4. No Secrets

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Rey and Kylo confront one another with their worst fears.

Thick boots click briskly down the hall of the dreadnought.

A unit of Stormtroopers disperses, stepping to the side to let the black-clad figure pass through.

Kylo Ren doesn't acknowledge their presence, nor anyone else's. He might as well be the only living thing on this ship, the way he storms through the halls like he owns them.

Technically, he does. Now that he's Supreme Leader, he owns all of it, the whole First Order and the systems under its control.

A couple of officers halt not far ahead, changing course when they see his figure heading towards them. He smirks under his mask.

Good.

Now more than ever, it's important that people fear him. That's the purpose of the mask— intimidation. That and to conceal his face. Because he must appear as more than just a man… he must appear as Supreme Leader. The most powerful living thing in this galaxy. The ultimate authority. Above question. Above challenge.

Though… he must admit, being Supreme Leader isn't exactly how he imagined it.

Snoke was forever complaining about incompetence— the generals, the commanders, the operators, the field agents… the list was endless. Now, Kylo knows why.

Case in point— the Garos debacle. Right now, thousands of natives have barricaded themselves inside the planet's mines to keep the First Order out of them, mines they need to finish the construction of Starkiller 2. And why has this happened?

Incompetence.

For all his boasting of strategic prowess, Hux has an appalling lack of foresight. Of course the natives of Garos would protect their planet's most valuable resource by any means necessary. What did Hux think would happen? That he could just show up with the might of the First Order at his back and the whole planet would cow to him? "Yes, please… take it all, sir. No need for reparation. Never mind us. We'll just waste away and die here."

What an idiot. He's dead set on a "blasters and blood" tactic, striking with lightning speed and maximum casualties. The idea is to scare everyone into submission, show them how outmatched they are, how futile it would be for them to fight back.

Clearly, no one learned a damn thing from the fall of the Empire.

The better strategy would be to approach the owners of the mines, make a deal, even let them run the extraction. It would be more expensive, but more efficient.

But Hux isn't interested in efficiency. He's only interested in pushing his vision of the First Order by whatever means necessary.

Kylo grits his teeth as he walks.

He slows as he nears his quarters. He stops, entering a security code on a pad.

The door whirs open, and he steps into the room, the lights fading on. He removes his mask, placing it on a column to his right. He pulls off his gloves as he walks to his bed and sinks onto the mattress, lost in thought.

No, being Supreme Leader isn't like he thought it would be. He assumed he'd feel more in control. Instead, it's the opposite. Before, his work was focused. Now, there are so many moving parts, so many things to keep track of. He can't help but always feel that he's missing something… somewhere, there's something going on right under his nose, something that will undo him. But he just can't see it…

A sick feeling gnaws in his gut.

But gradually, it turns into something else.

He stiffens, gripping the edge of the mattress.

He knows what this is. He's getting better at recognizing, a warmth that starts in his core and stretches to his limbs. He tenses, closing his eyes, trying to clear his mind as she draws closer.

When he opens them, Rey's standing just ahead, eyeing him warily, a hand on her hip.

He straightens, staring back at her.

After a moment, she breaks her gaze, taking a step forward. She looks up and around, taking in the scene.

Kylo pushes the air out of his lungs, slowly and deliberately, as if doing so will purge him of his emotions.

No luck.

He still feels that tension, that contradictory pull, instinctively drawn to her yet irritated by the unwelcome attraction.

He narrows his eyes, watching her as she inspects the room.

It was inevitable this would happen. The last couple of times the bond brought them together, he could see her surroundings, interact with them as though he were physically there. He knew it wouldn't stay unequal for long.

And he's been dreading it.

Rey walks to the column by the door, extending a hand to the mask on top of it.

"Don't touch anything," he growls.

She jerks back, startled. But her expression quickly changes, a hint of challenge in her eyes.

"You mean like this?" She reaches out, slipping her fingers under the mask and picking it up.

He rises, striding to her swiftly, eyes cold. He yanks the mask out of her hand, then sets it firmly in place.

She backs away, guarded.

He pauses a moment to glare at her.

Then, he turns to retake his seat.

"You're in a mood." She crosses her arms. She tilts her head, studying him.

He freezes. The bond… it makes it easier for her to pick up on his emotions. He wouldn't be surprised if it makes other things easier as well. He must be careful. Vigilant. He needs to keep her from getting inside his head.

"It's not…" She pauses, eyes fixed on him.

That's when he feels it, subtle but unmistakable, invisible fingers slipping into his mind.

"Being Supreme Leader, is it?" She purses her lips. "Is the throne not all it's cracked up to be?"

He instantly shoots up, striding to the opposite end of the room, his back to her.

This is exactly what he was afraid of.

He crosses his arms and takes a deep breath, clearing his mind, shoring up his mental defenses. He must keep her out at all costs.

He hears her shuffle around behind him. He stiffens, resisting the urge to glance at her. She shuffles around some more before he hears a soft rustling.

Did she just get on his bed?

He turns his body slightly.

She did.

She's sitting cross-legged in the center of the mattress, holding his master comm close to her face, examining it.

"Is this a commlink?" She asks curiously. "I've never seen one like this before."

He sucks in a breath, whipping around and striding over to her.

"I told you not to touch anything." He plucks the device from her fingers.

She narrows her eyes, a retort on the tip of her tongue. But she doesn't say anything, instead just straightens, resting her hands in her lap.

He lowers slowly, taking a seat next to her. He keeps his gaze forward, but he can see her out of the corner of his eye.

"So, what's so tough about being Supreme Leader?" Her tone is strangely casual.

"How about you stay out of my head?" He answers dryly.

She lets out a huff.

"That's rich, coming from you." She looks him up and down. "The first time we met, you entered my mind without my permission. More than once, if I recall. So, I think I'm entitled to a few free passes into your mind."

A panic seizes Kylo's gut.

He has got to distract her.

So, he does what he does best, what comes naturally to him. He turns it around on her.

"Hm." He twists around on the bed. "I sense I'm not the only one in a mood." His eyes are sharp. "What is it?" He leans in.

She flinches slightly.

He reaches out with his Force senses and quickly finds it is indeed becoming easier to read her thoughts.

"Ah." He jerks back, his tone knowing. "I see. You really are on your own now, aren't you? Now that Skywalker's gone. No one to teach you. No one to guide you. No one to show you your place in all this."

Rey shrinks, looking away. He feels a pang of loneliness shoot through her, deep and gnawing.

A minute passes in silence. He feels Rey brace herself, trying to clear her head, keep him from the soft, vulnerable parts of her mind.

"You know…" He glances at her.

She looks up.

"My offer to teach you still stands." He leans in, his tone half mocking.

Rey rolls her eyes, then looks away. He takes the opportunity to peek inside her head.

She instantly snaps up, eyes accusing.

"The Resistance…" He smirks. "They're half in awe of you and half terrified. Can you blame them?" He raises an eyebrow. "Most of them probably didn't even believe in the Force before they met you. Now they not only see that it's real but how powerful one can become through it."

Rey struggles to maintain her gaze, brown eyes filling with uncertainty.

"And you are powerful, Rey." He leans in. "Powerful enough to make people afraid of you. You feel it all the time, don't you? You felt it from Skywalker. You feel it from your friends. And every time you do, you worry you'll never belong anywhere, that you'll always be an outsider, always alone."

She quickly looks down, but he catches a glisten in her eyes, the hint of tears.

Kylo feels a twist in his heart.

Rey draws her shoulder in, wrapping her arms around her body. For a minute, she just stares at the bed, trying to collect herself.

Then, suddenly she snaps up, placing both palms on the bed and leaning in, her eyes sharp, almost menacing.

"You're deflecting," she accuses. "Just like you did when I asked about your father on Ahch-To. That must be your go-to strategy when someone gets too close to your weaknesses." She cocks her head. "I see now…" Her eyes are fixed on his, seeming to look through them. "What did I get too close to…?"

He panics, catching his breath as the invisible fingers reach into his mind.

"There it is." She sits up. "You finally have your throne now, Kylo Ren." She says the name with a smirk. "How's that working out for you? Not well so far. There's so much incompetence. Everything's moving in slow motion. The once well-oiled First Order machine is starting to creak, to rust." She leans forward, eyes cutting. "Is it because of you? Is it because you're not meant for this? Maybe. Maybe everything you've sacrificed to get here… maybe it was all for nothing."

He jerks away, pushing out an exhale like fumes. He can feel the rage simmering within, rising up through his chest to his throat, choking him.

He tenses, trying to regain control of himself. A minute passes. Maybe two. Once he feels calm, he turns, glancing at Rey.

She's resituated on the bed, her knees curled into her chest, her arms wrapped around her shins. She looks strange, not how he expected. She's gazing thoughtfully at nothing in particular, a faraway look in her eyes.

He knits his eyebrows.

"What are you thinking about?" He tilts head.

"Well, look here now." She snaps to him, her lips twisting smugly. "I see someone's learned his lesson, asking me what's on my mind instead of rifling around my thoughts uninvited." She squints teasingly.

He tries to maintain an even gaze but can't stop his eyes from flitting up.

She leans back, pleased with herself. A few seconds pass in silence.

"Well, are you going to reward my good behavior or not?" He asks dryly.

Now Rey's the one rolling her eyes.

She lets out a sigh, then shifts, crossing her legs and scooting towards him. She stops half a foot away, sitting up and bringing her hands to her lap.

"I was just thinking about something a trader once told me on Jakku." Her eyes fix on his.

"He was just passing through. He said he'd travelled all over the galaxy, seen over a thousand worlds." She gestures flippantly. "Somehow, he got to talking about a species that lives on an unnamed planet in the outer regions. He described them as amphibious, humanoid, but—" She leans in, eyes intent. "The interesting thing about them is that they have a kind of advanced telepathy where they are all connected to every other mind in their species." She makes a circular motion with a finger. "They can't help but read each other's thoughts. So that means they can't hide anything. They're a society without secrets. Everything anyone ever thinks or feel, all of it's public knowledge. No deflection. No lies. No secrets." She leans back, a little awe in her voice.

Kylo grunts, looking away.

"That sounds terrifying."

"Really?" Rey seems taken back. "I always thought it sounded kind of… freeing. Comforting even."

He looks at her, eyebrows furrowed.

"And exactly what's comforting about being constantly exposed to everyone around you?"

"I don't know…" She shrugs. "I guess…" Her eyes drift to the ceiling. "It's so easy to keep things to yourself. It feels natural, like it's the best way to protect yourself." She pauses, pressing her lips together.

"But…" She shakes her head. "Eventually, everything you hide— your secrets, your fears— become a burden. And sometimes you want to share it with someone, lighten the load. But it's so hard to talk about something you've buried so deep." Her eyes tighten. "It would be so much easier if someone could be near you and just… know. Without you telling them. Know everything you're struggling with, all the things you're too scared to admit, even to yourself."

Right then, she looks back at him, and he could swear his heart stops.

Their eyes lock, drawn into a kind of trance, a powerful force that neither of them understands.

Without thinking, he lifts a hand, reaching for her face.

But Rey instantly, snaps back, eyes wide.

He stops.

Then, a second later, she's gone.

Silence.

Deafening silence.

Nothing but the low hum of the ship all around.

Kylo sits on his bed, numbed, staring ahead blankly as though he weren't really here. His breath is deep and even, his body is perfectly still.

Finally, he looks around his quarters, eyes drifting over the smooth surfaces, the sharp angles. Suddenly, it feels so…

Empty.

He sighs, closing his eyes.

He shoots up, striding to his mask resting on the column by the door. He sweeps it up, turning its face towards him, staring down at the cold, blackness.

Finally, he lifts it, bringing it overhead and clicking it into place. He turns, slapping a panel by the door, exiting the room swiftly.