully. He comes to a stop next to Crabbe's desk and sighs. "Crabbe. What did I say about the lacewings? I didn't tell you to dump them all in, it says clearly on the board to put each one in with a few seconds break between each." He moves on and, eyes glittering, comes to a standstill beside Neville, who is trembling like a leaf. Snape looks at his cauldron.

"Yes! Snape's got nothing to say about Neville's potion!" Harry whispers triumphantly to me. I grin, but it quickly fades when I hear what Snape says.

"Ten points from Gryffindor! Granger, I've told you before, do not whisper instructions to Longbottom!"

Hermione gapes at him for a few seconds. "But, Professor! I'm three seats away from him! How can I be whispering instructions?"

Snape glares at her. "Don't make me take more points off Gryffindor, Granger," he says dangerously, turning back to the rest of the class. "Dismissed!"

The Slytherins are grinning at what has happened as we file out the door, and Malfoy comes up to Longbottom.

"Well, I'm glad that your potion was actually looked right for once," he drawls, producing a small vial from his robes and unstopping it. "So I think we can all test to see if it really works." In one quick move, he pours the contents of the vial onto Neville, who immediately shrinks into a chubby baby, his loud cries causing many to block their ears. The Slytherins all start laughing uncontrollably. Malfoy smirks for the second time this morning and turns to leave. I have an urge to punch him and by the looks of it, it seems that most other Gryffindors are struggling with that same urge.

"Someone get Professor Snape!" Lavender cries, rushing over to Neville, with Parvati not far behind. "We can't leave him like this."

"Get back here, Malfoy!" I yell at his retreating back.

He turns his blond head slightly and stops. "What are you going to do, Weasley?" he sneers. "Fight me? I'd like to see you try."

Actually, I hadn't realized before how Malfoy is now a little more muscular than me. And though we are around the same height, I would probably come off worse in a real fist fight.

I am having second thoughts about a fight, but I can't just back down completely. "Go eat dirt, Malfoy!" I shout back instead. He laughs and leaves. I am fuming but try not to show it.

A few minutes later Snape comes (Parvati went to get him). He looks at the brawling baby that Neville has become and looks like he is trying not to burst out laughing (a very rare expression for him). Coolly he takes out a vial similar to Malfoy's and pours the counter potion onto the baby. Instantly Neville begins to turn back to his normal self. He thanks Snape, stuttering a little.

"Th-th-thank you, P-Pro-Professor S-Snape."

Ok, maybe not a little stuttering. Make that a lot.

Back at the common room, Neville is so embarassed by the event that he decides to miss lunch when we offer to walk down to the Great Hall with him. "It's OK," he mutters, climbing the stairs to the boys dormitory. "I'll be fine. See you at Transfiguration." And that's that.

Harry, Hermione and I just stare at each other.

"That was such a mean thing to do!" Hermione bursts out at the Gryffindor table at lunch. She is so angry at Malfoy that she shoves some potatoes into her mouth, forgetting momentarily about house elves. "I mean, what did Neville ever do to him?"

"It's probably just the fact that he exists," Harry says, emptying his plate into his mouth and spooning more onto it. "You know how Malfoy does things for no particular reason."

"I bet he was jealous that Neville's potion was correct and his wasn't," I add.

Hermione raises an eyebrow. "How do you know that his was incorrect? I was next to him and saw that his potion was perfect."

"Oh."

"But still...!" She punches the table in anger, causing the goblets, filled with pumpkin juice, to shake and spill some of their contents. "He had no right to do that to poor Neville!" Harry and I shrink back a bit.

Hermione seems to be angry and violent a lot lately. For instance, after we got off the train, she punched my back so hard that I'd staggered. Well, I suppose it's all good, just as long as she doesn't aim her anger at me. I don't want to suffer injuries this early in the year - Quidditch is coming up in only a few weeks.

I just hope that she gives Malfoy the beating he deserves. Go get 'im, Hermione!

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I hope I didn't make the characters too OoC in this chapter. I tried to keep to their personalities in the real books. And in this chapter, you should start to see why Hermione begins to write the list.

Comments and critique is very welcome!