10. Monsoon

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Rey comes to a realization about the Force bond.

Rey stands, hunched and taut, arms wrapped tightly around a tree trunk.

Endless rain beats down from above, the weight of it heavy on her shoulders. Her eyes and mouth are squeezed shut, thick streams pouring over her face, flood waters gushing at her feet.

It's up to her ankles now. She needs to get moving before it gets any higher.

Rey was warned about this when she arrived on the planet a few days ago.

"Worst monsoons in the whole galaxy," Poe had told her. High speed winds, lightening strikes, flash floods, she learned about all of it— what to do when caught in a storm, finding the high ground, seeking out shelter, waiting until the worst of it has passed.

Yet, Rey was not at all prepared for this.

She can count on one hand the number of times it rained on Jakku the entire time she was there. And compared to this, that barely counts as rain. She had no concept of exactly how much water a sky could produce. Sheets of rain. Sheets. So thick there's no point in opening her eyes.

Rey jumps at the crack of lightening.

Ok. Time to move.

She's not far from the cave. She was there only five minutes ago. The mountain is right next to her. She just needs to find that path again. The incline is steep, but she just ran a high strength cable up the mountainside so the Resistance can move equipment to build a lookout on the top. All she has to do is find that cable…

Rey braces herself, holding on to the tree trunk. She finally releases and starts slogging through the flood at her ankles, waving her arms, reaching out for anything to help steady her.

Her eyes are closed, but she doesn't need them. She has other senses she can rely on.

She reaches out through the Force, feeling where she needs to go, a kind of spiritual retracing of her steps. She slogs forward, eyes squeezed shut, heavy rain beating down from above.

Suddenly, her feet pull out from under her. Her legs fly up and she lands hard on her back. She's being pulled away, swept up by the raging flood waters. She swings around wildly, grasping for anything to hold on to. And that's when she feels it…

The cable.

She grips it tightly, rolling over onto her belly. She rises to her feet, and begins trudging up the mountain path, step by step, gripping the cable and pulling up with one hand then the other. She's getting higher, high enough to feel the raging flood at her feet become a thin stream.

She keeps pulling on the cable, making her way up the incline carefully. She's getting close. She can sense it. A little further. Just a little bit more…

Suddenly, she stops.

Finally.

She ducks and stumbles into the opening to her left.

Immediately, she feels lighter, the weight of the rain lifted. She drops to her knees, taking a few minutes just to breathe, to open her eyes and mouth without water streaming over her face.

Then, she sits back and swings her feet in front of her, removing her boots and socks. Her skin feels wrinkly and tender from the water, almost painful, especially at her feet.

But she's not cold. Not on this planet.

It's the one good thing about the rain. It seems to have cooled the temperature from a suffocating heat to an actually pleasant warmth.

Rey sets her shoes and socks to the side, then rises to take a look around the cave. It's not too deep but tall for its size, the ceiling a couple feet above her head. The earth is relatively firm and the walls are pure rock, uneven, gray slabs of stone.

She walks to the opening, as close as she can get without being sprayed with rain, and takes a seat, curling her right knee into her chest.

Then, she watches. Watches and listens.

Now that she's out of it, the rain seems nice, beautiful even. The sound of it is soothing, steady streams beating down to the earth, interrupted only by low rumbles of thunder and, every now and then, a crack of lightening.

This is her first time being in a thunderstorm like this. She might as well take the opportunity to enjoy it.

Rey gazes quietly out at the rain, her mind wandering over the past few days.

The base here is coming along well. It will be their primary training facility when they're done, where all the new recruits will go. She's been part of the scouting team, surveying the land for several miles, charting the terrain, setting up a perimeter, marking the best spots for lookouts.

The Resistance has been busy. Their numbers are starting to pick up, slowly but surely, so there's a lot to be done. It's been good to be busy. She's needed the distraction, especially since…

She bows her head.

The memory rushes upon her at once— Being in his mind. Being in his arms.

Her throat constricts, and she sets her jaw, taking a deep breath. She focuses on the torrent of rain in front of her, struggling against the tightness in her throat.

Rey hates that this happens every time she thinks about it. And yet she can forgive herself. Because what happened the last time the bond brought them together was a kind of closeness she's never experienced before.

It wasn't like getting in his head on Starkiller. No, this was something very different.

It was as though she wasn't just in his mind… She was in his heart too. His emotions were her emotions. She felt all of it— the agony, the anguish, interminable guilt eating at him, diminishing him a little more every day.

And self-hatred. That was the worst part.

He despises himself for what he did. He's utterly sick with self-loathing. There's a part of him that hates everything he's become.

Rey takes a breath, then sighs it out slowly. She tucks both knees into her chest as she gazes into the rain, not really seeing it.

She's known that Ben Solo is still in there. She just didn't know how much of him is still in there. Now she knows.

And she's shocked yet not shocked at the same time.

She lifts a thumb up to her lower lip, grazing it.

She's been thinking about it a lot lately, him, the bond, what she saw in his mind. And she's been thinking about what she saw when she touched his hand on Ahch-To.

She'd avoided thinking about it since Crait. She'd been so stunned by how it all turned out— the Supremacy, the throne room. She's still certain of what she saw, but the reality that played out before her eyes was nothing like it, a spectacular mess … What went wrong?

She failed. Or he failed. Either way, the vision she'd seen would not come to pass. Perhaps she didn't have the skill to understand it. Or perhaps it was just a trick from Snoke to lure her. After watching it all fall apart, she tried not to think about it.

But lately, it's been on her mind again. She can't help it. Since the bond's been growing, since seeing more of who he is…

She's starting to wonder if maybe it's not that what she saw won't come to pass. It's that it won't happen in the way she thought it would.

Rey pushes out an exhale, her thumb at her lip.

She feels like she's on the edge of something, the edge of understanding… It's like a word on the tip of her tongue but she can't remember it. She's close to figuring out this bond, figuring out her role in it… She just needs to find that missing piece.

Suddenly, she sits up, eyes wide.

That warm feeling creeps from within, coming out of nowhere…

She crosses her legs and straightens, focusing on the rain, trying to remain calm as his presence draws closer.

It's ok. It's fine. It's just the bond doing what it does…

It strikes her that this is the first time the bond's happened when she was actually thinking about it. Maybe the Force is trying to tell her something?

She doesn't have time to consider this question. Warmth envelops her body and for a second, the sound of the storm dulls, then comes roaring back.

And, he's there. She can sense him beside her.

She waits for a few seconds, rubbing a thumb and index finger together. Finally, she turns.

He's standing a few feet away, looking around the cave. His gaze soon settles on her.

His eyes are soft, warm even, as though he's happy to see her.

Her lips part but no words come out. Her heart's fluttering, her breath a bit shallow. Why is she feeling like this?

She wishes he would speak first, break the tension, but he just stands there, looking down at her in a way that makes her feel… exposed.

He breaks his gaze, looking to the scene outside. He steps to the cave opening, hunching down a bit. He peers out for a moment, then takes a seat beside her, black eyes fixed on the rain.

She jerks her head forward, focusing ahead.

The steady beat of the downpour fills the cave, an ambient backdrop that helps soothe the tension.

Soothe, but not eliminate.

Rey continues rubbing her thumb and index finger together, a nervous tick she's hardly aware of. A minute passes in silence.

Why won't he just say something? What's she supposed to say after what happened last time?

Nothing. That was one of his stupid conditions. He should be the one to break the tension.

She takes a slow breath, trying to relax her body, calm her frayed nerves. She tells herself there's no reason to feel nervous, and yet, she knows that of course there is… How is she supposed to behave around a man after she's seen inside his heart?

She resists the urge to look at him, concentrating on the rain.

Suddenly, a crack of lightening rips through the cave, and Rey jumps. She looks to Ben.

He glances at her, a glint in his eye.

"You're not scared, are you?"

"No." She juts her chin up. "Of course not."

He narrows his eyes.

She looks at him evenly, her face a blank. They stare at one another a minute.

Rey jumps when lightening cracks again. She looks to the opening, then back at him.

He immediately looks away, suppressing a smile.

She glares at him before turning forward and scrunching her shoulders into her ears.

"Have you never been in a thunderstorm before?" He asks.

"Not like this." She shakes her head, leaning forward when she hears a low rumble outside. She feels his eyes on her as she peers into the storm. When she turns back, he's staring at her, seeming amused.

"What?" She drops her shoulders.

"Nothing." He turns forward, the corners of his lips teasing up. "So, what do you think?" He gestures to the scene.

Rey straightens, glancing at him then back at the storm.

"I like it a lot more from in here," she says decisively. She reaches out to feel the steady stream, then pulls away. "I had no idea a planet could produce this much water. It's unbelievable." She shakes her head. "There arerivers of rain out there right now. Rivers." She points outside. "Twenty minutes ago, that was dry land. It's so strange… water was nowhere on Jakku. Here it's absolutely everywhere."

She turns to Ben to find him staring at her with a strange sort of softness. She can't say why, but there's something about the look that makes her stomach flutter.

She turns away, wrapping her arms around herself. She jumps out of her skin when lightening cracks outside.

She glances at Ben to find him snickering, his head bowed.

"Are you laughing at me?" She gapes at him.

"Absolutely not." He shakes his head, fighting a smirk.

She shoots him a look, then rolls her eyes, turning to the rain. She tenses, feeling a bit peeved, but relaxes them when something occurs to her.

She's never seen him laugh before.

She purses her lips.

"You know…" She glances at him. "You'd be scared of the lightening too if it was your first thunderstorm."

"You're right," he admits freely, staring ahead.

She's surprised by how easily he owns up to this. She turns forward, staring at the rain.

Suddenly, there's another crack, so loud it reverberates in the cave. Rey winces, whipping her hands to her ears.

"Alright," Ben says as though he's giving in to something. He starts to scoot towards her.

She looks to him, knitting her eyebrows.

He settles behind her, close enough for her to feel his body heat, his chest just a few inches from her back. He plants his right foot next to her, his knee straight up, grazing her arm.

"I'm going to teach you something." His lips are next to her ear. "It'll make it easier. Or at least, it did for me."

She nods, a signal for him to continue. There's that flutter in her stomach again…

"Next time you see a flash outside, start counting in standard seconds, ok?"

Rey nods, staring forward. The minutes pass as they both wait quietly, gazing into the storm. Rey notices that the rain has thinned a bit, enough for her to see the green of the jungle next to the mountain.

Then she sees it, a flash of light in the sky. She immediately starts counting in her mind, nodding slightly as she moves through each number. She gives a small jump when she hears a crack followed by thunder.

In an instant, she feels his hands at her elbows, his thumb stroking her right arm.

"It's ok." His lips are still next to her ear. "How many seconds did you count?"

"About… ten, I think."

"Good," he responds. "Now divide that number by five, and you'll know roughly how many miles away the strike was."

"So, two miles," Rey says decisively.

"Good," he says again. "No do that again every time you see a flash of lightning."

She bobs her head, considering this.

"But…" She starts hesitantly. "That doesn't exactly help me know when I'll hear the lightening."

"True." He tilts his head. "But it gives you something to do while you wait for it. And it's useful to know how close it is to you."

Rey nods, her eyes focused on the storm. She still feels his hands at her elbows.

Suddenly, she sees another flash. Immediately, she bows and begins counting in her head. She stops, only jumping slightly when she hears a crack followed by a rumble.

"Sixteen seconds," she announces triumphantly. She feels his hands slip from her elbows. They continue to gaze out at the rain, Rey counting every time she sees a flash.

She's surprised to find that the counting does make it better. Though it doesn't help her predict the crack, it gives her a strange sense of control, as though she's figured out the storm's secrets.

The rain continues to thin as they watch the storm. Though they're both quiet, the silence doesn't feel awkward. In fact, she feels strangely comfortable. It's peaceful, doing something so simple, so innocent with him. It occurs to her that from an outsider's perspective, they'd appear to be close friends, not enemies.

Rey must admit… it's been a while since she's thought about him as an enemy. It's not that she's forgotten he's the Supreme Leader of the First Order. It's that she hasn't really seen him in that context in quite a while. She only sees him through the bond, and when the bond brings them together, he's more Ben Solo than Kylo Ren.

She sighs, still gazing ahead. She hasn't counted in a while. There hasn't been any lightening.

"I think I like thunderstorms," she breaks the silence.

He shifts behind her, his chest grazing her back.

"If you're going to see your first storm, Dorajan's the place to do it," he says absently.

Rey instantly freezes.

And just like that, she's reminded that this man is indeed her enemy.

She swallows, her chest tightening as the terrifying realization creeps in.

"Ben…" she starts carefully, trying to sound calm. Her senses are heightened, ready to detect his reaction to what she says next. "How do you know what planet I'm on?"

For a split second, he seizes with fear, but it quickly darkens to something else, a mixture of shame and dread.

"Because I've been on this planet before," he answers quietly. "There's only one tropical planet in the galaxy with storms as bad as this, and I was in one the last time I was here."

Rey narrows her eyes, not sure what to make of his reaction or his answer. There's a part of her that's itching to run back to the Falcon and run more scans searching for a tracker.

She's not an idiot. She checked the ship for a tracker several times after he returned it to her on Denash, but she found nothing. Now, she's starting to worry that she didn't look hard enough…

Then again, there's something deeper in his reaction to her question. His emotions are too complex to be simple fear of getting caught.

"Why were you here?" She turns her head slightly.

He doesn't answer. He just gazes out at the rain. He's silent for a minute before letting out a heavy sigh.

"When I left Skywalker…" he begins slowly. "I didn't leave alone. There were others…" He pauses. "Who came with me."

Rey goes cold.

"You mean…" She gulps. "The Knights of Ren?"

He doesn't answer, but she senses his nod.

She straightens, sliding a hand over her belly. The stories she's heard of the Knights of Ren are enough to make anyone sick to the stomach. She saw them once in a vision. She has dreams about it sometimes… Well, nightmares.

His breaths are long and steady, conscious inhales and exhales. She senses his dread and something she can only describe as a kind of disappointed relief.

"One of them," he starts finally. "He…" His voice trails off. "He wasn't cut out for this."

"For what?"

"For doing what needed to be done." There's darkness in his answer.

She doesn't ask him what he means by this. She can imagine it…

"So…" He's hesitant. "I went to Snoke. For guidance. Asked what he would do."

"And what did he tell you?" She starts to feel ominous.

He swallows.

"He said…" He draws out the words. "That there was trouble on this planet that needed to be dealt with. He told me to come here, to bring the Knight with me, him and none of the others." He pauses. The dread in him deepens. "And…" He struggles to continue. "If he didn't perform as he was expected, I should execute him, right then and there."

Rey's heart skips a beat.

"So, what happened?" She asks quickly.

"We came. Found the targets. Questioned them." His voice is matter-of-fact. "There weren't many. They weren't even a threat to us, really. And…" He sighs. "He couldn't do it. We argued. He threw his lightsaber in the jungle, refused to fight me."

Rey bows her head. She doesn't speak for a minute.

"So, what did you do?" Her throat tightens.

His shame is deep and heavy, so strong it's as though it's her own, an anchor in the pit of her stomach. She braces herself for his answer.

But it never comes. He only watches the rain die down outside. His shame weighs deeper, then becomes something more complex— anger, resentment, and that disappointed relief. She struggles to read him…

Yet, his silence seems to tell her what she wants to know.

Her shoulders drop, the realization hanging heavy. She keeps her head bowed for a minute, then takes a deep breath, turning up.

They're both silent, lost in their own minds. She considers what he told her, wonders about his relationship with the Knight he executed. Were they friends? Close friends? If not, why did the man refuse to fight back? She imagines Ben standing in the darkness before a nondescript man, his lightsaber burning in his hand…

She gulps.

Yes... This man is her enemy. She needs to remember that. She can't forget that no matter who she sees through the bond, he's still Kylo Ren.

She straightens, nodding inwardly. She thinks back to what began the conversation, the fact he knows what planet she's on. She thinks about his reaction when she asked him, how he seized with fear.

Why fear? Was it because he was caught in the act? Or was he scared of something else? She remembers how the fear quickly deepened to dread, how it stayed with him as he told her about the Knight. There was something about it that reminded her of how he felt last time they saw each other, right before he let her into his mind to show her...

She presses her lips together.

Perhaps it was fear of having to answer her. Perhaps he feared her reaction, thought she'd see him as a monster.

She looks down, a twist in her heart. She takes a deep breath, trying to banish the feeling. She starts rubbing a thumb and index finger together, forcing her mind back to the possibility that he put a tracker on her ship…

She needs to run more scans on the Falcon. Surely, there are some she hasn't already done… First Order technology is so advanced. It would make sense that their trackers are harder to find. It's possible that the Resistance doesn't have the equipment to detect them…

She brings a finger to her lip, chewing through her worries. Suddenly, she drops her hand, a thought springing to mind. Less like a thought, more like an instinct.

There's an easier way to find the answer to her question.

"Ben…" Rey turns her head. "When you brought the Falcon back to me on Denash…." She pauses, senses sharp. "Did you put a tracker on it?"

"I don't need a tracker to find you, Rey," he answers immediately.

Her stomach drops.

"You think we don't know what your little Resistance is up to?" He leans closer, his breath at her ear. "You think we're in the dark?"

Her heart pounds in her chest.

"Your new bases, your recruiting…" He grunts. "We know. Trust me. We've got spies in places you wouldn't believe."

She stiffens.

"If that's the case…" She shifts on the damp earth, turning to face him. "Why aren't you doing anything except chasing our recruiters out of town every now and then?"

He studies her, black eyes guarded.

"Because I'm not Snoke," he answers curtly. "I'm not cruel for cruelty's sake. As long as the Resistance stays out of my way, I'll stay out of theirs."

She grunts.

"You do realize…" She dips her chin. "What our mission is, don't you?" She raises an eyebrow.

He darkens.

"This won't last forever, you know." She shakes her head. "The Resistance will grow. And when we're strong enough…" She leans in, eyes on his. "We'll very much be in your way."

For a split second, she catches a flinch. But soon he hardens, his face becoming a mask. He stares at her, eyes cold, the angles of his jaw hard and fixed.

She stares back, unwavering.

Suddenly, she gasps, jarred when he disappears. She straightens, gaping dumbly at the empty cave.

It takes a minute to gather herself. She stares at the space where he used to be, picturing him there, that coldness in his eyes. She starts to feel unsettled, a shadow descending in her mind. She takes a sharp breath, then pushes it out.

She needs to get moving, get back to work. She twists, looking out at the rain.

It's only a drizzle now, the sun shining on the green of jungle, spots of blue in the sky.

She grabs her boots and begins pulling them on. She fastens them quickly, then rises, exiting the cave and turning to make her way down the steep mountain slope. Her steps are careful, the ground thick with slippery mud.

She picks up her pace the moment she reaches the bottom, the drizzle of the rain a welcome coolness on her skin. She charges through the jungle, brushing away greenery, her boots sinking in the mud.

She's half alert, aware of her surroundings, making sure she's heading in the right direction. But she's half in her head, mulling over Ben, the bond, what he just told her…

The leadership needs to know about this. Apparently, the First Order is very aware of their activities. She'll ask Poe to get a message to the General.

She slows, biting her lip.

Then again, how will she explain how she knows this? She hasn't told anyone about the bond. She's not sure why… It's not that she's scared or ashamed. It's just so bizarre. Who would believe her? Even if they did, how would they react?

She furrows her eyebrows, pushing through a wall of wide-brimmed leaves.

Maybe Ben was bluffing. Does he really know as much as he claims to? "Spies in places you wouldn't believe" he says… It's a big galaxy. He can't have spies everywhere. And it would be just like him to put on a front, act like he's in a stronger position than he is.

She toys with the possibility in her mind.

Even if he was bluffing, the General should still know, just to be safe. They have to be ready for war, ready to defend themselves against attack.

She brings a hand to her stomach, queasy at the reminder of what they're building towards…

Blood. Blasters. Explosions in the darkness of space that end a million lives in a second.

She halts in the middle of the brush, the humid air thickening around her. She pushes out an exhale, hardly noticing the stray drops of drizzle on her skin. She wishes, not for the first time, that there were a better way to bring peace to the galaxy, one that doesn't involve watching her friends die.

She hangs her head.

A second later, she snaps up, forcing herself forward. She looks up and around, checking in with her soundings.

But she quickly falls back into her mind.

If there were only some way to avoid war, or at least make it quick with minimal casualties. Not a realistic goal given the First Order's technological advances…

She sighs.

No, this will be a long, drawn out conflict, the Resistance deploying guerilla tactics, the First Order unleashing their full might, indifferent to innocents caught in the crossfire.

Unless…

Suddenly, Ben's image pops in her mind, his face, so human and vulnerable— dark eyes, the faint scar across his cheek.

Kylo Ren. Supreme Leader of the First Order.

She narrows her eyes.

She thinks back to the cave only a few minutes ago, the way he felt when he told her about the Knight, the dread, the shame. She remembers being in his mind, experiencing his anguish over his father, that self-loathing, how he hates what he's become. She thinks about that moment on Starkiller, how he almost took his father's hand, went away with him… and why he ultimately decided not to.

She starts to get that feeling like she on the edge of something. She is close, a revelation starting to take shape…

The pieces start snapping together, the impending war, Ben, the bond, what it's revealing him to be… her vision on Ahch-To, The Throne room, how it all fell apart…

And there it is, the whole picture coming together in glorious color.

Of course. Of course. How didn't she see this before?

She wasn't wrong. She was never wrong. What she saw when she touched Ben's hand on Ahch-To is real, is will come to pass…

But it won't be some dramatic turn at a crucial moment, Skywalker confronting Vader on the Death Star. No.

It will be a process.

She smiles to herself, pushing through long, dewy leaves into an open clearing. The weight of humidity lifts, the sun shining high in the sky.

Yes. She sees it now. She'd been foolish to show up on the Supremacy and expect him to turn on a dime. It wasn't a reasonable expectation. He's been through too much, gone too far down this path…

But that didn't happen overnight. No, Ben Solo's turn to the darkness happened over time, and so, his turn back to the light… that must also happen over time. And the Force has given her an instrument to make it happen.

This is what the bond is for. She's sure of it now. A part of her has always known it.

Through the bond, she will make her vision on Achc-To into a reality. Ben Solo's turn to the light won't be the result of one moment but many small ones. Bit by bit, she'll draw him out, make him see the truth— about himself, the First Order…

Yes.

There will be no need for war, no need to warn the General about what their enemy knows because before this all comes to a head, before the Resistance grows big enough to truly threaten the First Order… Ben Solo will turn.

"Hey, Rey!"

Rey snaps up, jarred by the sound of Poe's voice. She looks over to see him jogging through the clearing, approaching quickly. He halts in front of her, that cocky smile on his face.

"I see you survived your first monsoon." He says this proudly as though he were personally responsible for her success. "Did you do what I told you? Find the high ground?"

"Yes." She smiles, suppressing her annoyance. "It was actually pleasant once I got out of the rain, though I must say, I'm not a fan of lightening."

"You'll get used to it." He slips a hand around her back, guiding her forward. "Listen, I'm glad I found you because I've got some good news." They walk briskly. "We just heard from a merchant in town and apparently we'll be getting a delivery tomorrow, tons of gear— blasters, droids, even a bunch of speeders, and not pieces of junk either— new models. The good stuff."

Rey widens her eyes.

"That's…" She brightens. "Great, but how? Where is this coming from?"

"Well…" Poe tilts his head. "The merchant wouldn't say much, but I've gotten to know a guy in town and get this— The merchant's married to a man who's very private and, rumor has it…" He looks at her slyly. "Used to be a member of the First Order."

"Really?" Rey stops dead. "Who? What did he do for the First Order?"

"Whoa!" Poe lifts a hand. "What's with the reaction? Do you know something I don't?" He tilts his chin up.

"No…" She shifts a little. "Just curious." She tries to sound casual.

Poe narrows his eyes but doesn't press further.

"Well, according to the gossip…" He turns, starting to walk again. "He was abandoned here after a secret op, but he's no Stormtrooper. He's someone a lot more important, maybe even a Colonel." Poe glances at her.

But Rey's not looking at him. She's staring ahead, a smile on her lips.

She walks next to Poe as he continues to prattle on, but she has no idea about what. She's not really listening to him, lost in her own thoughts. She pictures Ben standing in the darkness of the jungle, his lightsaber burning in his hand, towering over a nondescript man…

And she sees him turning to walk away.

Yes, the vision she saw on Achc-To wasn't wrong. Just misinterpreted.

Ben Solo willturn. Eventually.

She just needs to keep reminding him who he really is.